Cancer Journey Archives • Page 13 of 20 • New Nostalgia

Healing From Surgery & Homemade Mother’s Day Gift Ideas

{my Homemade Mother’s Day Gifts board @ Pinterest}

I had surgery today (you can read about it at my Caring Bridge site). It went well, but healing will take some time. I am honestly excited about having some “downtime” to catch up on my Google reader. I did that for awhile today and found a bunch of fun, homemade Mother’s Day gift ideas. I pinned some of my favs to my Pinterest board, so check it out if you want some inspiration!

Last year, I made my Mom this “Jar Full Of Love” as one of her Mother’s Day gifts. She really, really loved it. We went out to lunch and while waiting for our food, she pulled each one out and read them all in one sitting:) Such a fun memory!

I also made my Mother-In-Law this Homemade Chocolate Sauce and gave it to her with a container of Coconut Gelato–she is a coconut lover.

**Got any Mother’s Day Gift Ideas? If so, I’d love to know what they are.

Here is a Inlinkz if you want to share!!

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

Breast Cancer Update-Scan Results

{below is an update, the 2 most recent journals from my Caring Bridge site}

MONDAY, APRIL 18, 2011 9:00 PM, CDT

Today was scan day.

I had to drink 2 15 oz. bottles of barium.

I remember drinking the same berry flavored barium way back in August when this battle started. I sipped and gagged and complained and eyes watered.

Not this time.

I guzzled that baby, it went down smooooooth. I buckled down and got ‘er done and felt pretty darn proud when I was done. I think I’ve toughened up a bit in the last 8 months!:)

But, just when I start feeling tough, I am humbled again.

Due to an earlier allergic reaction to bone scan contrast, I had an I.V. inserted and Benedryl pushed, just to be safe. The minute Benedryl entered my system, I reacted. Lungs tightened, heart raced, nausea. I shook like a leaf! I flushed, and was lightheaded–I thought I would faint. The very medicine that was supposed to keep me from reacting to the contrast caused this reaction! This reaction happened in the waiting room in front of others– very humbling. I am not sure why the nurse brought the injections into the waiting room instead of taking me back to a room, but I sure would have preferred a bit of privacy.

The nurse seemed baffled at my reaction and asked if I had anxiety. That TICKED ME OFF! To me, it was clear I was having an immediate reaction to whatever she had just pushed into my IV. I did a google search on Benedryl reactions and read that if it is pushed too hard/fast without diluting, that some people can have serious reactions, with symptoms similar to what I was having. I even read a nurses thread where a nurse talked about 2 different patients of hers coding due to a Benedryl reaction! Whoa.

We all know I can get a bit anxious about things, but that is NOT what was happening at that moment. Grrrr.

I laid down for awhile and was monitored. I was a little annoyed because this put lunch off an hour and I WAS HUNGRY!! Barium for breakfast just didn’t cut it for me:)

The rest of the day was fine. My heart raced a bit when they pushed the contrast dye in, but it slowed down quickly so I didn’t worry about it too much, I was really too sleepy to worry thanks to the Benedryl! No rash so far, last time it showed up in the evening.

My CAT scan was in the morning, when all this craziness happened. It is a scan that takes sliced images, and they scanned from my chin to my hips.

My mom was with me and we went to lunch, then arrived back at the hospital in time for my 2:00 bone scan. My day got much better once I was able to eat 😛

The nurse asked if I had any sore areas of bone, and I told her about my scapula pain. She took 2 extra pics of that area, and said “I’m not a doctor, but comparing that scapula area to your last scan, they look the same” I was so happy and relieved to hear that! I’ve tried not to worry about this soreness, but I have…

Toward the end of my scans, I turned to my mom and said “I have no groceries in the house and no plans for dinner” She suggested I make breakfast food for dinner–eggs and toast or french toast. Minutes later, my phone rings and it is my friend, Karma. She is a three time breast cancer survivor who attends that church I do and has become such a sweet friend to me the last few months. She said “I made extra Chicken Divan for your family, can I bring it around 5:30?” I got off the phone and my mom and I laughed out loud at the goodness of God. I didn’t have to make breakfast for dinner, although it was a good idea..:P

That was cool enough, but I later saw another reason why God provided dinner for us tonight.

It was about the time I usually would start making dinner, and I got a phone call from a lady whom I have talked to but had never met. I had heard about this lady from my Avery girl. She told me there was a girl in her class whose mommy also had breast cancer. I called this woman and told her I would love to meet her. That was weeks ago. She called me today and said, “Can I meet you? Like, now?” 🙂 I was not in the middle of dinner- makin’-craziness like I usually would have been. I was able to say “of course, I can’t wait to meet you, come on over.” We sat and talked as Karma’s Chicken Divan warmed in my oven. It was a wonderful conversation–this woman is amazing and I am SO BLESSED to know her!!

Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

———————————

TUESDAY, APRIL 19, 2011 6:13 PM, CDT

I called my oncologist office 5 minutes to closing time. I WAS NOT going to wait another day for scan results!

I am glad I did, because I learned my doctor is out of town until Monday!

I talked to a nurse, and she read my scan results, but kept telling me that Dr. Midathada could explain them further and answer any of my questions.

Here is what she said:

CAT scan:
was NEGATIVE for signs of metastatic disease 🙂

It does show a dominate ovarian cyst, this is one we knew about as it had showed itself back in September, but there is growth. The radiologist suggests that I have an pelvic ultrasound done to check it out. Ovarian cycts are rarely cancer, but with my history she was sure my doc would want to check it out. That’s kinda poopy.:(

Bone Scan:

There was still uptake in my rib area. They called it “degenerative changes” on the report, and it sounds like it has progressed some? The nurse said they will want to do a bone density check on me.
When I asked her if that could be cancer related or a sign of cancer, she said she will have the doctor call me to answer my questions. Hmmm.

Sooooooo..

I am very, very thankful the scans didn’t light up everywhere showing cancer spread. That is AWESOME. My liver looks good, my kidneys look good, my lymph nodes look good, my chest and breast look goooooood:) Ha. I am going to celebrate that!!!

But…

sounds like my life of doctor appointments will continue for awhile.
Oh well, what is a few more…I’m not sure what I would do with myself if my life was devoid of all doctor appointments…

My main prayer request is that we could get answers quickly, and all this appointment craziness will be over with by the time my girls get out of school for the summer.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

The “What’s Next” On My Cancer Journey

{do you love how I turn to the side so only one ear shows?? Bwaha! Me and my ear insecurities…actually, I’m pretty much over it…pretty much.:)}

I recently took a poll and you, my readers, communicated that you want to hear my health updates, so that is what this post is. It is the last 2 journal entries at my Caring Bridge site. They are pretty informational about the “what next” so they will fill you in on where I am at. If you want even more details, you are welcome anytime to visit me at Caring Bridge.

Thank you for being such a caring community!!

——————————-

MONDAY, APRIL 11, 2011 9:54 AM, CDT

Well, it was a bumpy week mood wise, but it seems like the road is smoothing out ahead. We’ll see.:)

I saw Dr. Hinze, my plastic surgeon last week. I always leave with a smile from his office. THEY ARE ALL SO NICE. The nurses were giddy over my new hair growth, which was “mussed up” by Dr. Hinze the minute he got walked in the room. He is so funny.

I had 3 small scar areas that just were not healing up. He took one look and knew what needed to be done. There were 3 little suture knots on the inside that would not dissolve. He fixed me up in minutes (my scar area is numb–thank goodness!!) and I am amazed! I was so frustrated with my body that it just wouldn’t heal right, but just 4 days after his procedure, those spots are almost gone. Amazing.

There is some asymmetry that he is going to fix in about 4 weeks if Dr. Midathada gives the ok. I have ribs that flare a bit on the left so he will do a quick right implant exchange–gotta go bigger:-) It is a simple, outpatient surgery. Healing should be easy, thank goodness it is my right side so he can make the incision on skin that was not radiated. I AM SO EXCITED. I really am happy with my reconstruction results, but this will take them from good to GRRREEAAT!:P

I have an appointment with Dr. Midathada, my oncologist, tomorrow morning. I am eager to hear her thoughts and the “now what” plan.

I will fill ya’ll in on the plan when we get on.
xoxo to you all.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the Lord & He will sustain you!

—————————

TUESDAY, APRIL 12, 2011 3:03 PM, CDT

My appointment with Dr. Midathada went well. It is always so good to see her.

She was pleased with my energy level and checked me out thoroughly.

My white blood cell count was a bit low, but she was not concerned and said I tend to run low normally.

I will be having scans next Monday. A CT scan and a bone scan.
Scanxiety!
Dr. wanted to have a baseline scan. The bone scan will show if those original areas that lit up on my ribs went away, and will check a sore spot I have on my left scapula, it is about the size of a dime and has been sore for about a week or so. I notice it every time I reach forward. I did some sit ups last week, I am hoping I just came down too hard on it or something. ?

I get to drink lovely contrast for scans–can’t wait!

We should have the results the following day–Tuesday–I will try to keep the “scanxiety” to a minimum until then. I’m actually doing fine with this–so far.;)

I will be seeing her again in 3 months.

She explained to me that there are certain types of cancers that, once the patient has hit the 5 year mark, she can confidently say that they will not see that cancer again, and if they ever get cancer again, it would be a whole new, different type.
She said for breast cancer and melanoma (I’ve had both now), she cannot say that.
These cancers can return years after diagnosis, so I am to get comfortable with that reality and just be aware of my body’s signals and faithful with checkups.

This reality is one I have spent the last few weeks trying to come to grips with, and I know that as I continue to grow and continue to trust, that I will figure out how to fully live with it. So much of the battle is with fear and unknowns, but God has shown me over and over that I am His child and that He’s got me no matter what. He has shown me that He is faithful and trustworthy. So it is my job to keep CHOOSING to trust.

Of course, my Jesus Calling book was perfect for the day. I love that book! It said:

TRUSTING Me is a moment-by-moment choice. My people have not always understood this truth. After I performed miracles in the wilderness, My chosen children trusted Me intensely–but only temporarily. Soon the grumbling began again, testing My patience to the utmost.
Isn’t it often the same way with you? You trust Me when things go well, when you see Me working on your behalf. This type of trust flows readily within you, requiring no exertion of your will. When things go wrong, your trust-flow slows down and solidifies. You are forced to choose between trusting Me intentionally or rebelling: resenting My ways with you. This choice constitutes a fork in the road. Stay on the path of Life with Me, enjoying My Presence. Choose to trust Me in all circumstances.
Psalm 31:14
But I trust in you, Lord;
I say “You are my God.”

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Love/ Spiritual

It Is Not Too Late

One Day Too Late lyrics

Songwriters: Cooper, John; Howes, Brian;

I am at a weird point in my cancer journey. It is quiet. I have time to think and reflect. I just keep thinking about how very blessed I am to have this TIME with my family and friends, and to enjoy God’s beautiful creation in the springtime. My baby girl turned “8” recently, and I am just struck at how fleeting the moments are, and I so want to BE PRESENT and thankful in each moment.

I have felt frustration with my “ups and downs” lately. I KNOW just how great it is to be alive and feeling good. I LONG to live fully in each moment, but I also know that doesn’t mean each moment is going to be perfect, or that I am going to respond perfectly in the moments. I know there is a time to grieve and a time to laugh. I just want to live WELL.

I have just learned of another cancer fighter, whom I have been following on Caring Bridge and praying for, is now at peace and in Heaven. His faith, fight and family all have made a lasting impression on me.

He has 2 girls, who are so beautiful and brave. When I read that they went to school after learning of their dad’s early morning passing, I just cried for them and their hurting, brave, sweet hearts.

It is a reminder to me that we just never know what life is going to bring, and we just don’t know the number of days– of moments we have. The fighter I mentioned above had clear scans in October. He didn’t know that come April his fight would be over, but God knew. It is clear in their story that He is holding them all.

I don’t want to get comfortable. When I get comfortable I get passive and I react to life instead of respond to the moments it brings. I want to live with a purpose, an awareness of what truly matters. This is why I love the above song, for it reminds.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

Last Radiation Treatment Today!!

Today is radiation treatment number 28–my last!

If you read my Caring Bridge journal, this will be old news. If not, my latest posts have been on radiation treatments, adjusting to the hormone therapy that I have to take for 5 years, and having to say goodbye to a medication that I have been on for awhile, and at times, miss!

I also have grown some hair, bleached it, and “wore it out in public” as my girls say.:)

{sorry about the cut off face. I was cheek to cheek with my youngest and I don’t post pics of the kids on my blog:)}

My latest journal post is below. I am celebrating, but in a reserved sort of way.

I look back on the last 7 months and I am so very thankful to be here!

I still have a little ways to go, and as you will be able to tell from my post below, some emotional baggage to attend to, but that is nothing new for me:) LOL.

Thank you.

Thank you for reading, for being so caring and willing to stick with me!

{Caring Bridge Journal~March 29th}

Wow-iee am I TIRED!

Zapped of energy, especially in the evenings.

I also have noticed as of last night that I just can’t get warm, it almost feels like I have a fever, but I don’t. Some other ladies I know who had radiation talked about feeling this way toward the end. Last night it took my winter pj’s, my big thick robe, and two comforters covering me to finally get warm. Our cold, gloomy weather has not helped!!

Tomorrow is my LAST DAY of radiation!

I am so very thankful to have come so far, and I am especially thankful that you have all come with me..your encouragement has meant the world.

I am surprised at my mixed emotions about it all.

I have to be honest and tell you that I am adjusting to and pondering it all. I can’t verbalize it well, but I feel like there is something keeping me from being super excited.

I am excited and so thankful that the big treatments are over, Chemo, Surgery, and Radiation…so thankful…but I am still adjusting to the ongoing process of having had cancer.

As my fellow fighter/survivor friend, Gina, said,

“Despite the hype of October awareness campaigns, “cure” is a misnomer. There is no cure for breast cancer, only a slowly-decreasing risk of recurrence.”

She so beautifully put what is a huge frustration for me…I want to be told I am cured. Instead, as fighters, we are left with the reality of an ongoing battle, with on- going scans and on-going smaller treatments and follow ups forever. With no black and whites. Only statistics and percentages. I even hesitated to write “having had cancer” I think “is it had or have?” We will never get the answers we want. We do not know if there were more positive lymph nodes left behind. We do not know if the cells that are left behind will behave and self destruct or grow into little colonies called tumors.

I have a hard time trusting scans. They tell me there is no cancer, then after surgery my path results show cancer. Scans are not perfect, and cancer has to be a certain size to show up on them.

I also have history of getting good news and then the floor drops out, so I wonder if my lack of excitement has to do with that. I’ll talk to my therapist about that one..:)

I know I have scans coming up, and a couple more minor surgeries, so these also add to the feeling of “I’m done but not quite”

Am I making any sense?? I apologize if this is negative, I truly am thankful, but want to keep it real.

So, I am going to celebrate the finishing of the big Treatments–it is huge that they are done and I am so thankful that “God has brought me thus far!” That is amazing.

But,

if I am not jumping up and down when congratulated, just know there is more to the journey and celebration will come slowly for me. I have a feeling my celebration will come in small moments, in the moments I feel so thankful to be here, the precious, everyday moments.

Who knows, I may surprise you and jump up and down and do a celebratory jig when I get my energy back:P

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding Proverbs 3:5

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

Celebrating With My Friend

{I want a hat like that!}

Meet my sweet friend, Amanda.

She, too, is fighting breast cancer and today was her last day of radiation treatment!!

Yay!

I have never met her in person, but I have grown to love her deeply and I’m so thankful for her friendship to me! She has been such an encouragement to me, she knows exactly what to say and when to say it whenever we talk. She. Just. Knows.

{Amanda & John on their wedding night. They are newlyweds:-)}

{before diagnosis}

What has struck me most deeply about Amanda is her fearlessness. Even when she admits fear, it is followed by faith that stomps fear. She has given me perspective and helped me in my battle with fear.

{Her husband shaved his head with her.:)}

We “met” in the coolest way.

My friend, Sharon, who came to take care of me after my mastectomy, was on her way home from the Chicago airport after being here with me for a week. She and her husband, Porter decided to stop at a restaurant for a bite to eat. My Sharon friend noticed a “girl with a really cute hat”and her husband, sitting across the restaurant, and knew that she, too, was in a battle for her life. After being with me for a week, she had eyes to see another who was battling. She told her husband and they decided that they wanted to pay for their meal. On their way out, they introduced themselves and that is how two fighters, Amanda and I, were connected. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT CHANCE MEETING. I know God had a huge part in that, which makes me extra thankful.

When my friend, Sharon, got home, she called me and told me of her chance meeting. She was tearful and touched, and I smiled knowing that Amanda had to have been blessed that night by meeting my awesome friends, Sharon and Porter. Sharon said the opposite was true, they were the ones blessed.

{Just last week. We are sportin’ the same hairdo, haircolor, and pink radiation chest burns!}

I found Amanda on Caring Bridge and Facebook, and was immediately touched by her story.

I couldn’t believe how similar our stories were:

~We were both told by DOCTORS that the lumps we felt were nothing to worry about.

~We are both in our 30’s. (She 30, I am 34)

~We were diagnosed within days of each other.

~We were both Stage 3.

~We both found out AFTER our surgery that it was Lobular, not Ductal.

~We both had positive lymph nodes.

~We both had mastectomies within a week of each other.

~We both were waiting to start radiation.

There were also differences

On top of everything else, Amanda and her husband, John has had to suffer a miscarriage that happened within days of her diagnosis, and the knowledge that conceiving a child may not happen for them, due to medication that she has to take for her cancer. She has had to grieve that on top of everything else. My heart goes out to my dear, strong, brave friend. They had just received this news the night they were sitting there at the restaurant, the night our connection was made.

Thinking about this makes my heart just ache.

But..

Today we are CELEBRATING!

Amanda has made it through her radiation.

She had a few more sessions than I had to have, and her skin has paid for it, so please pray for quick healing. Please pray for her entire body, that this cancer will never, ever return.

Below is from Amanda’s Caring Bridge site, it is what SHE is praying, and I know she would be so grateful if you would join your prayers with hers..

From Amanda’s Caring Bridge journal:

I pray everyday to give me more time here on earth with my friends and family. I pray to allow me to wake each morning to see another beautiful day he has created. I pray to grow old with my loving husband. I pray to see my sisters get older and graduate and one day marry (not that I’m rushing that one). I pray to be cured from this horrible disease that has affected so many people I love and grown to have a relationship with. I pray that one day this will all be a bad dream, but grow so much stronger from this (I know I will never forget this, this has made me who I am) I pray that one day that I can live my life somewhat normally without the BIG C hanging over my head. I pray that one day I will have a family of my own and be called Mommy. Out of all these things I have mentioned I pray that whatever God’s will be done, not mine. I want whatever God has in store for me next, because he knows what is best for me.

———————–

I will leave you with one more thing that Amanda wrote that I just loved. She ended her latest journal with a thank you to her husband. I think they are just the cutest together, and I love what she had to say about him…

————————

{aww..}

From Amanda’s Caring Bridge Journal:

I know my husband does not read my journals, but I want everyone that reads to know, I would not be where I am today without my husband or God…he is the most amazing man that anyone could ever ask for, I love him dearly and I’m so grateful that he really does love me unconditionally. I have heard stories of men that have left there wife’s during treatment, because A.) They couldn’t handle it (they couldn’t!! imagine what the one ACTUALLY going through it feels like!!) or B.) They just didn’t want to deal with all the stress and headache “CANCER” deals with. It definitely has it’s ups and downs, but John always says, “We have to do what we have to” we really have no choice in the matter. So thank you to all those husbands out there, that really mean…In sickness and in health, cause John did!

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Music Renews

Laura Story – Blessings

Laura Story “Blessings”
{you will have to click on video, twice to play}

I’m contemplating this song today.

It has been another hard day. I’m just not feeling like myself, at all.

I’m adjusting to a new medication, one that messes with hormones

and causes any rogue cancer cells to commit suicide.

Today it is causing hot flashes and and a down mood and head.

I did have a very “normal” feeling day yesterday, which was day 2 on the medication. That was really nice.

I had one person describe this medication as “puberty in reverse.”

Fun times.

My heart is also heavy for Japan.
The images are just unreal and hard to imagine that it is reality.
Such suffering is so hard to see, and I am reminded, as the song says below,
that “This is not our home.”

Songs like this help give me perspective, and lift my heart and lift my head.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Older Posts

Newer Posts