I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker and the writers of Five Minute Friday – would love for you to join us! Today’s writing prompt is: Small.
This nagging fear…it is small but there.
I am year 3 going on year 4. Remission.
Remission. Not cured.
Remission. I’m not sure what it really means.
In all honesty, to me, it means paused. We are on hold, holding our breath to see if something so small,
so minuscule, unseen by the human eye,
take root, grow, and uproot our lives again.
A cancer cell. It only takes one to attract others. They gather together, divide and have a tumor party. If this happens in an organ, for me, the party on this earth will be over.
Year 3 going on year 4 is a critical time. It is not time to exhale yet. It is almost long enough for the small to become large enough to reveal itself in symptoms & scans.
Speaking of symptoms, these small aches and pains. They cause a small pause within the pause. We tell ourselves they are side effects. We pray they stay small, yes, to stay bearable, but mostly to stay benign.
A small seed of belief. When given to Him, he plants it and grows a tree. Shade for this aching body to rest and refresh. We sit under together, I tell Him my fear. I thank Him for the shade and this view of life. I realize that paused and planting seeds is beautiful, indeed. I believe and see, the biggest party is yet to be.
blestbutstrestFebruary 22, 2014 at 9:27 pm
Oh, I know exactly how you feel about every small cough, fever, sniffle or ache. My husband is 11 years post stem-cell transplant–and I still worry about the small things. Thank you for the reminder that I need to focus on the here and now and be grateful the the time we’ve had. Glad I found you on the FMF page :).
AnonymousFebruary 22, 2014 at 12:35 pm
Praying for you.
Kathy DaleFebruary 22, 2014 at 12:34 pm
Please know that even though I only know of you through this blog, that I lift you and your family in prayer because you so clearly allow us to see the need. As your sister in Christ, I could do no less. May the great Comforter give you Peace as only He can.
CindyFebruary 22, 2014 at 5:25 am
Amy, I remember those days; waiting for test results; waiting to see if those pains meant the cancer was back. What if the treatment didn’t get all the mets? What if those errant cells were growing, moving…
Sending prayers for wellness and virtual hugs as you travel this journey.
Cindy (15+ years with no evidence of cancer’s return)
loveolympiajuneFebruary 22, 2014 at 3:08 am
Thank you for sharing this Amy!!!
NifferFebruary 22, 2014 at 12:37 am
What a great contrast of the smallness of a cancer cell, and that of faith – how they grow, to bring sorrow or joy. Truly hoping the pains stay small and faith is all that grows. Hugs!
Sandra Heska KingFebruary 21, 2014 at 6:59 pm
Praying you’re resting in a perpetual pause, my friend. That all of this will come to a full stop so you can move ahead.
PaulaFebruary 21, 2014 at 6:27 pm
God Blesses you in every way! I offer a little prayer! Visiting from FMF
Karrilee AggettFebruary 21, 2014 at 5:59 pm
Praying with you… stopping by from Lisa-Jo’s and so glad I did. So thankful that our God is bigger… always bigger.
JoyFebruary 21, 2014 at 4:49 pm
Amy, thank you for sharing so openly about your fears. It’s amazing how much power such smalls things can hold and also how much God can do with our little bits of faith.
homeskoolmomFebruary 21, 2014 at 4:30 pm
Wow Amy. Profound words as you pause. May God keep you in your pause mode for many years to come. God bless you! Christine