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HEALTH

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

I Found My Spring Wardrobe

I found a great website.  It is called
 It has a ton of information and is doing a ton of good for those who are fighting cancer at a young age.  
My favorite part?? 
 They consider ME young:)
  They speak out for people with cancer who are 15-39 years old.  
I am 34.  
  I love their message, especially because I have met several other young women fighting cancer who started their fight with an advanced case, just like I did, because their doctors didn’t take their symptoms seriously.

Doctors need to get used to seeing young faces as the faces of cancer.  
My second favorite part?

The shopping tab at their site.  Looky what I found!!  Notice…no pink!!
I’m off to see if there is anything left in our clothes budget…

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Drinks/ HOME/ Natural Products/ Simplifying

Paper Towel Alternative

We have had a few spring like days here in Nebraska.  I love it!  It is making me think about spring cleaning!  I will be having radiation the next 6 weeks, so I will have to do mine in baby steps.  I am planning on working in a different “zone” of my home each week, 15 minutes a day.  Hopefully by the time I’m done with radiation my house will be de-cluttered and sparkling clean!!
I was inspired by this post at Clean Momma.  She is someone who knows sparkly clean!  I loved the idea of getting rid of paper products.  It kills me to spend money on paper towels, and we were going through them like crazy!  I do still keep one roll around for those nasty type spills, you know, like when you accidentally drop an egg?  Or when the raw chicken leaks onto the counter?  Yuck!
Both the jar and the cloths are from Target.  If I did it over again, I would get a more quality cloth, like these.  If you are an Amazon shopper, and want to buy the jar, here is a link.
 Clean Momma also got rid of paper napkins and cloths to wash her children’s faces.  She said she is saving at least $20.00 a month by not having to buy paper products!
Even though I am not a fan of bleach, I do occasionally bleach these white cloths.  I also started keeping the jar under my sink, as I wanted a bit more counter space.  If I had more room, I would for sure keep it on the counter, it is handy and I think the jar actually looks pretty!
Are you getting the itch to spring clean?
De-clutter?
**I’m happy to be linking to these parties.
Tip Junkie handmade projects

 

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Books/ Spiritual

One Thousand Gifts-The Book!!

If you have read this blog long enough, you will know I am a huge fan of Ann Voskamp and her blog–The Holy Experience.

  I was so excited when I heard she was writing a book.  I ordered it from last week Amazon, it arrived in two days, and I am reading it through for the second time.  I can’t tell you how much I love this book!  I feel it changing me already.  It is called:

–a dare to LIVE FULLY right where you are.

It is the perfect book for me to chew on as I am entering in the (hopefully) final phase of this cancer fight-6 weeks of radiation.  After fighting cancer, I have a huge desire to fully live. This book is giving me an idea of just how to do that.

 I. Love. It.

I want to buy a copy for every one of my friends!!
It is that good..

Here is what the back cover of the book says:

One Thousand Gifts beckons you to leave the parched ground of pride, fear, and white-knuckle control and abandon yourself to the God who overflows your cup. As Ann Voskamp invites you into her own moments of grace, she gently teaches you how to biblically lament loss, turning pain into poetry; intentionally embrace a lifestyle of radical gratitude/ and slow down and catch God in the moment.

Please take a peak at this awesome video.  It speaks my heart.  It puts into words all the things that this battle for my life has caused me to think about, to ponder.

If you are interested in the book, you can order it at Amazon, where it is doing quite well!  It has 5 stars and 215 reviews…I’m not alone in my praise of this book!

If you use this link to purchase the book, I will get a small percentage to help support this site.  Thank you!

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

Cancer Journey

{**The following is an entry from my Caring Bridge journal.  If you would like detailed updates on my health, please visit my Caring Bridge site by clicking here.}

These next two journal entries are pretty different from each other, despite being written one day after the next.  Peaks and Valleys…
————————————————–
Oh how God makes me laugh!!!


I went to my PT yesterday, first time since my biopsy.  I had been surprised that my range of motion was feeling good, despite surgery.  

I showed her what I could do, and after looking at my cording she said “Amy, I think that biopsy was a blessing in disguise…that large, thick cording is gone.”  

HA!!
HAHAHAA!

Isn’t God funny?

He knows the plans He has for me.  He takes things that are scary and painful and makes them beautiful.  He is full of surprises and He is so very, very faithful to me!!  

The thick cord ran right to the lump that I had removed.  The incision was enough to release the tension.  I just can’t believe how cool that is…

There is still some cording, but she measured  my range of motion and it jumped to almost perfect.  I still have some work to do, especially with building up strength in my pecs and shoulder,but without that thick band running up my armpit, I will get somewhere. 

I have learned by looking back on trials in my life, that in each one there is a treasure.  Sometimes I have to look hard.  Sometimes the treasure does not show up until years later.  I love that this time He showed me the treasure right away.  

Here is what I have been hearing Him say to me, mostly through His Word, some through song…

“See Amy, I got you!” 
“You are mine”
“Wait on Me”
“I will show You great and mighty things”
“I won’t waste your tears”
“You don’t need to know outcomes, because I do”
“Even if the outcomes are not what you want, I will give you a supernatural strength to get  through them” 
“Whether on earth or in Heaven, you will never be without me”
“Rest, Child, Rest”

I am resting.
I am rejoicing.
I am thankful.
———————————————————–
I read my last journal entry and cry.

He gives me so much, so much more than I deserve.  

Life. 
Grace. 
His word.

I say I am thankful…and then…life happens.

Something as simple as a dream can trigger discontent.

I used to fear nightmares, now I fear good dreams.  The ones where I can run fingers through hair and feel care free.  Where all is set right and there is no awareness of what it feels like to fear death and unknowns–ignorant bliss.  I wake to a reality that is jarring.  Bickering children, chest muscles stiff & hurt to move, the memory of another lump felt by me and husband before drifting to sleep.   

“Come what may“

Why are those words so fleeting, impossible to grasp?  Every fiber in my being screams “NO!”  Evidence that my will is wanted, not His. 

Is this the learning?  Is this why the Apostle Paul says “I have LEARNED, no matter what state I am in, to be content?”

Is this learning something I will ever truly grasp?  Days like today it feels so far away..  

I’ve been shown the way.  I walk in it…then suddenly..the path feels cut off, and I’m left groping in darkness.  



“Light of the world, you stepped out into darkness.  Opened my eyes let me see.”


He has shown me, I’ve known His light.  

How is it that even in light revelation, even with eyes opened, emotions stay in the dark, closed.  

I am weary.
I want all of this to be over.  
I’m tired of lumps, of fear, of scalp showing.
I don’t want to be “that girl” anymore…the one with the branded ”C” for all to see–this is why I long for hair.  Not for beauty’s sake, but for anonymity.  
I want to blend in.
I want to hide.

I know to be hidden is to give into darkness.  I cannot hide in the light.

Yes, I want all of this to go away…

..but..

…an even stronger desire of my heart flickers.  
Not by my doing, but His.

A spark– one that is gently blown on by the Holy Spirit, ignites and becomes flame.  

Becomes light.

It’s warmth beckons me and I remember it is a light that never, ever, goes out.

 I will claim the truth of His word, despite what emotions tell me
because…

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”

Psalm 119:105


It is your Word that turns spark into flame and flame into fire and fire brings light. I take a step called faith out of hiding and I begin to feel warm and safe.

 Emotions follow truth.  


These are the lessons of contentment.  I am learning, so, like Apostle Paul, I too can say that I have learned.
——————————————-
                                        
His Word That Brings Light:


PSA 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid? 


PSA 130 The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.

PROVERBS 6:23 For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life.

ECC 2:13 I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness.  ECC 58:8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

1PE 2:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 

1JO 1:5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

v.7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

REV 21:23 The city of Heaven does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp.  

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Spiritual

A Real & Healing Transfusion

 Found this in my journal, written last spring.  Sticks, pokes, needles and IV’s were not a part of my life then, as they are now.  I found it interesting, that I would write about it.  Yesterday before surgery, I had to unhook my IV bag and straighten tangled tubes a couple times to get up and go. As I was taking the solution bag off the hook, I was reminded of this writing.

I need help to love from an outside source.
A transfusion.
Less of me, more of Him.

He is True Love
He is a life-giving flow that pulses through my veins.
Without it, without Him
My heart is..

Empty.
Weak-pulsed.
Sick.

Unable to keep up with the demand that life brings,
Everywhere I turn
Vessels waiting to be filled
Yearning and crying out for nourishment.
They are small, weak, frail.

Dying.

Some are my own
Some are not.

Why do I try to give an infusion without the life source supply?
I’ve been given un-ending flow of red, spilled for me

Given a promise that allows me to live,
That gives me breath-
And movement-
And life.
Instead, I stick myself and others with what is meant for good
But instead– it hurts.

I want to love.
I want to have patience.
I want to be a life giver.

But–a crucial step is missed.

I forget about His
Never- ending
All- powerful
Miraculous
Infusion that is before me at all times

Hanging within arms reach.
A price paid by the Father God
The spent and spilled blood, meant to transform

I just need to look up.
There it sits. Hangs, really.

Untapped.

At times I glance up, then life distracts.
I try to infuse,
Sometimes clumsily,
Sometimes with great skill,
But it is useless, as there is

No motion,
No connection,
No awareness.

Just distraction.

How am I  to love without Love?
How am I to give life without Life?
How am I to love without living loved?

What am I hooked up to?
Am I trying to survive by plugging into others love?

Worthless.
Unfulfilling.

Reminders of my need of True Life.
Reminders of my weakness.

His blood alone, not others, will heal.
Will quench thirst and sooth veins,
Plumping and making them strong again.

I look to the source
I see the red flowing
A beautiful journey though tubes of mercy and grace

Dancing, moving
Always moving towards me, not  away.

Ready to enter in.
Ready to give life.

Needle inserted
It will bring healing as I allow His blood love to flow into me,
Infusing me.
In with Him, out with me.

From weak and dying
To strong and restored to life.

I am now ready.
I can now give,
I can love
I am tapped in.
Ready to love living loved.




The prayer that followed:


Lord, I feel numb and tired. 
So tired of this fallen world, of my flesh and the drowning.  
The enemy continues to fulfill his plans in those I love.  In me.
But, you say you know your plans for me.
I know nothing happens without your awareness and that your eyes are on this child. 
I’ve been trying to love without Your love.  
You’ve given me a clear answer, to plug into your love, to fill up with your love
Then I will outflow love.
Show me how to do this.
I want a year full of plugging into you.
You through me.

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Spiritual

My Hero, The Fighter

Video From Action 3 News

I want you to meet a new friend of mine.  She has inspired me so much and I’m so proud to know her.  As you will see in the video, she has an amazing fighter spirit and such strength.

Amber was in a car accident months ago that left her brain damaged and in a coma.  She is a mother of a 3 year old.  God is doing a work in her, she has come so far.

Her parents found this nightmare all too familiar as her younger sister, 4 years before, was also in a car accident and died from her head injuries.

They live about an hour away, but the rehab center that Amber is staying is just a few blocks from where I live.  I have had the privilege of sitting with her a few times, and she has just taken and kept a piece of my heart.

She, too, has a Caring Bridge site.  It is so intensely personal as her family writes daily about Amber’s progress, set backs, and just plain miracles that happen with her daily.  Their faith is amazingly strong, I learn so much from them.  They are a special, special family.  If you have the time, visit her Caring Bridge site and read her story from the beginning.  You will be amazed at how good God is, even in the midst of tragedy.

If you don’t have time to read, will you lift their family up in prayer?  Especially pray for  continued healing of her brain– strength and coordination to walk.  For her precious son, Bailey, and for the peace and stamina of her family.

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Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

Cancer Update


{**The following is an entry from my Caring Bridge journal.  If you would like detailed updates on my health, please visit my Caring Bridge site by clicking here.}



I am so grateful to be able to tell you that the test results came back as negative for cancer!!  Surgeon said it looked was scar tissue and part of the collagen sling they used under my skin in reconstruction.  Whew!!

Surgery went ok.  I was pretty down emotionally when I woke up this morning.  Kind of a “here we go again” attitude.  Pouting about more scars and more stitches and more soreness.  I had a rough weekend with the same ickyness emotionally, I got pretty down. 

 I did find it quite therapeutic Sunday to make some junk food for about 8 of my husbands CI junior high boys.  They came to watch the Superbowl and it was a party up in here!   

Todd and I were greeted this morning at St. Elizabeth Hospital by my neighbor, Jay.  He is the cancer nurse navigator there and is always a comfort to see him there.  He has such a calming way about him.  He had my back, answered questions, and even hunted down my PT to ask her about a concern I had.  Love him.  My dad got to meet him and commented on how amazing it is, all these people God put in my path to help me along the way..

As they took me into my short stay room, my dad was sitting there waiting for us.  Loved seeing his face, loved his company, loved that he was wearing his Green Bay Packers shirt to rub it into Todd 😉 He stayed with me most of the day, and bought me a healthy lunch from our local health food market. 

My friend and fellow cancer fighter, Nancy, had scans at St. E’s today, so I got to see her face right as they were wheeling me to surgery.  Would you lift her up in prayer?  She has completed chemo, and wants to move on with surgery, but it all depends what these scans say.  She is an amazing, Godly, women and such a great friend to me.

My sister, Julie, also came up.  She was in my room to greet me after surgery.  At first she was just a blurry blob:) but even blurry her beauty shined through and I knew who it was. 🙂  Todd was there and stayed until we got the test results call.  Then it was off to work for him.  

The only complication in surgery was a blown I.V.  The anesthesiologist put in 2 anti-nausea meds, my anti-biotic and sleepy meds.  He told me I would feel a slight burning.  Two seconds later, my arm felt like it was on fire.  I was groggy but awake enough to tell him several times that my arm HURT!!  Sure enough, my vein was blown and medication was leaking into my
arm.  My right wrist blew up all crazy large and is still swollen and crazy looking.  Nurse said I would have a bruise to brag about.  A positive from all of this is that it really motivates me to keep up on therapy with my left arm. A swollen wrist/arm is not fun and is very sore, so I will do whatever I can to keep  my left lymphodema free. 

My last memory was my surgeon telling the anesthesiologist that he was going to numb and use my port.  I was SO THANKFUL because I knew after a slight poke, the meds would go right in to a main vein on my neck, SUPER fast delivery.  I was out.  Or, at least I was in twilight and too happy to care what was happening.

I do remember saying several times…”wow, these drugs are great!” “I love these drugs” “No wonder people struggle with drugs”  🙂  I had just been so down emotionally that I really could not believe how happy and carefree I felt. Plus it took away the physical pain of my blown I.V.  It was too much fun:)  No worries, friends.. I’m not gonna do anything stupid!! 

I look back over this little bump in the road and I won’t lie, it was a tough one for me.  

But, again, God showed himself.

He showed himself through all the amazing people in my life who love me, send me facebook messages, sign this guestbook, texted me, prayed for me and who showed up at the hospital.  He shows His faithfulness to me all the time in the doctors and nurses I get to know.  

The last, but not least way God showed Himself to me today was through a verse. 

Yesterday I was struggling and the phrase “Why are you downcast oh my soul” kept going on in my head.  I sat down and looked it up on the computer, and the rest of the verse I just loved…here is the Message version, which I posted as my facebook status last night

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again–my Savior and my God! Psalm 43:5This morning, I woke up and ran around crazy trying to get my girls read for school —they didn’t know about this latest test, wanted to keep them worry free— and me to the hospital on time.

I kept passing the bag I threw my devotional “Steams In The Desert” into, which is the one I try to read every day.  I had not read it in at least 4 days. I felt a strong pull, and thought that I needed to stop and read it before leaving, knowing that it often gives me a tidbit of Scripture to lift my heart.  

I turned to February 7.  The verse for the day??

“Why Are You Downcast Oh My Soul” Psalm 43:5

Cool huh?  Yep, He is!!

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