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A By-The- Bed Basket –A Great Gift Idea For Someone Who Is Sick

The last two weeks I have spent lots of time in bed.  I am healing from reconstruction surgery, and due to some complications, the healing time is taking longer than I expected.

Honestly, I sure don’t mind some chill time, especially now that I am just sore, and not in pain.  I am one that loves my quiet time, and I really love my bedroom and bed, so really it is fine to have to rest a bit.

One thing that has made my time in bed enjoyable is this handy dandy basket.  I have kept everything I need close by in it.

 

The basket has evolved over the last 2 weeks. It started out pretty empty, put together by my thoughtful 10-year-old Avery right after my first surgery.  She gathered the things she saw all over my bed and put them in a basket all pretty.  You can see what she did in the pic below.

She put my purple binder with hospital discharge instructions in it.  My lip balm, my glasses, the TV remote, my Nook, my devotional, pain meds, body butter and a jar of pens.  She even added a little snack.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have added to it, as you can see. Between this basket, my phone,  TV, laptop, my favorite water bottle, my fuzzy blanket & this basket, I have been set!  My requests for help from my family to bring me things that I need have been minimal.

 

{My sweet friend polished my toes for me.  I’ve been so very spoiled!}

I’m thinking I may keep my basket around even after I’m healed. It is just handy and convenient, and I love spending time in my room and bed.

 This would also make a GREAT gift for someone who is sick or is going to have surgery or is just laid up for whatever reason.  

Here is what I keep in mine:

1. Bath & Body Works Lemon Lip Balm–my all time fav.

2. Bath & Body Works Lemon Room Spray–this smells so fresh and clean.

3. A wonderful, encouraging book by author Danea Horn called Chronic Resilience–10 Sanity-Saving Strategies for Women Coping With the Stress of Illness.  Buy this book as a gift for yourself or your friends if it applies.  It is a wonderful book.

4. Trader Joes Coconut Body Butter–another one of my all time favs.  This has been so soothing to my skin after removing tape and bandages.  I.V. fluid from surgery also makes my hands swell and feel dry, so this cream brought relief.

5. Dark Chocolate.  My sister-in-law knew I loved these Dark Chocolate Pomegranate Seeds from Trader Joes and brought them to me with some groceries last week.  Best gift!

6. Alba Hawaiian Lip Gloss–For when you want to feel a bit girly.  The smell of this takes me to the tropics, which was needed when I was in pain!

7. Magazines-a sweet friend, Kashoan from Krafty Kash left these on my porch last week.  Another great gift!

8. A notebook

9. My Scripture Devotion journible.

10. My Nook.  3 Books I have loved is  The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom, Sweeping Up Glass by Carolyn Wall, and now I am reading The Homecoming of Samuel Lake by Jenny Wingfield.

11. A jar of pens, scissors, nail files, & thermometer.  Avery had to make sure her duct tape rose pen was in there.

12. My prescription meds

13. Advil/Tylenol

14. Deodorant

15. My Vita-Strips — I believe these are a key to my healing well.

Another hint is to move furniture if you need to.  I moved this little end table right up alongside my bed so I don’t have to reach.  It has flowers from my sister-in-law on it, a candle to make it cozy in here, and usually, my water bottle is on it.

Here is the water bottle I use.  Lemon is very cleansing and detoxing.  Perfect for someone who is sick.

Cheers to everyone feeling better, or at least feeling loved and comforted while they are down.

 

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

Emergency Room Visit & Keeping My Eyes Above The Waves

My second surgery this week went well.  I came home so relieved and with very little pain.  By the next morning (Friday) I was off prescription pain killers on just on Tylenol.   I had energy.  I stayed rested in bed but didn’t sleep much and just felt good.

Saturday morning woke up still feeling quite good.  I wrote about my surgery experience and a hero of mine.  But by 10:30 am, I started having an uncomfortable feeling in my chest, and I thought it strange that it was in the opposite side of where I just had surgery two days before.

I started getting tired and found myself sleeping all day.  I could not stay awake.  I thought it was just from having 2 surgeries in one week, sleeping off anesthetics, etc.

We had a Saturday family night, eating dinner and watching shows together as a family.  As we were watching shows, I noticed my chest pain becoming more and more uncomfortable.  It was pain felt at the top of each breath.  By the time our family show was over, I was only able to get about half a breath before I would feel pain on that left side.  I also had the chills and so I took my temp and sure enough I had a fever.

“You’ve Never Failed, And You Won’t Start Now”

It got worse, so I gave in and called my Dr.  I SO did not want to go into the ER.  I knew it would mean lots of tests.  I knew their first concern would be a blood clot.  Dr. F was very concerned and said to go into the ER right away, and yes, blood clot was his biggest worry.

I hated having to tell my girls that I felt sick and had to go back to the hospital.  My brave 12 year old Colsie wrote this on her Facebook page after we left:

“Everybody, please pray for my mom. She is having chest pains, and is going to the hospital. Hoping its nothing to serious!”
One of my closest friends saw the status and immediately went over to our house to stay with our girls.  That was a blessing & made them feel loved and cared for.
 
“Your Grace Abounds In Deepest Waters”

By the time I got to the hospital, my breathing was quite painful.  I could not get a sentence out without taking breaths in between words.  I noticed my breathing was more shallow as I was not able to get much air in without a lot of pain.

“You Call Me Out Upon The Waters

“The Great Unknown, Where Feet May Fail”

They took vitals, and my blood pressure was elevated.  I still had fever.  They took blood, a urine sample, an EKG, a chest X-ray & started an IV.  The chest xray showed fluid on that left lung, so a CT scan was ordered to rule out blood clot and see what was causing the fluid.  We had to wait awhile for the CT, as I am allergic to the contrast they inject for that test.  They had to give me a steroid and anti-allergy meds, and we had to wait patiently for them to take affect.  This is when my pain started getting really bad and my breathing very shallow.  It scared me.  I tried not to panic but I had never experienced the feeling of not being able to get air into my lungs, and my body would just not let me breath deep as even just a little air in my lungs would cause excruciating pain.  Later we found out this was pleurisy and fluid on my lung causing all this pain.

“Fear Surrounds”

There was a point I panicked.  I had all this fluid being pumped into me through an IV & I had to go to the restroom. I was hooked up to numerous machines and couldn’t up and go, and my breathing was the worst and most painful it had been.  I asked Todd to get a nurse.  The nurse took forever.  I begged Todd to grab anyone, and felt myself entering full panic mode.  I just couldn’t breath.

“And I Will Call Upon Your Name

And Keep My Eyes Above The Waves

When Oceans Rise

My Soul Will Rest In Your Embrace

For I am Yours & You Are Mine”

 

Being able to use the restroom actually helped me calm down.  Kinda funny as I think back on it, but it did.  I remember being very deliberate to stop crying and calm down so I could just focus on breathing. It helped.  I had my Doctor paged to get me some pain meds so I could breath easier, but the techs from CT came before the pain meds did.

Not good.

The whole time they were rolling me to CT I was trying not to panic.  I knew I would need to lay down and lay still, but the only way I could find some relief with breathing was to stay sitting up, almost leaning forward. I remember a long hall and seeing my reflection in the dark windows as they pulled me through the door. I did not like how I looked.  A patient.  With tubes everywhere.  Alone…until I remembered I am not.   This is the moment the song in this post entered my brain and it made much sense as to why one of you readers would share it with me earlier in the week and why it was on repeat in my brain all week.  The song is so fitting, as I did feel like I was drowning.  I remembered in that moment “Keep my eyes above the waters” and I remembered to turn my thoughts up toward my God.

Honestly that sweet moment was fleeting, because the worst came when they tried to lay me down for the scan.  I laid down and the same pain that would come when I breathed in, but would let up when I breathed out, came in a full tidal wave and stayed.  I heard a wailing and then realized it was me.  I begged them to sit me up.  I then cried and said I could not do that again.  They called for someone to bring pain meds, then asked me to try again.  I told them the only way I would was if they propped me up a bit on a couple pillows.  They agreed and it worked.  It was still a very painful 5 minutes, but I prayed through it, made myself stop crying, and just did it.

Doc later told me that all the fluid that was collected at the bottom of the lung would come up when I  laid down and that is what caused the pain and drowning feeling.  Glad to know there was a reason I was making all that noise.  Good grief.

“Spirit Lead Me Where My Trust Is Without Borders

Let Me Walk Upon The Waters

Wherever You Would Call Me”

 

I was rolled back to my room and my sweet husband.  He was on day 4 of a bad cold and it was almost 1:00 a.m.  He looked almost as bad as I did.  My poor man.

The pain meds were brought in.  Good ol’ morphine.  I texted my sister that I was getting morphine and she wrote back “ride the wave, Sissy.”  I think that is funny as it is so fitting with the song that was so on my brain.

Ride the wave I did!  Here are my morphine eyes.  I had instant pain relief and could relax and breathe.

The CT scan showed NO BLOOD CLOT!  Whoo Hoo!  My diagnosis was fluid on the lung, pleurisy, & beginning stages of pneumonia.  I went home with pain killer and antibiotics, and this fun little friend who helps me do breathing exercises.

When I left the hospital, I could only get to 750.  When they saw this the respiratory therapist had to recheck with doctor that I could be discharged.  They still let me go, and in the last 2 days I’ve been able to get it up to 1750.  Most of you reading this would be able to go all the way to the top, no problem.

That was Saturday night.  It is now Monday.  I feel so much better with no pain when I breathe.  I’m not completely normal with breathing, I feel breathless when I lay flat or go down stairs, etc….but so much better!

“And My Faith Will Be Made Stronger

In The Presence Of My Savior”

{click play…this was the song on my brain & it is one of my favs}

Oceans by Hillsong

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

 

Books/ Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Love/ Spiritual

Suffering & A Health Update

Because of my faith, I long to suffer well.  Suffering well does not mean denying pain, for to suffer well means to suffer real.  Pain in this world is a reality, but I believe in a God who has come to overcome this world.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

After a week of physical pain & suffering, those words mean so much more.  Thanks to all your prayers and a very good God, I did feel peace in suffering.  I had a few real moments, what I call “shaking my fists” type moments, but God gets that and hears my cries in those fist shaking times. Those moments happened when I tried to go back onto Tamoxifen (a hormone drug I take for cancer) and when I learned I would need a second surgery due to a defective expander.  Despite these times of struggle, I truly was overcome by the peace and even joy that I have felt the last week.  
That is what God does.  He gives purpose to pain.  I want you to meet someone who I know who has been through so much pain in her lifetime, yet claims God’s purpose in her pain.

“Sexually, mentally, and physically abused, stage 3 breast cancer, homeless, divorced and a single mom are only a few of the challenges that Patti has faced.” Watch this incredible story.

How amazing is she?  Do you want more of Patti?

Order her book, Peace In The Pressure Cooker  –> here.
Follow her on Facebook here.
Visit her website here.

Her story is so inspirational.  She spurs me on to suffer well.  She is such a beautiful example to me and I am so grateful to know about Patti and her story!

//

I am doing great, my last surgery went really well and 2 days later I’m only taking Tylenol for pain.  I am slow and sore, but what a huge change from the first surgery.  Those nasty little red tubes were removed and also my left drain.  What a relief!

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

2 Surgeries in a Week–Oh My! A Health Update

If you read this post, you already know I had to have some more reconstruction surgery.  I wrote a detailed post as to why, but in a nutshell it is because I formed keloids, and when the keloids were treated the skin thinned out too much.  There were other issues with my reconstruction, so it was time to fix me up.

I’ve had several surgeries and felt pretty tough going into it last Wednesday.  A bit apprehensive as it had been awhile since I have had surgery, but tough none the less.  Little did I know this would be my most painful surgery by far…including my mastectomy.

Recovery was a bear and several things added to it.  The main culprit of my misery were these crazy little red tubes.

 
They are only about 1/8 of an inch long, but I had 12 of them put onto my upper chest in the form of an “m.”  When you have a mastectomy all breast tissue is taken.  I am very small and with my skin thinning out, Doc needed to add tissue back.  He did this with a product called AlloDerm, it is a human product where all DNA has been removed and my body quickly takes over it and it becomes my own tissue.  Gross, huh?  Well, I am so thankful for it, despite the pain it caused me this weekend.  I can already see how extra tissue in the area is going to give a great result.

Back to those little red tubes from Hades…they are what held the tissue that was placed under my skin up…like little devil marionettes.

I also had drainage tubes coming out from either side an inch or so under each armpit.  I had these with my mastectomy so I knew what I was in for with those.  They are yucky, in a very sensitive spot (think of how ticklish you are there!) and make you feel pretty miserable.  It kept me from sleeping on my side, and finding a sleeping position was rough the first few nights.  I basically didn’t sleep, until I got smart, kicked my poor husband out of our bed, used 8 pillows to make myself a pillow throne (one under each arm) and found our travel neck pillow.  I now sleep like a queen on my throne, with a creepy necklace made out of tubes at my chest as my jewels….like a kids craft project necklace gone very, very bad!  Fitting as it is Halloween, wouldn’t you say?

I also have 2 incisions, 22 stitches each, in the middle of each breast.  This is typical when one gets a mastectomy and Doc used the same scars for this surgery.  These would be very painful, but the nerves were cut there long ago so I cannot feel anything in that middle area.  A blessing to be honest!

A few other things made the week tough:

~I had an allergic reaction to the betadine –  iodine solution they paint on your skin before surgery.  I itched for 2 days until we figured out what was causing it.  Not good to be itchy when  in a drugged state.  I found myself several times waking up to myself scratching at my bandages…the pain woke me up enough to figure out I needed to stop!

~we switched up my pain meds thinking I was having an allergic reaction to those.  The second pain med made me so loopy…couldn’t watch tv because there were three of them, couldn’t focus on reading or computer.  Made for a very long day.  It also made me jerk awake all night on the hour every hour…and each jerk was so very painful!  I would wake with a start and yell at myself.

~digestive issues from pain killers.  It took quite a few days to get this under control.  By the time I did, my stomach was so distended I looked very pregnant.  Ouchie.

~I started running a fever on day 3.  Freaked me OUT!  I do not want an infection.  If infection, they would have to take expander’s out, I would have to heal for a long while, and start all over again.

~Doc said fever was from my lungs not re inflating properly after anesthetic.  I was supposed to be doing deep breathing exercises every hour, but I was so drugged the first couple days that I was not a good girl in following Doc’s orders.  He also said I was to vigorously cough every hour.  YEAH RIGHT!  Even a small hiccup would make me swear (and I don’t swear…at least often:)) so to cough vigorously was a joke.  Once I started my breathing exercises, my fever cleared up.  Praise God!

~I went off Tamoxifen for the surgery, and when I went back on the hot flashes were INSANE.  I became so very miserable and a different person…crying and feeling like everything was hopeless.  I only took it one day and it completely did me in. That drug is awful, and I am not sure how I will ever make myself go back on it. I only took it one day and gave up. They doubled another one of my meds to make the Tamoxifen more bearable, but that made me sleep all day, so stopped doing that.  Please pray for direction with what to do.  This drug protects me from cancer coming back.

These things plus my pain level made the week one of the hardest I’ve ever had.

BUT…there were so many things that were beautiful that happened this week, too, and I can’t wait to list the gift for you in another post.  I was completely overwhelmed with love from my friends and family. The pictures show just a couple of those sweet gifts…what I like to call God Kisses.

So…why 2 SURGERIES?

I went in to get my drains out and my tubes out on Monday.  I was SO EXCITED, but wondered about  the right side being much smaller than the left.  When nurses saw it they told me it looked like the expander had failed.

OH MY FRIENDS DID I CRY AT THIS NEWS!  I just could not believe it. I knew it meant more surgery and that I would be going back home with drains and tubes.

My Doc office is an hour away and by the time I got home my crying fit was over.  It was a hard night but found my peace again by morning through so much encouragement on my FB page and from friends. There were so many saying they were praying for me and were there for me.

So… tomorrow is surgery #2, at 2:00.

I get to be Frankenstein for Halloween…at least my chest will be! Thank goodness no one will see it.

It is a process, but one of these days my Frankenstein will turn into Va-va-Voom!

I will let you know how it goes when I am coherent enough.  If you want to follow along on New Nostalgia Facebook page I will update there.  If you want to see cool photos, (like when my I.V. misbehaved last surgery) follow along on Instagram.

Love you all!  Know that God is so very close and is with me.  I know He will never leave me or forsake me, and will work all things out for overall good no matter what happens,  because I LOVE Him & He loves me and because He is good no matter what!

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

Surgery Day

It’s surgery day! got moved up a day and my sweet husband and I are in the car on our way to the hospital. I was anxious last night but complete peace today so far. My personal Facebook page had many comments from friends saying they are praying for me and I sure feel those prayers today.

 

I will be posting updates and pics on  and New Nostalgia’s Facebook page if you are interested!

 Instagram — Amy_NewNostalgia

Facebook — MyNewNostalgia

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

I’m Getting New Implants & More Reconstruction – A Health Update

{Taken Yesterday}

a collage of my cancer journey
{My Health Journey In Photos}

Breast Reconstruction is a complicated thing.  Especially when you are small in stature.  Especially when your scars misbehave.  Especially when your name is Amy.

It is completely different than Breast Augmentation, where one is just getting implants.

The difference with reconstruction is that there is no tissue to work with.  Breast tissue is taken during a mastectomy, and what is left is chest muscle and skin.

I have history of having issues with my reconstruction.  If you have been reading this blog and my cancer story awhile, you already know this.  I started out very happy with reconstruction surgery results right after my mastectomy.  But, then things settled and my right implant decided to have some fun and slide down a bit.  I had that fixed August 2011 and all was well–for a short while.

Enter keloids.  A keloid is an over abundance of scaring.  You know the singer Seal?  He has a beautiful face, but also is known for the keloids that have formed on his face.

keloids
     {keloid on someone’s knee.  Before treatment and after treatment pics}

I have history of keloids.  We have figured out that when I am cut twice in the same spot (like my port scar–once to put it in, once to take it out) I form a keloid.

This happened after my plastic surgeon fixed my slipping right implant.  The incision he made was to the right of the implant, toward my armpit area.  About an inch of the cut was an area that was already cut once by the previous surgery, and yep, it formed a keloid.

Keloids are treated by steroid shots.  If left untreated, they will just continue to form scar tissue. Keloids are stubborn, burn, itch and are not pretty or fun.  Speaking of burning, the steroid shots that treat keloids burn like heck, and are not fun either.  It takes a lot of courage to walk into a doctors office knowing you are going to get burned.  Yowza it hurts!

I had the keloid on my right side treated with steroids.  I was hopeful it would help.  I’ve had success with steroid shots in the past with my stomach scar from Melanoma (2 time cancer survivor here!) and with my port scar.

But… no such luck.  Well, maybe too much luck.  It worked so well that it thinned the skin out too much in that area.  Over the last 4 months we have been watching it closely, and it has been no fun.  The skin is so thin to the right of my implant that it looks like someone punched me in the boob.  No joke.  Thin skin = blood vessels show through, and it looks permanently black and blue and just simply yuck.  It has started giving me pain when I sleep on my side.  Doc looked at it and said “if that breaks open we will have a mess on our hands. Time to get it fixed.” Yes…time for more surgery.

Is this too long and detailed for you yet?  There is more.  Much more.  If you are not a details person feel free to stop reading here, and just know that surgery is October 24.

One positive about new implants is that there is a new type of implant that the FDA just approved in the state of Nebraska.  It is called Highly Cohesive Breast Implants, but in breast cancer reconstruction world we like to call them “gummy bear” implants.

gummy bear sitting on top of a breast implant

Before there were only 2 types of implants to choose from:
~Saline =liquid.
~Silicone = gel (this is what I currently have)

And now, there are  Highly Cohesive Breast Implant.  They are still silicone but when you cut through them it remains a solid, like cutting through a gummy bear.

natrelle 410 breast implant

I will specifically be havingpage3image2464 Natrelle 410 Highly Cohesive Anatomically Shaped Silicone-Filled Breast Implants.

Pros for gummys:
~The results are beautiful and more natural shaped…like a teardrop type shape compared to just round.
~They are slightly textured on the outside which helps keep them in place, and we all know I want that..no more slipping!
~They won’t leak like saline and silicone tend to do.
~They have been really well received specifically by breast cancer survivors.
~They don’t ripple like saline and silicone do, especially important when working with the thin skin and no tissue of breast cancer survivors.
~They feel very natural.

breast implant
Highly Cohesive Vs Regular Silicone

Cons:
You are limited in size depending on how wide you measure from armpit to armpit.

I only measure 10 1/2 inches across from armpit to armpit, so my visions of a bit more cleavage was not going to happen…or so I thought.

I have visited my Plastic Surgeon a few times talking out my complicated case.

Here is what makes me a very hard case:

~I keloid

~I have no breast tissue to work with.

~I am very small, no fat in the area.

~I tend to form ripples due to how little fat I have in the area.

~To the sides of my implants toward the armpits there is almost a hollow area, it literally is skin and bone.  I can feel and see my ribs right there.  A typical round implant does not fill that area in at all.

~Above my implants I have tissue.  You actually grow breast tissue all the way up to your collar bone.  They cut out my breast tissue up to a certain point, and again, since I have no fat it is obvious where they stopped cutting and where the tissue starts.  Once my implants settled, it looks like collar bone, then tissue, then no tissue then round implant.  Not natural.

These issues caused my Dr. to stare at me from across his big desk and look deep in thought.  It was  almost a humorous moment.  There were headless photos of my naked chest spread out all over said desk, taken in 3-4 month increments over the past 3 years, and he is just tapping his pen with an occasional “hmm” deep in thought. I did not like looking at the photos.  I especially did not like how great the reconstruction looked 3 years ago, before I had a runaway implant and before keloids.  It was either a laugh or cry moment.  I tried to laugh, but my heart was crying and I tried not to look down at those photos on his desk.  He finally told me his plan.

He would  go in, cut out the thinned skin, add some Alloderm (cadaver tissue that has all the dna removed from it–blech) under the skin in my cleavage area to address rippling.  He would take fat from my belly (free lipo baby!) and fill in the “dented” area to the side of my implants by my armpits where you can see my ribs.  He felt the new tear drop shape of the new implants would take care of and fill the area above the implants where tissue meets no tissue.

He told me my implants would be the same size I have now or maybe smaller.

Smaller?! That made me sad.

If I’m going to go through another surgery I was at least hoping for a bit more cleavage and va-va-voom!

So you would think the story stops here…it doesn’t. 

I saw Dr. on a Friday.  I was called by him personally on Monday morning.

“Amy, I’ve been thinking about you and your implants all weekend.”
(a sentence you would only want to hear from your doctor or maybe husband)

He had come up with a whole new plan.

Here it is:

~2 surgeries instead of one. One for expanders. Second to replace expanders with implants.

~Adding expanders –Why? He is worried that after getting rid of the area where the skin thinned out so much, he would not have enough left to do a satisfactory surgery. It gives him much more control as a surgeon to do his art and gives me a bit of control in figuring out what size I would want.

~by using expanders, we can fit a larger implant in, which should fill in both the upper rib area by my armpits where I am skin and bone AND where non-tissue meets tissue above my implants.  No free lipo with this plan, but also no new scars in stomach area which could keloid.

~by using expanders we can fit a larger implant.  That was worth saying twice. {grin} We will still be using the Natrelle 410 Highly Cohesive Anatomically Shaped Silicone-Filled Breast Implants.

What this means:
~surgery October 24 to add expanders. (would you believe I scheduled surgery around our yearly trip to the pumpkin patch?  We go the 19th, and I don’t want to miss out!)
~trips to Omaha (one hour drive) weekly to get expanders expanded.
~being slightly entertained by seeing my breasts grow every week
~4-6 weeks of expansion, depending on how quickly I expand and how big we want to go.

How I feel:
~relieved to have a plan Dr. feels good about
~taken care of by him as he thought about me and came up with the best plan
~apprehensive about 2 surgeries.
~apprehensive about the experience of expanders.  I remember a fellow survivor explaining that they are hard as a tortoise shell and uncomfortable.  The minute you get comfortable, it is time for more expansion.
~hopeful to have a good, va-va-voom outcome
~tough because I know I can handle it all
~scared because I have not had to go through surgery in so long.  I feel out of practice!  Bravery seems to come easier when I’m in survival mode.  Not that I want to be in survival mode!

If you are still reading you deserve a medal.  Truly.
Thank you for caring about me and my…ehem..breasts.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Love/ Music Renews/ Spiritual

Super Abundantly Loved

Turquoise quote from Song of Songs 8:7

He tells me to simply love.
Love, pure with out self-interest.

Without seeking return.
Without being disappointed when it is not returned

For you see, I am so deeply loved–that is why I can love.
I can say “yes” to this call of love

Love poured out.
Love poured over.

Grace has overflowed onto me.
I am abundantly surrounded,  love swirling,
caught up and enraptured by love.

Love as fierce as a hurricane
and I bend beneath the weight of this God love.

Its bigness cradles, a hammock for my heart.
He rocks me gentle.

Movement– love moves.
It flows, it pours, it comes toward.

I am called to love.
I am called to move toward.
I can, I am God-breathed empowered
I am loved.

//

Inspired by my reading in

I Timothy 1:14
“And the grace (unmerited favor and blessing) of our Lord flowed out super abundantly and beyond measure for me, accompanied by faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.”

 I John 4:19
“We love because He first loved us.”

//

Maybe you need this reminder today?  I sure did. I had a rough Monday morning as a Mom & tears flowed. I know I am called to love.  To come toward.  Sometimes this calling can feel next to impossible because my own emotions and hurt feelings get in the way.  The type of love God calls us to is only possible when we recognize how very completely & perfectly we are loved by our Creator.  His love, grace and blessing flows SUPER ABUNDANTLY & BEYOND MEASURE.  Did you get that?  Think about it for a minute.  A perfect God loves super abundantly & beyond measure, right here, right now, no matter what–more than we can even imagine. We cannot even grasp this, yet I find myself asking God to help me KNOW this, for I know that it is only through His love that I myself can put aside my pride & hurt feelings, move toward, & simply love.

{A Fav Song Of Mine}

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