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Emotional Health

5 Minute Fridays/ Emotional Health/ Love/ Spiritual

My Hands In His Hands

MY HANDS-IN-His-Hands

{participating in 5 Minute Friday-write for 5 minutes, with a prompt.  Unscripted. Unedited. Real.}

Prompt–Hands.

Go:

——

I look at my hands and  see my mom’s hands.  I smile, I always thought she had the most beautiful of hands.

I think of all that has touched my hands…the things my hands have touched.

My little girl hands, holding a favorite Holly Hobby doll

My big sister hands, taking care of my little brother and little sisters, playing real house  while Mom has an outing.

My teenage hands, holding on to a boy’s for the first time & the thrill.

Hands in hair, I learn cosmetology.

Hands in chemicals everyday, I wonder if it contributed to my cancer.

Both my hands, holding his while dressed in white, saying vows.

The way his suit felt under my hand during our first dance as newlyweds. I’ll never forget that feeling of bliss.

His face, my hands feel the 5 o’clock shadow forming, I love this handsome husband of mine.

Her hands, our first-born, so premature tiny & perfect…attached to all 5 pounds of her.

My middle girl, her hands blue, shows the trauma of her birth.

The birth of my Avery, my Grandma Thelma’s soft hands on my arm while in active labor, her most precious prayer “May God be gracious to you, may His face shine upon you, and give you peace.”

Baby Avery hands, held by mine through an incubator,  fear – filled moments, yet peace.

My hands balled in fists, doing battle with God, leaning that pain grows me.

Hands lifted in praise to my Savior, how can I keep from singing and shouting His name?

Wringing in anxiety, these hands.

Hands making and serving food, my favorite way to love my family.

Fingers moving, typing, this dream job of mine called a blog.

Hands numb from the shock of a cancer diagnosis.

Tissues in hands, wiping away tears.

Hands can’t move, chemo lays heavy.

Top of hands bruised from multiple I.V. tries. It is surgery time.

Feeling for lumps and bumps, fingers roaming, wondering often if it is really over.

Date nights, always holding hands, high heels make me the perfect height to hold comfortably.

Her hands now anxious, mine learned and is learning release.  I work again to keep them open, for she belongs to Him.

Lying in bed, the heat of his body next to mine,my hand reaches out and find familiar.  Flesh of my flesh.

These life moments my hands have touched– have touched my hands– all the while in God’s.

His hands?  He’s got it all….  for He’s got the whole world in His hands!

———

Stop.

 

Emotional Health/ Kids/Family/ Parenting

Going There — Mental Illness

MENTAL-ILLNESS

May is mental illness month, and I couldn’t be more pleased about that. I’ve been wanting to write this post all month–leave it to me to procrastinate until the very end of the month!

Mental illness has become a subject that I have become passionate about.  I am passionate about awareness.  I am ready to join the brave voices already talking about it.

Where does this passion come from?  I myself have fought an anxiety disorder for years, and for way too long– especially in the evangelical community that I identify myself with– it has been something that is not talked about very openly  Until now.

I see a movement.  I see people getting real with others, opening up about pain and sickness in their lives.  I see people finding hope and healing in these conversations that are taking place, and I want to be a part of that.  I have been part of that at some women’s conferences I have spoken at, and these said moments are some of the most meaningful of my whole life.  Women opening up, exposing their struggle or the struggle of their loved ones, finding hope in each others stories, & trading tried and true ways to get through the many obstacles mental illness creates.

It is about time there is more openness on the subject. Here is why, from Time.com:

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 60 million Americans experience a mental health condition every year – that’s one in four adults and one in ten children. People of every race, age, religion or economic status are affected. Whether we are aware of it or not, we all know someone who is living with some form of mental illness.

My passion also comes from watching some of my closest family and friends suffer.  Some in silence. Some publicly. Some sharing with only the closest of friends. Some too young to even know there is a stigma associated with the label of mental illness– quite frankly–these young ones are the bravest and most inspiring.  A young teen, one so dear to my heart, who in a matter-of-fact way says “I have bi-polar, but I’m learning how to live with it.  It does not define me.”  Words of truth from the mouth of babes.

I will get into my own journey with an anxiety disorder in coming posts, but for today, I want to address those of us who are called the Church.

Pastor Rick Warren, who lost his precious son to the disease of depression & suicide, was recently on The View.  I set my DVR to record it, as I was very interested in what he had to say and I know he shares this passion of mine to help the church see we are missing the boat when it comes to caring well for those who suffer with mental illness.  I hung on ever word of his.

Here is the entire segment from ABC.  Pastor Warren and his wife talk about marriage, which really is priceless {grin–you gotta watch it to get that comment} and towards the end he talks about his son’ mental health, and how the evangelical community needs to do a better job at loving and understanding those who are suffering.

Here are some of my favorite things Rick Warren has said:

“There is no shame in diabetes, there is no shame in high blood pressure, but why is it that if our brains stop working, there is supposed to be shame in that?” said Warren, who said the family kept Matthew’s illness a secret from the public not because of shame, but “because it was his own story to tell.”

“There’s no shame when any other organ in your body fails, so why do we feel shame if our brain is broken?”

“If a bird falls and breaks its wing, we don’t say to it,””read your Bible and pray until you get better”” no, we fix its wing”

‘It’s OK. I’m not OK, you’re not OK, but that’s OK because God’s OK.’”

And these heartbreaking words about their son:

“Our hilariously funny, immensely creative, intensely compassionate son struggled to make sense of his life and the mental pain he was experiencing. His anguish was our anguish,” Rick and Kay Warren wrote in a recent Time op-ed. “On April 5, 2013, impulse met opportunity in a tragic way. Our beautiful son ran into the unforgiving wall of mental illness for the last time.”

Mental illness is a complicated matter, but it is a matter that needs to be talked about.  There are too many suffering, especially our young people, with parents at their wits end not knowing what the best decision is for their children.  An estimated 20 percent of U.S. teenagers have some mental-health irregularity, including 10 percent who have some behavior or conduct disorder, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.  If there is history of mental illness in both sides of the family, the chances of  children suffering is multiplied and extremely high.  Genetics plays a huge part, as does trauma, which means this subject is not going away, and we must keep talking about it.  

Survey results from the Southern Baptist-affiliated nonprofit Lifeway Research, released in September, found that close to half of evangelical, fundamentalist and born-again Christians believe prayer and Bible study alone can solve mental illness. Among Americans as a whole, about one in three shared that view. Nevertheless, 68 percent of Americans said they believed they would be welcome in church if they were mentally ill.

“It’s just not the case that faith or religious belief will inoculate or immunize a person against mental illness,” said Aaron Kheriaty “We want to convince Christians that psychiatrists, religious leaders and mental health advocates, all of us can work hand in hand.”

I personally suffered way too long without the medication I needed due to well-meaning advice from others–  “Have more faith” “Be obedient to Christ, read the Bible more & pray more” ” “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, goodness, & self-control, submit to the spirit” “No meds unless you absolutely cannot get out of bed (I had anxiety, not depression.  I was always able to get out of bed, but walked around sick.)  “The pharmaceutical companies are corrupt, don’t take meds, they don’t work” –all of these things and more were said to me.  I am so thankful I was able to work out details, think clear enough for myself & along with God’s direction (can’t wait to tell you the story of this) of what medication my body needed to make me able to be who God created me to be.  My true self.

I am eager to write more on this topic in coming posts.

What are your thoughts?  Do you know someone with mental illness? How do you feel the church is doing with those who are suffering with mental illness?

 

Emotional Health/ FAMILY/ HOME/ Organizing/ Parenting/ Simplifying

Morning Routine For a Work at Home Mom

I’m a huge fan of Amy’s daily routine posts, and because of that have wanted to share my own morning routine with you all. It’s just me and the kiddo right now, and I’m very lucky that she’s so helpful in the mornings and understands the importance of getting everything ready to go!

6:00: Both alarms go off: mine in my room, and kiddo’s in hers.
6:01: I use the toilet and then go to the kitchen to drink a full glass of water. I read about this in French Women Don’t Get Fat. Not sure if it’s kept me from gaining any weight, but it can’t hurt.
Rock balancing

 

6:05-6:35: While my fashion-conscious ninth-grader does her bathroom routine, I roll out my yoga mat and perform the Five Essential Asanas. Kiddo’s going to get a full round of gym and soccer practice today, but I need to find ways to squeeze in my own exercises. These asanas are specifically designed to stretch the entire body, which is something I appreciate more and more every year. I get one full-length yoga class on Saturdays, but this quick daily practice is enough to keep me flexible and centered between sessions.
6:35-6:45: My turn in the bathroom. I don’t take very long. I have a wash-and-go pixie cut and have long learned that at my age, I look better with very little makeup. I tend to rock a moisturizing wrinkle cream with sunscreen and Retin-A, and just a bit of colored, flavored lip gloss. Yes, I am a grown woman who still buys Bonne Bell. Some things never change.
6:45-7:00: Breakfast time! It’s nearly always cereal and fruit. We save complicated breakfasts like pancakes and eggs for the weekend. Kiddo is trying to get me hooked on eating yogurt with my cereal, which is something she picked up while on a choir trip to London last year. I don’t like eating that much food in the morning, so I tend to stick to my usual skim milk. Cereal also means very few dishes: we clear up our bowls and spoons and put them straight into the dishwasher.
7:00-7:05: Time for us to grab our bags and go. I recently invested in a new briefcase to carry my laptop, client material and electronic chargers (one each for the laptop, smartphone and Kindle). Having a professional-looking briefcase helps me take myself seriously even during a long day of insane client requests.
7:05-7:30: We have to be in the car to make it to kiddo’s 7:30 high school start time. I am going to be so glad when she is old enough to drive herself, but at the same time I’m already worried – I’ve seen the research about teens and sleep, and how changing melatonin levels mean she won’t be fully awake until 9:00 or so. Even right now she falls asleep in the car at least two or three times a week – but carefully, so she doesn’t mess up her hair! 
Cup of coffee
 

7:30-7:45: After dropping kiddo off at the high school, it’s time for me to hit the coffee shop. My favorite local joint has comfortable chairs, super-fast wifi and the best cappuccino in town. I open my laptop, check my email and get ready to face my clients. Yes, I’m a “work at home” mom, but that doesn’t mean I have to do all my work from my house! 

As much as I wish my daughter had a later HS start time, part of me is really glad that I get to start my day so early. Since I need to be ready to pick her up at 3:00, it’s good that I get a full seven hours of work before it’s time to start the evening rush. Between soccer, church choir, play practice and homework, we’re on the go until at least 9:00 p.m. – but I’ll have to save our evening routine for another post!
———-
Christina Moore
Christina Moore is a freelance writer, and stay-at-home Mom in San Diego, CA. She is enjoys staying fit with weekly yoga sessions, running along the beach.
*consideration was received for the editing and publishing of this article
Emotional Health/ FAMILY

Goal Setting & Reflection-November 2012 – Purposeful Living


These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.


If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.


Correct Priority #1 – Spiritual Health

Goal – November 10, 2012Deepen my prayer life by turning off the radio and praying during my ten minute drive to work in the morning.  Focus on specific elements of prayer:

Praise


Confession


Waiting

Petition – Myself 


Intercession – Others 


Thanksgiving   


Thoughts

For years when I was teaching I used my morning drive to school to pray.  But since moving to Lincoln and starting a new job a few years ago I have gotten away from this.  My prayer life has not been nearly as consistent or rich as it used to be.  Praying in the car is a great use of time and is something I need to bring back.  

Correct Priority #1 – Spiritual Health 

Goal – November 10, 2012

Deepen my prayer life by developing ways to improve specific elements of my prayer life.  Specific elements I want to focus on are listed below.



Praise – Find a comprehensive list of attributes of God and pray through this list.

Waiting – Identify a few simple praise songs that I can sing silently to God during this portion of my prayer time.

Intercession – Develop a written list of people I want to pray for.  Maybe even break it down according to days of the week. 

Thoughts
I tend to pray for the same people and things each day.  I want to become more purposeful with my prayer time. 

Correct Priority #1 – Spiritual Health 
Goal – November 10, 2012
Be purposeful about finding life giving Christian music and adding these songs to my ipod playlist.  

Thoughts


Correct Priority #1 – Spiritual Health 

I don’t listen to a lot of Christian music.  I don’t listen to music much at all, but when I do I like my techno.  Mostly I listen to talk radio.  But I do want to balance what I listen to with music that glorifies my Father.  I need to find a way to stay connected enough to contemporary Christian music to always have a few songs that are moving to me and remind me of what is most important.  

Goal – November 10, 2012
I need to always be reading one life giving book focused on growing in my relationship with God.  Specifically, I need to develop a process for identifying great books to read.  

Thoughts
I’ve been reading through the entire Bible over the last couple of years which has been a great use of my time.  But I also want to supplement that reading with literature focused on nurturing my personal relationship with Him.  


Correct Priority #4 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Spouse  

Goal – November 10, 2012
Read and discuss two chapters of The Five Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman with Amy every weekend through the end of the year in order to finish the book.

Thoughts
I had a goal to discuss one chapter of this book with Amy on every date night and unfortunately this did not happen.  But we still need to finish this book before the end of the year so that is what we are going to do.  

Correct Priority #4 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Spouse 
Goal – November 10, 2012
Plan a 2013 cruise vacation for Amy & myself. 

Thoughts
I had the most amazing time on our family trip to Disney this year.  So much so, that I am ready to begin planning another vacation.  A big family vacation is out of the question as I will be paying off Disney for at least another year.  But a cruise for Amy & I may be doable.  Amy has been talking about wanting to do another cruise since our honeymoon and it would be a ton of fun.  And I am hoping it can also be affordable.  A very preliminary look at cruise prices suggests to me that we could do a 5-day cruise for a reasonable price.  We still may not be able to afford it, but it is worth looking into.  

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Spiritual Health) 

Goal – November 10, 2012
Develop a detailed family spiritual plan to better ground my three girls in God’s word.  Specific elements of this plan include the items listed below. 

  • Identify a book that can be read and discussed as a family over dinner.
  • Identify appropriate Bible study materials for a once-a-week family Bible study time. 
  • Identify an appropriate time when we can discuss Bible trivia as a family.
  • Develop a plan for grounding our girls in Biblical apologetics. 
  • Develop a plan for grounding our girls in Christian music that they really like. 
  • Identify devotional books for each girl for them to read each evening before bed.
  • Develop a plan to help each girl identify Christian books to read.  
  • Identify and purchase new Bibles for Teagan and Colsie now that they are teenagers.  

Thoughts
I spent a great deal of time over the past year planning our family Florida vacation.  This planning paid off with an amazing trip.  It may have been the best two weeks of my life.  


But in the process of planning this vacation I neglected many other things, including being a good parent.  I have been convicted since returning from out trip that I need to dedicate more time and do a better job in a variety of areas that are far more important that vacation.  


One area in which I know I need to improve is being the spiritual leader of our home and doing what I can to better ground my girls in their faith.  Each time they step out of our home they enter a world where many despise the gospel of Jesus Christ.  They enter a world that is hostile to God’s word.  

When my children our older they will have to decide for themselves what they believe.  But there is zero chance I will stay silent while they are bombarded with messages contrary to what God wants for them every day of their life.  

My first responsibility is to model for them what it means to live a Godly life and be sensitive to His will.  My next responsibility is to make sure they know what is true and right.  I will not ignore either of these responsibilities.    

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Emotional Health) 
Goal – November 10, 2012
Help Teagan deepen her knowledge about how to effectively run a business.

  • Identify a small business book that we can read and discuss together. 
  • Identify a small business owner of a similar business for Teagan to interview. 

Thoughts
Teagan desires to continue growing her Twisted Tape business.  Amy has done a great job helping Teagan with the mechanics of starting this business.  Teagan has asked me to help her grow in her understanding of how to run an effective business. 

{Duct Tape Rings by Twisted Tape}

I am definitely not an expert in business and/or sales.  But I am a learner and know how to go about deepening my knowledge of subject matter I am interested in. 


I am going to first help Teagan by finding a an appropriate book for us to read and discuss.  Whether the book is related to growing a business or more specific to being an effective salesperson, I want to find something that will be of genuine help to her to support her in this project. 

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Emotional Health) 
Goal – November 10, 2012
Develop and implement clear behavior consequences for my three girls when they choose to misbehave.  

Thoughts
At the beginning of this year I set a goal to develop a comprehensive chart and chore system.  I have completed this goal and will be posting details about this system hopefully soon. 

The effective chart system has eliminated many behavior problems, but not all of them.  The final step is to put in place appropriate consequences to address remaining misbehavior.  I have some good initial ideas on what to do and I am excited to begin this process.  



Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Emotional Health) 
Goal – November 10, 2012
Develop bedtime discussion topics.

Thoughts
Bedtime is potentially such a valuable time to connect with my girls.  Praying with them is a great bedtime routine, but I want to take it further by taking advantage of this time alone with them to talk and get to know them better. 

I don’t want to assume that they are always okay.  I want to be aware of the things they are struggling with and offer encouragement and advice if possible. 

By developing a list of topics and simple questions I think it opens up opportunities to both deepen my relationship with my girls and also play a small mentoring role as they make their way through life. 

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Mental Health-Scolarship) 
Goal – November 10, 2012
Discuss with Amy and develop a plan to increase the amount of time our girls spend reading. 

Thoughts
Our girls have always been okay readers.  They read enough that I never thought much about it or thought I had to do anything about it.  But recently I have noticed they aren’t doing a lot of reading.  Instead they are spending all their time on their iPods or Kindles playing games or watching Netflix.  

I am thinking it may be time for Amy and I to parent a bit in this area.  We may need to limit the time they spend on screens and increase the amount of time they spend in books.  I don’t have anything specific in mind right now.  Hopefully Amy & I can figure this out when we talk about it.    


Foundation Post
Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts
Purposeful Living Outline

Emotional Health/ Music Renews

In My Head and On My Ipod While Running

inspire

I’ve been running.
I used to DESPISE running.  It hurt.  It hurt my lungs and it hurt my body!
But, now I’m starting to get it.  I’m starting to figure out why those who run love to run.  I have found that as I have stuck it out and my body has adjusted, that it feels GOOD to run.  It is fast and freeing!
I started out very slow.  I would jog to get my heart rate up, then just walk fast, until I found my heart rate going down, then I would jog again to get it back up.  After treatment last year that it didn’t take much to get my heart rate up, and it has taken a long time for me to be able to run and feel good instead of make me feel faintish & like my lungs were going to explode.
I still hesitate to call myself a runner.  I’m not ready to commit to that title, and I still cheat quite a bit.  We have hills in our neighborhood, so I walk up the block, and run down it, then walk up the next block and run down it.  But boy, when I AM running, it just feels SO GOOD to be able to MOVE and feel alive.
The last 2 times I ran, I had my ipod on shuffle, and BOTH TIMES it started on the song, You Are Everything by Matthew West.  It’s not the best song to run to, a bit slow, but the lyrics sure made me smile, especially this part: 
And I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

It is a pretty inspiring lyric to listen to as blood is pumping and feet are going and breath is loud and real and alive.  Maybe that is why I have fallen so hard for running, the feeling of being “alive.”  Not just alive internally, which I always felt even when sick and weak because of my Jesus, but to also experience it in such a physical way–pretty awesome.

Right after that song, on came Pink, and a song that brought tears for me called ‘Who Knew.’  It is probably about a couple who broke up, but the lyrics made me think of some of the emotions my Todd might feel if I didn’t make it out of my cancer battle.  
These thoughts happen once in awhile, I am a changed person and thoughts of eternity and ‘what if’s’ just happen naturally.  It is not a bad thing anymore.  Not a fearful thing.  It keeps life in prospective so I think it is a healthy thing.  After a year and a half of being confronted by death, I am prepared for death, for a life of eternity with my Saviour, but I sure don’t want to leave the ones I love.  My sorrow would come from knowing the hurt and sadness it would cause those I love.  This song reflected those thoughts and made me run harder, pursuing health for my family.  They are my motivation to run.
Some of ‘Who Knew’ from Pink:

I’ll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
And I won’t forget you my friend
What happened?

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong

And that last kiss I’ll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember

But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?

That song ends, and I’m running down the hill at dusk, with tears running.  I wipe them away and I find myself admiring but distracted by the pink sky.  I think it is funny to look at pink while listening to Pink. Between distraction of beauty and tears, I hope I don’t hit a bump and tumble. 


The song below comes on. It is by Muse, called  Supermassive Black Hole, and then– I REALLY got my run on, throwing caution to the wind.  I felt like I was a vampire being chased by a werewolf, or maybe a vampire playing baseball?  No, I’m not admitting to being a Twilight fan.  At all.  But I DID get my run on…and controlled my urge to howl.



That song ends, and I am almost home.  I turn off my ipod, take out my earphones, and just listen to the sounds of creation.  It is a quiet beautiful.  My breath and heart beat join in, and I worship my Creator, and whisper heard words.

I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart 



———————–

Matthew West
You Are Everything

I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime

Where would I be without someone to save me?
Someone who won’t let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is every day is filled with hope
‘Cause You are everything that I breathe for
And I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart 

I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I’d ever care to confess
But You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hangin’ up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You

Cancer Journey/ Emotional Health/ HEALTH

Finding Balance While Dealing With Cancer

Photo-D Sharon Pruitt


Balance in my life and in the lives of others is my goal, my passion and my prayer.

How do you find balance when Mom has cancer?  Do “Balance” and “Cancer” create an oxymoron?
It all depends on your outlook and perspective.  The first thing that you need to understand is that when dealing with cancer, you are playing a completely different ‘game’ than you are during other parts of your life.
I’ll use a football analogy to illustrate my point.
Let’s use the example of a football team, who only knew the game of football and had only played on a football field.  Suddenly, some large hand comes down from the sky, picks up the team and places them on a tennis court.  With this change came no warning, no time to learn tennis, different boundary lines, rules that are unfamiliar along with complete and total shock.
This is what a cancer diagnosis is like.
Families affected by cancer are taken from the familiar and placed into a world that is completely unfamiliar.  Life very quickly goes from “What’s for dinner tonight, honey?” to “Are you feeling nauseous from the chemo, babe?”. 
Prescription bottles are sprinkled around the home now, paraphernalia from the hospital is strewn across the once-made bed, and an air of ‘fear of the unknown’ paints itself across the family member’s faces.
Reflecting back about 7 years ago, our oldest daughter was suddenly diagnosed with pericarditis, swelling of the pericardium or the lining of the heart.  This was a life-threatening condition.  She was only 16 years old at the time, as well as only one of a handful of adolescents to ever be diagnosed with this condition.  A low-grade fever accompanied mild pain when we made way to the emergency room.  Next thing we knew, she was being rushed to Cincinnati Children’s.  A world-renown thorasic team was our best hope for saving our child’s life, as she ‘flat-lined’ two times before the week was over.
It came on like a tsunami…no warning, no symptoms to speak of, nothing.  Yet, we found ourselves running back and forth between Dayton and Cincinnati, wondering if we would be able to bring our daughter home ever again, for 17 days.  It was hell…absolute hell, to be in a high-stress crisis situation for 17 days straight, with 4 other very small children (one of them nursing) at home.  It’s a time of our family’s history that none of us will ever forget.
On day 18, she came home and required home health care.  She was pale, sick, weak and required full-time attention.  This went on for a few months until she finally was able to resume some studies.  That Christmas was a very sobering one as we knew she was lucky to be alive.
Unlike cancer, our medical crisis was much more short lived.  However, like cancer, our world was turned up-side down.  We were completely unprepared to deal with what was ahead of us.  Crisis puts us on a completely different playing field, with new rules of exchange and what balance might look like.
When a family is in crisis, for whatever reason, the truly important needs become paramount.  Needs such as spiritual, emotional and physical needs must be met in a healthy way for the family to navigate it’s way through this trying time to the other side of normalcy.
There is also no doubt in my mind that without outside support from family, friends and church family, the chances of a family making it through a major crisis in life, sane, diminishes greatly.
  Overwhelming stress can fracture marriages and children, they need and deserve all the support they can get.
Based on a bit of research, I’ve compiled a list (although not exhaustive) of practical ways to minister to a family in medical crisis.
Spiritual
If the family has a church home, hopefully they are already aware of the crisis at hand.  Most churches have a prayer ministry who would immediately take the family’s need to prayer, on an ongoing basis.  A minister would likely visit the family, whether and home or in the hospital.  Likewise, many churches have ‘meal ministries’ that would provide meals on a regular or scheduled basis to the family.
Folks, if you don’t have a church family, you don’t know what you’re missing in life.  I don’t know where we would have been without our church family during Hailey’s health crisis.  They helped us with the other children, they visited the hospital day after day to encourage us, they brought meals, drowned us with cards in the mail and the list went on and on.
Prayer is huge during a crisis time, which goes without saying.  Prayer not only for the afflicted, but for the strength of the family. Spouses and children struggle with fear, doubt, inadequacy, financial pressures, etc. and need special care!  They need constant prayer for wisdom, strength, faith, provision and stamina.
Emotional
Emotions run high during a health crisis, and can lead all of those involved into a schizophrenic state without emotional support.  I’m relating back to my own story here again, but what an enormous blessing it was to have truth worthy friends to listen….just listen!  Not solve it all for me, just listen to our crazy rantings that ultimately helped us to process through the crisis.  Never underestimate the power of a listening ear, my friends!
The spouse and children need special care.  This is the time for adult friends to come along side the patient and the spouse, together and separately, and give them the opportunity to share fears, doubts and problems.  During a health crisis, many times the ‘well spouse’ doesn’t want to burden patient with their issues and they tend to ‘stuff’.  This is very unhealthy and they need trusted friends to ‘unload’ on.
The children try to be stoic, yet need a safe adult family member or trusted friend to allow them to vent.  Children worry, more than we realize.  They are frightened, yet hesitate to ask Daddy or Mommy what’s really going on or for assurance about the future.  This is where an aunt, uncle, grandparent or trusted family friend can come along side the children.  Children can process through conversation, coloring activities, role-playing with dolls or trucks, etc.
Don’t shy away from this opportunity because you aren’t sure what to say…it’s not about you.  Just being there to listen is huge!  You don’t have to have all the answers.
Physical
Regardless of what a family is going through, life tends to march right on.  Grass and shrubs continue to grow, food continues to be eaten, errands need to be run, school related issues need attention, etc. 
This is another huge opportunity for others to come along side a family in crisis.
I have a friend who’s husband was diagnosed with ALS around the time Hailey was so sick.  It’s been about 7 years now.  He is wheelchair bound and has been for about 5 of those years.  They have 2 small children and a large older home that they renovated before the husband got sick.
Their church regularly helps them with maintenance of the home and the exterior.  They do repair work that my friend can’t do.  The last I heard, a group from their church came over weekly and just helped her to maintain the house so that she could care for her husband and children.  It’s been 7 years of this kind of love and support!  Sometimes health crises are very long term!
Families need help running errands, going to the grocery store, taking children to their practices, etc.  Our first reaction might be to pull children from all activities.  In my opinion, while some thought should be given to trimming the schedule, kids need to have something to look forward to, a diversion of sorts.  They need a little fun, to laugh and just forget the crisis for a while.  Wisdom will go a long way here.
Physical needs include food, good food.  Not only should an effort to coordinate meals be taken, but make sure the meals are healthy.  Casseroles are great, but make sure the family has access to lots of fresh fruit and vegetables.  Perhaps someone could make a big fruit basket once a week or so.  If someone near the family has a juicer, some fresh fruit or vegetable juice would greatly benefit the patient and the family.  Keeping their strength and immunity strong is imperative. 
To conclude, please don’t say to the family “If you need anything, call me.”  They won’t.  Instead say, “Hey, I’m headed to the store tomorrow, why don’t you put your list together and I’ll pick it up for you!” or “After my husband finishes the grass today, we would like to come over and help Todd with some yard work!”.
Reach out.  In our inability to cure the disease, we can lift up a family to heaven and serve them the way we were created to do.
Kelly Morris is a wife and mother to 9 children, 6 biological and 3 adopted, living in small town Ohio.  She can often be found blogging, writing, reading, cooking, gardening, digital scrapbooking and drinking good coffee.  Kelly authors “The Morristribe: Creating Balance for Busy Moms” and loves helping other moms find balance in their lives.
Emotional Health

What Am I Responsible For?

I have the privilege having a super wise man in my life.  He’s taught me about my “Circle Of Responsibility,” which truly is life changing for me.  This is great for anyone who has struggled with the ability to say “no” and put up healthy boundaries, for anyone who is a people pleaser, and anyone who just wants to love others well.  I share it with his permission, and hope it helps someone else as much as it has helped me.
                                                  
                                              Circle Of Responsibility

                      Wrong                                                          Right
                                                        
When I Feel Responsible For Others                When I Feel Responsible To Others

I…                                                                         I…
               Fix                                                                   Show Empathy
               Protect                                                             Encourage
               Rescue                                                             Share
               Control                                                            Confront
               Carry Their Feelings                                        Level
               Don’t Listen to Words, Feelings,                     Am Sensitive
                  or Real Feelings

I Feel…                                                                  I Feel…
              
               Tired                                                                 Relaxed
               Anxious                                                            Free
               Fearful                                                              Aware
               Liable                                                               High Self Worth
               Afraid                                                               Humble

I Am Concerned With…                                          I Am Concerned With…

              The Solution                                                      Relating Person
                                                                                             To Person
               Answers                                                            Feelings
               Circumstances                                                   The Person
               Being Right              
               Details
               Performance                                             I Believe That if I Just
                                                                                   Share Myself,
                                                                                  the Other Person
                                                                                  Has Enough To
                                                                                  Make It On Their Own.

I Am a Manipulator                                                 I Am a Helper and Guide

I Expect the Person to Live Up to My                     I Can Trust, Let Go…
Expectations!!        

               Curing                                                                Caring

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