Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Love/ Spiritual

Living Like I’m Dying & A Health Update

I heard this song in the car today, on the way to the doctors office.  
Ready for confession time? 
The last 2 days I have been holding a grudge against someone I love dearly, because I was hurt by them.  Instead of lovingly communicating and talking it out, I just wallowed in my hurt and decided I was mad.  Now granted, I have not felt great, physically, the past few days (I will get to why in a moment),  but I’ve learned that physical pain is no excuse to treat someone with disregard, creating emotional pain for everyone involved.  
This song spoke to my heart, a great reminder of what cancer has taught me this past year–we all need to live like we are dying.  “86,400 seconds” is all we have in each day, and every second counts!  I don’t want to be wasteful with my moments.
After a long discussion with a doctor today, I left his office and again, started thinking of the importance of this song.  
I have been having stomach pain the last week.  It is in the evenings, and there have been 2 nights where I thought I may have to go to the emergency room if it didn’t let up.  They are checking my gallbladder for stones with an ultrasound tomorrow.  They are also going to check my stomach lining next week.  
This is the test that has me a little nervous.  Women with lobular breast cancer are more likely to get ovarian and gastric (stomach) cancer metastasis. I just had a dear friend die from stomach cancer.  I’ve seen firsthand what what would be in store.  Facing reality, I know that could be me.
Despite this reality, I have a peace.  A peace that “passes all understanding.” (Phil. 4:7)  I know, KNOW there is a perfect plan for my life, no matter how long or short it is.  I KNOW God has me in the palm of His hand, and nothing can separate me from His love.  This makes me think of my favorite Bible verse:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38,39

This peace, this unending love from my Creator, allows me..frees me.. to live like I’m dying.  To release hurt, to come out from “hiding behind skin that’s too tough,” to say I love you enough.  To admit fault, wrongdoing. To ask for forgiveness and to forgive.  To let go of “Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda” and live like I shall, can and will.

To take the 86,400 seconds in a day and be present in them.

Won’t you join me?

“Live Like We’re Dying”
by cutie Chris Allen 🙂
Sometimes we fall down, can’t get back up
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough
How come we don’t say I love you enough
Till it’s to late, it’s not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would’ve done

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we’ve been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that’s ticking
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There’ll no one on the line, yeah

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we’ve been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that’s ticking
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying, oh, like we’re dying..

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

You never know a good thing till it’s gone
You never see a crash till it’s head on
Why do we think we’re right when we’re dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it’s gone

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we’ve been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that’s ticking
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying, oh, like we’re dying..

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying.. 

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  • Rae
    October 31, 2011 at 1:54 am

    For the last two hours, I’ve sat and read your story. I don’t know that mere words are sufficient to describe the effect of your sharing. Amy, I stepped back from God many years ago, and there have been times when I…it’s so awful to say this…when I even questioned that He existed. The constant strength of your faith has brought me to my knees after so many years of what I now know was me mourning my lost relationship with God, because it was always me that turned away…never Him. Never Him. Thank you, you sweet, precious creature, for reminding me of all that I had hidden away in my heart. I haven’t talked to God – really talked to Him – in a long time, and I’m about to do just that. My heart is with you and your family. Bless you all.

  • Anonymous
    October 28, 2011 at 6:15 am

    Dee from Tennessee

    Prayers from Tennessee Amy. ~ My husband just wrote Phillippians 4:6-7 on our Bible Verse memory board tonite – less than an hour before I read your update. Yes, praying for the peace that passes all understanding. And praying for God’s hand to touch your body – He created you , He love you. And NOTHING is inpossible with God. Love in Christ ( I am Devonia Dykes Cochran on facebook if ya wanna be fb friends.)

  • simone17
    October 28, 2011 at 12:23 am

    thinking of you and your tummy, fingers and all crossed here. I hate that you have to go through even this test. xxx

  • Unknown
    October 28, 2011 at 4:25 am

    Amy, I’m sorry for further concern and testing, but so grateful on your behalf for what God is doing in you through this suffering . . that’s the paradox of suffering, huh? I don’t really know firsthand, but you are a testimony to me. I’m praying and love you –
    Mel

  • Anonymous
    October 28, 2011 at 2:51 am

    Amy,
    Praying for you tonight that all be well…and for your family…and for the grace to make the relationship you spoke of whole. Bless you…you are so special…you encourage all of us every time you write and I hope you are uplifted by all these prayers from all these people and from our very great God.
    May you have deep, restful sleep tomorrow.
    -Carrie in Nashville

  • Heather
    October 28, 2011 at 2:29 am

    Beautiful post, Amy. My sister-in-law was recently diagnosed with stage four cancer and she would probably benefit from knowing there’s a very real but positive woman out there who understands what she’s going through. All we can do is love her, pray for her and feed her, lol!
    Praying for your stomach.

  • Ree
    October 27, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Beautiful, Amy! And a reminder I needed today. Praying for you! (and I think Kris Allen is adorable too :D)

  • Leslie Wray
    October 27, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Praying for you sweet girl. As always, your post is thoughtful and beautiful. You often say things that others are thinking but don’t want to say. You need to meet another friend of Ann’s and mine. I’m sure Ann has often spoke of Linda. She has a gift for verbally turning something bad into a blessing. I have often said that if she stepped in dog poop, she would find the blessing to be that she saved someone else from the experience. Your writings are a pleasure and a blessing (sometimes it just takes awhile and a tear or two to get there).

  • Anonymous
    October 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    I am sure it is gallstones. I have two friends that have had that same thing happen to them in the evening too! Wierd isn’t it! They both had gallstones. I am thinking of you, I am sure everything will be fine!!
    Nancy

  • Laurie
    October 27, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Thank u, as always, for ur transparency and inspiring words and thoughts. Also, pent-up emotions, grudges, and resentments can literally make us feel physically worse and even contribute to health deterioration. Praying your tests go well, Amy, and God bless you each and every minute. Much love Laurie

  • Queenie
    October 27, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    I’m with you, friend. Being eye-to-eye with my mortality is actually a blessing, I’ve decided. (Of course! God doesn’t give any gifts that aren’t good. I’m slow, but I’m learning. . .)
    Love,
    Gina Rupert

  • Anonymous
    October 27, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    You continue to inspire me as I continue on my journey that is not too different from yours. You radiate Gods love….even over the internet!
    God Bless you,
    Laurie Ling

  • Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun
    October 27, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    Beautiful post Amy! I pray you hear it’s just the meds taking a toll on your tummy. But you are so right to live each day with joy! Thanks for the reminder.
    xo
    Leslie

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