I’m sitting at a new to me table in my updated sunroom, in the mood to talk…so let’s talk!
Boy, I have missed writing on this blog. It has been a while, and this year I’ve only written a handful of posts.
The year started out with:
healing from surgery in January,
a bout with vertigo in February,
a life-changing local cancer conference that I spoke at in March
learning how to be witness and extracting story in April
and a donut-filled graduation celebration in May.
I’ve taken it slow on this blog of mine since that conference back in March, where I spoke of “pivoting’ in my talk to a room of beautiful fighters, survivors and caregivers…a talk of which I will share here on the blog soon.
I looked out in the crowd as I took in a breath before speaking and thought, “These are my people.”
An impression that was quite dramatic, and took away any nerves I had standing in front of an audience, which did not go unnoticed by me. A small miracle in and of itself. I usually do not like standing in front of a crowd, but this was different.
I spoke of pivoting and had what I think might be a moment of life-pivot myself. I feel called to these beautiful people:
I think the last few months have brought a pause in the pivot as I try to figure out what it all means for this space.
In the midst of the pause, God has brought about much life change and opportunity for me, which has caused a feeling of movement even though paused.
My friend Ali talks about life feeling full but not busy. Yes, life has felt full on the verge of busy– how is that possible while paused?
God has a way of doing that. Slowing us in our own plans to reveal bigger and better plans that were not part of our own planned agenda. Yes, his are always better.
Movement while paused has included:
- Campaigning, cheerleading and coming alongside a friend who is willing to do something for kids who hunger in Africa. She is tackling a mountain of need by climbing a literal mountain. She is gonna kill it on Kilimanjaro and I get to be witness as she prepares and help her get the word out about this important work.
- Entering the world of legacy writing and a writing project so precious and meaningful to me that I cannot even fathom that I have the privilege of doing it. The cancer conference I spoke of above created one of the most precious connections with one of the most inspiring people, one who I now call one of my dearest friends. I will share more about this when the time is right.
- Caring for my body. My Oncologists took me off of the protective cancer med that I have taken for the past 8 years. The goal was 10 years but it is causing my bones to thin so no more popping a tiny pill right before bed. My joints feel so much better off of this medication, but the sense of comfort I found in that tiny pill was not easy to release. Honestly, this false comfort was misplaced, and I realize my hope is in Jesus alone and he knows my story and the plans he has for me. Despite this truth, I feel strongly about taking the best care of this body of mine. Again, I will write more about this in an upcoming post, but for now, I will share this book and say that this 131 Method is working wonders for me.
There is more movement in the pause, from the gift of meeting with and mentoring a beautiful young Mom of 3, to minimalizing our home and purposefully creating more and more areas of beauty and rest for my sweet family, celebrating our middle daughter Colsie’s graduation and getting used to our youngest, Avery, becoming a driver!
Yes, full on the verge of busy.
Back to this space, this place where you all have been so kind to me over the years, willing to read my words.
Back to this pull towards cancer survivors, fighters, caregivers.
I am called to keep writing here, but I’m not sure what it will look like. It may be more like documenting, as I cannot get the words “I am witness” out of my head. Yes, a pull toward documenting instead of content creating.
Content creating is what all the “experts” say must be done. “Create content for your readers’ needs. Write what is important to them. Figure out what they want…the more viral the better.”
I love you my readers, but I am not sure I am made to create content for you.
I think instead I am made to be witness, to document what I see and share it with you–what it is that delights me, moves me, or brings me joy. To share the tools that help me to live well, because maybe they might be something you would l like too?
It is not that is is about me. Life is NOT about me.
It is not that I take you for granted…goodness no, I am so thankful for every set of eyes on these words of mine… for every single visit to this site.
It is more what I feel I am called to, and that is learning how to live well, having eyes to see, and documenting it for others, and maybe becoming a bit more niche in the area of cancer.
I am learning that life is so very very short, that we each have a calling, and I don’t want to miss that calling while I am chasing the next post that may go viral. My heart to help support our family (which is possible by the number of people reading this blog), can quickly be distracted by chasing the viral.
The viral can become virus, infiltrating my mind and distracting me from life and what I am called to do. I am not called to chase numbers.
I hope you will continue on this journey with me, even if the destination seems a bit nebulous. Really, the destination is not, for I know exactly where I am going…because it is where I have always been. Right beside my Creator.
What is nebulous is how I am to spend the time while on the road to the destination, which is quite alright. The nebulous forces one to slow, take it day by day –post by post–revealing what is meant to be.
As this happens, I will document, for I am witness.
Thank you for allowing me to be.
Will you do me a favor?
If you are a cancer fighter, survivor, or caregiver, will you let me know in the comments?
If you are a fighter survivor or caregiver in general, not having to do with cancer, will you also let me know in the comments?
JeneeJune 10, 2019 at 3:50 pm
Thanks for sharing, Amy! I am a “survivor” of cancer with my mom. When she was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in 2010, I had already committed to moving overseas. It was so hard to leave in January 2011, but I entrusted her to her amazing support system in Omaha. In June 2011, she had finished treatment and got to visit us in Spain! In 2013, her cancer returned to her chest along with a nagging cough. Then the scans revealed it had crept up to her brain 😔 We flew back to be with her and decided to stay a few months. The doctor told us the cancer would most likely win this time. We went back to Spain to give birth to my sweet daughter and then brought her back to Omaha when she was a month old, and spent the next 5 months by my mom’s side, and those ended up being her last months here with us on earth. I was my mom’s main caregiver at this time so I feel very connected to her cancer progression. We both tested negative for BRCA1&2, that which I’m grateful. However, she was diagnosed at 53, so I am slightly higher risk. So I’ve now experienced 2 mammograms, and a breast MRI at age 35. I fully support early detection and prevention whenever we can! And I love my cancer survivor friends, you, Ali, David to name a few ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for sharing and writing and encouraging us all to find the quiet spaces, connecting with Jesus in whom we have life today 💕
Tracy CollierJune 8, 2019 at 7:34 pm
Two time survivor. Breast 6.5 years ago and endometrial 2.5 years ago. I love the direction you are going!
GinaJune 7, 2019 at 1:03 am
Breast cancer survivor, almost 9 years out from diagnosis.
LoriiBJune 5, 2019 at 6:01 pm
Caregiver of a 20 yo daughter with KIF1A genetic disorder. (Man’s diagnosis. God’s diagnosis- Fearfully and wonderfully made.) Fighting to make her life meaningful. Committed to pray about the next steps now that schooling is over. Encouraged by these words of yours.
AnonymousJune 5, 2019 at 1:29 pm
Breast cancer survivor since 2012. Ran across your blog looking for recipes a couple of weeks before I was diagnosed. I had read your story and found comfort in it.
AngieJune 4, 2019 at 6:21 am
Fighting breast cancer right now.
ErinJune 3, 2019 at 11:44 am
I lost both my parents to cancer. My father 4 years ago and my mother almost 15 years ago. My 4 brothers and I took 24 hour shifts caring for our mom in her home while she was in home health hospice care. She was a home health hospice nurse and knew what she was facing when she got her diagnosis. She lived alone and asked us not to put her in a nursing home if at all possible when she was no longer able to care for herself. The last three months of her life she was bedridden, but we honored her request and cared for her at home. I was by her side when she passed away.
CarolJune 3, 2019 at 1:44 am
Living with chronic cancer and enjoying life in the slow lane!
Kelly HicksJune 2, 2019 at 10:07 pm
My husband had CCA. Dealt with it until he passed away, 2 years, 7 months & 2 weeks after diagnosis. I struggle!
Gretchen GarrisonJune 2, 2019 at 8:59 pm
Proud of you, my friend, for living out His calling for you!
CHRISTINA SELLERSJune 1, 2019 at 10:22 pm
My husband has had skin cancer three times.
Crystal YoungJune 1, 2019 at 1:26 pm
Three time cancer survior – 2 breasts, 1 skin
DeeJune 1, 2019 at 10:38 pm
Cancer survivor of medullary carcinoma of thyroid. I’m proud of you for following your heart, Amy!
AndreaJune 1, 2019 at 8:00 am
Two time cancer survivor!