I vividly remember the day I write about below. I was an emotional, hormonal mess, having just started a hormone therapy drug for cancer and also just going off a medication that I took for anxiety that was not compatible with the new cancer med.
I read the journal entry today, 3 years later, and I marvel at how good God is. For so many reasons, but especially because I am alive almost 4 years after diagnosis, and I have clearly seen Him grow me and continue to show me that He is such a sweet, good God.
He tells us in the Bible to look back and ‘remember His works.’ I do this often, especially when life feels so very hard and out control. These are the times I need to remember to give Him my worries and concerns. I remember that He has brought me and my family through so much, and I remember that no matter how hard life gets, that He promises to finish the work He has started.
I love spring. I love going to nurseries & choosing beautiful flowers to plant. I tease the roots apart & think about the strong roots He has been faithful to grow in me. I remember that they are there, I remember that my Gardener will be faithful in watering, nourishing & providing light for me. I am taken care of and safe, which makes me brave & beautiful, able to turn my face to the Son & dance.
April 2011 Cancer Journal Entry
Yesterday was NOT a good day. One of my hardest since diagnosis. For sure the most humbling.
It went like this:
ready for new mercies.
This is all so humbling… embarrassing.
I have said 3 times today I just want to get over myself so I can LIVE! Then I remember that I AM living, that this IS life, and I am in the process of figuring out how to “live fully, where planted.”
I’ve got to figure out how to stop wishing for a different pot, and see that the one I am growing roots into is the perfect one, handmade by HIM for me.
Thank you for having such compassionate eyes for me and my potting mess.
“Your weakness is not a deterrent to being filled with My Spirit; on the contrary, it provides an opportunity for My Power to shine forth more brightly.” –Jesus Calling
Lift your head dear one. Let His light shine on you….in no time you will be growing & dancing.