{Honestly by Vota}
Honestly can I tell you where I’m at
Honestly can I pull the curtain back
Will you run if you see how weak I am?
If you don’t see the real me you won’t see what mercy’s done.
If you don’t see my weakness you won’t see what love has won
If you don’t see the distance form the darkness to the sun
You won’t see. Honestly
Honestly, I’m growing sick and tired
Honestly it hurts too much to hide
Brokenness that’s killing us inside
Let the light escape from this hole inside my soul
When I start to break then grace begines to flow
Let the light escape from this lonely place inside my soul
Honestly
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Can I be honest with you? A little confession?
It was much easier being real, being honest, admitting struggle, admitting fault…when I was sick.
Sickness was almost an excuse to not have it all together. People would understand that I didn’t have it all together.
My body is in remission, but honestly, my soul is still sick. In need of a Saviour. Daily. Every moment.
I want to continue to be real, to write honest, to soul connect with others. This takes a vulnerablility.
It is so refreshing when other soul connectors are willing to put the perfect down and show up real. It is so life giving to read of women who don’t have it all together, because who does? Not I.
“If you don’t see the real me you won’t see what mercy’s done.
If you don’t see my weakness you won’t see what love has won”
The real me…
…wonders if I will ever be content pleasing God, rather than man. Just when I think I am free of this, another layer. I tell a girlfriend a few weeks ago that I feel more free in this area. Ha! There have been constant tests to that the minute those words came from my mouth! Layers.
…would be horrified if you saw my closet right now. Or my laundry room. Or my car trunk. Mess!
…fears that I will never be able to express just how amazing it is to know Jesus. How do you tell of such love and peace? What words describe God made flesh?
…still wonders what people think of my ears when I wear a ponytail. Oh to have ears that were flat to my head.
…feels ashamed that I sent my sweet girl off to school with tears. She snapped all morning at everyone, and right before she got out of the car, I had had enough and snapped back. I wanted to show her how it felt. I became child. She walked away with tears. Oh God, heal the hurts I cause. Erase from little brains, or at least show them that mercy covers the real me. The real them.
Homemade Organic Eye Makeup Remover–Only 2 Ingredients!
I was excited to have Pot Holes & Pantyhose link up her DIY Organic Eye Makeup Remover at Anti-Procrastination Tuesday. It is a simple, 2- ingredient, super pure and healthy recipe. I made it myself and I am loving it! Not only does it remove my eye make up beautifully, but it moisturizes the fragile skin around my eyes with wonderful, gentle organic ingredients. I LOVE IT!
I found this little bottle at my local heath food store. Same with the Almond Oil. I have been finding all kinds of fun DIY beauty recipes that I will be trying, so in the future I am planning on using Mountain Rose Herbs as my one stop shop for organic ingredients and containers.

They carry all kinds of essential oils and butters. They also have almond oil. They have a wonderful reputation, so I feel very confident sharing their store with you all!
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Homemade Organic Eye Makeup Remover
{recipe makes 3.5 ounces}
4 TBLS Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil
3 TBLS Organic Almond Oil
Using a funnel, pour ingredients into a container of your choice. Use a small amount on a tissue or cotton ball and wipe that makeup away!
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Potholes and Pantyhose has the breakdown of the cost of this. Let’s just say it is super cheap, especially compared to similar products in the store. I am excited to have Almond Oil on hand as I am stumbling upon some great recipes that use it. More to come!
I’ve seen days
Where the nights don’t end
I’ve seen strangers
I used to call friend
How can I begin to trust
In the fact that You’d never let me go
Been left so many times
Feel like nobody could know
The sound that my heart makes
When it starts to break
And the pain that I hate
Waits for me everyday
And yet I lie awake
Alive and still breathin’
Hopin’ that this time in my life
Is just a season
Believin’ the words
You spoke to Your people
How you’d never leave
Even though we couldn’t see You
How You would make us prosper
Even though we couldn’t pay You
Back now there’s nothing I lack
Please don’t let me go
If I can’t have Your love
My hearts got no where to go
Only You can rescue me
Please don’t let me go
I’d be lost inside a dying world
Just trying to find my home
It’s with You I belong
Please don’t let me go
I remember the moments life was a blur
An adolescent spirit, far from mature
I couldn’t tell between a friend or a foe
So alone I remained, looked to the sky for hope
It’s hard to feel alive when you’re cold
It’s hard to reach the sky when you’re low
Sunlight is hard to find in a storm
How can I give love if my souls been torn
A broken vessel, you call it a master piece
No eye can see how deeply You’re in love with me
Honestly I can’t love me how You love me
But obviously there’s something that You want from me
‘Cause You don’t want to let me go
Owner of the world but You want my soul
My heart is crying out, Lord, please take control
I need You and I don’t wanna let go
Please don’t let me go
If I can’t have Your love
My heart’s got no where to go
Only You can rescue me
Please don’t let me go
I’d be lost inside a dying world
Just trying to find my home
It’s with You, I belong
Please don’t let me go
(Don’t let me go)
Please don’t let me go
(Don’t let me go)
Please don’t let me go
And I’ve seen who I could be
Without You close to me
I can’t recognize that person
Staring back at me
And You’ve seen how my heart breaks
From the choices I have made
I know Your love can take it all away
Please don’t let me go
If I can’t have Your love
My heart’s got no where to go
Only You can rescue me
Please don’t let me go
I’d be lost inside a dying world
Just trying to find my home
It’s with You, I belong
Safe.
I have a new nail polish that I have had much fun with lately. It is silver glitter, and it makes any color you put it over sparkle! I bought it to put on top of black for glitzy New Year’s Eve nails. This look gets lots of compliments, and makes me feel like my nails are an accessory. They almost look like jewelry.
I don’t wear nail polish often. I am trying to go more natural and leave chemicals off my body. I will be talking more about this in coming posts, like what I now use as lotion and face wash. I love the challenge of finding natural, inexpensive products that are good for the body and our health.
I DO love polished nails for special occasions and date nights. I also REALLY like my toes polished in the summer, during flip flop and sandal season. I have fun with toe polish during the summer, but keep them free and naked throughout the fall and winter.
I noticed my health food store had some nail polish that had more natural ingredients, so I will be checking those out soon. Have any of you tried these?
Base Coat
In Christ Alone by Owl City
It was over 15 years ago, I was 21 years old, a newlywed. I was sitting in church on Easter morning, terrified, with the question of “what if?” on my brain.
The day before, I received a phone call while at work, hairdressing. I was drying my last client of the day, and I was called to the front for a phone call.
On the phone was my dermatologist, whom I had visited just a few days before. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this over the phone, but you have skin cancer, and it is the kind that is not usually nice. Melanoma. If we caught it in time, you will be fine. If it is in the bloodstream already, your chances of beating it are very slim.
It was a very short phone call, I went back to drying my client’s hair, not sure how I was holding on to the hairdryer, as I felt numb all over.
I don’t remember much of that weekend, but I DO remember that it was Easter Sunday, and as I was sitting in church, the only thing I heard the Pastor say was..“you can experience the peace that passes all understanding when you know Jesus.”
Right as he said those words, a deep peace came over me. Fear took a back seat, and I experienced for the first time what that verse meant. It was such a sweet feeling.
That was early in my walk with God, and over the years I have grown in my knowledge of what it means to walk in peace and to trust in the plan He has for my life.
It has taken many, many lessons, and many screw ups on my part. God has proven over and over that He is worthy of my devotion, that He is good ALL the time, and that no matter what, He will never leave me.
My melanoma was caught in time, and surgery was enough to get rid of it. I was thankful but so young. I’m not sure I really got just how blessed I was that we caught it in time.
Fast forward 15 years. As you all know, I had another cancer diagnosis last year. Again, I felt the numbness that comes with that phone call. This time I was much older, wiser, and there was so much more at stake.
I had a husband of 14 years whom I had grown to love so very much, who I desperately longed to grow old with, and I had 3 little ones who would hurt deeply if anything happened to me.
These facts made peace hard to come by. If you followed my journey on Caring Bridge, you know my emotions were so up and down and my peace and trust were tested all throughout my cancer fight.
Fear raged, but, I also experienced a peace and trust that I never thought was possible. I fell very, very deep in love with my Jesus who has been by my side all these years.
I’ve always loved Him, ever since I was young, but oh the sweetness of Him that I experienced in this trial. Beyond what words can describe.
So tomorrow, I find myself facing yet another Easter Sunday, where I will sit with the question of “what if?” I have tests next week to check a spot on my kidney, and there is a possibility that cancer has visited me once again.
I have realized something this time, though. Fear has lost its grip.
That doesn’t mean it won’t rear its ugly head at times, but it does not consume me, and I am FREE. This trust I have found, it feels like rest, and that is what I am doing.
I am in His hands and I am at rest. I no longer feel panicked when I think of my 3 precious girls and that question “what if?”
I realized this week, that I finally, FINALLY I have been able to go even deeper into my trust and give them to HIM.
I know that the amazing God who has loved me all through my years will have their little hearts and will take care of them, no matter what.
And that man of mine that I love so very much? I know He has him, too.
I smiled and felt a chill when I realized this. As the song says below, “no guilt in life, no fear of death, this is the power of Christ in me.”
This Easter is a special one. I am remembering. I am remembering how He chose death, so I can be free from the fear of death.
He hung on that cross and took on my guilt, so I stand here free of guilt, despite how messed up I am. He overcame death so that I can have eternal life, forever with Him.
Lyrics:
In Christ Alone, My Hope Is Found
He Is My Light, My Strength, My Song
This Cornerstone, This Solid Ground
Firm Through The Fiercest Drought And Storm
What Heights Of Love, What Depths Of Peace
When Fears Are Stilled, When Strivings Cease
My Comforter, My All-in-all
Here In The Love Of Christ, I Stand
There In The Ground His Body Lay
Light Of The World By Darkness Slain
Then Bursting Forth In Glorious Day
Up From The Grave He Rose Again
And As He Stands In Victory
Sin’s Curse Has Lost Its Grip On Me
For I Am His And He Is Mine
Bought With The Precious Blood Of Christ
No Guilt In Life, No Fear In Death
This Is The Power Of Christ In Me
From Life’s First Cry To Final Breath
Jesus Commands My Destiny
No Power Of Hell, No Scheme Of Man
Can Ever Pluck Me From His Hand
Till He Returns Or Calls Me Home
Here In The Power OfChrist
I’ll Stand
Till He Returns Or Calls Me Home
Here In The Power Of Christ
I’ll Stand
Here In The Power Of Christ
I’ll Stand
Activities To Do With Children, In Remembrance:
Tell The Easter Story With A Playdough Mountain @ Desiring God
Resurrection Cookies With A Story @ A Bird And A Bean
Easy Resurrection Buns (scroll to end of post after clicking) @ Take Six
Lenten Repentance Box @ New Nostalgia
An Easter Lesson @ New Nostalgia
How To Make An Easter Garden @ Holy Experience
Make Hot Cross Buns @ Pioneer Woman
A Beautiful, Handmade Light Wreath, To Help Us Remember The Way:
A Light Wreath @ Holy Experience
Writings To Remember & Reflect:
His Mother Before The Cross @ A Holy Experience
A Song On Screen:
The Real Reason For Easter @ YouTube