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Life-A Beautiful Ride

It is an interesting thing, being a writer of a blog.  There is a gift of a following, and it is not one I take for granted.  I have often found myself wishing that we could all just sit and chat.  I wonder about your lives and wish I could know each and everyone of you.

I love sharing our world through this blog and feel so blessed that anyone would care to read it.  I have found myself frustrated as summer has hit.  I feel I have so much to say and share, but… TIME.  It has not been easy to find.  Actually, it is more than that.  Summer has hit like a ton of bricks.  There has been hardship in our close family.  A family death and more.  I usually deal with the tragic by sharing and writing, receiving your comments & encouragement. But these are not my stories to tell, so I have been processing quietly.

In the midst of the hard, there are so many precious moments, most of them with my girls.  My house went from quiet, clean, organized–the perfect place for one to write, to absolute CRAZINESS!  It is messy, lived in, full of giggly girls (mine and neighbors) & LOUD!  Honestly, I have loved every minute.  My girls, age 9, 11, & 12, are at super fun ages, and I find myself smiling all day at them.  I have had to be purposeful in telling myself (yes, I talk at myself sometimes) that memories made mean messes made, and I let go of my clean house standards.  I tell myself I can find them in the fall again, when little ones go back to school and the house gets quiet.

I will be working on some hot spots that if I don’t do anything about, will grow into mountains by fall, so look for some organizing posts coming up.

I hope your summer is going well.  I’d love to know what you are up to and how you have adjusted.  Know that I think of you all often, my readers, and thank you for supporting me and my family by continuing to read this blog.

Blessings to you all,

6
FAMILY/ Marriage

Two Books To Strengthen My Marriage 2012-Part 3 – Purposeful Living



These posts are written by Todd (Amy’s husband) designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, I spend time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities. 
If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.
Correct Priority
Priority #4 – Social Health – Immediate Family-Spouse(Social & Emotional Health)
Goal Setting & Reflection Date
Sunday, February 26
Goal
Invest in the social and emotional helath of my wife and strengthen my marraige by reading and discussing two books with Amy in 2012.  The first book must be a mutually agreed up marriage book.  The second book may be any book of Amy’s choice.  Specific goals include:
  • Mutually choose a marriage book.
  • Amy chooses a book of her choice.
  • Decide how often to read and discuss each book.
  • Develop a plan to ensure relevant discussion and dialogue.
Goal Status
Partially Completed
Thoughts
Instead of a book, Amy asked if we could watch 2 documentaries that were important to her.  On the first Saturday of May Amy and I ordered in some super yummy Indian food and watched the documentary Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead on Netflix. 
Film Summary
Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead is a documentary about Joe Cross who overcame obesity and a variety of serious chronic illnesses by going on a primarily plant-based diet.
Project Reflection
My thoughts on the film are below, but most important are my thoughts on my relationship with Amy and why we watched this film together.
Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead is not a film I would have chosen to watch on my own.  I watched it because it was important to Amy.  I watched it because what is important to her is important to me.
While I watched this film I really tried to view it through Amy’s eyes.  She is a breast cancer survivor and is fighting to prevent recurrence.
In addition to traditional medicine, Amy has chosen to fight recurrence through a radical change to her diet.  She has embraced a “plant-based” diet and was at least partially inspired by this film.
Overall, I am incredibly proud of how Amy has approached her fight against cancer.  The decisions she has made related to diet I support and agree with 100%.
I don’t know if her cancer will return, but I know she is doing everything possible to prevent that from happening.  For nearly two years she has faithfully maintained a diet consisting of the most healthy foods a person can possibly eat. 
It is inspirational to me and I’m super proud of her.
She wants to see her girls grow up.  She wants to be a good mom and eventually a good grandma.  She wants to deepen her relationship with me and invest in the lives of others.
And I need her.  I would be lost without her.
Film Ideas & Statistics That Stood Out To Me
The film promotes eating foods rich in micronutrients.  Fruits, vegetables, nuts, and beans are all rich in micronutrients.
The typical American diet has less than 10% of our calories coming from nutrient rich foods.  The other 90% of our calories come from nutrient deficient foods.
The closer food is to its natural state the more rich it is in nutrients.
The major problem with processed food is that the micronutrients have been processed right out of them.
Dr. Fuhrman is highlighted in this documentary.  He developed his own food pyramid called the Nutrient Dense Food Pyramid.  
I have never heard of Dr. Fuhrman before, nor have I heard about his alternative food pyramid.  I am very interested in learning more about his background in nutrition and will spend some time on his website over the next couple of weeks.
Film Reflection
There are a million different diets.  A trip to the bookstore or an internet search will reveal hundreds if not thousands of experts in nutrition all claiming that their diet is the best.
But I have never thought food was all that complicated.  Back in college I read a book written by vegetarians and decided that eating fruits and vegetables was the way to go.
Why?
It seemed common sense to me that an orange would be more healthy than a hamburger.  It seeemed common sense to me that a carrot would be more healthy than a ho-ho.
Over the past year Amy has pushed my thinking further by personally embracing a plant-based diet – a diet which consists of eating foods which come from plants as close to their natural state as possible.  These foods are rich in disease fighting micronutrients.
Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I am far from a healthy eater.  I like my junk food.  I like my McDonalds.  I like my diet pop.  While I believe fruits and vegetables are the way to go, I don’t personally eat a lot of fruit and veggies.
But I am fully aware a day will come when I will need to make a permanent change and embrace healthy eating habits.  And when that day comes I will choose a plant-based diet.
The challenge to any diet, however, is finding healthy foods you actually like to eat.  I like to eat.  I want to enjoy my food.
Lucky for me Amy has been traveling this plant-based foods journey for a while now and has developed some great recipes.  She has already hooked me up with all kinds of healthy, but tasty, foods. When I am ready to fully walk that path, I will be more than set!
Maybe when I turn 50?
Link To Foundation Post
Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts
Purposeful Living Series

Links To Additional Posts In This Series
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Kids/Family/ Love

Kiss Me

When I think of you, I think of all the things below.  

When I think of all the things below, I just want you to…
….
~wise
~kind
~man of character
~good with money
~dedicated to job
~cares for the hurting
~heart for kids
~amazing dad
~loving husband
~family man
~listener
~takes me on dates
~committed
~trustworthy
~can admit fault
~delights in children
~priorities ordered
~balanced
~family before work
~God before everything else
~thoughtful
~efficient
~supportive
~believes in me
~allows me to be me
~takes interest in my interests
~cares about those I care about
~handsome
~nice lips..tee hee!

2
Love/ Music Renews

Just Breathe

Have you ever been at a point in your life where all you could bring yourself to do is just..breathe?

There is so much pain in this world, and someone I love very much has had more than her share.  My recent whispers to her?  Keep on breathing.  Breathe in.  Just breathe.

As I have been part of walking through this pain with my loved one, I just keep thinking of how pain brings perspective.  Her pain makes me realize the depth of my love for her, the importance of being there for those whom we love through thick and thin, and what an amazing gift it is to love someone so much that it hurts.

I’ve also learned that the tears we cry for another are some of the most precious and cleansing.  Pure love.

I pray this song brings some comfort and relief to someone out there.  It is a simple but profound message.

Just breathe.
Where there is breath, there is life.
Where there is life, there is hope.

1
Love/ Mothers Day

Thank You, Mom.

I see you, Mother.

You are mine. A gift.

I take a minute to see of all the good in you, and it takes many minutes as one memory leads to another.

Minutes tick, memories come, and I know some of the most life- giving and life-serving moments you gave me, are the ones that I have no memory of.

I see Mom, young

The moments you spent with me as a babe, nursing & bathing.  Whispering sweet nothings and singing melodies.  I know you sang to me with that beautiful voice of yours, so beautiful that at one point in time you traveled and shared with others your melodic singing voice.

You have told me so many times that some of your favorite memories are of us as babes, on your hip.  You would recount the memories and start to bounce, and I can picture it years before, Mother bouncing daughter on her hip.  A mother’s hip, the perfect perch, a shapely mold made for bouncing babies.

I grow, as do my 4 siblings, and Mother grows busy.  I now am grown and have 3 of my own, and I, too, have grown busy.  How oh Mom, did you do it with 5?

I know you sacrificed.  I know you spent days serving.  Constant mouths to feed and bills to pay and house to clean, laundry to fold.  So many underlying worries that I was too young to understand.

You did her best and yet would say your best was not good enough.  Don’t we all, us Mothers, feel this way? I disagree, Mommy, I saw your best.  What more can one do but their best?

I see Mom, sad.  

The day wedding ring slipped & flew across the floor and disappeared forever in an air vent. You walked committed to a marriage, with a finger naked too many years.  Oh if only I were older then and known better, I would find a way to get a ring right back on that finger.  I would make you one if I had to,  for I know this absent ring broke your heart and you longed for the symbol of completeness and commitment. These things matter to us women.  I am now woman and I play with my own wedding ring as I pause from writing, thinking of your pain.  I remember your beautiful ring, and those long elegant fingers, and I too, now mourn.  I mourn for what became and how your heart broke when marriage broke and the pain nearly split you in half.  I mourn that I was not able to comfort you in your pain, for broken marriages bring pain to whole families, and my own paralyzed, as did my age.

I see Mom, happy.  

You sing silly.  Do YOUR Ears Hang Low? Do They Wobble To & Fro? Can You Tie Them In A Knot, Can You Tie Them In a Bow? and How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?  I hear your giggle, I see at times your child-like delight in the quirky details that to many walk through this life and miss.  I see you embrace the part of yourself that is free spirit, I learn to let go of my control as I watch you delight in the free.

I see Mom, most loyal.

One of the most precious gifts you have shown to me is how to be loyal.  You never speak ill of your children, especially from one of your children to another.  You do not judge us.  You are not a gossip.  I know I can share with you and you will keep it to yourself.

I see Mom, forgiving.

In many ways, but one specific is we both know I can be so slow in returning phone calls.  Your forbearance in this makes me want to call.  I will show the same grace to my children, for I have learned from you.

I see Mom, scared yet strong.
You are a Mom who has had the dreaded phone call.  “Your daughter has cancer.”  I so didn’t want to tell you knowing the pain it would bring.  You were there, watching as chemical chemo dripped, as nurses poke, as Oncologist joked about my heart rate “as fast as a train.” You watched as I woke from one of many surgeries, high on morphine.  You tell of how scared you were when I was not responsive, how eyes rolled back, an image that would scare any Mother.  You are this image burden bearer.
You rejoiced with me in the mall when we got the call that scan was clear, you held my heart when I crumbled in the doctors office when we were told the second scan was not.  It was you who I wanted to feed me ice as I woke up from mastectomy surgery.  I think of how strong you had to be in that waiting room, as your daughter was getting cut on and cancer was getting cut out.  I think of how beautiful and symbolic it is, when I lost my bosom, you offer me the comfort of yours in all your actions.  You were there.  You fed my family your famous sloppy joes, you helped me organize my basement which gave me the feeling of order and control when life was spinning. You put away all my Christmas decorations.  You held my gross drains and helped me dress.
 Your texts to me in the night were at times the only thing that could comfort when I was so scared and so sick.  All Day All Night, Angels Watching Over Me the same song you would sing to me when bouncing bald babe on your hip, is the one that you text your now grown bald babe.  “Angels are watching over you my sweet Amy” your text would read.  Nights in a row I would get that same text and comfort came from you to me and I would drift off with angels watching.
One of my most favorite cancer memories was with you, when I took off my scarf to show you my shaved, bald head.  I moved slowly, thought you would break down.  Instead, a twinkle in your eye, then a grunt as you tried to hold in your laugh, then we both bust up laughing.  Oh how I loved that!  I laugh out loud as I write even in this moment.  You spared me the sympathy eyes, you spared me your tears, and you gave me the best medicine–laughter.
People say I am strong from this battle
I am.  But not just from this battle, but from watching your strength as you have battled what this broken world brings.
I have looked, I have learned.
I see you, Mom, in me.

Happy Mothers Day!

 

13
Love/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

Honestly?


{Honestly by Vota}
Honestly can I tell you where I’m at
Honestly can I pull the curtain back
Will you run if you see how weak I am?

If you don’t see the real me you won’t see what mercy’s done.
If you don’t see my weakness you won’t see what love has won
If you don’t see the distance form the darkness to the sun
You won’t see.  Honestly

Honestly, I’m growing sick and tired
Honestly it hurts too much to hide
Brokenness that’s killing us inside

Let the light escape from this hole inside my soul
When I start to break then grace begines to flow
Let the light escape from this lonely place inside my soul
Honestly
_______________

Can I be honest with you?  A little confession?

It was much easier being real, being honest, admitting struggle, admitting fault…when I was sick.

Sickness was almost an excuse to not have it all together.  People would understand that I didn’t have it all together.

My body is in remission, but honestly, my soul is still sick.  In need of a Saviour.  Daily.  Every moment.

I want to continue to be real, to write honest, to soul connect with others.  This takes a vulnerablility.

It is so refreshing when other soul connectors are willing to put the perfect down and show up real.  It is so life giving to read of women who don’t have it all together, because who does?  Not I.

So these are my thoughts.  I want to write real.  Honestly.

“If you don’t see the real me you won’t see what mercy’s done.
If you don’t see my weakness you won’t see what love has won”

The real me…

…wonders if I will ever be content pleasing God, rather than man.  Just when I think I am free of this, another layer.  I tell a girlfriend a few weeks ago that I feel more free in this area.  Ha!  There have been constant tests to that the minute those words came from my mouth!  Layers.

…would be horrified if you saw my closet right now.  Or my laundry room.  Or my car trunk.  Mess!

…fears that I will never be able to express just how amazing it is to know Jesus.  How do you tell of such love and peace?  What words describe God made flesh?

…still wonders what people think of my ears when I wear a ponytail.  Oh to have ears that were flat to my head.

…feels ashamed that I sent my sweet girl off to school with tears.  She snapped all morning at everyone, and right before she got out of the car, I had had enough and snapped back.  I wanted to show her how it felt.  I became child. She walked away with tears.  Oh God, heal the hurts I cause.  Erase from little brains, or at least show them that mercy covers the real me.  The real them.

If you see good in me, 
It is He who you see.
Not me.

9
Love/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

Please Don’t Let Me Go





Please don’t let me go

I’ve seen days
Where the nights don’t end
I’ve seen strangers
I used to call friend

How can I begin to trust
In the fact that You’d never let me go
Been left so many times
Feel like nobody could know

The sound that my heart makes
When it starts to break
And the pain that I hate
Waits for me everyday

And yet I lie awake
Alive and still breathin’
Hopin’ that this time in my life
Is just a season

Believin’ the words
You spoke to Your people
How you’d never leave
Even though we couldn’t see You

How You would make us prosper
Even though we couldn’t pay You
Back now there’s nothing I lack

Please don’t let me go
If I can’t have Your love
My hearts got no where to go
Only You can rescue me

Please don’t let me go
I’d be lost inside a dying world
Just trying to find my home
It’s with You I belong
Please don’t let me go

I remember the moments life was a blur
An adolescent spirit, far from mature
I couldn’t tell between a friend or a foe
So alone I remained, looked to the sky for hope


It’s hard to feel alive when you’re cold
It’s hard to reach the sky when you’re low
Sunlight is hard to find in a storm
How can I give love if my souls been torn


A broken vessel, you call it a master piece
No eye can see how deeply You’re in love with me
Honestly I can’t love me how You love me
But obviously there’s something that You want from me


‘Cause You don’t want to let me go
Owner of the world but You want my soul
My heart is crying out, Lord, please take control
I need You and I don’t wanna let go

Please don’t let me go
If I can’t have Your love
My heart’s got no where to go
Only You can rescue me

Please don’t let me go
I’d be lost inside a dying world
Just trying to find my home
It’s with You, I belong
Please don’t let me go

(Don’t let me go)
Please don’t let me go
(Don’t let me go)
Please don’t let me go

And I’ve seen who I could be
Without You close to me
I can’t recognize that person
Staring back at me

And You’ve seen how my heart breaks
From the choices I have made
I know Your love can take it all away

Please don’t let me go
If I can’t have Your love
My heart’s got no where to go
Only You can rescue me

Please don’t let me go
I’d be lost inside a dying world
Just trying to find my home
It’s with You, I belong

I stumbles upon this timely song this morning.  A beautiful reminder that not only will He never let me go, but He knows me so intimately that he has me “engraved in the palm of His hand.”

Held.
Cherished.
Beloved.
Never alone.
Never let go.
Safe.

What better place to be?
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