Source: tumblr.com via New on Pinterest
“I Celebrate the Day
That You Were Born To Die,
So I Could One Day
Pray For You To Save My Life”
I can’t seem to find my words, so today I stay quiet, and share these beautiful words of Max Lucado’s:
Dear Jesus,
It’s a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.
These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.
The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?
Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod’s jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.
Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.
Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won’t you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.
This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.
Hopefully,
Your Children
(written by Max Lucado in response to the shootings)
{Momastery.com}
“Don’t let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one.”
BAM!
When I saw this graphic on PInterest it hit me right in the head and heart. Hard.
My girls are now 13, 11 and 9. They are great girls.
But, we have definitely hit middle school years with my two oldest and as I watch them try to maneuver in the muck of what middle school years can bring, I have felt fear creep in.
Amy + fear = not a good thing.
It creeps in on me, one thought will enter. Another the next day. Before I know it my stomach is in a ball of worries and I feel the world is on my shoulders and it is up to me to save the world.
What am I afraid of? Who do I think I am that I can save the world?
It seems to come down to this. I don’t want my kids to struggle. I don’t want them to learn life lessons the hard way. I don’t want them to make bad decisions in these years that will take a lot of years to work through & heal from. I don’t want them to walk the path I did, a path that started in middle school.
Fear. Fear. Fear.
It is interesting.
When they were little, their struggles and misbehavior brought out something else in me.
Pride.
It is really easy for a fit throwing 3 year old to make Mommy look and feel like a total loser parent. I cared about how their behavior made ME look.
God and I worked through that one, and honestly, I kinda miss that being the issue, for I’d rather be in pain and have to work through it then see my girls experience pain and them have to work through it. Bring back the 3 year old fits!
I’d take those any day over watching my girls sort out who they are and seeing them struggle with what we all, especially as females, can struggle with– identity.
Identity is huge in middle school. What defines me? My friends? My clothes? The phone in my hand? The brand of my boots? The way my hair is curled that day?
The world and their peers scream YES, these things matter and define you. You and your peeps need to look and act a certain way for you to be accepted and loved. This leaves the question constantly on their middle school brains “Am I ok?” “Do I fit?”
I feel like my words are whispers they cannot hear over their peers screams right now, and honestly that is my fault.
My fear causes my reactions to be in the moment and they take on a lecturing tone.
Mom lecturing = blank stares, eyes rolling & a mind and heart that is tuned out. My whispers fall on deaf ears, although my lectures are far from whispers.
Why do I fall into this–the lecture?
Back to the yuck–I’ve seen one of my girls think that if the other sister dresses and looks what they would define as “dorky” that it somehow defines her or in some way reflects on her and makes her look bad. What? Oh that is yucky…so yucky that when I realized that this was an issue last week it was my turn to stare blankly with my mouth hanging open, silenced–but only for a minute before my lecture started.
But, can’t I relate to that? I used to let my 3 year olds fits define me as a mom, and I was a grown woman.
I should not have been surprised when the next day, as I was wearing an over sized Nebraska tshirt with jeans and we were expecting family company, my daughter was horrified that I was actually going to wear it. Now there are even opinions on what I wear? Oh Lord have mercy! I did look silly and it WAS a shirt I usually wear with pajama pants, but REALLY? Do you really feel less because your Mom looks a little dweeby? Does this really effect how you see yourself and feel about yourself?
Why am I so surprised when they struggle?
My heart felt heavy a few days ago with all these issues on my brain. I had lunch with a super great girlfriend, whose gentle encouragement pointed out all the wonderful things she sees in my girls. She put the graphic above into her own words, which I think is why it hit so hard when I saw it today on Pinterest. God has to do that with me you know…work in themes. Say things in more ways than one. Hit me over the head a few times, lovingly of course. I love it when He does this, for He knows what is going to work on my heart.
The same day my Mother-In-Law had to drop something off for me, and the timing was perfect, as I was still sorting through my thoughts and emotions when it comes to this parenting thing and they came blurting out the minute she sat down.
She gave me such practical advice. She helped me figure out how to stop the lecture and just simply talk to my girls. She gave me example questions to ask them, to stir their own thinking and their own little hearts. I felt hopeful right away, stomach unknotting and weight off my shoulders.
It is working. I am seeing that my lecturing can be very shaming and guilt producing, and that is so not what I want to do. Instead, I want to ask them about their hearts, to guide them into thinking about who they really are and who they want to be. To remind them that God thinks the world of them and loves them fully, and that there is nothing they can or can’t do to make Him love them more or less. These are the things that bring on true identity.
I don’t have it all figured out yet, and I definitely want to get my thoughts together more when it comes to revealing to my girls all the amazing things their Creator thinks about them. Identity is my key word that I will focus on, and I will teach them who God says they are.
I will also choose to look at the good in them. There is so, so very much. When I chose to see all the gifts in them, it calms fear and puts it in its place. It reminds me Who has the them. It takes the world off my shoulders and puts it where it actually is and where it belongs; in His hands.
I have a friend I want you all to meet. I have never met her in person, but consider her a dear friend. We ‘met’ through her brother, who introduced us via Facebook when I was going through treatment for cancer. He knew I needed to know his sister. She is a miracle survivor, living with stage 4 breast cancer. Her cancer metastasized to her bones & brain, but her tumors are staying stable and ‘quiet.’
She is truly a miracle, but she knows that her status could change at any time.
She knows pain, both physical and emotional. While her cancer stayed quiet, she watched her brother-in-law suffer with a reoccurrence of brain cancer, and was there for his family as he battled long & hard, and her faith never wavered. I wrote a bit about his life here.
Michelle is one of the most courageous people I know. She lives her life in the moment & knows what it means to be thankful. Her words encouraged me many times during my fight, and they continue to do so. She updated her Caring Bridge site this week, and what she had to say just blew me away. I knew I had to share it with you all, as it was such a tangible example of what Thanksgiving is all about.
{The Mellinger Family}
It is an honor to introduce you to my friend, Michelle Mellinger:
THANKSGIVING:
We are celebrating one of my favorite holidays of the whole year on Thursday. It causes me to be sentimental, family-oriented, and most of all thankful. I wanted to share why I am THANKFUL FOR CANCER. Yes, that is hard to say, but so very true when I look back over the last three years.
Cancer has given me HOPE: Many people find that hope and cancer don’t go hand in hand. But without hope cancer is debilitating. Without hope, you spend your days wallowing in the how and why’s and spend little time enjoying the sights and sounds around you. Hope does not mean that I am in denial about what is to come, hope is the empowerment to know that whatever is to come I can handle it.
Cancer has given me COMPASSION: Before my diagnosis, I really didn’t SEE those around me. Cancer has given me the ability to look into someones eyes and feel their pain. It is given me empathy and a desire to want to help and encourage people.
Cancer has given me a FUTURE: most people immediately think that cancer takes away your future. I used to believe that too. I used to live in the moment, not worrying about what was ahead for my life. I didn’t use to dream about my future or what God had in store for me. Now my future is tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. I am investing in today so that my future will live on through my children.
Cancer restored my RELATIONSHIP with my Savior: I had a hard time BC (before cancer) wanting to spend time with Jesus. I didn’t have a passion to be in the Word or kneeling in prayer. I had it under control. My life was going exactly how I had planned. I had a great job, awesome husband, and two beautiful children. But it didn’t go as planned, my life wasn’t unfolding the way I had envisioned. I have found that God had a new plan. I don’t always like the new plan, but I am trusting in Him to show me what it is that He wants me to do with my life.
Cancer has shown me that MIRACLES do exist: I am a miracle! It is not of my doing. It is God’s doing. I used to think miracles only happened in Bible times, but they still happen today. If you looked at my medical records they would show a woman that had six months to live. They would cause some doctors to throw their hands up and say there is not much we can do. My God has allowed the medical treatments at the hands of my doctors and nurses to do amazing things. They have kept me alive for three years longer that most would have imagined. I still don’t know why God allows some people to do well and others he takes to his heavenly home way too quickly. I just know that that there is something more I am to do before he takes me home, maybe it is to remind people that miracles do still exist.
Cancer has given me a THANKFUL heart. I am so thankful for my family and friends who stand beside me everyday and encourage me to keep on plugging along and not give up. I am thankful for my children who remind me how important hugs and kisses are and inspire me to be a better mother. I am thankful for a husband who loves me when I am not lovable and gives me a reason to keep on fighting and living.
I hope you all find hope, compassion, a future, Godly restoration, miracles, and a thankful heart. Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
Michelle
//
Amazing insight, isn’t it? It just touched my heart so much to read her words, and made me think of this song I’ve shared below. She lives this song everyday. I love how she said. “Hope does not mean that I am in denial about what is to come, hope is the empowerment to know that whatever is to come I can handle it.” I know that she can say this because of her trust in God, and because of this trust, she can and does live out 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Give Thanks In Everything.”
To follow Michelle journey, see her Caring Bridge page.
The song in the video below made me think, and honestly, I didn’t want to. I just wanted to plug my ears and ignore it…
…these lyrics:
“This is love. This is hate. We have a choice to make.”
Does this mean if I’m not choosing to love, then I am choosing to hate?
Ouch.
To often I wait around to make the choice until my emotions change. I sit around in my funk and wait until I feel like being forgiving. I wait until I feel like the person I have issues with is acting like one who deserves to be loved or at least acts in a way to make it easier to love them. But this is not the way of Jesus.
His Word says:
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.
He says when asked how many times to forgive:
“Not seven, but seventy times seven.”
It is not natural. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel good.
Yet, it is the way of Jesus, and I call myself a Christ- follower. Who and what am I following really? Love? Or hate?
And these lyrics:
“Give me grace to forgive them, cuz I feel like the one losing”
It has to be from Him, His grace, for me to take a step and swallow my pride and choose to love. To face the real possibility of rejection. To be brave enough to love despite not feeling loved, resting in the One who loves completely. Is His love enough? Do I grasp just how amazing His love is? Do I rest enough in it that I allow it to fill the void, the breaks that happen to my heart from others who are also just needing grace and their cracks filled up, too?
Thank goodness God doesn’t wait to love me until I am acting like one who deserves to be loved. Why do I think this is ok for me to do this to another?
Ephesians 4:32
{Click here to order this 5×7 art print in your choice of color}
Why is it that the minute I press “publish” on a post like yesterdays, it seems like right around the corner is test for me to put into practice the words I proclaim?
I write today because I want you all to know that despite so many blessings, life is tough, and brings many opportunities of growth.
My ‘test’ is really not a huge deal, it is a silly little disagreement between my husband and I that I know in time will work its way into an understanding, but in the meantime…emotions sure can swirl. When you add the messiness of living life with other people, whether it is kids or family or friends, (or all of the above in one day!) well, life can feel like a tornado.
If you know me, you know I am a highly emotional person. I feel things deeply. When I took the Clifton strengths test, my top 5 strengths are all “feely” and emotional type strengths. My number one strength is empathy. I’m just a bundle of feelings and emotions, that is how God made me.
Usually I love that. It makes me who I am and I feel like it allows me to live a life of depth and care for others. But, there are some days when I despise it. Yeah, strong word, but true. It would be so nice to have a switch to shut the emotions off, or at least turn them down. I’m not talking tears here, well, sometimes, but usually when I need to turn it down a bit, it is when I feel angry or hurt or when I’m taking things too personally. The result can be a pit in my stomach that can literally hurt at times.
I’m learning to recognize that pit in my stomach feeling and use it as a warning to take heed and watch my reaction. Sometimes it just is not fast enough. Sometimes I just need time to sort out the “whys” of what I’m feeling, to sort out the reason for the intensity, so that I can have a discussion that is fair without my junk in the way.
So that is what I am doing today. I am sorting out my junk, in order to have a fair discussion. As I do, I am so thankful for my Lord. I’m so thankful that as emotions swirl and fear comes along to wreak its havoc, that in the midst of it is this amazing, steady, unmoving God that says to me:
“Amy, I’ve got this. I am for you. You can trust me. You don’t need to change anyone but yourself, leave others to me. I am the Lord your God. Rest child. Speak your truth in peace, then let go and allow Me to work. I am for your marriage. I love Todd, He too is my child. I am for Him, too. He walks with me and follows my lead, you see this in Him clearly, daily– so trust that–which means ultimately, trust Me.”
Oh friends, isn’t this hard to do sometimes? To let go and trust? Especially when we are convinced we are right? I know for me it is. Oh, to care more about doing what is right and acting right instead of trying to convince someone else that I am right! Too often, once I take a step back, I see that really, I never was right. Ugh.
I think of those of you who can’t say that your husband walks daily with the Lord, and I want to encourage you that you can still trust the goodness of God. He is good. He is incapable of being or doing anything but good. He is trustworthy. He is immovable and solid when you feel like everything else can crumble around you. He is the still in the storm, and He is with you always. He will never leave you, or forsake you.
So today, I cling to that. I rest in His stillness. I allow Him to remind me who He is and because of who He is I don’t have to solve anything or convince anyone of anything. That is His job if it needs to be done and He will do it when and if He chooses.
So I let go of the swirling, I cling to the still, the unchanging, and I feel free.
When I was a child, I held to my mother tightly
Then I grew taller and left to follow my dreams
I went after my dreams, and some of them brought me delight
But they didn’t bring me everything I hoped they might
Then I grew taller and left to follow my dreams
I went after my dreams, and some of them brought me delight
But they didn’t bring me everything I hoped they might
I fell into love like a skydiver in the clouds
It wasn’t enough, no, we couldn’t sustain it ourselves
All the things I pursue
Well, they stay for a season,
Then everything moves,
Everything moves, oh
My towers fall,
But you aren’t leaving me
‘Cause everything moves but you
I trained my body to run and not be weary
I worked and I read how to raise a better family
Then I bought a good house on the safe side of town, because I could
And as long as my life stays like this, I’m feeling good
Until my bones become brittle against my will
My heart is home, oh, to make the earth stand still
All the things I pursue
Well, they stay for a season,
Then everything moves,
Everything moves, oh,
My towers fall,
But you aren’t leaving me
‘Cause everything moves but you
You…I never outgrow you
You are a tree always in bloom
You are a hall of endless rooms
A living fountain springing up
I’m satisfied but never done
I’m never done
With you
Chorus
My man asked me out on a date first thing this morning. I love that he still does this. He makes it a priority to take me out at least every other week, and has since the day we married. I’m a lucky lady!
I knew exactly where I wanted to go. There is a place in town called Bread & Cup, and they do something pretty special on Saturday nights. They shop at the Farmer’s Market which is downtown every Saturday, and make the menu for the evening based on the fresh, local produce they find. I LOVE that! I was at the Farmer’s Market this morning with my oldest girl, and the produce looked AMAZING.
The problem was, when we saw the price of such a grand idea, we decided it was a bit much for our budget right now and instead ordered some Bread with Hummus & Roasted Tomato Pesto, & some wine. We decided to enjoy the outdoor atmosphere, wet our appetites a bit on great sourdough bread and dip, and then hit another place later on for some sushi, which would be a bit more affordable.
The weather was amazing. It was about 80 degrees with a slight breeze.
The bread and dip was perfection, and quite filling!
Just as we were finishing up, the clouds rolled in and we started hearing sprinkles hit the roof above us. It made such a calming sound, so we sat just a bit longer.
I had to take a pic of my new wedge shoes. I’ve been wanting a pair of these ‘match with everything’ colored shoes. They are super comfortable and were 1/2 off at Famous Footwear. I love a good deal and a good shoe! Let us all notice that I need a pedicure. I’m thinking that should be something I do right after the kids go back to school.
We left Bread & Cup and went just a couple blocks over to Dozo Sushi & Grill. I’m a big fan of their sushi.
By now the rain was really starting to come down, but thanks to Todd dropping me off at the door I stayed dry.
I am a huge sushi lover and have to have it at least every couple weeks. Todd loves it too, and he especially loves the music they play at this place, which he comments on every time we go. I think it’s cute.
We shared just one order of sushi as the bread really did fill us both up quite a bit.
I took a few shots outside while waiting for my man to pick me up after we ate. I love being downtown! The rain had stopped but the clouds still looked like they had a bit left to give..
We have desperately needed rain here in the Midwest, so this was a welcomed site.
A coffee house right next to the Sushi Grill. How perfect. My two favs.
Now we are home, kids are settled down, and Todd is waiting for me to get this post up so we can finish our date. He has popcorn and a movie all ready to go. I am a very spoiled and blessed girl!