I’ve been resting and taking it easy as my body fights this infection. I am not as inflamed and the pain is much, much better…but things still are not how they should be. The skin is pulled so thin where the doctor put the stitch, and I worry about pulling it further as I don’t have nerves in that area. I still have redness, but the area is smaller. I will see Doctor tomorrow. I am nervous. I wonder if he is going to continue his gamble on me or say “that expander needs to come out.” He warned me that 90% of expanders fail once there is exposure and infection, so it is not like I was not warned, but still, it will be hard news to hear. It will mean another surgery, moving backward instead of forwards, losing this awesome feminine shape I have expanded into, healing for 2-3 months, & then starting over.
I’m trying to keep my thought patterns on the positive. It really helps to remember that THIS IS ALL COSMETIC AND NOT CANCER. I think of those fighting for their lives right now and I find my perspective. I have been there, and yes, this is all long and hard & I’ve cried about it, but I remember that am not fighting for my life and those tears dry up pretty quickly.
I also can’t help but look around and be so thankful. I love Christmas. Love, love love it! I love the focus on relationship.. time with family and those I love, festivity & beautiful atmosphere, nostalgic music….all celebrating the birthday of the God-man I love so very much.
I have managed to slowly get our Christmas decorations out. I minimized them last year and kept just my favorites and larger decorations. I got rid of a lot of small knick- knacks that take work to dust and put away. That stocking candy dish is one of the very few small items I kept. I am so glad I got rid of the excess. Christmas decorating has been easy & a joy.
Instead of my usual hot cocoa, I sipped on immunity building fresh juice. It was really tart and good!
~one beet + green leafy tops & stems
~one green apple
My 10 year old has been so busy looking at my Pinterest boards
and getting all kinds of ideas for homemade decorations. It has been a delight to see what she comes up with and using her creations to make our home feel so festive. I decided to go for a more whimsical look this year, decorating with her homemade snowflakes & ornaments, putting our nutcrackers front and center, & decorating with our children’s Christmas books. Our traditional tree is usually in the basement family room, with a fancy tree in our main living area, but not this year! This year I only have the energy to do one tree and it will be our traditional tree with all our meaningful family ornaments on it in the main living area. It is not done yet. We keep making plans to get it done and then plans fall through or I need to rest. Again, I’m learning to exhale & take my time…setting it up with lights tonight and on our Friday family night we will all decorate it with ornaments.
A forced-slow Christmas. I will take it!
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