I’ve learned enough in the past to know that when hardships come, I need to be alert to the lessons.
Most are small, tweaks to the character. But there are times when I feel turmoil that is bigger, and I then know that God is brewing something good, and I brace myself for the type of love and growth that comes through a storm.
When life is smooth sailing, nice and cool, I rest. These times of rest are precious, but I also find I get lethargic and lazy to the lessons. Days slip by and before I know it, I have not called out His name for far too long. A longing starts to stir within and I am missing the one who knows it all and all of me.
James 1. I would say this is my favorite chapter of mine in all of His word. Here is verses 1-5. Love.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
My heart has been heavy, and for once it is not due to health issues. A different storm stirring. New lessons brewing. In the midst I have had sweet reminders of His presence. A note from my former youth pastor, with words sweet and timely. A gift in the mail from my sister fighter friend, a necklace that brought an instant stream of tears as I felt it rest around my neck. It wrapped me not only in her love, but brought a whisper from Him–“I see you, all of you, and you are fully loved. This gift is from her & through her, but I led. I work through my people and my timing is perfect. Wear and feel my love around your neck.”
“Ok child, it is now time for this. Let’s conquer this one together.”
Sometimes I mistaken the imperfect packages He brings these lessons in, as the enemy. They are not. They are just messy, broken humans, as am I. I am learning to forgive and look past the package. I am learning to not take things so personally.
How? I am seeing myself through God’s lens.
Pure. Forgiven. Made new. Growing.
Learning is the key word here. My initial human response is defensiveness. Self pity. Lists of all the things I am doing right. Lots of “yeah, buts..” When any fault is pointed out in me, this is my natural response.
But, something is changing. It may be my initial response, but it is quickly being followed up by the sweetness of God whispers..”Forgiven. Made new. Growing.”
These beautiful song lyrics “you are more than the problems you create, you are more than the sum of your past mistakes, you are more than the problems you create. You have been remade!” {You Are More by Tenth Avenue West}
Swapped thought patterns, happening much more quickly. Growth.
This new storm brewing? It is hard to name, and honestly, it may just be more of the same, just deeper–from a different package. But sometimes the package it comes in makes all the difference, and makes a lesson thought conquered, brand new and intimidating.
But, God’s questions to me end up being the same..
“Do you trust me?” “Do you believe you are who I say you are?” “Is my opinion of you enough?” “Can you let go of defensiveness?” “Do you believe that I am good?” “Do you believe that I am just, that I will take care of others, that is is MY job, not yours?” “Do you believe that the good work I have started in you, I will be faithful to complete?”
Yes, Lord, I believe.
I trust.
You ARE good.
You are enough.
I will let go.
I give you the others.
I give you me.
You are faithful.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
The marriage book we will be reading is The Five Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. My plan was to allow Amy to select the book, but instead I decided this is the book we needed to read. Rather, it is the book I need to read. I know Amy’s primary love language (Words Of Affirmation), but I still stink at it. I am hoping that reading the book will allow me additional insight regarding how to do a better job of showing love in a way that is not natural for me.
We will read and discuss one chapter on each date. Our dates always include dinner so we will talk about what we learned over a meal. We made date nights a priority the day we got married and since we had kids we get out on average twice a month. To ensure relevant discussion and dialogue we will each highlight parts of the book to share and/or discuss. Amy has the freedom to highlight as many parts of each chapter as she wants. I have also encouraged her to specifically highli9ght points she considers important for me to learn or to know.
On my end, I have to highlight a minimum of three sections per chapter for discussion. Amy would prefer I highlight anything and everything I find interesting , but when I said that may mean nothing is highlighted we both agreed a minimum number of highlights is necessary.
For Amy’s choice she has asked me to watch two documentaries with her rather than reading a book. This seemed reasonable since we can watch a movie in one sitting.
Forks Over Knives
The fist documentary is Forks Over Knives. The second documentary is Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. Both movies have heavily influenced Amy’s thinking about health and food. It is important to Amy that I not only respect and encourage her eating habits, but that I also understand why she has transformed her diet.
Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
Amy was willing to negotiate with me to find time to watch these movies. On two of our date nights we will order in some yummy food and watch the movies over a meal at home instead of going out. To ensure relevant discussion and dialogue we will each identify parts of the movie that stood out to share and/or discuss. Amy can pick out as many parts as she wants, while I have to identify a minimum of five.
In Parts 3-5 I will share some key things I learned and reflect on the entire experience.
Amy is pretty excited about this project which makes me feel excited as well.
Link To Foundation Post
Purposeful Living #1
Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts
Purposeful Living Series
Links To Additional Posts In This Series
Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 1
Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 3
Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 4
Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 5
In Christ Alone by Owl City
It was over 15 years ago, I was 21 years old, a newlywed. I was sitting in church on Easter morning, terrified, with the question of “what if?” on my brain.
The day before, I received a phone call while at work, hairdressing. I was drying my last client of the day, and I was called to the front for a phone call.
On the phone was my dermatologist, whom I had visited just a few days before. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this over the phone, but you have skin cancer, and it is the kind that is not usually nice. Melanoma. If we caught it in time, you will be fine. If it is in the bloodstream already, your chances of beating it are very slim.
It was a very short phone call, I went back to drying my client’s hair, not sure how I was holding on to the hairdryer, as I felt numb all over.
I don’t remember much of that weekend, but I DO remember that it was Easter Sunday, and as I was sitting in church, the only thing I heard the Pastor say was..“you can experience the peace that passes all understanding when you know Jesus.”
Right as he said those words, a deep peace came over me. Fear took a back seat, and I experienced for the first time what that verse meant. It was such a sweet feeling.
That was early in my walk with God, and over the years I have grown in my knowledge of what it means to walk in peace and to trust in the plan He has for my life.
It has taken many, many lessons, and many screw ups on my part. God has proven over and over that He is worthy of my devotion, that He is good ALL the time, and that no matter what, He will never leave me.
My melanoma was caught in time, and surgery was enough to get rid of it. I was thankful but so young. I’m not sure I really got just how blessed I was that we caught it in time.
Fast forward 15 years. As you all know, I had another cancer diagnosis last year. Again, I felt the numbness that comes with that phone call. This time I was much older, wiser, and there was so much more at stake.
I had a husband of 14 years whom I had grown to love so very much, who I desperately longed to grow old with, and I had 3 little ones who would hurt deeply if anything happened to me.
These facts made peace hard to come by. If you followed my journey on Caring Bridge, you know my emotions were so up and down and my peace and trust were tested all throughout my cancer fight.
Fear raged, but, I also experienced a peace and trust that I never thought was possible. I fell very, very deep in love with my Jesus who has been by my side all these years.
I’ve always loved Him, ever since I was young, but oh the sweetness of Him that I experienced in this trial. Beyond what words can describe.
So tomorrow, I find myself facing yet another Easter Sunday, where I will sit with the question of “what if?” I have tests next week to check a spot on my kidney, and there is a possibility that cancer has visited me once again.
I have realized something this time, though. Fear has lost its grip.
That doesn’t mean it won’t rear its ugly head at times, but it does not consume me, and I am FREE. This trust I have found, it feels like rest, and that is what I am doing.
I am in His hands and I am at rest. I no longer feel panicked when I think of my 3 precious girls and that question “what if?”
I realized this week, that I finally, FINALLY I have been able to go even deeper into my trust and give them to HIM.
I know that the amazing God who has loved me all through my years will have their little hearts and will take care of them, no matter what.
And that man of mine that I love so very much? I know He has him, too.
I smiled and felt a chill when I realized this. As the song says below, “no guilt in life, no fear of death, this is the power of Christ in me.”
This Easter is a special one. I am remembering. I am remembering how He chose death, so I can be free from the fear of death.
He hung on that cross and took on my guilt, so I stand here free of guilt, despite how messed up I am. He overcame death so that I can have eternal life, forever with Him.
Lyrics:
In Christ Alone, My Hope Is Found
He Is My Light, My Strength, My Song
This Cornerstone, This Solid Ground
Firm Through The Fiercest Drought And Storm
What Heights Of Love, What Depths Of Peace
When Fears Are Stilled, When Strivings Cease
My Comforter, My All-in-all
Here In The Love Of Christ, I Stand
There In The Ground His Body Lay
Light Of The World By Darkness Slain
Then Bursting Forth In Glorious Day
Up From The Grave He Rose Again
And As He Stands In Victory
Sin’s Curse Has Lost Its Grip On Me
For I Am His And He Is Mine
Bought With The Precious Blood Of Christ
No Guilt In Life, No Fear In Death
This Is The Power Of Christ In Me
From Life’s First Cry To Final Breath
Jesus Commands My Destiny
No Power Of Hell, No Scheme Of Man
Can Ever Pluck Me From His Hand
Till He Returns Or Calls Me Home
Here In The Power OfChrist
I’ll Stand
Till He Returns Or Calls Me Home
Here In The Power Of Christ
I’ll Stand
Here In The Power Of Christ
I’ll Stand
These posts are designed to model a system of purposeful living. At least once a month, I spend time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.
If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.
Link To Foundation Post
Purposeful Living #1
Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts
Purposeful Living Series
Links To Additional Posts In This Series
Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 2
Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 3
Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 4
Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 5
Psalm 31:3
For Thou art my ROCK and my fortress; therefore for Thy name’s sake lead me and guide me.
_______________
My man is my rock, he is led and leads.
He lives the above words of Psalm 31:3
He is led by the Rock that is higher than I.
The Unmovable one, the one who is never changing, who will not budge from His promises.
He is solid, a strength that has been there for over a thousand years
My man, his hand reaches and rests.
Movement to rest.
Not a striving, just a leaning.
It takes this movement, a decision, a reaching out.
A faith that our Solid is there steady.
Ready for our leaning.
My man leans into this Ultimate firmness, which in turn makes his heart soft.
This safe strength opens my heart, makes me vulnerable, and I, too, lean.
I want to stay in this place, a thousand years more.
Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.
I love this. We are a family and we each contribute to the atmosphere and reality of our home life. We all play a very important part.
~gently admonish the freeloaders
Ha. Love that word, freeloaders. We all are guilty of this once in a while. Wanting others to do our part.
~gently encourage stragglers and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet.
This was perfect for me today. My middle girl had bad dreams last night and could not get back to sleep. She woke up REALLY needing more sleep. Here is the perfect example to where I need to be fore-bearing and reach out to comfort her in her exhaustion. I am glad to say I did this. Just having her Mom acknowledge that she must be tired from all those yucky dreams was enough to get her on her feet.
~be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs.
Oh boy. This one is for me. I know my family well. But, being attentive is much more than just knowing. It is serving based on the knowledge of individual need, and yes, this takes thought and patience.
~…and be careful that when you get on each others nerves that you don’t snap at each other.
It is so easy to snap and snark at family members. Ugh…why is this? There has been a lot of that going on among siblings lately. Oh how we need these reminders from the Word of Truth!
~look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.
As a mom and wife, this one is key. It is so easy to look at the negative. To see peoples faults. Love looks past, and sees the best and works to bring it out!
~be cheerful no matter what
REALLY? No matter what? Yes, it is there. It is a command. To rejoice always. When I was sick I really had a taste of this, and it IS possible, but only with the Lords help. He is the one that gives that peace that passes all understanding, that inner joy. It is Him in me.
~thank God no matter what happens.
again, REALLY? Yes, really. Finding contentment in all circumstances is another supernatural thing only found in the power of God.
~pray all the time
A constant awareness of Him. A continual communion throughout the day. Whispers between friends. Thoughts to the One who knows me, loves me, and promises to be with me always. He is the Peace giver and the Peace maker…
…and OH how I need Him in my family’s pursuit of peace!
