Once in awhile, I come across something that will just hit me in the gut, and all my fears return. Honestly, this is not a bad thing. It reminds. It causes me to reach out to the source of my true Strength.
This happened last night, as I was reading up on the Susan G. Komen controversy, and by clicking on some links I stumbled upon one of the most beautiful examples of love I have ever seen.
A husband, a photographer, who captures his wife’s journey through the lens of his camera. It stopped me in my tracks and I was glued, watching with immediate tension on my insides.
I can talk the brave talk, as in this post that I wrote where I speak of “laughing at the future.” Most days I truly am able to laugh, and I face the future with a peace and a smile, thankful for each moment. But then, last night in the midst of pink ribbon controversy, I see the reality of what my future very well could entail. I think of that pretty little pink ribbon, wrapped all nicely looped, and how it so does not represent well. Breast cancer, any cancer, is not pretty and pink. It is ugly, terrifying, messy, and rips loved ones away from each other.
Frankly, I don’t want to talk about pink ribbons or the money making games that seem to always come along with it, so I won’t.
But I will tell you of this beautiful brave soul, whose story started out as mine. Our cancers exactly the same type. Lobular. Our tumors exactly the same size. 6 cm. Our treatment exactly the same. 4 months chemo, 5 weeks radiation, a double mastectomy, reconstruction. Our men both full of love for us.
Here is a excerpt from their about me section:
I know this is my reality. That this amazing woman’s story could very well be mine. As hard as it was to look at their journey, so brilliantly captured by a loving husbands lens and words, I am grateful. I am grateful for this REAL awareness. So raw that I could not turn my eyes away from his words. So real that I had to read his entire blog, despite the tears it brought. I read with tears running.
This is cancer. Not pretty pink ribbons. Not pretty pink anything. Mostly, shades of grey.