If you read this post, you know that I was told that there was no evidence of cancer that showed on my PET scan a week ago. Well, Friday I got news that my chest MRI told another story. One I don’t like.
My Caring Bridge journal entry below will fill you in…
Caring Bridge Journal Entry 12-19-10
I have put off writing this journal for 2 days. It has been a hard couple days.
I had to call my primary care doc b/c my ear was starting to ache again. I asked her nurse if my chest MRI results were in. She was very hesitant and a bit weird, which made my heart sink. I knew the results were not positive. She said “I will have the Dr. call you”
This was Friday. I waited all day, around 5 I finally got the call.
I am not NED (no evidence of disease) as they had told me and as the PET scan results showed.
The tumor is still there, it went from 6 centimeters to 2.5.
There is a new lesion in the same breast, which is positive for cancer It is the one I said I had been feeling since about a month into treatment, it feels like a small BB and has not budged.
There is also “progression” in the “suspicious” areas of my other breast. This was another thing I was aware of, I told my doc last appointment that I feel more nodular and lumpy. This is why she ordered the scans before surgery.
There is also cellular changes in both breasts, as I understand it, they are changes that occur before cancer develops.
Needless to say, I am now VERY ready to have my surgery and wish it were tomorrow.
I have been praying often, that God would just keep the cancer contained to the breast area, and that it would not spread or grow anymore.
On a positive note, BOTH tests showed no enlargement of lymph nodes, nor did they “light up.” That is good news, but again, confusing because of what I feel. I don’t like that I was right about all the other areas that I had felt. I feel 3 round marble size nodes under my left armpit. Confusing.
Bottom line, we won’t know what we are up against until the tissue is tested after surgery.
My doctor did mention the possibility of more chemo after surgery.
I have an appointment with my Oncologist on Wednesday. I am expecting to understand the test results better and have more of an idea of how we will move forward after Wednesday. Or not?? We may not know anything until after surgery.
I struggled with this news. It was hard to call family and tell them. We had all been rejoicing about the clear PET scan, so this shocked us all. I loved that week of feeling light and free and having so many congratulate me with hugs and happiness.
Honestly, I think if we had not been given the “all clear, you are NED” I think this news would be so much easier to take.
I have been pretty teary, but still have had some great moments with my girls and Todd the last couple days. Todd told me I was handling this well, that meant the world as I am trying to hold on to what I know is true, that GOD STILL HAS ME.
We did not tell our girls. All they know is that the PET scan showed no cancer. We just could not bear to see them hurt right before Christmas and feel like it is not worth it until after surgery and we KNOW what we are up against. If you see me in person, please be sensitive to that.
Our sermon this morning was about the word “Immanuel” which means “God With Us” That is what Christmas is all about. God coming to be with us in the form of a baby, so that we could be part of His family. My pastor said over and over “God Is With You!” “God Is With You And He Makes Everything O.K.” I sat there so still just absorbing his words, and I was thankful he was so repetitive today, saying those words in so many different words and ways, which made them sink deeper and deeper within my soul. Thank you, Pastor Hsu.
No matter what happens to me, He is still:
King of Kings
Lord of Lords
Mighty God
Lord of Everything
IMMANUEL!!
PRINCE OF PEACE!
We are off to celebrate these very things, our first Christmas celebration with Todd’s side of the family. It will be so great to be around family!
I had to call my primary care doc b/c my ear was starting to ache again. I asked her nurse if my chest MRI results were in. She was very hesitant and a bit weird, which made my heart sink. I knew the results were not positive. She said “I will have the Dr. call you”
This was Friday. I waited all day, around 5 I finally got the call.
I am not NED (no evidence of disease) as they had told me and as the PET scan results showed.
The tumor is still there, it went from 6 centimeters to 2.5.
There is a new lesion in the same breast, which is positive for cancer It is the one I said I had been feeling since about a month into treatment, it feels like a small BB and has not budged.
There is also “progression” in the “suspicious” areas of my other breast. This was another thing I was aware of, I told my doc last appointment that I feel more nodular and lumpy. This is why she ordered the scans before surgery.
There is also cellular changes in both breasts, as I understand it, they are changes that occur before cancer develops.
Needless to say, I am now VERY ready to have my surgery and wish it were tomorrow.
I have been praying often, that God would just keep the cancer contained to the breast area, and that it would not spread or grow anymore.
On a positive note, BOTH tests showed no enlargement of lymph nodes, nor did they “light up.” That is good news, but again, confusing because of what I feel. I don’t like that I was right about all the other areas that I had felt. I feel 3 round marble size nodes under my left armpit. Confusing.
Bottom line, we won’t know what we are up against until the tissue is tested after surgery.
My doctor did mention the possibility of more chemo after surgery.
I have an appointment with my Oncologist on Wednesday. I am expecting to understand the test results better and have more of an idea of how we will move forward after Wednesday. Or not?? We may not know anything until after surgery.
I struggled with this news. It was hard to call family and tell them. We had all been rejoicing about the clear PET scan, so this shocked us all. I loved that week of feeling light and free and having so many congratulate me with hugs and happiness.
Honestly, I think if we had not been given the “all clear, you are NED” I think this news would be so much easier to take.
I have been pretty teary, but still have had some great moments with my girls and Todd the last couple days. Todd told me I was handling this well, that meant the world as I am trying to hold on to what I know is true, that GOD STILL HAS ME.
We did not tell our girls. All they know is that the PET scan showed no cancer. We just could not bear to see them hurt right before Christmas and feel like it is not worth it until after surgery and we KNOW what we are up against. If you see me in person, please be sensitive to that.
Our sermon this morning was about the word “Immanuel” which means “God With Us” That is what Christmas is all about. God coming to be with us in the form of a baby, so that we could be part of His family. My pastor said over and over “God Is With You!” “God Is With You And He Makes Everything O.K.” I sat there so still just absorbing his words, and I was thankful he was so repetitive today, saying those words in so many different words and ways, which made them sink deeper and deeper within my soul. Thank you, Pastor Hsu.
No matter what happens to me, He is still:
King of Kings
Lord of Lords
Mighty God
Lord of Everything
IMMANUEL!!
PRINCE OF PEACE!
We are off to celebrate these very things, our first Christmas celebration with Todd’s side of the family. It will be so great to be around family!
Angie
December 23, 2010 at 4:20 amAmy, You are an amazing women and mother. You keep fighting and we will all keep praying.
Anonymous
December 22, 2010 at 4:09 pmYou will be OK.
Anonymous
December 21, 2010 at 8:14 pmPeace.
Handy Man, Crafty Woman
December 21, 2010 at 3:52 amHugs to you.
Lana
December 20, 2010 at 5:48 pmMy good thoughts and prayers are with you. It is a setback, but I truly feel you have the right people working with your and around you and for you to get you through this next step. Feel the love around you and gather your strength and energy from this amazing power. God IS with you; cling to that news too~!
Anonymous
December 20, 2010 at 10:51 pmAmy, We have never met and probably never will, but please know you are close to my heart. As I sit here, I am praying for you and your family. I pray for healing, peace and comfort during this difficult time. May the Lord give you his great peace today.
-Cori
Sarah
December 20, 2010 at 1:48 pmAmy my heart just cries out for you today. I read the update on the Caring Bridge site last night and took time to pray for you. I can not imagine how you feel but I admire your strength. Will continue to pray for you and am believing for a miracle of complete healing!
Sarah
Melanie
December 20, 2010 at 1:40 pmHi Amy, I have followed your journey and continue to do so. I love you even though we have never met. We are sisters in Christ with hearts of mothers. I am praying that God will give you strength, even during Christmas, to be at peace and trusting Him. Nothing is impossible for God, and I know that you believe this as well. Your faith has been an inspiration to me. Thank you for your joy and trust — no matter what the results are, you have shown steadfast faith. Thank you.
Heavenly Father,
I pray for my sister, Amy, that you will hold her in Your mighty hands. Please touch her body and bring complete healing. We know nothing is impossible for You. You are the maker of heaven and earth, hold each star, and each breath… beginning and end. You see all things, and we are never far from your reach. Please be with her family and use this time in her life to be glory to You. We are trusting You for a miracle.
In the name of Jesus I pray,
Amen.
Starwood Country Creations
December 20, 2010 at 1:38 pmAmy, when I saw the title of your blog update my heart sank, I was rejoicing from afar when there was no sign on the PET scan. I know you will fight this! Your blog community is sending you strength to add the incredible spirit you already possess.
Hugs,
Joanne
Cara
December 20, 2010 at 7:37 pmAmy, my heart aches for you right now, but also rejoices, hearing how confindent you are in God leading the way….May your Christmas be exactly what you need it to be…Continuing to pray…
Cara
Corn in my Coffee-Pot
December 20, 2010 at 6:37 pmAmy– You are an encouragement to us all. Praise the Lord that the Name of Jesus is being lifted up in your life for all of those around you. I am praying for God’s will in your life and that He be glorified in your testimony. GOD’S WORD SAYS:
And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.
Bless you and your family this holiday season.
edworak@hotmail.com
December 20, 2010 at 3:00 pmAmy, I am happy you have simple phrases to ponder over, but meaning that is deeply penetrating. Immanuel, God is With us. God has a way of getting down to the intimate basics doesn’t He? Sometimes it takes our emotions awhile to catch up with those thoughts. Thus, the tears. Flush it out baby, you are allowed. Love to you and yours.
Sarah @ Mum In Bloom
December 20, 2010 at 2:54 pmOh Amy, I am so sorry for the news you received. Here’s a big hug for you (()) I admire your strength and faith. Blessings to you.
Anonymous
December 20, 2010 at 2:32 pmI came here today to print your cinnamon roll recipe. Now I just feel like sitting and processing this. I’m so sorry that this happened right after you let the good news sink in. It’s unbelievable. I will pray for good news this week as you try to enjoy Christmas with your girls. I’ll pray for an overwhelming sense of peace and for you to not need any more chemo. Love, Julie
jeana
December 20, 2010 at 4:32 amAmy, I am so sorry and sad to hear this. I haven’t been online much lately, so I had no idea. Praying for God’s comfort and healing to surround you and touch you.
Love,
Jeana
Lelia Chealey
December 20, 2010 at 4:24 amOh Girl. Leaning not on our own understanding. Praying to the One we choose to take at His unfailing Word.
I love you, friend.
Lelia
Amy
December 20, 2010 at 4:14 amOh, Amy, I’m so sorry for your news. Right now, I send you prayers, warm thoughts, and hugs for you and your sweet family. If there’s anything you need, please write and let all of us know.
Gloria (The Little Red House with the White Porch)
December 20, 2010 at 10:10 amHi, Amy. I stop by to check on your once in a while and I remember reading that you said that there was no evidence of cancer; so when I read your post today, my heart went out to you. I’m sure you must just want to sit and stare and wait for the day of your surgery, it probably can’t come fast enough; but you are being so brave for your children and putting on a brave face. Good for you. Yes, the good Lord IS with you, and you must continue to have Faith. I will pray for you. Just keep holding on, and don’t give up. The new year will bring you new joys and good news to be grateful for. I have a St. Joseph’s prayer, if you are interested, please let me know and I will email it to you. (I always ask first before sending.) Again, I will pray for you and I am sorry that you had to hear this news…
Blessings,
Gloria
email: gloria.vincent@yahoo.com
Laura
December 20, 2010 at 4:24 amAmy, I’m so sorry to hear this. I have been reading your blog for a while but haven’t been very good at commenting. I have been thinking and praying for you and will continue. God does have you! Although things get scary, God never leaves our side.