Browsing Category

HEALTH

Spiritual

Peace

This is one of my all time favorite Christmas songs.  It makes my heart just soar when I listen to it, I especially love the words “Peace On The Earth Tidings Of Good Cheer.”  I love the beginning of the song, I think the choir and violins sound angelic, and the piano at the end is so calming and soothing. The song makes me think of these verses:


“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!'” (Luke 2:13, 14).

“For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).


Jesus as “the one who brings peace” has taken on a whole new meaning for me this year as I battle cancer.  As we unpacked our Christmas decorations, I found a glittery, silver sign that spells the word “Peace.”  I usually keep it in the living room during the holiday season, but this year I decided to be selfish with it, and put it in my bedroom.  
It has been a beautiful reminder to me, especially when fear rears its ugly head.  More than once, as my thoughts have started to spiraled down into the fearful unknown, that sparkly sign has caught my eye and  stilled the spinning.  
 “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).
These were some of the last words Jesus spoke to his disciples before his crucifixion.  He knew they would soon be experiencing such pain and turmoil as they watched him die.  
BUT…the grave did not keep Him, as three days later he appeared to them and greeted them saying
“Peace be with you” (John 20)

Lately, I have been noticing in my reading, reminders to be obedient.  Little reminders to me that I need to pay attention to what God has for me, that His word has all I need, that I need to take “take heed” to what it says.  When Jesus says to…
 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6, 7).

 …do I take that seriously?  Am I making sure my anxious thoughts are stopped when I realize that I am thinking them, and instead choose to give thanks and ask Him for help?  Do I believe that His peace will guard my mind as I choose to do this?  
“Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, The Holy One of Israel: ‘I am the LORD your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way you should go. Oh, that you had heeded My commandments! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea’ ” (Isaiah 48:17, 18).

This verse reminds me that I need to take heed to His commandments, and follow His way, then my peace will be like a river! This is a beautiful promise.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord, is everlasting strength” (Isaiah 26:3, 4)

“My peace I give to you;– Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).


“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world (John 16:33).


I am so thankful for my Prince of Peace, who has left so many wonderful promises and verses that contain the word “peace”


Websters definition:

Peace


peace is a state of tranquillity, quiet, calm, freedom from civil disturbance, A state of security – being secure within a community, freedom from oppression, strife and disorder. In harmony in personal relations. Untroubled by conflict, agitation or commotion.  Freedom from anxiety.


I’ll take it!!



1
Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

My Continued Journey With Cancer

**This post is an update from my Caring Bridge journal.  If you would like detailed updates on my health, please visit my Caring Bridge site by clicking here.
Your comments caused tears to stream down, but head, heart and smile to be lifted up!  Thank you!!

I am doing MUCH better emotionally right now.  Up. Down. Up…Down>:) LOL 

Our meeting with the surgeon went REALLY well.  I’m canceling my appointment with the second surgeon I was going to meet with. He is in the same office as the surgeon who misdiagnosed me, so I was not looking forward to going to that building!  Now I don’t have to.

Dr Norris really was wonderful.  He is the surgeon who did my port surgery, which went well– my scar looks really good!  He has a gentle confidence about him.  The only reason why I considered someone else is because a friend of mine who is a nurse said she didn’t think he did many breast surgeries, but she was not sure.  I asked how many he has done, and he said he sees at least 2 breast cancer patients a week!  He is an older gentleman so that is a lot of experience!!  I feel really good about it and at peace, so God answered prayer, for sure!

My official surgery date is  Wednesday, December 29.  

Procedure– bi-lateral mastectomies.  Left-modified, right simple. 

 He will do an sentinel node dissection, which is what I wanted to hear.  There are more long term side affects with a full axillary dissection, this was good news. 

I will have ONE step reconstruction! I was so pleased to know that they do that here in the Midwest.  I was lead to believe it was only a procedure that was done in bigger cities. 

 I WAS gearing up for a filler implant that is rock hard, that would be filled every week for about 3 months to stretch the muscle, then another surgery to place the implant. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!  Yay.  I am so excited.  They will put normal implants in the day of the surgery.  They use a material called Alloderm, a regenerative tissue “processed using LifeCell’s proprietary technique to remove the epidermis and cells that can lead to tissue rejection and graft failure.”  –from their website.
They make a bra like structure under the implant, which allows one to skip the whole “stretch out the area with gradual fills” process.  I don’t know much about all this, I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon on the 7th, and will get more info.

Another piece of good news is he didn’t not think that I will need radiation.  He said if the cancer was attached or went into the chest wall, then I would.  It would be every day for 5-6 weeks, so needless to say, I was not looking forward to that.  My oncologist may have a different opinion, and really, you never know what is happening inside until surgery, so there is still a small possibility.

Honestly, I feel excited but apprehensive.  

IF they don’t find cancer in the lymph nodes, then it is surgery, healing, and ON WITH LIFE!!  

That sounds amazing because I was preparing myself for months of fills and radiation!!

I’m a bit apprehensive because that just feels too “best case scenario” to  me.  I guess I’m just pretty nervous about that darn swollen lymph node.  We will get the results of the dissection 3-4 days after surgery.  I don’t know what they would do if it was positive for cancer, I’m guessing more chemo?  more surgery?  I will  have to look that up…

Signing off with an apprehensive excitement…

9
Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

A Rambling Update On My Health

{below is from my Caring Bridge journal.  
For consistent health updates, please visit my Caring Bridge site.}

I’m gonna start with some good news…not that I have any bad:) Yay!

We got the results back for the BRCA 1 gene test, and I tested NEGATIVE!!  I was so very excited about that!  BRCA 1 is a test for a gene mutation that runs in families that significantly increases the risk of breast and ovarian cancer.  I was very worried for my 3 girls and my mom/sisters if this test would have been positive.   What an answer to prayer!

It was great to see my doctor today.  She was very pleased with how the tumor area felt.  She is thinking the remainder of what we feel may be scar tissue, not tumor!!!!    She cannot say this for sure, but she seemed pretty positive.  Super exciting!

The lymph node area that has been concerning me was felt by her.  She was only able to feel one and some swelling.  I’ll try to explain what she said…

She said on one hand, she is concerned because that one lymph node has not changed.  IF it contains cancer, that is not good…we want to see change.  BUT, she said that the MRI showed the lymph node as being swollen, but no “activity” yet, so it could be that it is not cancer and just a lymph node that I have had awhile that for some reason has been swollen.  Also, because I have felt different changes, (lymph nodes seeming to swell then go down within a few days,) that would be another sign that it is not cancer. She said that cancer would tend to stay consistent, grow, or significantly shrink from chemo…not come and go.  I asked her if it is very common for people to just have swollen nodes under their arms that just hang out for awhile, and she said it is very common.  Cool.  I’ll take it.

So there really is no real answer until surgery is done and nodes are removed and studied. I am gonna try to quit worrying about it.  I had no idea how easy it is for me to worry until all this cancer crap!

Because of the lymph nodes being a bit moody and her ability to feel what I have in my other breast (small, pebbly area), she wants to do another breast MRI before surgery.  It will just ease both our minds and let us know if it is FOR SURE surgery time without any more chemo.  She seemed very positive about everything and reassured me, and said to not let this MRI worry me.  I’ll try to obey.  MRI is around the 10th.  She also ordered a pet scan, just to revisit the rib area where there was some question.  She said our type of health insurance is known for being very stubborn and not approving of pet scans, so she was not very positive that they would approve it, but wanted to try anyway.  If they say no, we will do another bone scan and compare the results to the one before.  I’m already dreading the scans..I don’t like scans.  At all.  Ick.

Hmm, what else…

Surgery target date is the week after Christmas–double mastectomy with lymph node dissection–we won’t have a specific date until I meet with the surgeon, nurse is mailing me the consultation date…

Last chemo is this coming Monday–THAT IS SO EXCITING!!  I feel so blessed that there won’t be any more sessions added on (at least we are pretty sure, MRI/PET scan will tell us for sure) Praise God for tumor shrinkage!!

Doc said she will not know about radiation until after surgery.  It all depends on things like margins, how many lymph nodes (if any) etc.
Radiation scares me (not actually getting it done, but long term effects).  I hope that it will be clear that it is NOT needed!

I will be meeting with a plastic surgeon to talk about type of reconstruction.  There are a few different options, but being as thin as I am, I don’t know if I would qualify for using my own tissue (they take it from stomach or back flank area).  It is looking like implants may be for me!  I DID gain about 4 pound these last 3 weeks, which made me quite proud:)  I have been paranoid about getting too thin through all of this chemo stuff.  My church has done a great job of keeping me fed with regular meals.  So thankful.

Oh my goodness I feel like I’m just jumping from one thing to the next, I hope this is making some sense!  I’m hungry and ready for dinner so I’m rushing!!

I guess that is it for now.  If you have any questions you can ask me in the guestbook section.  I think I covered everything we talked about…I think.  

I’ll end with a prayer request.I have a cold that kickin’ me! It makes me really tired!  It is throat, nose and chest.  No fever—yay—but I really would like to be well by Monday chemo.  I do feel like it is movin’ through pretty fast, this is day 3 and I feel better than I did last night.  My girl had it last week, guess I shouldn’t have kissed on her so much…



11
Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

My Very Own Custom Designed Support Bracelet

I had to let you all know that there has been an awareness/support/prayer bracelet designed specifically for me!  So very cool.  I was so touched when my friends told me about endeavour of theirs.  I can’t tell you how great it is knowing that there will be people walking around wearing something specifically to support me, and it is especially cool as it is a reminder to pray for me.  What a priceless gift!

I have such awesome friends.  The friends responsible for this project are all friends that I have not seen since I was 12 years old!  We have reconnected through facebook and their friendships have meant the world to me, despite the virtual nature:) They looked at stores and could not find the perfect bracelet (they know I like some pink, but not an overabundance!), so they asked Tammi of Beads And Books to design a support/awareness bracelet specifically for me!  I received it in the mail and love it.  It is pretty in the pictures, but REALLY pretty in person.  Tammi sent one for me and 3 small ones for my girls.  So thoughtful!

From Tammi’s blog, Trying Less, Trusting More:

Two friends asked me to design an awareness/support bracelet, using their ideas and the color preferences of the patient. This will then be made available to the friends and family of the patient, if they want to purchase one to wear until she is in remission.

I’ll donate the first one to the patient, and it will be exclusively sold on my website (not linked to any other sites where I sell)  and, eventually, retired. In addition, for every eight bracelets sold, I’ll donate another bracelet to be given in accordance with the patient’s wishes, thus providing for some individuals who would like to wear it and show support but have a financial hindrance.

If you are interested in purchasing one, please follow this link to a page designed specifically for the sale of the bracelet.  They are $10 each + $2 for shipping.  There are 4 sizes,( xs, s, m, and lrg).
  

5
Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

Chemo Side Effects

I am so grateful it is the Friday after chemo!  This is always the day where I breath a sigh of relief, knowing I am going to start feeling normal again.
Yesterday was actually a nice surprise for me.  I woke up expecting it to be the typical, hardest day of my week (4th day after chemo) but, by golly, it wasn’t! (I never say “by golly” but it was kinda fun to type.)

Wednesday evening I was about to take my anti-nausea meds, and the label on the bottle caught my eye.  It said “may cause extreme drowsiness and blurred vision.”  I knew right away I would rather have nausea (as long as I could still eat) than to not be able to see or focus because of fog/fatigue.  I skipped the meds, and it made for a much more “clear” Thursday.  I felt somewhat productive since I didn’t have to lay in bed all day, although my stomach paid for it.

I have to pause and chuckle for a moment.  It is funny what one considers a “good” day when going through chemo… here are some examples of what I mean…

~~I  lost 2 toenails from chemo, but I still got 8 plus my fingernails, so its all good…

~~This film that forms on my tongue 2-4 days after chemo makes all food taste sicking-ly sweet, but I’ve learned if I scrape the heck out of my tongue, and gargle with a mouthwash that tastes like the deliciousness of Vicks Vapo Rub, my taste is normal again.  Tasting food=great day.

~~I’m tired, achey and I feel like I have the stomach flu, but I’m vertical, so its a good day.

~~My skull, jaw bone and sternum are doing their deep ache dance, but that means the meds are working and my bones are producing lots of red/white cells– oh happy day!

~~My lips peel for at least 3 days after treatment, but they are so soft and pretty by day 6.  Free lip peel? Makes for a good day..

~~My digestive system shuts down for 3 days after chemo, but I’ve figured out which foods get it going again, and when it happens… that, my friends, is a good day!

~~A crazy side effect of chemo is twitching.  As I lay there to go to sleep, my pinky toe will come alive.  Or, behind my rib, or my shoulder blade…it feels like popcorn popping right under my skin or bones.  Does not make for a fun night, but during the day it keeps me company, so that’s good, right?

I say all these things in the spirit of staying real with you all.

 I also say them, honestly, with a deep gratitude.  I feel so thankful I have been able to figure out ways to get around or deal with most of these minor side effects, and that I have not dealt with anything too serious.  God has been so very good!!

I now get why cancer patients are called “Fighters.”  There are so many things, big and small, that come our way, so we fight.


I have felt sad as many of these side effects of chemo and cancer seem like they just strip femininity away (hair, nails, lips, breasts, brows, curves, sleep).  But–I’ve chosen to see myself in a new light.


 I AM a Fighter and I have the God of the Universe along side me.  I have a new femininity, it is a fighter femininity.  It makes me want to buy combat boots and wear car-gos (my favorite do-rag right now is a camouflage one:)) and kick this cancer outta here!

And for those days when I just can’t seem to find the good or the fight, you all step in with your words of encouragement, and He steps in with His Word of Truth, and reminds me that even in my weakness, I am strong.

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Philippians 4:13
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

19
Spiritual

Shine

SMS (SHINE) Lyrics

David Crowder Band
Send me a sign
A hint, A whisper
Throw me a line
‘Cause I am listening
Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me the light
‘Cause I am fading
Surround me with the rush of angels’ wings
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that’s overcome?
You sent a sign
The hint, O whisper
Human, divine
Heaven is listening
Death laid low
Quiet in the night is stirring
All around the rush of angels
O the wonder of the greatest love has come
Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, ’cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome

Beautiful song, love the ending.
This video was made manually, with no computer animations or digital affects.  That is amazing.
I was always fascinated with Lite Brite as a kid.  This video makes me want to replace the lost pegs to the one we have here at home and spend some time, when I feel better, creating with my girls.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

Chemo Round 3

Well, tomorrow is Chemo Round 3.  I have mixed emotions about it.  I am excited to just get on with it as we stretched it out to 4 weeks in between treatments instead of the normal 3 weeks due to low blood counts, and my desire to be feeling well for my girls spring break.

 I am apprehensive as I know with this round, I will get the shot that brings on the bone pain and spirals me into a weakness that is hard to explain. 

I also will be getting the test results back from the side pain I have been having (details on my Caring Bridge journal).  I won’t lie, I am afraid of what could be coming my way with those results.  

My mind could easily get carried away with the “what -ifs” and heads there too often despite my fight to keep truth in mind.  

 I plan on blasting the song “Lovely Day” tomorrow morning before chemo, it always brightens my day.  The phrase in the chorus “Heaven on the inside, my soul is gonna fly away” is one that is comforting to me.  I have Jesus in my life –Him in me– and because of that my soul can soar daily, no matter what the circumstances.  

10
Top