Marriage Archives • Page 5 of 17 • New Nostalgia

How A Romance Novel Is Changing My Marriage

I am not one for romance novels. It has/had been years since I had read one. Recently I started reading a book that would fall under this category–and no, I am not gonna fess up to which book it is, because it really is not the type of reading I want to promote on this blog. So..don’t ask me what book it was, because I’m not telling!

Although it is not a book that I’m going to fess up to reading, I have to share with you how it has changed my thinking and is making my marriage stronger. God works in mysterious ways…huh?

The first and most important way that it is changing my marriage is that it has reminded me what a gift it is to be one with another human being on this earth. Two become one in a marriage and I forget what an amazing & ROMANTIC thing this is. I’m not just talking physical oneness, which in itself is amazing awesomeness, but emotional oneness. AND, I’m not just talking about the good emotions, either. What has hit me hard in my reading is how the main character learns the deepest and darkest of her lover and still loves him unconditionally. It has me thinking how amazing it is to be loved by my husband, someone who knows all my quirks, sees my bedhead, knows my hardest struggles & chooses to love me anyway. It has hit me hard what a gift it is to look at my man and realize I know him like no other knows him. I get to experience the whole of him, and reassure him that I am here for the long run, and that despite any bad, I see so much more good & I love him wholly. THAT is romantic. He is mine, all of him, the good and the bad. I am his, all of me, the good and the bad. We are one.

Another thing I have learned from this particular novel is how I need to lighten up. I take things way too seriously sometimes. I am sensitive and emotional. I get my feelings hurt easily. I am defensive. It is who I am naturally, but that does not mean I have to give into my emotions. I am learning that in order to embrace this gift of life I have been given, I need to grow up and not take everything so personally! I have found an easy way to do this is to follow the main characters’ lead in the novel. In the tense moments she flirts. Or makes a comment to lighten the mood. This is not about avoiding issues that need to be talked about, but it is about learning when to just let go, be silly, choose to trust our love & the fact that I am still loved despite how I might feel in the moment. I know my Todd is not going anywhere, I trust him completely, so why do I need to be defensive? It is a matter of protecting my heart. It comes down to fear and selfishness, both of which I need to let go. Sure, opening up my heart and being vulnerable might be a bit scary, but the opposite is no way to live in a marriage. I’d much rather flirt than fear.

Speaking of flirting…it really is fun. It is not something that should stop once you are comfortable and married. If anything, it should be more! This may take some “change-of-thought patterns” Flirting may feel a bit immature, but really when done right in the right moments, it is quite the mature and even a sophisticated thing to do. Oh wives, we have some power in this area. Let’s use it to strengthen our marriages and make them fun and exciting!

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Some examples of flirting that I have done in my marriage lately:

~In the middle of an argument, I drop my defenses. I smile, I remind that I love him, that he is my best friend, wink and suggest we use all this pent up emotion and energy in a more “productive” way.

~I’ve focused on the positive. Instead of dwelling on little quirks that might drive me crazy about Todd, I focus in on my most favorite things about him. The way he smells, (it is delish), his laugh, his deep voice on the phone, the way he snuggles our girls, his complex mind, his brain that is always thinking, the ways he puts our family first.

Drawing that says " I have a crush on your mind"

{source}

~Use the written word. Social media, texting & chatting makes it quite easy to send some words to let him know I am thinking about him. It takes seconds, and can set the tone for the whole day. What is fun is that you can set whatever tone you want…sweet, silly, alluring.

{source}

~Be purposeful. Keep him on my radar. Be aware of him when he walks in the room. Meet his eyes. Verbalize my attraction when I am feeling it, don’t just think it. Be brave with my words, say things that might make his jaw drop.

~Follow through. This one is important. Flirting is fun, but can be torture for a husband if there is no follow through. You know what I mean?

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{source}

I’ve have been putting my flirting to good use, and I recently was thanked by my Love for being grace-filled and forgiving. He is noticing that I am more willing to put down defenses and choose to love. What an amazing compliment.

Hearing this made me feel like a beautiful heroine with free-flowing hair blowing in wind, head tipped back and eyes closed..just like on the covers of those novels…

…ok, not really, but close.

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PS…I know marriage is not a walk in the park. I know women out there that need to be out of the marriages they are in because of how destructive they are, who have chosen to forgive to a fault. I know it is freakin’ hard sometimes. Todd and I have had our very hard times and through counseling and lots of hard work we are more in love than ever. Is it always easy? No…we recently worked at really hard issue that took awhile to get through, and we all know growth can be painful…but boy, forgiveness is powerful…and so is flirting :).

FAMILY/ Marriage/ Spiritual

Living New–A Series–My Marriage

~ my quest to be present in each moment,

learning from yesterday and living simply in the NEW!

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After 2 years of fighting cancer, I decided to change the tagline of this blog. Before, it was “My quest to recapture the simplicity of yesterday and apply it to today.” Well, that just does not cut it anymore. I still love simplicity, but I am no longer on a quest for it.

Instead, I am on a quest to LIVE!

To apply what I have learned from the past and remember that I have been made NEW!

To live new on a daily basis, in all those little moments that add up and create a simple and meaningful LIFE. Simplicity is a part of that, but only a piece.

This living new series will give you a glimpse into my heart as God continues to mold me and make me into the person He created me to be.

————-

So what has been going on in my heart recently? How have I been being made new?

Well, so many ways that it feels overwhelming to try to even try to share them with you, so instead of trying to share it all, I will break it down, hence the ongoing series!

The biggest change I feel God is making in my heart right now is in the area of my marriage.

I was at a retreat recently, and they have us write on a stone something that we would love to rid ourselves of. Or let go of. Or change. Whatever it was we thought was keeping us from living our best life that God calls us to.

In that moment, I asked God to reveal to me what it is that He want to change in me. A word that jumped into my brain was the word DISTRACTION.

I wrote the word down…a bit puzzled by it. I knew I would have more time to figure it out once I got home from the retreat…and I have.

Want to know what the speaker did with that basket of rocks? She took her children and they threw them one by one into a lake. Love the visual of that.

Since I have been home, I have pondered that word. The funny thing is life has been even more busy than normal this last week and I’ve tried to figure out this whole distraction word in the midst of it all.

I have found that it applies to many areas of my life. I am naturally sort of scatter- brained. Chemo certainly didn’t help that! Focus can be hard for me at times. A big way my word “distraction” plays out is when I am on the computer. Along with blogging comes emails, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram & Google Plus. Photo editing, cheering on my sponsors, & oh yeah…actually writing posts. It is so easy to get overwhelmed and distracted, even though I love every minute of it! I am working on prioritizing and finding ways to simplify it all.

Back to my marriage…oops…got distracted for a minute…

I came upon this graphic from Proverbs 31 ministries on Facebook. I love every tip they give, but the Day 3 tip really caught my eye.

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7 Days Of Marriage Tips

{via Proverbs 31 ministries}

{Day 1} Be the person you’d like to be married to. If you’d like a little more grace for your faults, give a little more grace for theirs. If you need more love and understanding, give more love and understanding to your spouse.

{Day 2} Nobody is perfect. Don’t let the world at large find out about your spouse’s imperfections via your mouth. “The heart of her husband trusts in her…” {Prov. 31:11}

{Day 3} Make it a point to give your spouse the best of you: the best of your smiles, the best of your touch, the best of your (good) attitude, the best of your laughter, the best of your words, etc. Don’t always bring them what’s left of you after the world has drained you.

{Day 4} : Greet your spouse with a kiss. It’s a mood enhancer. Science says touch releases endorphins, so you begin to associate seeing your spouse with a pleasant feeling. And you can’t say anything you’ll regret when your lips otherwise occupied. Voila! Mood enhanced!

{Day 5) : Be intentional. Every day, look for a way to bless your spouse either secretly or openly. A thankful, giving heart will repulse the weeds of blame and discontent.

{Day 6} : Love “Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” {1 Cor. 13} Choose to believe the best about your spouse, even when they aren’t communicating well. Sometimes it is hard to find the right words to express yourself. Some folks find it hard to communicate with words at all. Grace, grace.

{Day 7} Keep in mind that time affects all of us and no one remains the same as we were when dating. Life’s circumstances can make us lose our sense of humor, change us physically, act less romantic, etc. Take some time to find those two people who fell in love and reconnect. (Trust me, they’re still in there somewhere.)

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Hmm…give my spouse the best of me. He SO has not had that lately. I naturally wanted to fall back on all kinds of excuses of why I have been distracted. Recent scans, reactions to medications, my first speaking gig, company from out of town, a growing website. Oh yes, there are all kind of things that have kept me from giving my best, and often times life brings circumstances where it feels close to impossible to have anything left to give.

But, if I am honest with myself, despite these circumstances I could do a much better job, by letting go of distractions and focusing in on what is most important. This wonderful man that I call husband doesn’t need much. He has made it clear to me what makes him feel loved and cared for and it really doesn’t take much. There are a couple areas in our marriage (money) that take more effort and communication on my part, but for the most part he is a very easy man to love. I got a good one. No, he is not perfect. Yes, we can drive each other nuts sometime. But…he is mine. He is a gift given from above and one that I want to take care of with the best of me, not with my leftovers.

If you are struggling in your marriage, can I encourage you to find a couple trusted girlfriends who will pray with you about it? I did just that recently, and I cannot tell you how much God used their words. I was encouraged to COMMUNICATE my fears with my husband. I was told to LISTEN, I was told to have EMPATHY. I was told that if I do these things with a listening, empathetic heart that communication would come much more easily. To do these things means to put down defenses and put another above yourself. I found that I can be empathetic and listen, while still being brave and honest with my own feelings. When defenses are down, words and hearts can be heard.

5 Minute Fridays/ Love/ Spiritual

Five Minute Friday–Friend

Five minutes to write: Friend

Write–don’t edit–just 5 minutes to be in the moment–

My cheeks feel sticky and stiff from recent morning tears. My spirit feels crushed by a piece of paper that puts my failure front and center.

And then I come to 5 Minute Fridays, & see the word. Friend.

I am one who always has some sort of song running through my brain. God uses song so often to whisper His words of truth, especially the ones I need to hear on repeat.

“What A Friend We Have In Jesus” An old hymn that I have not heard in years pops into my brain as I read the word– Friend.

And now it is on repeat in my brain. And it will be all day. Because that is the type of Friend He is.

“All our sins and griefs to bear”

He is a perfect friend who knows it all, gets it all, sees it all & holds it all together for our good. He will bear my grief.

“Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless shame we bear. All because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer.”

I want to unload this needless shame, even as one consistently shames me. I want peace.

I will carry it to my Friend, in prayer.

{Click here for this free 8×10 printable via Nurse Loves Farmer}

Joining my friend, Lisa-Jo at Five Minute Friday

Love/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

YOU ARE LOVED.

{source}

I have few words today, but I cannot get the below song out of my head and had to share it with you.

I want you to know that I believe that God loves you right here, right now, JUST AS YOU ARE, no matter what.

As the song says, HIS AFFECTIONS FOR US ARE GREAT.

Just wanted you to know that today!

If grace is an ocean then we are all sinking

{source}

FAMILY/ Marriage

Correct Priorities – Serving Your Spouse

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living. At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

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Correct Priority #4 – Social Health-Spouse

(click here for outline of Correct Priorities)

Goal – February 2013

Show love to my wife through a purposeful act of service. Specifically this means taking full responsibility for upkeep of the basement. Areas of focus include:

Making sure it is always picked up.

Vacuuming once a week.

Getting rid of the NordicTrack exercise equipment that is broken and hasn’t been used in years.

Getting rid of our old big screen TV taking up space in the back corner of the basement.

Getting rid of my copy machine taking up space in the back corner of the basement.

Organizing the back corner of the basement currently filled with various random items.

Thoughts

Our home is important to Amy. She works very hard at making our house a home where our family and others feel comfortable, peaceful, and content.

And she has done a darn good job. I love being at home. Our girls love being at home. We are all home bodies. And a primary reason we love being home is the comfortable atmosphere Amy has worked so hard to create.

I know it drives Amy crazy to walk down the stairs and see my stuff strewn all over the basement table and floor. In thirty seconds I can turn the space she worked so hard to organize into a disaster area.

So it is time for me to step up and take responsibility for keeping the basement picked up. I spend the most time there. I have turned the basement into my personal man-cave.

I know I’m not up to tackling this project all at once so I broke it into several smaller goals that are more achievable.

I’m also not committing yet to a specific starting date. At this point I am only committing this goal to paper. But committing it to paper is a significant step as it will greet me each week until I act on it.

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Amy’s Thoughts:

“I felt so touched reading this post. I noticed the basement had been looking very picked up the last few weeks. I also would feel almost giddy when I would hear the vacuum in the basement running, knowing my man was vacuuming (there is NOTHING like a man who vacuums!). To know he has more goals set in the area of serving me as his wife makes me feel very loved and thankful. It also motivates me to check myself and think about how it is that I am purposefully serving him.”

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Purposeful Living

Goal Setting & Reflection-February 2013

Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

Love/ Spiritual/ Valentine's Day

A Valentine From New Nostalgia

For the above graphic to make sense, please CLICK HERE to listen.

It is a song. It is the song “Times” By Tenth Avenue North. This song alone gives me chills, especially the end. But the version linked above was one that I had never heard and was played by KLOVE. I was listening in my car and had to pull over as I was listening…it touched me so. It is words of love from the very best Valentine…the God of this Universe. I just had to share it with all of you.

Happy Valentine’s Day from me to you!

Here is a video I share every year at Valentines day. It is called “The Father’s Love Letter” and it is full of scripture truths that God says about us. They use portions of it in the song linked above, but here is the video in its entirety. Enjoy!

FAMILY/ Kids/Family/ Leaving A Legacy/ Love/ Parenting/ Spiritual

Leaving A Legacy For My 3 Girls – Whiter Than Snow

As a 2-time cancer survivor, I look at life with tangible knowledge that life could end at any given moment. None of us know how long we have here on this earth. This legacy series to my 3 girls…my lovelies… is my way of attempting to leave a legacy for them. To speak of what is most important for them to know from me, their forever Mom.

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Hello Lovelies,
It is a January snow day today and you 3 are just thrilled! It is 11:30 and we are all still in our jammies. You are all having fun on your iPods & I’m just sitting here thinking about what it is I want to tell you.

I will keep it short and simple.

The snow is beautiful outside, everything covered in white. I think of just yesterday when I stepped in mud on our walkway, tracking it all the way up our stairs, spreading the mess. Everything was brown, grass dead.

It seems like I just blinked, and woke up to all the mess now covered in pure white. It is so beautiful. I know when it melts the mud and gunk will be washed away, and the dead grass will be nourished to spring green again, come spring.

And it reminds me.

This is what Jesus does for us. He takes our mess, washes it clean on the cross, makes us pure white and new. Gives us life.

It is so easy to get stuck in our mess and forget that we have been washed clean. HE SEES US CLEAN. Our mess is removed “as far as the east is from the west.”

God sees us, covered in white by His Son. Pure.

Next time you are down on yourself, feeling funky & a mess, remember how your Creator sees you!

All sparkly white and made NEW!

I Love You More’n,
MOM

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