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Spiritual

My Hero, The Fighter

I want you to meet a new friend of mine. She has inspired me so much and I’m so proud to know her. As you will see in the video, she has an amazing fighter spirit and such strength.

Amber was in a car accident months ago that left her brain damaged and in a coma. She is a mother of a 3 year old. God is doing a work in her, she has come so far.

Her parents found this nightmare all too familiar as her younger sister, 4 years before, was also in a car accident and died from her head injuries.

They live about an hour away, but the rehab center that Amber is staying is just a few blocks from where I live. I have had the privilege of sitting with her a few times, and she has just taken and kept a piece of my heart.

She, too, has a Caring Bridge site. It is so intensely personal as her family writes daily about Amber’s progress, set backs, and just plain miracles that happen with her daily. Their faith is amazingly strong, I learn so much from them. They are a special, special family. If you have the time, visit her Caring Bridge site and read her story from the beginning. You will be amazed at how good God is, even in the midst of tragedy.

If you don’t have time to read, will you lift their family up in prayer? Especially pray for continued healing of her brain– strength and coordination to walk. For her precious son, Bailey, and for the peace and stamina of her family.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

Riding The Twists And Turns

I’ve talked to you about this roller coaster called LIFE that I feel like I am on.

Lately, I’ve been in a line, feeling stuck. It is called the “waiting- for- test- results” line, and it seems never ending because the results of these tests need more tests, and on the wait goes. It is not fun.

I think that I tend to stand in this line, to the side of this coaster called Life, almost paralyzed, sometimes being willing to take the ride, but lots of times I am distracted, just standing in line, waiting, because that seems like the natural thing to do. It is what is expected.

I feel like something has been revealed to me.

I see some empty seats on the coaster ride that I had not seen before. Why have I spent time waiting in line when there are empty seats that need filled? Not only are they empty, but the ones I am meant to sit in are made only for me.

I am learning how to resolve myself to the inevitable twists and turns that come while I am on. I am learning to buckle up and find joy in the ride, despite the uncertainty and insecurity it can create in me. The extra brave hold their hands up, even when the coaster seems to be spiraling out of control. I want to be extra brave. I want to hold my hands up in glee, letting go of all control, because I know the buckle will hold me. He is my security. He is trustworthy.

He has reason for my ride. He has seats that only I can fill while on it. He knows the joy and freedom I can experience when I am being exactly where I need to be, buckled in at all times. If I refuse, I am missing out on this Joy ride. I’m especially missing out on those riding around me, for you see, they too, have twist and turns that are scary.

I REFUSE to be one who gets stuck and distracted, with what seems like important busyness, when really, all it is that I am doing is

nothing

but waiting in a line that is meaningless, when there are empty seats. Custom made seats for each individual who are willing to jump on. Who are willing to see those around them, who are willing to see that together, if buckled in, they can do amazing things for eternity.

All that to say, I’m gonna ride while waiting.

God, give me the courage to keep hoppin’ on.
______________

I heard this song yesterday called ‘I Refuse“by Josh Wilson and I LOVED IT!! IT’S MY NEW FAVORITE!

It made sense of all the things on my heart lately. It was fitting that the first time I heard it was on the one year anniversary of the Haitian Earthquake. Take a peek/listen (lyrics are included) if you please.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

Help In Time Of Need

I had another really good day! I feel like I am healing quickly. The burning sensation in my chest is less, and the range- of -motion in both arms is improving.

I had a friend over this morning who is also fighting breast cancer, we had the best time talking and connecting. God and cancer have entwined our hearts-I love you, Nanc!

I was treated to a pedicure this afternoon by my friend Keeli. IT WAS SO GREAT to do something girly with her. It was relaxing and conversation so meaningful, as it always is with my Kee! Loved it.

Tonight is family movie night. My friend, Karma, is ordering Italian food to be delivered for our dinner.

Am I not the most spoiled girl in the world?:)

I took some time to read through my journal the other night, and it was so cool read back over the last year and see how God prepared me for the fight I had coming up.

There was a page that I had written while sitting in church last spring, long before I knew I had cancer. We had just finished singing a song in church with these lyrics:

Since I am so sick
Since I am in need

Since I have no healing within me

Oh, my God, be mindful of me

You are my help and my Redeemer

Oh, my God, be mindful of me

You are my help and my Redeemer

Unto You, oh Lord

I lift up my soul

In Your loving-kindness I believe

Surely those who wait on You

Will never be ashamed

All of those who call on You

Will know the faithfulness of Your name

This song must have spurred me on to write, as I wrote the lyrics out in my journal, and then just kept on writing while sitting there in church. I don’t remember writing this, but found it very interesting, reading it 10 months later. It expresses my heart and how I have felt lately!! Thought I would share:

An utter submission to His ways.
A sprawled out, head down,exhausted and limp
Nothing left of me.

Empty, spilled out
Core exposed, broken.
What is left?

A hearts desire to be filled only with you.

A raw, child- trust, that you will hold my exposed heart,
for you are good, and know how to make us like You.

Breaking heart,
Shattered self,
Pride gone-no room for it.

Piece by piece you restore & redeem

Come Lord, come quickly.
Put me back together, but break me completely first.
Do your redeeming work.

Give me eyes to see
A heart that trusts

YOU are the answer, the only answer.

I am sick
I am in need
I have no healing within me

BUT-YOU are my help and my redeemer.
Come quickly, Lord.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

He Is Lifting My Head

No, the pathology report was not what I wanted to hear. At all. My hopes were up that we were at the end of this cancer journey, but I am adjusting to the knowledge that there may be much more fighting to do. I cried. I vented to those around me. I felt a deep, deep sadness for my girls who may be seeing their mom weak and sick by more chemo.

I cried out to God “REALLY? Is this REALLY the road we are going to continue down? But Lord, I don’t want to. I want my hair back. I want to feel like a woman again. I want strong arms and healed wounds so I can hug my girls again. REALLY, Lord?

In all of this journey I have never lost His voice. That is how very kind He has been to me.

“I AM WITH YOU”

“I AM HERE”

I woke up yesterday with such a peace and a HAPPY JOY. Yes, it was weird. I loved it.

I know it is all the prayers going up to heaven that has kept my head lifted and ears hearing.

Thank you.

Today I would not say I am happy. I woke up in pain and I am weary emotionally. But, I am not feeling lost and upset, and for that I am grateful.

God has constantly used song to encourage me and speak to me. I have so many to share!

The song that I posted almost a year ago here, is the one that has been playing the loudest in my brain the last couple days. It is called “You’re Not Alone” by Meredith Andrews.

The chorus:

“you’re not alone,

for I am here,

let me wipe away your every tear.

My love, I’ve never left your side,

I have seen you through the darkest night,

and I’m the one who has loved you all your life.”

The song below is my song for today. I love it, especially right at 2:18 where it goes into who He is. So soothing for my soul.

Lift Up Your Head

Let us all as one draw near
To the One who meets us here
Let us all fall down
Before the God who welcomes us in

Lift up your head
And throw off every chain
Lift up your eyes
To the One who doesn’t change
Lift up your hands
The broken He will mend
So lift up your head

Let us all fix our gaze
On the Author of our faith
From all else we turn away
For the joy that conquers shame

Lift up your head
And throw off every chain
Lift up your eyes
To the One who doesn’t change
Lift up your hands
The broken He will mend
So lift up your head

He is Lover
He is Redeemer
He is Father
He is Friend
He is our shelter
HE IS OUR HEALER
He is the lifter of our head

Lift up your head
And throw off every chain
Lift up your eyes
To the One who doesn’t change
Lift up your hands
The broken He will mend
So lift up your head

Today my mom and sister are coming to help me pack up my Christmas decorations.

I am sore today at my drain sites, I got them removed yesterday. I have also had much numbness and tingling in my left arm (same arm they removed lymph nodes) especially when I type! 🙁

I have an intense burning in the left side of my chest, it gets worse at night. It is all nerve related, I am praying it is temporary.

Thank you so much for all your love and prayers. I know I say that a lot but I really don’t know what I would do with out your support and prayers. They make a huge difference, I am grateful.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

Do Not Fear

It was 2 days after being diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. I was sitting here at this computer, feeling in a daze, scared and numb. It was early September, and it was raining outside with an occasional clap of thunder. I vividly remember a very large, loud thunderclap. It shook our windows and me, and I had this thought… “that is the sound of the power of God.” I instantly felt a peace, knowing I was in the hands of the same God whose power is displayed in so many ways, including raging storms. I felt like he was saying, “Amy, I am in this with you. I will walk with you through this storm.”A song that we occasionally sing at church then popped in my head, so I went straight to YouTube to find it. I found the above video, and I watched it at least 3 times, with tears streaming down, each time feeling more and more calm. I love that song, and the chorus has played in my mind many, many times the last few months.

I have been pretty reflective all weekend after receiving such great news of a clear scan on Friday. I’ve had a sense of awe, and calm, and extreme gratefulness. As we were scurrying around getting ready for church Sunday morning, I was thinking how fear was almost non- existent all weekend. What a much needed break! I then thought “I would love it if ‘Do Not Fear’ was one of the songs we sing in church today!” Sure enough, it was the second song we sang. As it started, I excitedly whispered to my girls, “It’s mommy’s song!” They knew what I was talking about as I had played it for them and sang it with them. I just could not stop smiling while singing, it was another kiss from my God who truly HAS been with me. My heart almost burst.

Back to that stormy evening. I kept watching this video, and I knew that He was not promising that I would live. Yes, I longed to hear that, but only God could know the outcome. He WAS promising that He is with me, and that even in death, I am not consumed! Because of what Jesus did on that cross I had HOPE, and I had the reassurance that I would be with Him forever, no matter what.

Raging waters are scary. They take your breath away and cause panic. They take all sense of control.

Passing through fire is painful. Hot. Uncomfortable and at times unbearable. It strips you.

I felt all those things in this battle with cancer.
I cried out many times in lament before my God.

He was there.

He constantly gave me His Word through people, books, His book, and His creation.

I would not be overcome because HE HAS OVERCOME!
He has overcome death for me, so I can have eternal life.
Oh, how I long for life! I want to live!!
I asked God to live, and He is teaching me what living really means.
He is teaching me that HE IS LIFE.
He is helping me understand that HIS LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE.

“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.” Psalm 63:3

When you pass through the water I will be with you,

And the waves they will not overtake you.

Do not fear for I have redeemed you.

You are mine.

(Chorus)

For I am the Lord Your God.

For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I am the Lord. (Women: Do not fear.)

I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)

I am the Lord.

When you pass through the fire I will be with you,

And the flames they will not overcome you.

Do not fear for I have redeemed you.

I have called you by name.

You are mine.

Spiritual

Peace

This is one of my all time favorite Christmas songs. It makes my heart just soar when I listen to it, I especially love the words “Peace On The Earth Tidings Of Good Cheer.” I love the beginning of the song, I think the choir and violins sound angelic, and the piano at the end is so calming and soothing. The song makes me think of these verses:

“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!'” (Luke 2:13, 14).

“For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).

Jesus as “the one who brings peace” has taken on a whole new meaning for me this year as I battle cancer. As we unpacked our Christmas decorations, I found a glittery, silver sign that spells the word “Peace.” I usually keep it in the living room during the holiday season, but this year I decided to be selfish with it, and put it in my bedroom.

It has been a beautiful reminder to me, especially when fear rears its ugly head. More than once, as my thoughts have started to spiraled down into the fearful unknown, that sparkly sign has caught my eye and stilled the spinning.

“Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).

These were some of the last words Jesus spoke to his disciples before his crucifixion. He knew they would soon be experiencing such pain and turmoil as they watched him die.

BUT…the grave did not keep Him, as three days later he appeared to them and greeted them saying

“Peace be with you” (John 20)

Lately, I have been noticing in my reading, reminders to be obedient. Little reminders to me that I need to pay attention to what God has for me, that His word has all I need, that I need to take “take heed” to what it says. When Jesus says to…

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6, 7).

…do I take that seriously? Am I making sure my anxious thoughts are stopped when I realize that I am thinking them, and instead choose to give thanks and ask Him for help? Do I believe that His peace will guard my mind as I choose to do this?

“Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, The Holy One of Israel: ‘I am the LORD your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way you should go. Oh, that you had heeded My commandments! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea’ ” (Isaiah 48:17, 18).

This verse reminds me that I need to take heed to His commandments, and follow His way, then my peace will be like a river! This is a beautiful promise.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord, is everlasting strength” (Isaiah 26:3, 4)

“My peace I give to you;– Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world (John 16:33).

I am so thankful for my Prince of Peace, who has left so many wonderful promises and verses that contain the word “peace”

Websters definition:

Peace

peace is a state of tranquillity, quiet, calm, freedom from civil disturbance, A state of security – being secure within a community, freedom from oppression, strife and disorder. In harmony in personal relations. Untroubled by conflict, agitation or commotion. Freedom from anxiety.

I’ll take it!!

Spiritual

Shine

SMS (SHINE) Lyrics

David Crowder Band

Send me a sign
A hint, A whisper
Throw me a line
‘Cause I am listening

Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me the light
‘Cause I am fading

Surround me with the rush of angels’ wings

Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that’s overcome?

You sent a sign
The hint, O whisper
Human, divine
Heaven is listening

Death laid low
Quiet in the night is stirring
All around the rush of angels

O the wonder of the greatest love has come

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, ’cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome

Beautiful song, love the ending.
This video was made manually, with no computer animations or digital affects. That is amazing.
I was always fascinated with Lite Brite as a kid. This video makes me want to replace the lost pegs to the one we have here at home and spend some time, when I feel better, creating with my girls.

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