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HEALTH

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

MRI Results

{St. Elizabeth Hospital}
MRI RESULTS ARE NEGATIVE!
That is all the nurse would tell me, she said Doc would discuss details with me when I come for a follow up.  That really is all I need to know!  Negative!!

I’m so thankful that once again, I received good news.  I do not take this for granted.  I am so, so thankful.

I also want you all to know that I had the privileged of feeling your prayers.  Quite literally.  

Every time I go for these scans it gets easier.  I KNOW that is prayer and the growth that comes when I have consistent reason to lean into Him in scary times.  I did not feel my usual fear.  I felt sadness, some heaviness after I got home from the scan– sort of drained emotionally.  But, not fear.

{reserved parking just for me!}


I felt patience.  Patience is definitely not something that comes easy for me, so that in itself is a miracle.  The only time I felt impatient was when I knew the nurse had my test results back but we had to wait for the Doctor to look them over.  Then my patience wore off, and I felt ticked and wanted to drive to the Doctors office and demand my test results.  I didn’t.  🙂

{so I know who I am}
I felt peace, even when my lucky vein had given up on me.  I am limited already, they can only use my right arm because lymph nodes were removed from the left.  I have tiny veins, and the nurse said sometimes chemo makes veins even smaller.  My lucky vein has formed scar tissue and it ends up bending the plastic tube they try to insert once the needle is in.  Not fun…but, even as the nurse was on her 4th try, 4th area of my arm, I laid there and almost wanted to laugh at myself. I really was quite in awe. The calmness I felt was CRAZY.

It took over 25 minutes, two nurses and 4 maybe 5? pokes to get my I.V. in, and I was completely chill about it. It was not just pokes, but a poke then digging around chasing my tiny veins.  Yikes..I should not have felt calm.  The nurses couldn’t believe it.  I told them my drug was prayer.  I told them about this blog and my readers who pray me through these times and God answers their prayers by making me a completely different person, totally calm to the point of inward giggling while being poked a billion times.  God is funny.  He is good.
{hospital garb}
There was a period of time while I was there that I didn’t feel calm.  I had finished changing into my hospital clothes, and could hear a little boy begging the nurse for no more pokes.  There was terror in his voice. His words turned into a low helpless wail.  I passed his room and his blond head was shaking no, back and forth, eyes full of fear. He looked about 9, my youngest girls age. His little sister watched, face frozen, eyes big. His brave Mother bent over, whispering in his ear.  I wonder what she was saying.  I whispered myself, a prayer for them into the ear of God.  I saw the little boy in the waiting room about an hour later.  His I.V. was still connected to his arm, there was more to come for him.  I walked away on my way home, and prayed that his ‘more to come’ would be short and easy, and that he too, would be on his way home soon.

{a cheerio sticker marks the lymph node}
I thought about how much harder this all would be if it were one of my 3 lovelies.  I’m so thankful it wasn’t and isn’t, and pray it never will be.

I am also so thankful for a clear scan.  I am so thankful for you all. Thank you, once again, for being present with me & for your prayers.

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Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

MRI Monday!

MRI

Today is finally MRI Monday!  I have been waiting a couple weeks for this so I am so glad it is here.  I thought it would be appropriate to repost what thoughts go through my brain during MRI’s.  I’m in a better emotional place, so I think it will be much easier this time.  Re-reading the post below reminds me of what to expect and prepares me. 


Appointment is at 3:00 & results will be in about 3-4 days. I will let you know as soon as I know!


{read this post to know what this is all about}
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Below are thoughts I wrote during the appointment of my MRI last December.  Some are deep, some are random, many are negative, some are inappropriate, all are real.
~I don’t want to be here, I don’t like this place today.  I wonder if Jay already went home?
~ Amy, change your thought patterns.  If it were not for this place, you never would have met the amazing people you have, they would not be in your life. This place and those people have helped bring the healing.
~ 6:00 p.m. appointment. Yep. I’m the last of the day, it is deserted up in here!
~ Check in lady makes a funny about having my information memorized.  It is not funny, but I feel like I should smile at her anyway.
~ Oh look, another bracelet letting me know what my name is, I’ll add it to my collection. 
~ I don’t want to sit alone in this waiting room, this place I met my L girl. Stupid lump in my throat.  Her laugh, her smile.  I remember. 
~So many forms to fill, so much history. Write fast, get it done. 
~Tech is familiar, she has scanned me before. 
~Strip, change into hospital gown & pants.  The image in the mirror is kinda cute, I look like a little girl. Vulnerable. These pants swallow me.  I roll them at the waist.
~Crap, I forgot about the I.V. part. I am used to the pokes, but not.
~O.K.– that was not so bad, thank you lucky vein. 
~She comments on my thin, healthy blood.  They always do. Cancer patients usually have thick sticky blood. I would tell her it is from my juicing and green smoothies, but I don’t feel like talking, and she might think I am strange.
~ Hello, machine you are large and loud, and where you live is drafty and cold!
~ A sticker where the lump is, it looks like a cheerio.  I’m hungry. 
~Time to lay face down, should I turn my neck to the side or go face first?  I will try face first this time, last time killed my neck. 
~Arms above my head, get comfortable, Amy.  No moving for 20-30 minutes.
~She wraps the I.V. cord around my fingers to keep it out of the way, not too comfortable. 
~A button in my other hand, in case I need them.  I hope I don’t accidentally push it.  Relax your hand, Amy. Relax. 
~I am exposed, I wonder who is behind that one way glass wall? I did see a young guy, arrgh. 
~Tech helps me line up my chest. There are two holes I need to fit into.  They must make these for large people. Tech affirms my thoughts. 
~ I wonder what my new breasts look like, hanging through holes, to the people behind the glass.
~ Tech reaches to adjust, to line them up perfect.  How awkward.
~ I feel bad for large women, they must feel even more exposed hanging in such a way.
~ I wonder about the people who laid here today, who will tomorrow.  I will pray for them as I am scanned.
~ Brrrr…she is so kind to cover my cold arms and hands with towels. 
~ She leaves, I am alone, but not. 
~ She comes back, to stuff earplugs into my ears.  I then remember this is the loud machine.
~ Its noise at times sounds like an automatic machine gun, other times it just clicks.  Just as I am going to my happy place, it beeps and sounds like my alarm clock. When it is at rest, it makes a big air-y, rhythmic breathing sound.  It reminds me of hearing my baby’s heartbeats during ultrasounds, but much more intimidating and not so cute.  It breathes like it is alive.  I don’t like it.
~I ask God to protect my body from the radiation exposure this machine gives.
~ I start to worry about the accumulating affects of radiation. I often worry about this. Time to change my thought patterns again. 
~ Only about 10 minutes in, and I am regretting my face first decision.  All the weight of my head is balanced on my brow bone.  Are we done yet?
~Tech comes in and says we have to start over.  They must make sure they are getting the area of the sticker.  She feels me up again, adjusting.  But says to not move my upper body or head.  Crap.
~Within 10 more minutes, my head feels like a bowling ball.  I pretend I am in a competition on Survivor.  The challenges where they have to stick it out in very uncomfortable positions are my favorites.  I am a Survivor.
~I wait for the finale, when they inject my I.V. with contrast.  I can’t wait for that part, it will mean the test is over.
~Trying to go to my happy place, but can’t find it when it is so LOUD up in here!
~I start to think of the results of the test.  The What-if’s.  I think I should write a post called “Living in the What-If’s”
~So. Much. Pressure. On. My. Brow. Bone.  Trying to pretend I am at the masseuse, they use these kind of headrests..why are theirs so much more comfortable?  For the price of this test, this headpiece should be pillow soft and covered in velvet.
~Can’t wait to look in the mirror when this is over and see the dent in my brow bone.
~I finally, FINALLY feel cold moving through the I.V. tubing entwined in my fingers.  Up to my arm, into my lucky vein.  Cold. I taste metal. I  was warned.  I envision lighting up neon.  Can’t wait to detox.
~Tech comes in and apologises for the length of the test.  40 minutes.  I ask her if I have a dent in my head.  She laughs. 
~ She takes out the I.V.  It drips blood all over my pants.  I think it is such a pretty color and looks like art, but I don’t tell her, for she might think I’m strange.
~I go to change.  I feel lighter.  My face looks like I have been wearing a wrestling helmet. All red and splotchy, a bit dented. SO happy it is over.  
~I feel more stable emotionally, so I take a minute to sit where we sat, my L girl and I.  At that moment, my phone beeps, alerting me of a text.  I look, 3 pictures to make me smile, from my L girls family.  Her brother, trying on her wig, made me laugh which echoed in empty hospital.  Moments of fun between a brother and sister, smiles in the midst of tragedy. The last pic is just her, and her amazing smile.  
~I find mine through tears.  Time to head home.
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THANK YOU all so much for your notes of encouragement and especially for your prayers while I waited for this test.  

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Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

It Is No Coincidence & A Health Update

It is no coincidence that as I drive away from the familiar building, my radio is set to 89.9.

It is no coincidence that as tears drop down my face, out- of- the- blue large rain drops, the biggest I’ve seen, shower my windshield.  I imagine God-sized tears.  I know He feels with me.

The sky is grey and I’m trying not to be.  I pass an retirement center & a sad longing enters.  I want to grow old.  “Lord, I want to grow old!”

It is no coincidence that as that whisper leaves my lips that another enters my brain. “I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.”

The rain is intense, making it hard to see.  Should I brace myself for a storm?  I’m surprised how fear has been replaced with sadness.  That is not a coincidence, for God and I have done much work on fear.  Sadness seems easier. Calmer.  A relief, but not.

I drive just a couple more blocks.  The rain stops as suddenly as it came on.

The song on the radio catches my attention–the word “beloved,” for it is what my name means.  I’ve always loved the meaning of my name.

I listen intently, the words soothe & prepare.  I find the melody and the same words running through my head the next day, in weak moments.  I realize the song was given as a gift, its perfect words not a coincidence. I am determine to receive it. I lift my eyes and open my hands.

Almost home now, my eyes keep lifting.  I am searching for the rainbow, for it is still raining but the sun is shining.  I don’t find one, but I’ve seen God’s promise before, so I will keep my eyes lifted. What I find will be no coincidence.

And now, I’m home.

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Health Update:

I went in for my ‘every 3 month’ checkup.  There is a thickening in the area that my tumor used to be.  Doc can also feel the same lymph node we have been watching.  Because I have had some burning sensations there (symptoms I presented with 2 years ago) and because my cancer margin was so close to the chest wall (1 mil.), she is going to be extra cautious with me.  The plan is to check it out with an MRI.  We need insurance to approve it first, so we won’t know anything for a week or two.

We are hoping it is just scar tissue.

I am doing fine with it. After my tears that I spoke of above, I really have felt ok and at peace.  Pretty used to this stuff, at least as used to it as I think I will get.  It is never comfortable, the wondering & ‘what-if’s’ but it is familiar and I’ve been through it before, and I have a great God who calls me Beloved!

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Featured/ HEALTH/ Natural Products

Homemade Face Moisturizer

 

I’m pretty excited about this Homemade Face Moisturizer.  I’ve been using it for about a week and I’m loving how my skin is looking and feeling.  I especially love that I know exactly what is in it, and that each ingredient is pure and good for the skin.

I recycled a dropper container that is a great reminder to me of the money I am saving by making my own Face Moisturizer.  The face product that was in that bottle previously costs about $30.00!

The recipe was linked up to my Anti-Procrastination Tuesday Link Party from the awesome Rebekah at Potholes and Pantyhose.  She did a great, month- long series on homemade products, which is where I got this recipe.  She did a price workup of this and a 2.5 ounce bottle is $.75 cents!  Now that’s a deal! (Click through for the price breakdown.)

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Homemade Face Moisturizer
4 Tbsp 100% Aloe Vera Juice (the drinkable kind)
1 tsp Vegetable Glycerine
6 drops Jojoba Oil
1/4 tsp Sweet Almond Oil

1 Container to keep the moisturizer in.

Measure all into container.  You may need to use a funnel.

Before each use, shake well.  This is not a creamy product, it is quite watery.  Apply using a cotton pad or your clean fingertips.  It will take a minute to dry, but as it does, it will absorb and leave you with soft, silky smooth skin!

If you need more moisture, just add a bit more of the oils until you get the level your specific skin type needs.  The above recipe was just perfect for mine.

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Here is some information for each product used in this recipe, from Rebekah’s research:

Aloe Vera Gel
here are just a few things it does besides cool sunburn: kills bacteria, virus and fungus.  The salicylic acid in aloe vera also acts as a pain killer.  That explains why it’s so soothing for burns.  It also has anti-inflammatory properties.

Vegetable Glycerin
A topical remedy for a number of skin problems, including psoriasis, rashes, burns, bedsores & cuts.

Jojoba Oil
Provides all day moisture to skin. Jojoba oil doesn’t evaporate like water based moisturizers can.  It is theorized, but not yet proven, that because jojoba oil is so similar to human skin oil, it can “trick” the skin into thinking it has produced enough oil and thus balance oil production.  It is very stable, jojoba oil does not become rancid or lose antioxidants even after long periods of storage.  It spreads well and is absorbed well. The organic variety is free of pesticides, GMO’s and is sustainably farmed.

Sweet Almond Oil
Almond oil is an excellent emollient and moisturizer.  As an emollient it nourishes and softens the skin helping to keep it smooth to the touch.  Almond oil is similar in composition to the oil baby’s excrete to keep their skin and hair healthy.  This composition is beneficial to protecting and conditioning your skin no matter your age.  By helping the skin stay healthy it promotes a youthful skin complexion.  Almond oil is frequently used to treat dry skin.  It relieves itchiness, soreness, rashes, dryness, irruption and burns.  Almond oil aides the skin in keeping the proper balance of moisture in the skin which is critical when treating dry skin.

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For an extra special treat to your skin, use this sugar and lemon juice scrub in the video above, then follow up with Homemade Face Moisturizer.  My 3 little lovelies did this with me on a recent “beauty spa day” and I was amazed at how it even made their beautiful young skin glow!

You may also like:
2 Ingredient Homemade Eye Makeup Remover

Stay tuned for what I have been using to cleanse my face!

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HEALTH/ Natural Products

Coconut Lime Sugar Scrub

Want to have the softest, silkiest legs ever?  Then make this Coconut Lime Sugar Scrub.  It is awesome!

Now, the scrub is amazing, but the technique is what brings on smoothest legs ever!

I found this idea on Pinterest, from Gluten Free Navy Wife, and it intrigued me enough that I whipped up a batch and jumped in the tub just minutes after reading it.

Here is what you do:

First:

 Mix up your scrub.

Coconut Lime Sugar Scrub

1/2 cup Coconut Oil
1 1/4 cup Sugar
3 Tbsp Lime or Lemon Juice {fresh is best!}

Put all into a jar and stir.
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Second:
Grab your scrub, a razor, & jar of coconut oil.  Fill up the tub and soak for about 5 minutes.

Third:
Use the below shaving technique for the softest, smooooothest legs!

~Shave 1st leg using straight coconut oil.
~Take a palmful of your Homemade Coconut Lime Sugar Scrub & scrub that leg, then rinse.
~Shave your leg again.  Yeppers, you got that right…again.
~Repeat with other leg.
~After your bath, dry off and apply a small amount of straight coconut oil as lotion, or use your favorite lotion.

Additional Thoughts:
~The first time you shave, it will remove the hair.  After applying the scrub which loosens dead skin cells, the second shave removes that nastiness.  Rinse your razor often, you will see why.  Honestly, I was a bit horrified at what came off my legs!

~Why skip shaving gels/lotions and use coconut oil instead?  Well, it is healthy natural product.  I do not get bumps on my legs anymore after switching to natural soap and shaving with coconut oil.  If you think about it, those gels that come in a can and that foam up are full of all kinds of chemicals and artificial ingredients.  When you go and shave, making small nicks in the skin, those ingredients then go right in and cause irritation.  It reminds me of when I was allergy tested as a kid…ever have that done?  They put the irritant that you may be allergic to on your skin, then make a small pin prick- nick, then measure the irritation to determine if you are allergic.  Goes to show that what you put on your skin topically does effect the body more than one would think!

~My fav razor is a Mach 3 Gillette.  I have been using it for years.  Even with all the fancy smancy lady like razors out there, I still prefer my Gillette.  Yes, the refill blades are expensive, but they last forever and I love how close of a shave I get with this razor!  Plus, I have a thing for black and silver…

~I also use coconut oil as a lotion.  Why?  Again, the natural factor.  I love how it makes my skin feel.  I love that I don’t have to spend all kinds of money on different lotions full of ingredients that I really don’t want on my skin. I love that it is a minimalist approach, no more beauty lotion clutter in my house!  I buy organic coconut oil at Trader Joes.  This link will take you to the brand I used before TJ’s came to town, it is a great brand and price on Amazon.

~This scrub is awesome for all parts of the body.  I even used it on my face!  If you get a little on your lips, at least it tastes yummy!

~I keep this in the refrigerator.  These pics are of the scrub just out of the refrigerator.  It is more liquid/oily if it is at room temp.  Coconut oil solidifies at a certain temp, so the consistency of the scrub depends on the room temperature.  It works well no matter what consistency, but you can use less if it is in a more solid state.

~I plan on using this technique often–not every time I shave my legs, but whenever I want to give my skin an extra pampering.  I WILL use the scrub all over quite often, as I love how it makes my skin feel.

 

Silky smooth!  Click here for 6 MORE ways I use it in my beauty routine.

 

~I skipped putting lotion on after using this scrub.  I found after I dried off that my skin was super soft and smooth and didn’t need it.  In the winter this might change.  I ran around giddy making my whole family feel my super soft legs.  They thought I was a bit nutty, but boy does this scrub make me happy!

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