Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

Learning To Dance

I sat at Starbucks for a few hours yesterday and spent some time reading God’s Word.  I came upon the parable of the Sower in Matthew 13.  It inspired this…
I am a seed planted lovingly by the Gardener.
He is in Control.

He takes care of me.

The seeds He plants are special. 
Special because He gives them choice
He lets me choose whether or not I will allow Him to sustain me.
He knows what is best for me. 
He watches over me when the storms and winds come. 
He asks me to remain planted, and allow Him to do the work. 
He asks me to just submit and to keep my face upturned to Him,  
Face turned, I dance in worship to the One who gives beauty and life.
At times the gardener must strip me, and it is painful. 
I wonder if I’ll survive the deadheading, the pruning.
Petals fade, head hangs low. 
It takes great effort –choice— to turn upward.

The season is cold, I lie waiting, the loneliness overwhelms.
I know my Gardener is there.
I believe His promise,
He cares for me, though I am weak and small.
 I know this, yet do I really trust Him?
In this storm, within the fierce winds, I hear His whisper…
”Trust deeper, my beloved one. I am here”
“Do you believe me?”
I want to. 
I want to believe that He will breath life into mine and make me strong again. 
I believe that spring will come
 But there is the problem.
I want spring to look a certain way. 
I want spring to bring the familiar.
I want to be planted in the same place that I was before, amongst those whom I love.
My Gardner knows this, yet whispers
“Deeper still…let’s go deeper.  Let the roots take hold”
He gently picks up my head and tells me to look around. 
I do and I see something
It takes me by surprise; it is so off-putting –so ugly.

 I have replanted myself and have emerged into a place of shallow soil. 
Where can my roots go?
I am here, in the shallow, surrounded with weeds created by me.
As I laid in despair, weeds named “Fear” and “Control” sprung up and have choked.
They have stunted my growth.
They have taken my ability to re-seed and multiply the beauty of my Gardener.
When did this happen?
How quickly and easily they have come!
It started with one; he calls himself “Fear.” 
He has many friends
Their names:
These weeds have seen my thwarted plans and losses,
They have taken advantage of my vulnerability.
I didn’t keep my face lifted, and in they quickly crept
The “friend” most familiar right now is “Resentment.”
He pretends to keep me company and points out others
They are unhealthy, but not yet diseased, as I am.
The question comes as I look at them –“why me?”
What an ugly question to ask
That is the moment “Resentment” introduces me to “Self-Pity”
I hang my head in shame
Oh my Gardener, forgive me!
Forgive me for allowing these weeds, these hideous pretenders,
They replace the real Truth
They take my face from You!
You have promised plans for me. 
I want those perfect plans
I want to take root and say “Come what may”
Please pull these weeds out of my way.
Rescue me.
Show me how to get out
Plant me by a stream of living water.
Where I can drink the peace that you promise to give
A peace that is hard comprehend.
I have known such a sweet peace.
I have tasted it before
I long for it again.
You tell me to lift my head toward You and empty my worry
You tell me to ask you for help
You tell to practice thankfulness, and to keep dancing, even in the storm

This is what brings peace
You pick me up and replant me exactly where I belong,
You shine on me and give me life
I will forever lift my head and dance for you, My Gardener

Philippians 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Isaiah 58:11
“You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”

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  • Janis@Open My Ears Lord
    February 17, 2011 at 4:06 am

    Amy, your writing is so eloquent and heartfelt. It is tender and moving, and speaks to all of us whatever situation we are in. Because we all let the weeds in at one time or another.
    I pray for you. May the Lord bless you with His healing.

  • Joan
    February 16, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Amy this is a beautiful post! I plan to share this with my husband this evening – he is a cancer survivor (over 17 years). I’m signing on as your newest follower.


  • Ozjane
    February 16, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    I love to reflect on the fact that our life is not qualified by length but by love and a living relationship with our Lord. Some of the most beautiful flowers bloom one night of the year. Other equally beautiful flowers have long life and a long flowering, but He made them all and He gives them all life. May you be blessed as you continue to walk through your days with the Master.

  • Sherry @ Lamp Unto My Feet
    February 16, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Wow! What a beautiful post!

  • Andrea
    February 16, 2011 at 10:39 am

    Amy, this is probably one of the most beautiful and honest things I’ve read. The thing is that it applies to all of us because we all have weeds. I’m moved. Thank you for sharing. I praise God for you and stand in agreement with you while you dance.

  • gemini
    February 16, 2011 at 9:20 am

    God be with you all the way, am blessed with your blog. Happy days and blessings be with you always.

  • Lois of
    February 16, 2011 at 8:04 am

    Blessings and Abundant Grace and Provision and God’s Power to you!


  • Cathy
    February 16, 2011 at 6:41 am

    That is a beautiful post. Praying for you, Dear, for God’s healing touch ~

  • lori
    February 16, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    what incredibly beautiful words. I love the parable of the sower and this captures it in such profound ways. What a blessing this is and your gift to share your heart will inspire others…praying for you as you move in this journey and believing with you!

  • Kaye Swain
    February 16, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Very powerful words and encouraging Bible verses.Thank you for sharing from your heart. I have a couple of other friends dealing with cancer and will share your site with them. Thank you – Also, I read some of your other posts and at Caring Bridge and am praying for you and for your prayer requests!

  • Renee Ann
    February 16, 2011 at 8:36 am

    I found your blog through Word-filled Wednesday, and this post really touched my heart. I lost a friend (she was really like another sister in our family) to breast cancer a year ago this month. These are words she would’ve written if she could have expressed herself so eloquently. She was a faithful woman after God’s own heart who inspired many. I’ll be posting a piece about her this week, so it caught my attention to come across this today. I hope you don’t mind my sharing all that . . . I also started reading through your other blog. Continued blessings on your journey.

  • elaine @ peace for the journey
    October 27, 2010 at 1:10 am

    So beautiful, tender, raw and real…

    Thank you for giving this to me this night.


  • Sarah @ Modern Country Style
    October 26, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    You’re SO honest here.

    It reminds meof the bit where Mary thought Jesus was the gardener just after he’d risen.

    I love the way he says to her ‘Mary’ and she immediately recognises his voice.


  • Cathy M~(checkitoff)
    October 25, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    just beautiful. you are in my thoughts & prayers!

  • Calandra
    October 24, 2010 at 1:19 am

    I whispered a prayer for your strength this morning, Amy.

    We are seeds planted right along with you. Different circumstances perhaps, but broken seeds, nevertheless. Thank you for surrendering your will to the Lord and being kind enough to share the profound journey. It’s in our loneliest moments here on earth that we are able to draw closest to our LORD. Your beautiful poem is evidence of this fact. (What a gift you have to be able to touch HIM face to face.)


  • Anonymous
    October 23, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    Not too often you come in contact with someone who truly lives her beliefs, like you, Amy. I have never been a really spiritual person-but you are so inspiring and God loving-you truly are a gift to us all.

  • Porter
    October 23, 2010 at 4:19 am


  • htr
    October 22, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Thank you so much. I will let him know. I shared your story this week with a friend who is about 1 treatment ahead of you. Our church has been providing meals the week after her treatments (that is when she feels the worst). I told her about your honesty about how you really feel and how you sometimes don’t want to hear the “be positive” message. She said that she feels the same way. I would not have known that if not for your blog. It helped us be able to have a more honest conversation and a more specific prayer time before we parted. Thanks for that.

    I will let you know how Adam shares your words.

    Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy next week off with your family.

  • htr
    October 22, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    I shared this beautiful post with my husband who is a pastor. Would you mind if he shared it with our church? Thanks, Holly

  • Marie @ Chocolate-Covered Chaos
    October 22, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    This is a beautiful post, Amy. Thank you for sharing so much with us. Your honesty is moving. I admire you and how you’re walking through this, step by step, hand in hand with your Father. I don’t always know what to say, but trust that I’m still praying. You keep dancing, girl!

  • Why Not Sew?
    October 22, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    This is just so beautiful and REAL!

  • Amy Bowman
    October 22, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    htr–The parable of the sower is in Matthew 13, not 4. I just corrected this in the post…

  • Amy Bowman
    October 22, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Holli, of course! That is an honor.

    Thank you, anonymous.

  • Anonymous
    October 22, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    This is beautiful writing, Amy! You truly have the gift for taking all of the mess out of our days and focusing on the simplistic whole truths of God. It’s like you’re an a.d.h.d. med for me sometimes, shining a light on what’s important. Not to self diagnose…:)

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