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Spiritual/ Sponsored

My One Word Of The Year

Have you chosen your word for the year yet?  I have!

It took some time to commit to this word, as it seemed a bit boring at first, but I just couldn’t get away from the word, and then I found the above perfect verse, Isaiah 43:19, and now I love it.

My one word for the year is ‘NEW.’

There are so many reasons why I chose the word ‘new’, and so many ways it is already changing me.

After participating in the #oneword challenge last year, I am not surprised at all.  Last year I chose the word ‘calm.’  It really was the perfect word, and I thought about it all throughout the year.  It is amazing how powerful claiming a word can be.

I felt myself grow immensely in the area of calmness, and that is saying a lot, as I tend to be a bit frantic in my thoughts and actions.  My default is many “what ifs?” My personality is one that likes things to be in order and expected, and when life brings the unexpected, I tense up.

As you all know, life has brought lots of unexpected the last few years for me and my health, and the end of this past year was no exception as I had 4 surgeries in 3 months, pleurisy & 2 infections brought on by a sensitivity to the materials used for reconstruction.  This ‘forced slow’ of sickness & healing solidified the calm God had been teaching me throughout the year.  He is very faithful and has shown me that He is trustworthy and reliable in the midst of unknown and scary.  He is the perfect place to just lean into and just ‘be’ when life gets scary. I loved my ‘one word’ last year.

Back to my one word for this year.

New.

Just the sound of that word brings an excitement and anticipation, but for me, it means change.  It means trying something different, especially in my reactions to things and in my thought processes.

I used to watch Dr. Phil quite often, and one of the phrases he used all the time was “How’s that workin’ for ya?” I can just hear him saying it in his southern drawl.  This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately with my NEW word.

What are things I am in the habit of doing that are not “working” for me?

What can I do that is different and NEW?  How can I respond differently and change?

1. Marriage

I’ve noticed a few areas of my marriage that needed this question asked.  I refuse to get comfortable and stop growing in our marriage. I don’t just want a good marriage.  I want a thriving marriage that is ALL that God intended it to be. I have already found myself responding differently than I have in years and delighting in the change that has been brought about because of that.

What was not working for me?

Responding in a sensitive, defensive manner.

I would get defensive.  He would get defensive. We could go round and round.  Why do I continue to do the same thing if it does not work for me?  Or for our marriage?

I’ve been experimenting with responding differently, and OH what peace it is bringing to my heart and to our communication.  Who knew that my stubborn defensiveness would result in unresolved issues.
Well…duh, right?  Honestly, when I am more concerned about being right, or my own thoughts and emotions, or just wanting to be understood, then I am thinking of myself way more than my Todd and that is NOT the wife I want to be.  That is not loving.

When I put the defenses and emotions away and put his feeling before my own, beautiful things happen.  Walls come down.  Words are exchanged that are profitable and good.  I get heard, he gets heard.  Love happens.

2. Parenting

Another area where I am challenged to respond differently is parenting.  Specifically, parenting teens.

I don’t write about parenting challenges as much anymore as my girls are teens and I want to respect their privacy, but lack of words about it all on this blog does not mean there is lack of challenge. As proud as I am of our girls, parenting is HARD my friends, and takes a whole lot of faith and trust in God and prayer!

My NEW way of responding differently in parenting, again, has to do with emotions.  Can you tell God created me a very emotional being?  I FEEL everything!  A blessing and a curse!

What was not working for me in parenting my teens was responding out of emotion and hurt feelings. Parenting requires a toughness, an ability to feel intense emotion without responding out of that emotion.  That takes a lot of self control and a whole lot of self talk for me.

My NEW way of thinking?  My new self talk?

“I am the adult.  They are the child. I need to act and respond like an adult. They are still learning how to respond appropriately.  It is my job to teach them.  The best teaching is showing them by doing it myself.”

“I cannot control my children.  They will make their own decisions, and I have a good and faithful God who IS in control and promises to work all things out for good.

3. A Slow Life
Another big way I see this word being used is in my thinking about life.  I now embrace what I call the slow life.  It is a purposeful way of living, a deliberate thinking of how I want to spend my time and energy on this earth.  Life is so very precious and short.  As I do this, I can SEE and experience all that God is doing. I am so excited to claim the promise of the verse above, how God is going to do NEW things, and make a path of refreshment through the wilderness.  I am going to watch for how He is doing this, as He is already doing it!

4. Health
The last way I am embracing this word is when it comes to this NEW body of mine.  After 3 years of constant issues with reconstruction and many surgeries, I think we are done!  I am so very thankful to be able to say this and so very thankful for great results.  I find myself very motivated to take care of this body of mine.  I do quite well when it comes to what I eat, but I am eager to start taking better care of it when it comes to physical activity.  I am finally healed enough to at least start walking and some gently yoga.

Do you love how this precious necklace looks on this NEW body of mine?  I adore these One Word Personalized Vintage Dictionary Necklaces from Krafty Kash and am starting to have quite the collection of them, each one of them dearly loved and meaningful.  Did you notice in my One Word Necklace above, the definition has the word ‘health’ in it?  I was delighted to see that! So fitting!!

What is your one word for the year?  Have you thought about it yet?

Challenge yourself and your friends to choose a word.  Then surprise your friends with an awesome, personalized word pendant gift from Krafty Kash!  You could also get your children one with words describing their personalities or a word you want to claim for them.

Now is the perfect time to get your #oneword necklace, as she is having a great sale!  The #oneword pendant necklaces are on sale for $18.00 and if you use the coupon code ‘oneword’ at checkout you will get FREE SHIPPING!  

AMAZING deal.  Let me know what your word is and if you ordered a necklace!

Find Krafty Kash:
{shop-click here for your One Word Personalized Vintage Dictionary Necklace}

Blessings to you all in this 2014 year!  I am expecting and anticipating many NEW and excititng things!

11
Books/ Spiritual/ Sponsored

Peace in the Pressure Cooker + A Book Giveaway




“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned: struck down, but not destroyed.” 
2 Corinthians 4:7-8


I have been waiting and waiting to share this amazing book with all of you!  I can’t think of a better time than Christmas to give you all the gift of knowing this beautiful woman’s story. Boy, do I wish I could give one of her books to each and everyone of YOU!  But since I cannot, I decided to celebrate this Christmas season of giving by having a book giveaway.


I am giving away 5 copies of Peace in the Pressure Cooker to five wonderful readers.  If you would rather not wait to read Patti’s story, then order her book right here, right now! 


I watched the powerful video below of Patti talking about her life story a few months ago.  I had the honor of being one of the first to watch it, while it was still in the editing phase.  Even then, I knew that what I had seen and heard from Patti would be life-changing for me.  I finished watching the video with tears streaming down my face and chills covering my body.  I became very passionate about sharing her story, and even felt frustrated that I had to wait until the book came out and the video was done! 


There is so much that struck me about watching and hearing Patti’s story. It is very rare to see someone who has overcome the challenges Patti has, yet still see joy and peace in their life. Peace & joy just flow from Patti.  Patti has shown me exactly what it looks like to love our God with a giddy love (she even gives a giddy giggle in the video a couple times, so watch for it..it is my favorite!) It is a  passionate, intimate and trusting love.  She also showed me what it looked like to just hold on, as she grasped tight, pushed back, and found peace despite the extreme pressures life brought..

Some of the pressures that Patti has overcome?
 ~physical and sexual abuse
 ~breast cancer
 ~divorce 
~single-parenting
~ living with a chronic pain and a brain injury from an auto accident 
~depression and homelessness. 

Yes, she has had her share of life’s pressures, but what peace she has found in the midst of them.

When I finally got my hands on her book, Finding Peace in the Pressure Cooker, the timing was perfect.  If you have been following along, you know that since mid-October I have been going through breast cancer reconstruction surgery.  It was a much longer process than we thought it would be, with many, many complications.  Reading Patti’s book truly helped get me through it all, and reminded me to keep giving my concerns and burdens to God.  I found myself highlighting  many pages as I read.  

Here are some of her words that really touched me:

“That’s Mom; she was never going to change. But something changed inside me. I had gained new ground by standing up to her, and I was healed of the emotional injury that day in church. I was never going to let her bully me again. She tried, but I stood my ground for the next eight years.”
“Then the Lord spoke to my heart telling me to make a choice: I could either carry the offense of my Mom’s actions or carry the burden of her lost soul. The choice was mine to make. What was it going to be?  I felt a strong burden for Mom’s soul.”
“…if I carried fear, resentment, and malice—then these emotions would keep me from sensing his presence.”
“What have I told you that you can do with all your burdens?” I answered him, “You said I can give all my burdens to you.” God promises he will not just walk with us when we are burdened, but that he would also take our burdens upon himself. Isn’t he amazing? I love him so. I was instantly released of the heaviness in my heart, and peace took its place.”


Patti writes with an honesty that I could relate to.  She is authentic and vulnerable.  I kept finding myself nodding my head at the book in my hands…I could so identify with her feelings.  Her honesty was very refreshing.  

Here are some examples:

         “Angry people frightened me.” 
         “Personal criticism made me defensive.”
         “My life was shaped by the demands of the people around me, and I lost all sense of my own      identity.”
         “I confused love with pity by protecting the addicted or depressed people in my life, rescuing them from their problems.”
          “I felt responsible for the damaged people in my life and tried hard to help them change their behavior or attitudes.” 
          “I trusted the addicted or depressed person’s promises, even if he or she had broken countless promises before.”
          “I had unhealthy boundaries and couldn’t say no without feeling guilty.”
          “I avoided pain by working, spending, serving, and clowning around—anything to not feel.”
 Can you relate to any of these things?  I know I could…most ALL of them. Patti tells us how she overcame and found peace.  


I will end this with some of my favorite words from Patti:

What drives me to sit before women? I love to get eye to eye with them so they can see into my heart.  I share the pressures of life, not to pick a scab, not to trigger anything, but just to show them that I understand pressures of life–prolonged, consistent pressures that can crush you–but because of what we have in God, because of the empowering of His word & His promises, we can push back from the inside out.   

Maybe our surroundings won’t change, but we change.  This is the God I serve. He changes the conditions inside my heart.  He didn’t take me out of anything, He kept me in everything. I’ve been hit by cancer, I’ve been hit by cars, I’ve been tied in chairs, I’ve had my nose torn open–but I’m NOT going to be quiet about my God.  The world has done alot to us, but my God has taken it back by His design.  You CAN have peace in this pressure cooker world.

Join the Giveaway!



Get to know Patti Davis:




~Follow Peace In The Pressure Cooker On Facebook


Don’t forget to watch the video above! 

11
Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

Breast Reconstruction Results –A Health Update

 {Results of answered prayer! 
Not many can say they have had hundreds of people praying for their boobs!  I’m so thankful}

 I was just noticing the last post I wrote on my heath was Dec 9th and I was a mess.  My right side expander was infected, my skin was so fragile and thin around the incision that it was opening and…I will spare you the details.  It was not pretty.  If you are dealing with reconstruction and have questions or want more details, please email me. 

I was told 90% of ‘exposed’ expanders fail, but my Doc decided to take a gamble on me.  He stitched up the opening, put me on antibiotics, and sent me home.

It was a tough week.  I could tell my body was fighting infection.  I did all I could on my part.  I made sure I got lots of sleep and did all kinds of crazy things to help my immunity through nutrition.

 ~juiced everyday, using beets and greens (recipes below–both delicious)

~drank green smoothies

~ate chia oatmeal to keep my digestion system moving

~made sure I got lots of plant protein

~took elderberry syrup all throughout the day (yum!)

~drank Amazing Grass Supergreens each day…a powder mix of kelp, chlorella etc.

~drank Emergen-C every day (high vit C powder)

~kept up on my Shaklee Vita-Strips (which is multi-vitamin, vitamin B, probiotic & fish oil)

~took large does Vit D (6,000 i.u.)

~took my antibiotic regularly and on time

{mmm..now I crave it!}
The Beet Rejuvenator

3-4 Carrots
1 Cucumber
1/2 Lemon
1 Ginger Root (1 inch piece)
1/2 Beet Root(including stem and 1-2 leaves)
The Mean Green

6 Kale Leaves
1 Cucumber
2 Green Apples
4 Celery
1/2 Lemon
1 Ginger Root (thumb size)

I know this sounds like a lot, but I all tasted good except the super green powder.  I plugged my nose when I drank that!  Next time I will get the capsules!

{tired but cozy, wearing handmade knits by She Makes Hats}

I did notice my skin glowed with all those greens in my system.  I was tired, but my skin glowed!

I went back to the doctor, and although I had not run a fever and infection seemed to be staying under control, the area of thin skin was coming open again and looked angry at us.

Doc looked at me and said “time for surgery.” My heart sank, thinking he meant take the expander out, heal up the infection, and start all over.   Every situation like mine that I read about online did just this.  It was protocol, one that my doctor had prepared me for.

Then he was thoughtful for a bit, looked at me and said, “we are going to give you a fill today in the left, (which would even the 2 sides out, as the right had looked bigger from the start of expansions) and take another risk with you and put your implants right in.  You are expanded enough, lets just do this.”

I LOVED that idea.  I was planning on swapping the expanders for implants right after Christmas, so moving it up instead of starting all over sounded like a great plan.  I was nervous about the infection, I knew that if there is infection and you add a foreign object to the body (an implant) that it is very hard to control infection. But, I trusted my Doctor completely, and he felt comfortable with his plan, so I was all in.

If you have been following New Nostalgia’s Facebook updates, you know that my first surgery was cancelled.  We were on our way to Omaha (an hour long drive), got halfway there, and a nurse called.  It was Monday.  We had decided to go ahead with surgery just the Friday before.  The type of implants he was going to use on me were not usual, he only used them for reconstructive purposes, and had to have them flown in.

Nurse “Amy, are you on your way?  If so you need to turn around.  Your implants didn’t make it.  They are stuck on a grounded plane in Texas, delayed due to the ice storm.”

I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. I pictured my poor implants freezing to death in TEXAS of all places.  The comments on facebook were so funny and lifted my spirits that day.  My fav?  “Well, better check the size of those implants when they arrive because everything is bigger in Texas!”  Ha!!

There is some truth to that.  Doc ordered a few different sizes, wanting to make sure we get implants that fit perfectly.  I was hoping for the bigger size but since surgery was happening sooner than we expected I was not expanded as much as I thought I would be.  Would those ‘bigger’ ones fit?

Surgery was put off for 2 days.  I will have to write another post about how God’s timing is always perfect.  So many wonderful things happened those 2 days.  God just rained down the blessings and multiplied my time and energy, constantly showing me it was ok to wait for surgery, and that He’s got this!  I did all my Christmas shopping in 5 hours at Target, my sister-in -law helped me wrap it all, and I was able to completely heal in those 2 days of a chest cold.  That was huge as the thought of surgery with a chest cold freaked me out.

{He prepared me for thwarted plans}

I showed up for surgery on Wednesday a blubbering mess.  Oh the poor lady that had to check me in!  The tears were falling like a flood and I could not see where to sign my name “in case they have to do a blood transfusion…permission to resuscitate” — all those fun things that require a signature before surgery.  Todd had to deal with me in the car, so it was my Dad who I collapsed on in waiting area, making a mess on his shoulder.  My Mom then showed up and got an earful, too.  I was an emotional mess.

I had my 2nd Zoladex shot the day before, the one that shuts all estrogen down.  I think that added to my inability to control my tears, but I was also worn out, and very worried about the infection.  The site had become so ugly-looking and it scared me.  I was convinced that I would lose the expander and that infection would keep Doc from putting a new implant in.

The nurses kept saying it was ok to be nervous about surgery.  I tried to tell them it was not surgery that I was scared about, but waking up to the reality that we would be starting all over.  I’ve done surgery so many times that it is very familiar to me and I really was not nervous about all the things that happen before drifting off to sleep for surgery.  It was what I would wake up to.

When Mr. Anesthesiologist come in, I was so tired of being emotional and fighting tears that I asked him for the happy meds right then and there.  He obliged, and I don’t remember a thing after that, although my Todd said I was talking and answering questions.  So odd to have no memory of that.

I woke up pretty comfortable, but too afraid to ask the nurse how it went.  I did look down and it looked like I still had 2 lumps on my chest, but I was all wrapped up so I couldn’t tell.

She took me into recovery and brought my family in.  It was only then that I learned the best news!  I still picture my Dad standing there, looking handsome in his newly grown beard, telling me that Doc said it went so very well.

Doctor cultured the area and it came back NO INFECTION.  And… he was able to fit the larger size (335 cc high profile for those of you who care to know) in and all looked great.  I could not believe my ears!

My pain started getting worse as I was sitting there drinking my apple juice and eating my crackers.  I was pretty uncomfortable for the ride home but I didn’t care.  I had new boobs!  There was no infection!  What I had been freaking out over was thin, inflamed, dying skin, and all of that was removed. All turned out better than Doc had hoped!!

It has been a little over a week since surgery.  I got my drains out 2 days ago which was such a relief…they were very uncomfortable this time.  This was my Instagram picture and status the night before they removed them, one of my low moments:

“Rough evening. I’m over these drains and want them out. The tubing comes out at my sides and it feels so uncomfortable this time. I’ve had at least 20 intense hotflashes today and between them , these tubes, stitches, being wrapped in tape and gauze, and painful breathing, I’m wanting to run away from my body. I hope tomorrow is better! I know this is the end of my reconstruction but tonight I feel emotionally weak. I want my spunk back. #CallTheWaa-Bulance #bodyclaustrophobia #TomorrowsANewDay”

I can now sleep on my side (SO NICE!) and I’m so very happy with the results.  Not too big, not too small.  Nice and soft already.  Great shape.  My Doctor is amazingly talented and my God is so good.

After 6 surgeries, including my mastectomy with immediate reconstruction, I think we are done.  I still have stitches in that will stay until January 2.  Doctor is not taking any chances with taking them out too soon.  He used only external stitches, since what caused infection and the mess in the first place was my sensitivity to internal, dis solvable stitches.  Yep, he is genius to be able to do this with minimal external stitches only.

I am looking forward to getting these stitches out.  There is no pain where they are at the incision, but I am eager to visit Finkle Cosmetic Surgery Center.  I am treated like a princess there.  Never before have I had nurses who are so very caring and genuine, and I’ve had a lot of nurses in my life! I will miss seeing them every week.  Dr. Finkle and his team are the place to go if you are ever in need of any type of cosmetic surgery. They often have patients fly in from out of town and their website gives great information for those patients.  They have even seen a few famous faces, as you will see by visiting their site.

Thank you for coming along with me on this reconstructive road.  You all have been so amazing with your comments and prayers.

15
Cancer Journey/ Christmas/ HEALTH/ Holidays/Parties/ HOME/ Homemaking

A Health Update & Our Chrismas Decor

 I’ve been resting and taking it easy as my body fights this infection.  I am not as inflamed and the pain is much, much better…but things still are not how they should be.  The skin is pulled so thin where the doctor put the stitch, and I worry about pulling it further as I don’t have nerves in that area.  I still have redness, but the area is smaller.  I will see Doctor tomorrow.  I am nervous.  I wonder if he is going to continue his gamble on me or say “that expander needs to come out.”  He warned me that 90% of expanders fail once there is exposure and infection, so it is not like I was not warned, but still, it will be hard news to hear.  It will mean another surgery, moving backward instead of forwards, losing this awesome feminine shape I have expanded into, healing for 2-3 months, & then starting over.  

No. Fun.
I’m trying to keep my thought patterns on the positive.  It really helps to remember that THIS IS ALL COSMETIC AND NOT CANCER.  I think of those fighting for their lives right now and I find my perspective.  I have been there, and yes, this is all long and hard & I’ve cried about it, but I remember that am not fighting for my life and those tears dry up pretty quickly.

I also can’t help but look around and be so thankful.  I love Christmas.  Love, love love it!  I love the focus on relationship.. time with family and those I love, festivity & beautiful atmosphere, nostalgic music….all celebrating the birthday of the God-man I love so very much.


I have managed to slowly get our Christmas decorations out.  I minimized them last year and kept just my favorites and larger decorations.  I got rid of a lot of small knick- knacks that take work to dust and put away. That stocking candy dish is one of the very few small items I kept. I am so glad I got rid of the excess.  Christmas decorating has been easy & a joy.  


Instead of my usual hot cocoa, I sipped on immunity building fresh juice.  It was really tart and good!
~one beet + green leafy tops & stems
~two carrots
~one green apple
~one lemon
My 10 year old has been so busy looking at my Pinterest boards and getting all kinds of ideas for homemade decorations.  It has been a delight to see what she comes up with and using her creations to make our home feel so festive.  I decided to go for a more whimsical look this year, decorating with her homemade snowflakes & ornaments, putting our nutcrackers front and center, & decorating with our children’s Christmas books.  Our traditional tree is usually in the basement family room, with a fancy tree in our main living area, but not this year!  This year I only have the energy to do one tree and it will be our traditional tree with all our meaningful family ornaments on it in the main living area.  It is not done yet. We keep making plans to get it done and then plans fall through or I need to rest.  Again, I’m learning to exhale & take my time…setting it up with lights tonight and on our Friday family night we will all decorate it with ornaments.
A forced-slow Christmas.  I will take it!

__________

To get the whole scoop on my health, click on the MY CANCER STORY button in the left sidebar.  To get firsthand updates, follow New Nostalgia’s Facebook page.

2
Books/ Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

Panic, What-Ifs & Self Pity — a Health Update

Amy-blkwhite

I felt it last night and this morning, a type of panic starting to rise up within me.  Worrying replacing peace, “what-ifs?” swirling, self-pity in place of thankfulness.

The shot in my stomach to cut off all hormones is showing its power in the intensity of hot flashes throughout the night and this morning..  What I used to call a ‘hormone’ headache has been throbbing all night, its name changed to ‘no hormone’ headache.  My right reconstruction site joins my head in the throbbing, a pink, inflamed & burning reminder that I may be in for more surgery that would remove the progress and the shape of feminine.  Progress that was bought with a lot of pain and many dollars earned by my hard working husband. All the while a bottle of meds sit calling to me, their purpose is to sweep up any leftover hormones.  I am scared of these tiny white pills. I was supposed to start them a week ago. Can I handle their side effects on top of everything else?  I’m already the mom who has been spending most of my day in bed, sleeping for hours in the afternoon so I can enjoy my family or an outing in the evening.

I can see my girls are pretty over it all.  Disappointed when I can’t take them somewhere, and numb to the familiar answer of “Mom doesn’t feel well.” I hear my door creak open mid afternoon and then shut again,  I wonder what little one needed and feel sad that she sees the familiar lump of mom asleep in the afternoon.  I think of how my Todd is handling most of the parenting, and wish that I could handle more, emotionally and physically.

I feel overwhelmed with all there is to do.  Pumpkins need put away and replaced with reds and greens.  The house filling up with evidence that the kids have been home on fall break. Gifts need bought and wrapped.  Groceries need bought. Meals need planned. December paid posts need written, my contribution to our family budget.

One doctor calls wanting to scan my ovaries, this week. Another doctor’s office calls reminding me to come in for my second stomach shot. Yet another doctor calls wondering about my pain level and wants to see me Tuesday.  He reminds me that if all goes well and no infection we need to make a surgery exchange appointment by the end of the year.

I feel it rising, the feeling of overwhelmed.

But then…this.

{The Greatest Gift – Ann Voskamp}

I scroll through my Facebook feed and find an angel, Ann Voskamp.  I remember it is December 1st, day one of advent.  For a moment it becomes just another thing I need to do, but then, I click play and listen.  Her voice so soothing.  Her words go straight to my core an loosens the ball of worries.  Truth words that have the power to change my thoughts. I release pending despair and take breath of fresh air.

I am reminded that GOD HOLDS IT ALL.
I am reminded why I have hope.
I find my determination
I find my perspective.

I resolve to ride out this December advent season, upside down.  Like her sweet tree, hanging all upside down in the video.  Perfectly imperfect, looking to the only One who is perfect. My hope -giver, my life- giver, my story- maker.

I will count the gifts…there are always so many, even in seasons of hard.
I will remember to trust Him with my story.
I will be ok with the imperfect, and remember what it took for me to find this hope…

…a perfect babe born, so that the imperfect could truly LIVE.

I will remember that this baby, the star of this advent season, would one day save me.  Has saved me.

I will find my hope.

{Click here to buy The Greatest Gift}
{Click here for week one}

7
Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Music Renews/ Thanksgiving

Giving Thanks in the Midst of the Unknown + A Health Update

Happy Thanksgiving to all of YOU!  I am so very thankful for each and everyone of you.  Your faithful reading of my story here at New Nostalgia is such a blessing to me.  I feel so surrounded by love and supported by such an awesome community.  I am so grateful.

Today I am having 16 family members over for Thanksgiving meal.  It will be very laid back with paper plates and comfy clothes.  My family is bringing most of the food and I can’t wait to just relax and enjoy the precious moments of just hanging out and feasting!

This week I have been practicing giving thanks in all circumstances, and what peace and joy I have found in doing this!  I am able to do this only through God’s help and His faithfulness.  He has proven to me over and over again that He holds all of me together, that He has purpose for everything that happens & will not waste pain and suffering.  He gives it meaning & brings beauty from it all.

This song has been on repeat in my head and heart all week.  It says all that I want to say.
He. Is. Faithful.

Health Update:

Tuesday I went to my weekly Dr. appointment to get filled.  I had a few dissolvable sutures that were not dissolving and were looking inflamed. Doc removed them, and became very concerned, as immediately there was drainage from the small hole it created.  Not good, a sign of possible infection.  I had noticed a pink area, but the nurse had taken some steri strips off that area the week before and commented on how I had reacted to them and that my skin was inflamed.  I have very sensitive skin and often react to the adhesives in bandages. Because of this, I was not concerned about the pink and neither was she.  I guess we should have been!

Doc was not happy about what he saw, and was quite concerned.  He put me on an antibiotic right away and said if I spike a fever or if it gets worse I will have to have surgery AGAIN!  I have been having burning/aching/pain on that right side, but no fever.  I am really hoping the pain is from the stretching of the muscle and not infection.

I am on day 3 of antibiotics.  I am really hoping to stay healthy and avoid surgery!  This would be a huge setback, as they would have to remove the expander and wait to do any more reconstruction until the infection clears up, which can often take a long time.

Despite the unknowns of what is going to happen, I have a peace and joy that I know is a gift from above.  I SO don’t want complications, but I also KNOW that God is faithful and holds me and my life story, and knows every moment of it.  I am so THANKFUL for this reassurance.  He has been so good to teach me this, and continue to show me that I can trust in His goodness.

Never Once
Matt Redman

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

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Cancer Journey/ HEALTH

What Cancer Patients Consider a Good Day

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I’m meeting a new friend for the first time today.  She is newly diagnosed with breast cancer and is at the beginning of the journey, having to make lots of scary decisions and facing so much unknown.  It sounds like they caught it early, so hopefully no chemo for her, but the fear I know she is facing with a cancer diagnosis has caused me to walk down memory lane a bit.

I read back in the month of November during my battle, and this post brought on some memories and an overwhelming gratitude that I am here 3 years later, doing well.  Thank you Lord, for life, and for many good days!!

Here is what I wrote about what cancer patients consider a good day, back in November 2010:

I am so grateful it is the Friday after chemo!  This is always the day where I breath a sigh of relief, knowing I am going to start feeling normal again.
Yesterday was actually a nice surprise for me.  I woke up expecting it to be the typical, hardest day of my week (4th day after chemo) but, by golly, it wasn’t! (I never say “by golly” but it was kinda fun to type.)
Wednesday evening I was about to take my anti-nausea meds, and the label on the bottle caught my eye.  It said “may cause extreme drowsiness and blurred vision.”  I knew right away I would rather have nausea (as long as I could still eat) than to not be able to see or focus because of fog/fatigue.  I skipped the meds, and it made for a much more “clear” Thursday.  I felt somewhat productive since I didn’t have to lay in bed all day, although my stomach paid for it.
I have to pause and chuckle for a moment.  It is funny what one considers a “good” day when going through chemo… here are some examples of what I mean…
~~I  lost 2 toenails from chemo, but I still got 8 plus my fingernails, so its all good…
~~This film that forms on my tongue 2-4 days after chemo makes all food taste sicking-ly sweet, but I’ve learned if I scrape the heck out of my tongue, and gargle with a mouthwash that tastes like the deliciousness of Vicks Vapo Rub, my taste is normal again.  Tasting food=great day.
~~I’m tired, achey and I feel like I have the stomach flu, but I’m vertical, so its a good day.
~~My skull, jaw bone and sternum are doing their deep ache dance, but that means the meds are working and my bones are producing lots of red/white cells– oh happy day!
~~My lips peel for at least 3 days after treatment, but they are so soft and pretty by day 6.  Free lip peel? Makes for a good day..
~~My digestive system shuts down for 3 days after chemo, but I’ve figured out which foods get it going again, and when it happens… that, my friends, is a good day!
~~A crazy side effect of chemo is twitching.  As I lay there to go to sleep, my pinky toe will come alive.  Or, behind my rib, or my shoulder blade…it feels like popcorn popping right under my skin or bones.  Does not make for a fun night, but during the day it keeps me company, so that’s good, right?
I say all these things in the spirit of staying real with you all.
 I also say them, honestly, with a deep gratitude.  I feel so thankful I have been able to figure out ways to get around or deal with most of these minor side effects, and that I have not dealt with anything too serious.  God has been so very good!!
I now get why cancer patients are called “Fighters.”  There are so many things, big and small, that come our way, so we fight.

I have felt sad as many of these side effects of chemo and cancer seem like they just strip femininity away (hair, nails, lips, breasts, brows, curves, sleep).  But–I’ve chosen to see myself in a new light.

 I AM a Fighter and I have the God of the Universe along side me.  I have a new femininity, it is a fighter femininity.  It makes me want to buy combat boots and wear car-gos (my favorite do-rag right now is a camouflage one:)) and kick this cancer outta here!
And for those days when I just can’t seem to find the good or the fight, you all step in with your words of encouragement, and He steps in with His Word of Truth, and reminds me that even in my weakness, I am strong.
Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Philippians 4:13
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
 
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Aaa!  It is such good perspective to look back and see how far God has brought me.  I will write a health update soon on the I got and how I am doing with the side effects and instant menopause.  Bet you can’t wait…huh? 😉

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