I Am A Sinner If It’s Not One Thing It’s Another

“‘Cause I am a sinner ~ If it’s not one thing it’s another ~ Caught up in words ~ Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior ~ And You take brokenness aside ~ And make it beautiful” –ALL SONS & DAUGHTERS

…………

I sit in church, feeling numb from the weekend. It was a rough one. I felt on edge, worried, moody, & not myself. I have not had these feelings for a long while now, and I did not like experiencing them for one day, much less going on day three. I felt it building each day and I wonder where it came from and what would come of it.

What came of it? A teenager who is moody herself– acting fairly normal for a teen– was rude and I reacted. I lost patience and words came and frustrations spewed out and over onto my girl, lecturing, accusing & pointing fault.

I watch my words not only cause her to shut off and go into her room, but I see a shut down in my Todd. Usually when shut down happens in him, I feel hurt and uncared for. This time, I saw pain. He went inward and I saw pain in his eyes –my eyes were opened to see his– I saw his eyes reflecting pain from my words and actions not just of today, but of the past. Today hurts him deep due to history of hurt. I am faced with my history of emotional words that hurt, I then shut down and feel myself spiral inward.

Shame. Guilt. Thoughts go dark. I cause pain. Now and before. I wallow in past failures & wonder how is it that I am loved? Doubt creeps in & the enemy cozy’s up and keeps planting bits of lies here and there.

I struggled quiet, until Sunday when we gather together at church and we sing two songs and the pastor preaches words from the book of Samuel. I confess I see the message is from Samuel and I inward eye roll as I don’t think I will receive what my heart is longing for.

You know what? I don’t know much. God knows everything. He knew exactly the words my hurting heart & shadowed thinking needed to hear. Our pastor is anointed and brings the Word so faithfully. Some of his favorite words are spoken in almost every message.

“God lavishes his grace on us”

“Get out of the dark room. Run into the Light Room”

These words and visuals have saved me more than once from the Accuser.

And then this verse– from of all books– the book of Samuel:

“Samuel said to the people, “Do not fear. You have committed all this evil, yet do not turn aside from following the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. You must not turn aside, for then you would go after futile things which can not profit or deliver, because they are futile. For the LORD will not abandon His people on account of His great name, because the LORD has been pleased to make you a people for Himself. Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you; but I will instruct you in the good and right way. Only fear the LORD and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider what great things He has done for you.”

‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭12:20-24‬ ‭NASB‬‬ (emphasis mine)

Words of truth from my pastor, God & Samuel straight to my heart. Take THAT Accuser. I find myself turning toward the Light room.

We then sing this song & I confess with its words and my toes that step into the light room & light starts shining bright. My feet walk toward the front steps of the altar–toward forgiveness– with a card in hand. We were encouraged to write on the card that which needs left in the past. I write my emotions, literally, I write down my emotions or really my lack of control over my emotions that have brought me down that weekend and in the past. I leave them and the card at the cross.

Brokenness Aside

{Brokenness Aside by All Sons & Daughters}

Will your grace run out
If I let you down
‘Cause all I know
Is how to run

‘Cause I am a sinner
If it’s not one thing it’s another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior
And You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

Will You call me child
When I tell you lies
‘Cause all I know
Is how to cry

‘Cause I am a sinner
If it’s not one thing it’s another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior
And You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

You make it beautiful
You make it beautiful
[x2]‘Cause I am a sinner
If it’s not one thing it’s another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior
And You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

I am a sinner
If it’s not one thing it’s another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies, oh yeah
But You are a Savior
And You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful
[x2]

You make it beautiful
Beautiful
You make it beautiful
Beautiful

You make it beautiful
You make it beautiful
[x4]

We sing this song & I soak it in. I’ve kept singing it all these days.

Church service lets out and I go straight to week 2 of a teen parenting class. Light continues to brighten my path in that room of wonderful, wise parents trying to do their best but feel overwhelmed, and in one big voice we agree just how hard parenting teens can be. It normalizes my struggle, shows me I am not alone, shows me my girls are inward and outward beautiful and I have not failed them. I leave with feeling empowered and ready to love well.

The week starts and by the end of day 3 of dreary grey days, my heart is feeling shadowed again. Despite my wonderful Sunday, grey Monday comes and so does words of criticism and accusation, but this time they are from myself at myself.

I just couldn’t shake the shame I felt. It is hard to go so long without falling into a place you don’t want to go, and then go there and have to face it again. It allows one to see more clearly when it is no longer a habit, and I clearly saw pain that I brought to my loved ones. I wallowed in it, & was quiet and inward, until the evening of the third day. I finally talked to the man who has loved me for 20 years and knows me better than anyone.

5 Minute Fridays/ Spiritual

Trust & A Health Update

Participating in 5 Minute Fridays. 5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.
This week’s word: TRUST
………………..
GO:

My last health update was last May, and I was in searching for answers for an extreme nausea that I had been experiencing for weeks.

20 pounds lost, watching the scale go down brought on such fear and anxiety.

A summer full of tests & more tests, still no answers.

No sign of cancer brought some relief to my fear, but unknowns still abound–yet I will trust.

I went off cancer meds, thinking they were the culprit, but they were not. Adjusting to going off of them & then back on was — an adjustment. Chemical menopause, then not paused, then chemical menopause once again brought more than pause, it stopped me in my tracks. There were many days of crying out to God in despair. I wanted answers. I wanted normal. I wanted to be able to feel well again & write well again, instead of forcing yet another recipe post.

I am feeling better and finding my normal. Anti-anxiety medication seems to be the answer I needed to bring back normal, for cancer meds don’t just steal my hormones but what seemed to be the whole of who I am.

The nausea still lingers in the mornings, but yet another medication has taken the severity of it away and I am able to eat again and my weight has stabilized. I am so. very. thankful. A bit of weight has been gained, & so has my trust.

God was near this past year. I have been running hard to Him in the hard moments, for hard moments turn to precious in His presence. It is in these hard life moments when desperation gives no choice but search His words for help and hope, & He is always there, saying “Trust.”

STOP.

…………….

FAMILY/ Kids/Family/ Love/ Marriage

24 Ways To Be A Helper To Your Husband

Helper: One who gives assistance or support to another, making life more pleasant or bearable.

“It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. I will make him a helper.”– God Genesis 2:18 (emphasis added)

So, how do you feel about being a helper? I’ve always been okay with the term, as on of my gifts is acts of service, so helping people is something I love to do, but I know many women who struggle with feeling like this title is ‘less than’ or inferior. My struggle is different. My struggle is remembering who I am called to be and putting the energy into it.

If you do struggle with this word, it might help to remember that the word Helper, is actually a precious word that God uses to describe himself!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. Isaiah 41:10

In this verse God is assuring His people, telling them not to worry, because He will be their helper. He considers it a worthy calling, so I do to.

I’ve recently had a reawakening when it comes to wanting to be the wife God has called me to be. This has come along my heart for a couple of reasons.

I am just coming out of a season where I was quite sick for a long period of time. It has taken months to get back to myself, of which I really will write about soon, (let me reassure you that I am still in remission, much of the sickness has come from ongoing hormone treatment and side effects from that treatment) but I was so sick that I went inward, and really could only focus on getting through everyday. It was quite a selfish period…not really… but kind of. I did my best to give as much as I could each day, but physical and emotional illness caused me to not be able to give like I was used to.

The second reason is an amazing couple I know and who I wrote about, that recently went to Heaven. They had the marriage I think we all long to have. They were best friends and just did marriage so well! Here is a quote from Terri…I must share as it just hit me so hard how beautiful her thinking and way of living was.

“‘You become what the most important person in your life thinks that you are. “At the end of Ty’s life, I want him to be able to say, ‘Terri was the greatest earthly blessing in my life – the best thing that ever happened to me – and that I’m a better man because of how she loved me. And that’s the goal that I live with every day. That’s how I want to love this man.‘”

Now that I am able to focus more on others, and I have a very tangible example of what a great marriage looks like, I am very excited to start by focusing on my own and the one that is most important to me…my Todd.

In doing that, I have been reading a book and the beginning chapter talks about being a helper.

It is not really doing something, but being someone. An identity that I want to keep in the forefront of my mind. It is a worthy calling.

I ask myself: Do I make my husband’s life more pleasant and bearable? Does he depend on me? Can he now that I am feeling better? Have I communicated this to him? Does he feel my support? How do I react when he asks me to do things for him? What are things I do or can do to accomplish this?

Lately I have been able to practice the answers to these questions as it is my Todd’s most busy time of year. He works for a non-profit organization as a programs director and also as an after school reading center director. This week and next he is just swamped and has needed me to step up and take care of things he normally would take care of. This plays out practically in lots more time in the car for me…rides for our 3 girls in the evenings that he would usually give. It also looks like me going to teachers meetings alone and being quite proactive in being the main parenting figure right now, at least during the week. I hope he is starting to feel the unconditional support as my attitude in doing this purposefully and cheerfully is still pretty new. It’s not that I was unwilling before, it is just that now I want to do it in a way that makes him feel confident that the house can be run well even when he is working extra hours; and that he has a wife who is capable of picking up where he needs to let go.

Honestly, the past 2 months this would have been really, really hard to do as my health was so precarious, but thank our sweet Lord I am stronger now and able to really be proactive in my new convictions. I am so thankful for better health!

I must admit, not only did it take a change of health, but also a change of heart. It is so easy to become apathetic and not want to change. My motivation came from seeing the beauty of a marriage done God’s way, and I will forever be grateful for such a beautiful example.

My new attitude will not always come easy. I know there is an enemy of our souls that wants to bring fear, disobedience, scorekeeping, contentiousness and cause me stumble over pride. I will not let him win.

So what does being a supportive, pleasant, bearable, dependable helpmate look like for me? How am I going to live this out practically?

Well, I plan on asking Todd specifically what is most helpful for him. But in the meantime, I know him well enough to know where to start.

………………

A few steps I’m taking in being a supportive, pleasant, & dependable “Helper”:

I will soften my face when I look at my husband.

I will smile at him, even if only with my eyes.

I will be attentive, acknowledging when he walks in the room.

I will be attentive, without putting pressure or expectation on him to be attentive back.

I will hug/kiss him hello and goodbye.

I will give him time to decompress and do ‘Todd’ things when he gets home.

I will do my best to make him feel special to me, like I’m his biggest fan.

I will exude warmth.

I will not share with him all that has gone wrong with my day the minute he walks in the door.

I will pray “Lord, please help me be willing to be willing.”

I will have my closest friends ask me about how I am doing in being “helper”

I will continue give my heart only to him and no other, with protective barriers up against all others.

I will not compare him unfavorably with others

I will work on making our marriage bed the warmest place known to the both of us.

I will use words like “good morning” “have a good day” “I love you” “how are you?” “need anything?”

I will look for ways to make him feel special in my presence

I will find ways to let him know he is of great worth to me

I will figure out how to best communicate how much I respect what he does and who he is

I will be committed to all of this even when I don’t feel like he might deserve it at times.

I will love and treat him as the man I know he can be even if he is having an off day.

I will choose to see the good.

I will make “deposits” into our marriage, more than “withdraws.”

I will pick myself up and try again, even if I ‘drop the ball’ in these goals.

I will do all of this through Christ, who is the only one who can fully and perfectly love me in the way I long to be loved. As I grasp how very head over heals in love God is with me, I can then love others in the same way.

…………….

What about you? Does this list resonate with you? Does it make you fearful or nervous? Are you already doing most of these things? What are your experiences? What are your thoughts?

FAMILY/ Leaving A Legacy/ Spiritual

Remembering The Schenzels – I Can’t Find My Words So I Will Share Theirs

{photo via Hope Jewell}

Love.

It is something I have begged God to help me understand just how deep and wide and BIG His love for me is. You see, if I can just grasp, it will rescue me from fear, show me who really am and what true self worth is, and connect me to my sweet Maker in the deepest of ways. I long to know and feel His love in deeper and deeper ways.

God is granting my request, but in His mysterious way, is doing it in a way I never dreamed He would. He has done it through tragedy.

I don’t understand His ways. But I do know that He is pure love and only good, so I trust His way.

I have experienced His promise of working all things for the good of those who love Him, even the most tragic of things. I’m seeing it right before my eyes, as I read story after story on a Facebook Memorial page dedicated to 2 of the most influential people I have ever met.

Ty & Terri Schenzel went to Heaven 2 weeks ago today. They died in a horrendous, fiery car accident, while on their way to a vacation with a younger couple they mentored.

Ty & Terri both had a huge impact on my life, in person when I was young and vulnerable. I just soaked up their love and words of wisdom. I recent years, I’ve soaked their love in via social media, especially Ty, who was such a cheerleader to me with all his “likes” and “hearts” and comments when I would post. I’ve wanted to share them with you all week, but have not been able to find my words, and still don’t have adequate words to do justice to the amazing people that they were.

Instead, I’m going to share photos, videos, links & quotes to give you a glimpse of what God’s love looks like when fully lived by His people. This post really is as much for me as it is for you, a place to come back to for words and resources from my sweet friends. It is a privilege to share them with you.

{photo via Hope Jewell}

{Ty & Terri in their own words}

{Their 4 Children Speak At The Funeral-so raw, beautiful.}

Ty & Terri were:

Hilariously Holy
Optimistically Open
Prayerful Pioneers
Exalted Everyone

{Pastor Murdoch’s Words From The Funeral}

………………..

MARRIAGE

Ty & Terri had the most beautiful marriage, and were more in love the day they died than they were the day they met. They left behind so much priceless marriage advice, and I am ingesting it all and finding myself so influenced by their words.

The following podcasts are so very good and capture the love they had for each other. I’ve listened to them twice and took notes the second time. Be sure to make time to listen to them, you won’t regret it.

{How they met, in their own words, and amazing marriage advice}

“‘You become what the most important person in your life thinks that you are. “At the end of Ty’s life, I want him to be able to say, ‘Terri was the greatest earthly blessing in my life – the best thing that ever happened to me – and that I’m a better man because of how she loved me. And that’s the goal that I live with every day. That’s how I want to love this man.‘”

-Loveumentary podcast episode 36.

{more marriage advice, part 2}

Hope Filled Marriage — This was Ty & Terri’s new venture. Encouraging other couples in their marriages through videos, a website, and workshops. Oh, how I wish I would have attended one! The videos alone are so great.

“Love is like a bank account. Every interaction you create is either a deposit or a withdrawal. If you keep making deposits, your love always overflows. You never go bankrupt.”

Videos on Marriage From Ty & Terri

“I think “BFF” means “Best Friends Forever”. When it comes to my marriage to the former Terri Alexander, she is for sure my best friend…forever.

How great is that?! My wife is my best friend. Like, I can’t get enough of hanging out with her. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way about me…at least I hope so.

When we’re together, which is a lot, we: laugh, eat, process our thoughts, feelings and emotions…go to movies, get a cone at McDonald’s, walk around at the mall, drive through neighborhoods looking at homes, eat, laugh, call our kids, work at the Hope Center, carpool as much as possible…to name a few.

With each passing year, our love, joy and friendship continues to grow and go deeper. I love my best friend the former Terri Alexander. I’ll love her forever…till the day I die…and when I get to Heaven and see her there, we’ll have forever to continue our friendship…because our friendship is forever.” –February 14, 2012 Ty Schnezel

……………….

TY SCHENZEL

The Hope Center -Ty was founding executive director, and a pastor in Omaha, NE

“Comma before the exclamation point” Ty Last Sermon at Waypoint Church

The graveside burial is a comma and not a period. For the believer, the lover of Jesus, this is not the end. This is not the ultimate, this is not the goodbye, this is the “we’ll see you” — eternally speaking — soon. The graveside, for the believer, is a comma before the exclamation point. / Pastor Ty #‎commanotaperiod

Ty’s Last Tweet

I want the gap between how much God loves and how much I experience His love to be narrowed. #Love — Ty Schenzel (@tyschenzel) August 17, 2015

Ty’s Book “A Thousand Screaming Mules: The Story of Stubborn Hope and One Dad’s Dream To Transform Kids’ Lives”

Wordz From The Hood — A weekly podcast hosted by Pastor Ty Schenzel and former Hope Center for Kids youth Frank Lucas, Wordz from the Hood hopes to provide a window into the heart of life in the inner city.

Ty’s Tumblr Blog

Step Up To Life Booklet – The Little Booklet That Led Ty To God

Ty Sermon Please Be Seated on 1 Thessalonians 1. His teaching was unbelievably moving! Watch it here…..He starts his teaching at 14:24.

“God loves me more than everyone else, not really, but kind of.” –Ty Schenzel

…………………

TERRI SCHENZEL

{Terri’s Favorite Song}

Top 10 Impacts Terri Had On My Life – a great post full of Terri’s words of wisdom

Terri’s Famous Spaghetti Sauce Recipe – just made this yesterday. Oh. My. It makes a ton and is simply delicious. I will be blogging about my experience soon!

Terri’s Blog

………………..

{A song played at the funeral, my new favorite. It is a beautiful reminder of how loved we are.

‘We Dance’ by Steffany Frizzell Gretzinger}

Ty & Terri’s Memorial –attended by 3,000 people in person, and at 7,000-8,000 more by satellite.

Ty & Terri’s Memorial Youtube Channel

Ty & Terri’s Memorial Facebook Page – thousands of stories and tributes made here. It’s been such a place of comfort reading about them!

Take The Baton T-Shirts – to benefit the Schenzel Family Legacy Fund – I’m ordering mine today!

Acts 20:24, “My life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus.” May the mantle Ty & Terri carried be passed down to many. With the mantle on our shoulders and their baton in hand, may this scripture describe us all.
– Pastor Lincoln Murdoch

………………

Thank you for taking the time to read about and learn about these super special people in my life.

I will see you again, Ty & Terri. Until them, thank you for living loved and sharing the love. Thank you for faithfully holding the baton. I will grasp it, hold on to it and always remember your example.

Oh…and Ty? God loves ME most, not really… but kind of.

Emotional Health/ FAMILY/ Marriage

How To Start Working As A Team With Your Husband

by Cassie Celestain | Marriage Contributor

When I was teaching my husband, Ryan, and I did a great job of working as a team in the evenings which allowing us to run our household efficiently. We both picked up where things needed to be done. If he had an evening workout I cooked dinner. If I needed to grade papers he cleaned up the dishes. We didn’t have a system set in stone, but we managed to work as a team well and get everything done.

Last year when I did not return to teaching the way we approached things were a bit different. With Ryan working full time and training to become a professional triathlete (which is almost a full time job) his attention was put there. My attention was put on our speaking business, the True Agape blog and our household. That is what we decided would work for us. Ryan still pitched in when needed, but for the most part the house was all me. We each had our own areas that we focused on. And really we didn’t have to function as a team much to run our household.

Now that we have our little one we are back to working as a team to make things run smoothly in our home. Transitioning into working together again is something that takes some time and communication.

Do you feel like you and your husband need to work better as a team? These are the things that we did and you can try them too:

1. Establish Core Values: It is important to be on the same page. If we both know what is important to us then those things are in the forefront of our mind and we can work towards them. For us we established the important things in our evening were: Ryan getting his workout in, us eating dinner together and getting to bed on time. These are the things that will help us reach our long term goals.

2. Be Selfless More Often: To accomplish those core values on a daily basis we have to learn to be selfless a little more. Sometimes when Ryan gets home from work I’d love for him to take baby or cook dinner, but I know he has a workout. Or sometimes if baby is asleep at dinner I want to rush through dinner so I can do something I want to do, but I know dinner together is our time to connect. It’s not about me. It is about our values we decided on, about us, about our family.

3. Ask What Needs to Change: We need to come together and discuss what is working and what is not. Are the core values we originally chose really what we want to be working towards? Do we need to approach things differently to accomplish them? For us this now means dinner may be a freezer meal or leftovers rather than freshly cooked food every night. We have to be willing to be flexible and change to continue to be a successful team.

I know that as life goes on and seasons change our plans, core values and how we approach running our house will transform. However, I truly feel like these three steps will always be a great way to aid us to stay on track as a team.

*Working as a team is always needed to make a marriage work. In this post I am referring to team work as a way to make a household functional.

What is a way you work as a team with your husband?

“Marriage is Not a Destination, But Rather a Life Long Journey”

You can also find & follow Cassie & True Agape Here:

BLOG | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST | TWITTER

More On New Nostalgia From Cassie:

Meet Our New Monthly Marriage Contributor

5 Love Languages To Create A Successful Marriage

5 Step Secret To Getting It All Done

Ensuring Your Man Knows Your Love Language

How To Get My Husband To Speak My Love Language

Ensuring Quality Time During Long Distance

Investing Properly In Our Marriages

Staying Connected In Your Marriage Through The Changes

3 Ways To Respect Your Husband

How To Solve Disagreements Without Arguing

Emotional Health/ FAMILY/ Music Renews

Mental Illness–Going There & A Health Update

I sit here in my recently made-over home office, begging God to make me over.

I am in my favorite chair, the one that generations have sat in before me, the one that reminds me of my sweet Grandpa.

It takes me back to this past spring, his frail body sitting in a chair, cozied up in blankets during his last days. I remember so clearly his sweet smile as his eyes closed and his head relaxed back, his hand patting mine. I didn’t know the next time I would see him his hand would be lifeless, and mine would be stroking his hair, touching his face, coming to rest on his pulse, and feeling the very last few beats of one of the kindest hearts I have known. This precious moment, as I felt the life-blood leave, was a moment that has stayed with me. I will tell more of the story another time, it is one of beauty. It is one of a bride married 66 years, saying her goodbyes and releasing her lover to Jesus, as I sat by and caught a glimpse of eternity.

This chair, passed down from my Great Grandmothers’ Grandmother, has stood the test of time quite well.

The only bit of wear and tear is where one’s head would rest. It is slightly worn there. I think of others who have come before me, lying their weary heads to rest, feeling worn.

This life is hard, and I have just come out of one of the hardest seasons this summer, and I am worn. I have been quiet here on the blog, a necessity as the much of my weariness comes from a story that is not mine to tell, at least not in detail. I have not had the time or the emotional stamina to work. Posts have been few and far between. I miss writing & creating.

School started Tuesday for my 3 lovelies, and I now have the time that I craved most of the summer. I have found though, that there is a recovery process going on with me that is taking some time. This is life…this being ‘made -over.’ I cling to the promise that it is all going to be ok, because He is the one who makes all things new, redeeming all that seems wrong to good in the lives of those who love Him. {Romans 8:28}

I know this post is supposed to be about mental illness, and really it is. My little lovely has been ill, and I know I too am fighting the effects of illness, both physical and mental.

Mental triggered by physical, they entwine and do a sad dance.

My physical state has not been great, my reproductive organs really misbehaving, causing pain & bleeding and sending me to the doctor more than I would like. So far we have found a fibroid tumor, and I thanked God what showed up on the scan was not cancer. I am in the middle of ongoing testing to figure out why I am having the symptoms I do. My cancer medication that suppresses hormones has been a hard one to continue to take. There are no easy answers. Due to doctors order mix-up, I recently experienced what it would be like coming off of the meds, and it was a struggle. 5 days of waiting for the prescription to be refilled, my body went into withdrawal symptoms, and just when I was starting to adjust I went back on the meds, for more days of adjustment. It was not pretty, and I continue to feel the effects of that mixup. That is just my bottom half. My top half is also misbehaving. The reconstruction that I had done in October/November of last year looks great, but my right side formed a keloid that has grown even more extensive than before fixing it last fall, the most drastic changes happened in just the last month. I have both my dermatologist and my plastic surgeon puzzled. They don’t know what to do with me. If it continues to grow, it will mess up my reconstruction. Just last week the scar area on the other side formed two small pinpoint scabs, out of the blue. That really took me by surprise, as it had healed beautifully. This is something my oncologist wants to take a look at asap, as the incision site is often a place where reoccurrence happens. I am nervous because to biopsy that area could very well cause a keloid there, too, and mess up the reconstruction that I have grown quite attached to.

I know all of this physical stuff has a huge effect on how I feel emotionally and mentally.

{Worn — Tenth Avenue North}

I’m worn.

I then scroll through Facebook. See the horror of horrors called ISIS, and cry out to the One who holds it all and knows it all & promises to make some sort of sense of it all.

I keep scrolling, see Robin Williams face, and am reminded of why I choose to talk about mental illness on this blog.

I have found 2 articles that speak my heart loud and clear that I must pass on.

Thoughts On Depression, Suicide & Being A Christian — Nish Weiseth

What The Church & Christians Need To Know About Mental Illness –Ann Voskamp

{via Ann Voskamp.com}

Instead of doing much writing right now on mental illness, I am doing some healing and letting Him carry me through my own journey with illness.

In the meantime, this is the song I choose to sing.

{Colton Dixon-You Are}

———-

When I can’t find the words
To say how much it hurts
You are the healing in my heart
When all that I can see are broken memories
You are the light that’s in the dark

(Chorus)
You are the song,
You are the song I’m singing
You are the air,
You are the air I’m breathing
You are the hope,
You are the hope I needed
You are

And when my circumstance leaves me with empty hands
You are the provider of my needs
When all my dirtiness has left me helpless
You are the rain that washes me

If I had no voice,
If I had no tongue,
I would dance for you like the rising sun.
And when that day comes and I see your face.
I will shout your endless glorious praise.

————–

He is my song, my air, my hope.

In time, I know I will rise from the sad, turn my face to the Son, rise up like the sun and dance.

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The home office makeover and chair I speak of? I will be featuring them both in a post tomorrow. That is, if I can do as James Brown suggests and get up off this thing, and dance until I feel better. 🙂

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Going There — Mental Illness

Going There — Mental Illness: PMDD & Getting Health

FAMILY/ Kids/Family/ Love/ Marriage

How To Solve Disagreements Without Arguing

A great resource that I back is the book, “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married” by Gary Chapman. I wrote a previous post, Marrying Him = Marrying Into a Family, regarding one of the chapters. I also have this book listed on our Resources Page. I said that all to say I like the book and believe it is a great resource!

Today, we are going to take a look at another chapter of the book. Chapter 4: “How to Solve Disagreements without Arguing”. Sounds like a great skill set to have! Let’s delve in and see what Chapman has to say about this topic!

“No one had ever told us that conflicts are a normal part of every marriage. There are no married couples who do not encounter conflicts, for one simple reason- we are individuals.”

Chapman says first things first. We must accept that we will have conflicts. Some will be small and some will be larger. This is NOT a sign you married the wrong person, but rather a sign that we are human. Once we have accepted the fact that there will be conflict in marriage we then must find a healthy way to deal with conflicts. Showing genuine respect while we do so is important!

Chapman explains three ways that we can solve disagreements without arguing:

Each of these three solutions start by respectfully discussing both sides of the situation. One person talks while the other listens. The listener asks follow up questions and restates what they have heard. Then, they play the opposite roles. This way each side of the situation is heard and understood.

Meeting in the Middle– After discussing both sides of the situation you find a meeting place in the middle. That means you have agreed to do a part of what each person desires while also each person sacrifices a little as well.

“There is always a solution to conflicts. Two individuals who choose to be friends will find that solution.”

Meeting on Your Side– After discussing both sides one of you decides it is best to do what the other had in mind. This is total sacrifice of your total original thoughts and doing so with a positive attitude.

“Sometimes the decision to agree with the other person’s idea will involve great sacrifice. However, love always involves some sacrifice.”

Meeting Later– After discussing both sides you feel you are not able to agree with the other side nor are you able to meet in the middle. Then a time is set to discuss the situation further at a later date. The situation may look different at a later time. The most important thing here is that you do not let it allow tension into the marriage in the meantime.

The most important part of this all is listening to each other and understanding each other’s perspectives rather than accusing each other of illogical thinking. Ryan and I personally have only had minor conflicts in our marriage which I am so thankful for. But I know it is because we have open communication where we truly try to understand where the other one is coming from. That is the same thing Chapman is saying we should do here!

“When we learn to affirm each other’s ideas and look for solutions, we can process the normal conflicts in a marriage relationship and learn to work together as a team.”

What is a way you solve disagreements without arguing?

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Huge congrats to Ryan & Cassie on the birth of their first baby. They have a beautiful, eventful & blessed birth story which you can read here.