Participating in  5 Minute Fridays. 5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.

This week’s word: OPEN.

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GO:

“Open your heart, open your hands, keep open to me, my Darling.”

My Savior woos.

This temptation to grip tight & close, to go inward–it is especially strong as of late.

My actions would match the pit in my stomach, tight & gripped.

I know He has plans and purpose, even in the struggle…especially in the struggle.

This physical body, this shell I live in…it can be such a complicated thing. Physical, emotional, spiritual.  All entwined.

Yesterday I read the report of my physical body. A simple blood test brought rave reviews! High vitamin D levels, perfect blood levels, normal cholesterol. Blood pressure is nice and low. Oh, how I praise You!  I get to live!

So here is my prayer.  Lord, hear my cry!

Lord?  These medications I take to keep this shell of mine free from that which would kill me?

I don’t like them. I’m thankful for them, but I don’t like them.

They make my stomach clench closed.

But here is the deal.  I will remain.

I remain in you.  You hold me and have me.  Your hand is open, holding, cradling, full of the whole world and me.

I will remain in you.  I will open to your plan.  I will obey & humble & search and find.

I will walk, even stumble forward and will not give in to despair.

I will seek, I will find. You are here as You always have been, and always will be.

I will open.

STOP.

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As you can tell, I’m still struggling to find my center.  I feel we are close to finding some answers to make the medications I take a bit more bearable emotionally.  In a nutshell, the shot I talk about here and another medication that I take to sweep up every bit of estrogen and progesterone in my body seems to sweep up more than just hormone.  It sweeps up my spark, too, and it has been the biggest of challenges.

We are searching and finding some answers, but it all takes time.  In the meantime, I covet your prayers.

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Can you relate? Has depression put a lid on you? Has anxiety got your stomach in knots?

There are answers.  Search for them. Fight for health.  Do what it takes.  Do not be afraid to reach out. Find a counselor. Find a trusted psychiatrist.  It is worth it, you are worth it.

Some simple things you can do for yourself at home that might help?

~take a detox bath

~meditate on the Truth of God’s Word

~tell a trusted friend

~take vitamins and supplements

~exercise…even if just a short walk

~take melatonin for sleep (ask your doc first)

~wake a bit early for quiet time, especially if it is the only quiet you get in a day

~never lose hope