It was 2 days after being diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. I was sitting here at this computer, feeling in a daze, scared and numb. It was early September, and it was raining outside with an occasional clap of thunder. I vividly remember a very large, loud thunderclap. It shook our windows and me, and I had this thought… “that is the sound of the power of God.” I instantly felt a peace, knowing I was in the hands of the same God whose power is displayed in so many ways, including raging storms. I felt like he was saying, “Amy, I am in this with you. I will walk with you through this storm.”A song that we occasionally sing at church then popped in my head, so I went straight to YouTube to find it. I found the above video, and I watched it at least 3 times, with tears streaming down, each time feeling more and more calm. I love that song, and the chorus has played in my mind many, many times the last few months.
I have been pretty reflective all weekend after receiving such great news of a clear scan on Friday. I’ve had a sense of awe, and calm, and extreme gratefulness. As we were scurrying around getting ready for church Sunday morning, I was thinking how fear was almost non- existent all weekend. What a much needed break! I then thought “I would love it if ‘Do Not Fear’ was one of the songs we sing in church today!” Sure enough, it was the second song we sang. As it started, I excitedly whispered to my girls, “It’s mommy’s song!” They knew what I was talking about as I had played it for them and sang it with them. I just could not stop smiling while singing, it was another kiss from my God who truly HAS been with me. My heart almost burst.
Back to that stormy evening. I kept watching this video, and I knew that He was not promising that I would live. Yes, I longed to hear that, but only God could know the outcome. He WAS promising that He is with me, and that even in death, I am not consumed! Because of what Jesus did on that cross I had HOPE, and I had the reassurance that I would be with Him forever, no matter what.
Raging waters are scary. They take your breath away and cause panic. They take all sense of control.
Passing through fire is painful. Hot. Uncomfortable and at times unbearable. It strips you.
I felt all those things in this battle with cancer.
I cried out many times in lament before my God.
He was there.
He constantly gave me His Word through people, books, His book, and His creation.
I would not be overcome because HE HAS OVERCOME!
He has overcome death for me, so I can have eternal life.
Oh, how I long for life! I want to live!!
I asked God to live, and He is teaching me what living really means.
He is teaching me that HE IS LIFE.
He is helping me understand that HIS LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE.
“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.” Psalm 63:3
When you pass through the water I will be with you,