FAMILY

Why is it that the minute I press “publish” on a post like yesterdays, it seems like right around the corner is test for me to put into practice the words I proclaim?

I write today because I want you all to know that despite so many blessings, life is tough, and brings many opportunities of growth.

My ‘test’ is really not a huge deal, it is a silly little disagreement between my husband and I that I know in time will work its way into an understanding, but in the meantime…emotions sure can swirl.  When you add the messiness of living life with other people, whether it is kids or family or friends, (or all of the above in one day!) well, life can feel like a tornado.

If you know me, you know I am a highly emotional person. I feel things deeply. When I took the Clifton strengths test, my top 5 strengths are all “feely” and emotional type strengths. My number one strength is empathy.  I’m just a bundle of feelings and emotions, that is how God made me.

Usually I love that. It makes me who I am and I feel like it allows me to live a life of depth and care for others.  But, there are some days when I despise it. Yeah, strong word, but true. It would be so nice to have a switch to shut the emotions off, or at least turn them down. I’m not talking tears here, well, sometimes, but usually when I need to turn it down a bit, it is when I feel angry or hurt or when I’m taking things too personally. The result can be a pit in my stomach that can literally hurt at times.

I’m learning to recognize that pit in my stomach feeling and use it as a warning to take heed and watch my reaction. Sometimes it just is not fast enough. Sometimes I just need time to sort out the “whys” of what I’m feeling, to sort out the reason for the intensity, so that I can have a discussion that is fair without my junk in the way.

So that is what I am doing today. I am sorting out my junk, in order to have a fair discussion. As I do, I am so thankful for my Lord.  I’m so thankful that as emotions swirl and fear comes along to wreak its havoc, that in the midst of it is this amazing, steady, unmoving God that says to me:

“Amy, I’ve got this. I am for you. You can trust me. You don’t need to change anyone but yourself, leave others to me. I am the Lord your God. Rest child. Speak your truth in peace, then let go and allow Me to work. I am for your marriage. I love Todd, He too is my child. I am for Him, too. He walks with me and follows my lead, you see this in Him clearly, daily– so trust that–which means ultimately, trust Me.”

Oh friends, isn’t this hard to do sometimes? To let go and trust? Especially when we are convinced we are right?  I know for me it is. Oh, to care more about doing what is right and acting right instead of trying to convince someone else that I am right!  Too often, once I take a step back, I see that really, I never was right. Ugh.

I think of those of you who can’t say that your husband walks daily with the Lord, and I want to encourage you that you can still trust the goodness of God. He is good. He is incapable of being or doing anything but good. He is trustworthy. He is immovable and solid when you feel like everything else can crumble around you. He is the still in the storm, and He is with you always.  He will never leave you, or forsake you.

So today, I cling to that. I rest in His stillness. I allow Him to remind me who He is and because of who He is I don’t have to solve anything or convince anyone of anything. That is His job if it needs to be done and He will do it when and if He chooses.

So I let go of the swirling, I cling to the still, the unchanging, and I feel free.

I fell into love like a skydiver in the clouds
It wasn’t enough, no, we couldn’t sustain it ourselves

All the things I pursue
Well, they stay for a season,
Then everything moves,
Everything moves, oh
My towers fall,
But you aren’t leaving me
‘Cause everything moves but you

I trained my body to run and not be weary
I worked and I read how to raise a better family
Then I bought a good house on the safe side of town, because I could
And as long as my life stays like this, I’m feeling good

Until my bones become brittle against my will
My heart is home, oh, to make the earth stand still

All the things I pursue
Well, they stay for a season,
Then everything moves,
Everything moves, oh,
My towers fall,
But you aren’t leaving me
‘Cause everything moves but you

You…I never outgrow you

You are a tree always in bloom
You are a hall of endless rooms
A living fountain springing up
I’m satisfied but never done
I’m never done
With you

Chorus