FAMILY/ Kids/Family/ Love/ Marriage

How A Romance Novel Is Changing My Marriage

Woman kissing man on the cheek

I am not one for romance novels.  It has/had been years since I had read one.  Recently I started reading a book that would fall under this category–and no, I am not gonna fess up to which book it is, because it really is not the type of reading I want to promote on this blog.  So..don’t ask me what book it was, because I’m not telling!

Although it is not a book that I’m going to fess up to reading, I have to share with you how it has changed my thinking and is making my marriage stronger.  God works in mysterious ways…huh?

The first and most important way that it is changing my marriage is that it has reminded me what a gift it is to be one with another human being on this earth.  Two become one in a marriage and I forget what an amazing & ROMANTIC thing this is.  I’m not just talking physical oneness, which in itself is amazing awesomeness, but emotional oneness.  AND, I’m not just talking about the good emotions, either.  What has hit me hard in my reading is how the main character learns the deepest and darkest of her lover and still loves him unconditionally.  It has me thinking how amazing it is to be loved by my husband, someone who knows all my quirks, sees my bedhead, knows my hardest struggles & chooses to love me anyway.  It has hit me hard what a gift it is to look at my man and realize I know him like no other knows him.  I get to experience the whole of him, and reassure him that I am here for the long run, and that despite any bad, I see so much more good & I love him wholly. THAT is romantic.  He is mine, all of him, the good and the bad.  I am his, all of me, the good and the bad. We are one.  

Another thing I have learned from this particular novel is how I need to lighten up.  I take things way too seriously sometimes.  I am sensitive and emotional.  I get my feelings hurt easily.  I am defensive.  It is who I am naturally, but that does not mean I have to give into my emotions.  I am learning that in order to embrace this gift of life I have been given, I need to grow up and not take everything so personally!  I have found an easy way to do this is to follow the main characters’ lead in the novel. In the tense moments she flirts.  Or makes a comment to lighten the mood.  This is not about avoiding issues that need to be talked about, but it is about learning when to just let go, be silly, choose to trust our love & the fact that I am still loved despite how I might feel in the moment.  I know my Todd is not going anywhere, I trust him completely, so why do I need to be defensive? It is a matter of protecting my heart. It comes down to fear and selfishness, both of which I need to let go.  Sure, opening up my heart and being vulnerable might be a bit scary, but the opposite is no way to live in a marriage.  I’d much rather flirt than fear.

Speaking of flirting…it really is fun. It is not something that should stop once you are comfortable and married.  If anything, it should be more!  This may take some “change-of-thought patterns”  Flirting may feel a bit immature, but really when done right in the right moments, it is quite the mature and even a sophisticated thing to do.  Oh wives, we have some power in this area.  Let’s use it to strengthen our marriages and make them fun and exciting!


Some examples of flirting that I have done in my marriage lately:

~In the middle of an argument, I drop my defenses.  I smile, I remind that I love him, that he is my best friend, wink and suggest we use all this pent up emotion and energy in a more “productive” way.

~I’ve focused on the positive.  Instead of dwelling on little quirks that might drive me crazy about Todd, I focus in on my most favorite things about him.  The way he smells, (it is delish), his laugh, his deep voice on the phone, the way he snuggles our girls, his complex mind, his brain that is always thinking, the ways he puts our family first.

Drawing that says " I have a crush on your mind"

~Use the written word.  Social media, texting & chatting makes it quite easy to send some words to let him know I am thinking about him.  It takes seconds, and can set the tone for the whole day.  What is fun is that you can set whatever tone you want…sweet, silly, alluring.

But seriously lets make out pillow

~Be purposeful.  Keep him on my radar.  Be aware of him when he walks in the room.  Meet his eyes. Verbalize my attraction when I am feeling it, don’t just think it.  Be brave with my words, say things that might make his jaw drop.

~Follow through.  This one is important. Flirting is fun, but can be torture for a husband if there is no follow through.  You know what I mean?


Ring that spells out "love"

I’ve have been putting my flirting to good use, and I recently was thanked by my Love for being grace-filled and forgiving. He is noticing that I am more willing to put down defenses and choose to love.  What an amazing compliment.

Hearing this made me feel like a beautiful heroine with free-flowing hair blowing in wind, head tipped back and eyes closed..just like on the covers of those novels…

…ok, not really, but close.

PS…I know marriage is not a walk in the park. I know women out there that need to be out of the marriages they are in because of how destructive they are, who have chosen to forgive to a fault. I know it is freakin’ hard sometimes.  Todd and I have had our very hard times and through counseling and lots of hard work we are more in love than ever.  Is it always easy?  No…we recently worked at really hard issue that took awhile to get through, and we all know growth can be painful…but boy, forgiveness is powerful…and so is flirting :).

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  • colorchic
    July 27, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    I so enjoyed reading your post today and appreciate the reminder of all that makes marriage wonderful, especially when the other loves us unconditionally! You have a great way with words, making it easy to relate… Thank You!

  • Anonymous
    July 26, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    Great post, thanks for sharing!
    – Katie

  • Ali @craftyWImama
    July 26, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    I agree with you on so much of this! After my son was born, a certain series of steamy books became popular. I had ample time on my hands, and usually read while nursing. It was a great way to find that spark again.

  • Kathy
    July 26, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Amen! What a great post! I read every day but rarely comment and this is just a fantastic post. I recently read a similar book *wink* and I found the same thing – in fact it made me desire my husband MORE. Congrats on a wonderful marriage! =)

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