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Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

Struggling To Surrender

Fearing to launch on “full surrenders” tide,
I asked the Lord where would its waters glide
My little boat, “To troubled seas I dread?”
     “Unto Myself,” He said.

Weeping beside an open grave I stood,
In bitterness of soul I cried to God:
“Where leads this path of sorrow that I tread?”
    “Unto Myself,” He said.

Striving for souls, I loved the work too well;
Then disappointments came; I could not tell
The reason, till He said, “I am your all;
     Unto Myself I call.”

Watching my heroes—those I love the best—
I saw them fail; they could not stand the test,
Even by this the Lord, through tears not few,
     Unto Himself me drew.

Unto Himself! No earthly tongue can tell
The bliss I find, since in His heart I dwell;
The things that charmed me once seem all as naught;
     Unto Himself I’m brought.

from Streams In The Desert

It IS bliss when I surrender.  When I rest.  When I give Him my “what-if’s.”  When I trust.

Oh Lord, help me to surrender, help me to not fear.  Help me to stay in the boat and FIGHT, all the while surrendering to the Tide, no matter where YOU take me.  You know what is best for YOUR purpose.  You know what is BEST for me.


Spiritual

“Fear Not”

***2 days after I wrote this post, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer.  How kind was the God of the Universe to have this truth upon my heart, right before my devastating news!

I write this post as a reference for myself to be able to come back to.  A place to come when I need to hear truth.  A truth reminder, for when I am fearful.

There are so many things that we can find, to be fearful of. Yet God tells us over and over, “do not fear.”  Yet, I do…

I read the following verses and feel so understood and taken care of by the God of the Universe.  He gets us. He gets that His children would struggle with fear.  He is this beautiful, perfect, Creator Being; reassuring us over and over that He’s got our backs.  Reassuring us that we can trust Him and His perfection. He is perfect, which means His plan for me is perfect, even if my world shatters around me.  

For me, fear can be so “in my face” at times, and at other times appear so subtly that I don’t even realize that I am being fearful until it has almost paralyzed me.  I find that my fears often comes in the form of this question:
What if?  

Oh how those 2 words can sneak in and occupy space in my brain!

“What if– my children get hurt?”
“What if– something happens to my health or the health of my husband?”
“What if– I just offended her”
“What if–they aren’t telling the truth?”


Scripture says “Whatever things are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable….think on these things.” Philippians 4:8  
That first one jumps out at me:

Whatever is TRUE...” 

Back to the “What If” question.  It is a question about things that are unknown.  Do I know for a fact that I have offended that person?  Do I know the future of my children?  Of my health?  No. So why am I allowing this “What If” stuff in?  Why do I worry?  Why do I fret?
Instead, I want to think on what is true.  What I know to be true.   

Truth.  

Easier said than done, but as the below verses show, I have a perfect God, who is ONLY good, that has my back and tells me to “fear not” over and over and over again.  When the list of verses runs so long, of God telling me not to fear, I can’t help but shut my eyes & exhale, let go, and decide to trust.  And when the “what if” question comes back, I will come back to this post and read, exhale, let go and decide to trust, again, because:

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. 

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

 Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

 Genesis 26:24 I am the God of your father Abraham; do not fear, for I am with you.

 Numbers 21:34 Do not fear him, for I have delivered him [your enemy] into your hand. 

Deuteronomy 3:22 You must not fear them [spiritual or natural enemies], for the LORD your God Himself fights for you. 

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” 

Deuteronomy 31:8 And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” 

Joshua 10:8 And the LORD said to Joshua, “Do not fear them, for I have delivered them into your hand; not a man of them shall stand before you.”

1 Chronicles 28:20 And David said to his son Solomon, “Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God–my God–will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD. 

2 Chronicles 20:17 You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the LORD is with you.”

 Psalm 27:3 Though an army may encamp against me, My heart shall not fear; Though war may rise against me, In this I will be confident. 

Psalm 37:4 The Angel of the LORD encamps all around those who fear Him, And delivers them. 

Psalm 46:2 Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; 

Psalm 56:4 In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? 

Psalm 118:6 The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? 

Isaiah 35:4 Say to those who are fearful-hearted, “Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, With the recompense of God; He will come and save you.”

 Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

 Isaiah 41:13 For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, “Fear not, I will help you.

Isaiah 43:1 But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.” 

Isaiah 43:5 Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your descendants from the east, And gather you from the west; 

Isaiah 44:8 Do not fear, nor be afraid; Have I not told you from that time, and declared it? You are My witnesses. Is there a God besides Me? Indeed there is no other Rock; I know not one.”‘ 

Isaiah 51:7 “Listen to Me, you who know righteousness, You people in whose heart is My law: Do not fear the reproach of men, Nor be afraid of their insults. 

Isaiah 54:4 Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. 

Isaiah 54:14 In righteousness you shall be established; You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; And from terror, for it shall not come near you.

 Daniel 12:2 Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. 

Daniel 10:19 And he said, “O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you; be strong, yes, be strong!” So when he spoke to me I was strengthened, and said, “Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.” 

Joel 2:21 Fear not, O land; Be glad and rejoice, For the LORD has done marvelous things! 

Haggai 2:5 “According to the word that I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt, so My Spirit remains among you; do not fear!

Psalm 91 1 He that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. 3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. 4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. 5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flies by day; 6 Nor for the pestilence that walks in darkness; nor for the destruction that wastes at noonday. 7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. 8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. 9 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; 10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. 12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. 14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation. 

Matthew 10:28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Matthew 10:31 Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

 Mark 4:40 But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith? 

Luke 12:4 “And I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do.

 Luke 12:7 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

 Luke 12:32Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

 Romans 8:15 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”

Hebrews 13:6 So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

 Revelation 2:10 Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Spiritual

Would I Trust Him?

This video was posted today, on the blog of a man who has incredible faith.  His wife has been suffering from a brain tumor since last March, and through their family blog, he has given updates on her condition.  Kaci, his wife, had just given birth to their 3rd child, Jada, when she was told the tumor was cancerous.  They have 2 other children, Tate and Mya, and have served God together in Albania as missionaries.  
I have so appreciated Ryan’s (Kaci’s husband) willingness to share their journey, and to be so open with his thoughts and feelings.  He has shown such incredible strength and faith in God.  The last few posts of his have been some of the most painful to read, as doctors have given very little hope for recovery, and Kaci has been in much pain and has suffered from dementia for awhile now.  
Watching this video today, I wondered how I would do if I were in Ryan’s shoes.  Would I trust God like he has, or would I just crumble? Would I be strong enough to allow Him to use my life’s journey to encourage others?  I pray that the answer would be yes, but I know it would only be through my God, who is faithful and promises to give His children strength.  
Ryan asks often for our prayers, so if you feel led, please lift him up!  You can leave a comment at their blog letting him know you have, or even just a word of encouragement.
It was interesting to see who wrote and sings the above song in the video.  It is from Steven Curtis Chapman‘s latest CD “Beauty Will Rise.” He is a man who has also known great pain, and had his faith shaken, but not destroyed.  Back in May of 2008, his 5-yr-old daughter, Maria, was hit by Chapman’s son, Will, after she ran into the path of his car in their driveway.  This song (and entire album) speaks volumes about the amazing God we have.  He is a God who people cling to in the midst of the unimaginable, and because of Him can find hope and joy again. 
 I personally am looking forward to reading “Choosing To See” a book written by Mary Beth Chapman, Steven’s wife.  
Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope
I’ve told my kids for years that God doesn’t make mistakes,” writes Mary Beth Chapman, wife of Grammy award winning recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman. “Would I believe it now, when my whole world as I knew it came to an end?” Covering her courtship and marriage to Steven Curtis Chapman, struggles for emotional balance, and living with grief, Mary Beth’s story is our story–wondering where God is when the worst happens. In Choosing to SEE, she shows how she wrestles with God even as she has allowed him to write her story–both during times of happiness and those of tragedy. Readers will hear firsthand about the loss of her daughter, the struggle to heal, and the unexpected path God has placed her on. Even as difficult as life can be, Mary Beth Chapman Chooses to SEE. Includes a 16-page full color photo insert.
FAMILY/ Love/ Marriage/ Spiritual

It Is Love




{video I made for Todd last year. There are pics of our girls which I normally do not show on the blog, so this post will only be up for a week. Enjoy!}

Yesterday was our 14th Wedding Anniversary. My husband is an amazing man who is committed to me, loves me, and makes our marriage priority.  I am a blessed beyond words.
 Our marriage is something we have worked very hard on, clinging to the verses below, trying to put them into practice.  Each year brings on new lessons and new growth.  I am so thankful for a man who will give me room to grow and who is committed to growing himself.  He is God’s gift to me.

I LOVE YOU, TODD!

Col 3:12-14
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity



Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.




Romans 12:10b
Honor one another above yourselves.




1 Cor 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.




1 Peter 4:8 
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.




James 1:19
Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Colossians 3:14 
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Song of Solomon 2:16 
My lover is mine, and I am his.





Spiritual

Sunday Sermon Notes

John 3:29
“The joy is mine & is now complete.  He must become greater, I must become less.”
~Who is going to be first?  
~Is Jesus absolutely, unrivaled, first, in my life?
~True joy is not about getting others to make much of me, but getting others to make much of Jesus.
~Do I dismiss parts of the Word and only open to that with is convenient?
~Life is not a story about me, is is about Him.
~When we confess our virtues, we are competitors.  When we confess our hearts, we are brothers. -Karl Barth.
~I was born BY His purpose, FOR His purpose.
~I am forgiven.  Loved.
~I play a part in the building of His kingdom.
~To find life, we must lose it.
We sang one of favorite worship songs, these are the words of the chorus, they give me chills every time I sing them.  If you want to hear them, click play below.

You are Lord of lords
You are King of kings
You are mighty God
Lord of everything
You’re Emanuel
You’re the Great I Am
You’re my Prince of Peace
Who is the Lamb
You’re my living God
You’re my saving Grace
You will reign  forever
You are ancient of days
You are Alpha, Omega
Beginning and End
You’re my Savior, Messiah
Redeemer and Friend
You’re My Prince Of Peace and
I will live my life for you.

Spiritual

My Prayer Bench-Revisited

I thought I would re-post this, as I’m enjoying company and have not had time to write.
I was over at Ann’s place today, and her post “How To Build A House Of Prayer” is a must read, and reminded me of how grateful I am to her for inspiring my own little area of prayer in our home.

I have found a spiritual mentor in blogosphere. Her name is Ann Voskamp and her blog is called “Holy Experience.” I have talked about her here, and continue to be a huge fan. The way she writes and experiences God just hits a chord with me. I feel she is able to put on paper emotions, feelings and thoughts I have but can’t express. She expresses her heart beautifully, I just jive with her! I am so thankful to have found her and can learn from her.

I’ve been reading through her series of spiritual practices with an eye out for posts on prayer. She, of course, did not disappoint. She’s written much about prayer, but this post made my heart yearn for what she had. She wrote about creating a space in her home specifically for the act of prayer. I finished reading the post with a longing for one of my own. A day later, I have one.
We have a landing area upstairs that tends to be unused space. I walk through it numerous times a day to get to my bedroom. It is a favorite space of mine, because of the many windows that allow light to stream in. Yesterday it was full of Christmas bins waiting to be put into the attic. Today, it is an intentional meeting place with my God. I had some time there with Him today. It was peaceful and I felt great anticipation of precious time to come. I had just finished that time when I received an email from a friend whose family is experiencing the pain of cancer. I knew where I would go to kneel and ask God to give them peace, and back up the stairs I went. I know I can pray anywhere, anytime, but there is something special about having a place, an intentional place.
For me:
  • It is a place that says “God, I want to meet with you”
  • It is a place that allows me to stop and kneel for sixty seconds in the midst of busy life.
  • It is a place that draws me to sit and stay, to meditate, journal, read and pray.

It is also place where others have been… John Piper writes…

“…when we bought our first home, I built a prayer bench with a place for my elbows in a kneeling posture, and a place for my bible to lie, and a shelf underneath for the Bible or other books and a notepad… There the prayer bench welcomes me every morning and several times during the day. God alone knows the tears and songs that have mingled there. I urge you to think creatively.

Seriously consider building a place of prayer…”

I considered.

I found:

  • A bench we have had sitting in our sunroom.
  • A basket given to me by my mom for Christmas.
  • A candle and matches.
  • Books, Bible and journal.
  • Pens and highlighter.
  • Rocks that remind me to “remember the works of the Lord.”
  • A pillow given to me from a friend.

And now I have a simple meeting place- A prayer bench. This post is linked to: Finer Things Friday @ The Finer Things In Life Show And Tell Friday @ My Romantic House

Spiritual

When You Feel Rejected- Count Fish

That is the title of Ann Voskamp’s latest blog post. I read her blog every day, and there are only a few of her posts that leave me with a dry eye.  She just touches my heart, and did it again today.  She finds truth within Truth that I never would have seen, then writes it beautiful.  I leave her space with the soothing music she plays in my head and His Word through hers, on my heart.  Once again, Ann, thank you.

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