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Music Renews

Music Renews/ Spiritual

Better Than A Hallelujah


“Better Than A Hallelujah” by Amy Grant
“We pour out our miseries…God just hears a melody“
Ultimately, God desires communion with us.  Relationship.
Not pasted smiles and raised hands and a forced “Hallelujah”
He wants us to come to Him raw and real.
Sometimes raised hands, smiles, and Hallelujahs are what is real.
Beautiful moments when we can’t help ourselves.
But other times, pounding fists and cries of “why?” and “help!!” are all we can give.
He wants those moments of ours, too.
Who better to take our fits to, who better to call out to, but the God of the Universe who can actually
do something with them?
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Source: via New on Pinterest
Last night I had a session of crying out to my Lord. I took a young lady whom I have grown to love so very much home, and the minute she and her friend stepped out of my car, a lump in my throat formed. I hurt for her.  I tell my Lord how hard it is to know the pain of a 13 year old girl who lost her Mommy to cancer. How amazing it is that she excitedly tells me her plans to honor her Mom as it has been almost exactly a year. What strength! How hard it is to know that this past year, she has had to be stronger than I could ever imagine being.
While it was still summer, she sings a song to me, one written for her Mom.  In it, she repeats over and over her desire to make her Mom proud.  It is the desire of her heart, a passionate, desperate desire.
Z-I KNOW your Mom would be so proud.  She would be so proud of the smiles you give and joy you bring.  She would be proud of that feisty spirit in you that yes, at times can make you stumble but you always get back up and gain perspective.  She would be so proud of your willingness to learn and grow.  She would love how you laugh at yourself, how you so vulnerably express sadness, how much you light up when you talk about her, how often you talk about her.  
 
She would be so proud of your nomination for the Empowerment program, of how your teachers have seen the leadership qualities in you despite your difficult year.  
 
There is no question in my mind. She would be so proud.
I cried a few tears to release the lump.  I accept that which I cannot understand.  I know I am heard.
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Music Renews

Finding New Nostalgia

If you are interested in finding New Nostalgia on other places of this amazing world wide web, then read on, click on, like on, pin on, & tweet on!
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{Click here to see New Nostalgia’s Facebook page…then like us if you like!}
New Nostlagia’s Facebook page is a fun place to be.  I love sharing links I love, thoughts I have and recent posts written.  This is the BEST place to interact with you all. The relationships and community that has been building at our Facebook page makes me feel giddy and warm all over.  Your comments to me feel like hugs…well, most of them.  Even comments that do not leave a warm fuzzy feeling promote great discussion and I learn from YOU all the time.  This is also a very easy way to share New Nostalgia with your Facebook friends and share any posts you love with others.  I love it and I’m so grateful when you do that!
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{Click here to follow New Nostalgia on Twitter}
I am new to using Twitter regularly.  I use Twitter as a place to share random things that appeal and interest me. I also post all my New Nostalgia pins to Twitter so it is a good place to keep up with NN if you are a tweeter.  I also love following and reading your tweets!
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{Click here to follow New Nostalgia on Statigram}
I am also fairly new to Instagram AND I LOVE IT! I’m actually a bit obsessed.  I think it is because I am so grateful for this life I get to live and Instagram is a place for me to share everyday tidbits of this awesome life in a visual way.  I love how it captures the small moments that would easily be forgotten.  If you have the Instagram app, you can follow me at Amy_NewNostalgia.  If you don’t have a phone with the app, no worries!  There is a great site called Statigram where you can enjoy Instagram photos of your friends through the web.  Just hit the follow button above.
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{Click here to follow New Nostalgia on Pinterest}
And finally…Pinterest!  Pinterest oh Pinterest, how I love thee!  Pinterest is a place where you can create virtual boards to pin your favorite finds on the web.  It is very interactive and you can follow those you like or whose tastes jive with yours, and repin their pins!  I love Pinterest.  Join me and over 45,000 others who follow New Nostalgia’s Pinterest boards.

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A final note–a post that promotes self always feels a bit funny to me.  I want you to know that I am so thankful to all of you who support me by sharing New Nostalgia, and by commenting and just reading!  Without your support, this would be a very lonely place.  Instead, it is a place that I can’t wait to sign on every morning and share myself & share community with you!  Thank you for receiving me.

FAMILY/ Love/ Marriage/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

Everything Moves But You

{Click here to order this 5×7 art print in your choice of color}

Why is it that the minute I press “publish” on a post like yesterdays, it seems like right around the corner is test for me to put into practice the words I proclaim?

I write today because I want you all to know that despite so many blessings, life is tough, and brings many opportunities of growth.

My ‘test’ is really not a huge deal, it is a silly little disagreement between my husband and I that I know in time will work its way into an understanding, but in the meantime…emotions sure can swirl.  When you add the messiness of living life with other people, whether it is kids or family or friends, (or all of the above in one day!) well, life can feel like a tornado.

If you know me, you know I am a highly emotional person. I feel things deeply. When I took the Clifton strengths test, my top 5 strengths are all “feely” and emotional type strengths. My number one strength is empathy.  I’m just a bundle of feelings and emotions, that is how God made me.

Usually I love that. It makes me who I am and I feel like it allows me to live a life of depth and care for others.  But, there are some days when I despise it. Yeah, strong word, but true. It would be so nice to have a switch to shut the emotions off, or at least turn them down. I’m not talking tears here, well, sometimes, but usually when I need to turn it down a bit, it is when I feel angry or hurt or when I’m taking things too personally. The result can be a pit in my stomach that can literally hurt at times.

I’m learning to recognize that pit in my stomach feeling and use it as a warning to take heed and watch my reaction. Sometimes it just is not fast enough. Sometimes I just need time to sort out the “whys” of what I’m feeling, to sort out the reason for the intensity, so that I can have a discussion that is fair without my junk in the way.

So that is what I am doing today. I am sorting out my junk, in order to have a fair discussion. As I do, I am so thankful for my Lord.  I’m so thankful that as emotions swirl and fear comes along to wreak its havoc, that in the midst of it is this amazing, steady, unmoving God that says to me:

“Amy, I’ve got this. I am for you. You can trust me. You don’t need to change anyone but yourself, leave others to me. I am the Lord your God. Rest child. Speak your truth in peace, then let go and allow Me to work. I am for your marriage. I love Todd, He too is my child. I am for Him, too. He walks with me and follows my lead, you see this in Him clearly, daily– so trust that–which means ultimately, trust Me.”

Oh friends, isn’t this hard to do sometimes? To let go and trust? Especially when we are convinced we are right?  I know for me it is. Oh, to care more about doing what is right and acting right instead of trying to convince someone else that I am right!  Too often, once I take a step back, I see that really, I never was right. Ugh.

I think of those of you who can’t say that your husband walks daily with the Lord, and I want to encourage you that you can still trust the goodness of God. He is good. He is incapable of being or doing anything but good. He is trustworthy. He is immovable and solid when you feel like everything else can crumble around you. He is the still in the storm, and He is with you always.  He will never leave you, or forsake you.

So today, I cling to that. I rest in His stillness. I allow Him to remind me who He is and because of who He is I don’t have to solve anything or convince anyone of anything. That is His job if it needs to be done and He will do it when and if He chooses.

So I let go of the swirling, I cling to the still, the unchanging, and I feel free.

When I was a child, I held to my mother tightly
Then I grew taller and left to follow my dreams
I went after my dreams, and some of them brought me delight
But they didn’t bring me everything I hoped they might

I fell into love like a skydiver in the clouds
It wasn’t enough, no, we couldn’t sustain it ourselves

All the things I pursue
Well, they stay for a season,
Then everything moves,
Everything moves, oh
My towers fall,
But you aren’t leaving me
‘Cause everything moves but you

I trained my body to run and not be weary
I worked and I read how to raise a better family
Then I bought a good house on the safe side of town, because I could
And as long as my life stays like this, I’m feeling good

Until my bones become brittle against my will
My heart is home, oh, to make the earth stand still

All the things I pursue
Well, they stay for a season,
Then everything moves,
Everything moves, oh,
My towers fall,
But you aren’t leaving me
‘Cause everything moves but you

You…I never outgrow you

You are a tree always in bloom
You are a hall of endless rooms
A living fountain springing up
I’m satisfied but never done
I’m never done
With you

Chorus

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Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

Good To Be Alive

Rainy Downtown Day

Well, it has been back to school week here at the Bowman house.  I have to admit, I AM LOVING the quiet and time to think, work & clean!  I feel a sense of relief that we made it through summer and I was able to balance being a mom and blogger.

Honestly, it was one of the first summers that didn’t end with a feeling regret.  In the past, I would regret how I spent my time, words I used, impatience I had with my kids, money I spent.  The list goes on.

I’ve been reflecting on what has made the difference.  I think growth happens as we age.  I also think I am experiencing the positives of going through a life threatening illness and the perspective it brings. It is funny how life can grow a person, how God uses the hard in life to stretch us and show us what is important.  I also think listing the gifts has changed me dramatically, it sure helps put life into perspective and trains my eyes to see life through the lens of contentment.

I know grace has a lot to do with it, for I was not perfect. Far from it.  I have learned to give grace and accept grace in those imperfect moments, stopping and realizing ‘life is not an emergency” as Ann Voskamp says. I’ve learned that it is ok for life to not go exactly how I think it should, to stop and take a breath, to let go of expectation and perfection.  These are all things that have contributed to growth.

I have always loved my kids, but since being sick, I have fallen hard for them.  I feel focused on the moments, and I find myself whispering aloud thanksgiving for those moments, in the moment.  Thanksgiving changes a person.  It has changed me.

Precious is the word that keeps coming to mind.  Precious children, precious husband, precious time, precious life.  Life is a precious gift, one that I hold near and dear and do not take for granted.  Folks, it IS GOOD TO BE ALIVE.

I am on a little mom/daughter date with my youngest today.  We went to breakfast, got rained on at the Farmers Market, snuggled under an umbrella, enjoyed 2 elevators in 2 parking garages (lil one loves elevators) and are now sitting in a coffee shop eating brownies and relaxing.  Precious moments.

On the way here, I heard a song in the car that is the perfect life theme song for me right now.  It puts all I am feeling into words.  I especially love part that says “I won’t take it (life) for granted, I won’t waste another second.  All I want is to give you a life well lived to say Thank You.”  Oh for the grace to make this continuously true in my life.

by Jason Grey
Hold on, is this really the life I am living?
‘Cause I don’t feel like I deserve it
Every day that I wake and every breath 
that I take you’ve given

Right here, right now 
while the sun is shining down

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
it’s good to be alive, yeah, yeah

Hold on if the life that we’ve been given
Is made beautiful in the living
And the joy that we get 
brings joy to the heart of the Giver

Then right here, right now
This is the song I’m singing out

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
it’s good to be alive
I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow
Love like I’m on borrowed time
it’s good to be alive, yeah

I won’t take it for granted
I won’t waste another second 
All I want is to give you
A life well lived to say, “Thank you”

 

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Love/ Music Renews

Something Beautiful


{Something Beautiful by Newsboys}

I heard this song in the car this morning, it is an oldie but goody.  It is a happy tune but this time I got a bit teary as I listened.

My niece is getting married in 2 days!  We may not be jumping up and down during the ceremony like in the above video, but it WILL be a celebration for sure!

I feel pretty sentimental about it, as I remember her dancing with me at my wedding (16 years ago!) during the dollar dance.  She told her mom “I want to dance with the princess.”  Aww.  Now it is her turn to be princess.

She has grown into a lovely young lady whom I admire much.  I am  thankful for her example to my 3 girls, they have always looked up to their “older girl cousin.”  I also admire her strength, as she has an autoimmune disorder that gives her pain and issues.  I learn from her, I watch her deal with her health hardships with bluntness and humor and I love it!

Hannah, you did good.  You got a great guy and you are going to make a beautiful bride and great wife. You have made this Aunt proud.  I love you!
__________

The song also made me think of all the beautiful things in this life that I have grown to have the eyes to see.  My eyes are especially open, due to my recent MRI test/scare & my Grandpa’s passing.

I love living!  I love life!  I love my family!

I see so much beauty everywhere:

~in my daughters eyelashes resting on her cheek while she sleeps

~in the sun reflection sparkle at the pool

~in elderly men, long time friends, greeting each other at the coffee shop

~in the lines at the sides of my husbands eyes that seem to twinkle when he smiles at me

So. Much. Beauty.

__________________

Something Beautiful by Newsboys

I wanna start it over 
I wanna start again 
I want a new a new beginning 
One without any end 
I feel it inside 
Calling out to me 

CHORUS 
It’s a voice that whispers my name 
It’s a kiss without any shame 
Something beautiful 
Like a song that stirs in my head 
Singing love will take us where 
Something’s beautiful 

I’ve heard it in the silence 
Seen it on a face 
I’ve felt it in a long hour 
Like a sweet embrace 
I know this is true 
It’s calling out to me 

CHORUS 
It’s a voice that whispers my name 
It’s a kiss without any shame 
Something beautiful 
Like a song that stirs in my head 
Singing love will take us where 
Something’s beautiful 

It’s the child on her wedding day 
It’s the daddy that gives her away–Father 
Something beautiful 
When we laugh so hard we cry 
It’s the love between you and I 
Something beautiful 

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Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

It Is No Coincidence & A Health Update

It is no coincidence that as I drive away from the familiar building, my radio is set to 89.9.

It is no coincidence that as tears drop down my face, out- of- the- blue large rain drops, the biggest I’ve seen, shower my windshield.  I imagine God-sized tears.  I know He feels with me.

The sky is grey and I’m trying not to be.  I pass an retirement center & a sad longing enters.  I want to grow old.  “Lord, I want to grow old!”

It is no coincidence that as that whisper leaves my lips that another enters my brain. “I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.”

The rain is intense, making it hard to see.  Should I brace myself for a storm?  I’m surprised how fear has been replaced with sadness.  That is not a coincidence, for God and I have done much work on fear.  Sadness seems easier. Calmer.  A relief, but not.

I drive just a couple more blocks.  The rain stops as suddenly as it came on.

The song on the radio catches my attention–the word “beloved,” for it is what my name means.  I’ve always loved the meaning of my name.

I listen intently, the words soothe & prepare.  I find the melody and the same words running through my head the next day, in weak moments.  I realize the song was given as a gift, its perfect words not a coincidence. I am determine to receive it. I lift my eyes and open my hands.

Almost home now, my eyes keep lifting.  I am searching for the rainbow, for it is still raining but the sun is shining.  I don’t find one, but I’ve seen God’s promise before, so I will keep my eyes lifted. What I find will be no coincidence.

And now, I’m home.

______________________

Health Update:

I went in for my ‘every 3 month’ checkup.  There is a thickening in the area that my tumor used to be.  Doc can also feel the same lymph node we have been watching.  Because I have had some burning sensations there (symptoms I presented with 2 years ago) and because my cancer margin was so close to the chest wall (1 mil.), she is going to be extra cautious with me.  The plan is to check it out with an MRI.  We need insurance to approve it first, so we won’t know anything for a week or two.

We are hoping it is just scar tissue.

I am doing fine with it. After my tears that I spoke of above, I really have felt ok and at peace.  Pretty used to this stuff, at least as used to it as I think I will get.  It is never comfortable, the wondering & ‘what-if’s’ but it is familiar and I’ve been through it before, and I have a great God who calls me Beloved!

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