A Real & Healing Transfusion

 Found this in my journal, written last spring.  Sticks, pokes, needles and IV’s were not a part of my life then, as they are now.  I found it interesting, that I would write about it.  Yesterday before surgery, I had to unhook my IV bag and straighten tangled tubes a couple times to get up and go. As I was taking the solution bag off the hook, I was reminded of this writing.

I need help to love from an outside source.
A transfusion.
Less of me, more of Him.

He is True Love
He is a life-giving flow that pulses through my veins.
Without it, without Him
My heart is..


Unable to keep up with the demand that life brings,
Everywhere I turn
Vessels waiting to be filled
Yearning and crying out for nourishment.
They are small, weak, frail.


Some are my own
Some are not.

Why do I try to give an infusion without the life source supply?
I’ve been given un-ending flow of red, spilled for me

Given a promise that allows me to live,
That gives me breath-
And movement-
And life.
Instead, I stick myself and others with what is meant for good
But instead– it hurts.

I want to love.
I want to have patience.
I want to be a life giver.

But–a crucial step is missed.

I forget about His
Never- ending
All- powerful
Infusion that is before me at all times

Hanging within arms reach.
A price paid by the Father God
The spent and spilled blood, meant to transform

I just need to look up.
There it sits. Hangs, really.


At times I glance up, then life distracts.
I try to infuse,
Sometimes clumsily,
Sometimes with great skill,
But it is useless, as there is

No motion,
No connection,
No awareness.

Just distraction.

How am I  to love without Love?
How am I to give life without Life?
How am I to love without living loved?

What am I hooked up to?
Am I trying to survive by plugging into others love?


Reminders of my need of True Life.
Reminders of my weakness.

His blood alone, not others, will heal.
Will quench thirst and sooth veins,
Plumping and making them strong again.

I look to the source
I see the red flowing
A beautiful journey though tubes of mercy and grace

Dancing, moving
Always moving towards me, not  away.

Ready to enter in.
Ready to give life.

Needle inserted
It will bring healing as I allow His blood love to flow into me,
Infusing me.
In with Him, out with me.

From weak and dying
To strong and restored to life.

I am now ready.
I can now give,
I can love
I am tapped in.
Ready to love living loved.

The prayer that followed:

Lord, I feel numb and tired. 
So tired of this fallen world, of my flesh and the drowning.  
The enemy continues to fulfill his plans in those I love.  In me.
But, you say you know your plans for me.
I know nothing happens without your awareness and that your eyes are on this child. 
I’ve been trying to love without Your love.  
You’ve given me a clear answer, to plug into your love, to fill up with your love
Then I will outflow love.
Show me how to do this.
I want a year full of plugging into you.
You through me.

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  • Anna
    February 11, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Wow, thank you for sharing. You are an amazing and strong woman.

    I also wanted to let you know that you are one of my favorite blogs, I love the posts about your journey with cancer, the great link parties and all the helpful tips. I nominated you for an award, here is the link:



  • Cathy M~(checkitoff)
    February 10, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    beautiful Amy. continued prayers for strength for you on this difficult journey. One of my dear friends is also going through breast cancer and here are two things from her caringbridge guestbook that I find powerful:
    There are two pair of feet, yours and Gods. Your feet are taking baby steps, unsure and hesitant , His feet are bold and strong and deliberate. He wants you to KNOW that HE Knows the path ahead of you. He has prepared it and readied it for you. He wants you to put your hand in His and trust His lead. If the path gets rocky He will hold you tight so you don’t fall. If the path gets to steep, He will pick you up and carry you. Focus on Him. Press in. He is in this for the long haul with you and so am i.”
    And secondly:
    – We can’t have mountains without valleys.
    – “Thou I walk through the valley . . .” not running, it’s an experience we go through.
    – God doesn’t do painful things to us but for us.
    – The depth of the valley depends on what God is trying to teach us.
    – We learn the most about God when we’re in the valley because we can’t control it.

    many hugs to you! cathy

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