The Healing

My hair measures 2 inches, it is
short
spiky
sassy
stubborn.
Very fitting, I’d say.

My 2 week old incisions are small pink lines, its amazing how the body insists on healing.

The bump of my port–gone!
The large lump of lobular carcinoma–gone!
The lumps and bumps of swollen and cancerous lymph nodes–gone!!

I’ve gained a few lumps, the two on my chest I consider a gift—thank-you-very-much, Cancer!
In a few weeks, they will form 2 bumps on lumps.  🙂 Finishing touches.

The few lumps on my ovaries? I could do without, but we will figure that out as we go.

I sit and read a stack of medical records, and I am in awe.
My body has been invaded so many times.
Pokes and prods.
Scopes, scans and scalpel.
Every time it insists on healing.

Pathologists, Radiologist, Oncologist, Radiation Oncologist, Dosimetrist, Radiation Therapist, Physical Therapist, Lab Technitions, General Surgeon, Plastic Surgeon, Gynecologist, Primary Care Doctor, Cancer Nurse Navigator, Survivorship Navigator, Genetic Counselor, Oncology Nurse.

Over the last 9 months, I have learned their names.
They are the key players in my healing, used by the Healer.

They poke,
touch,
scan,
tattoo,
palpatate,
remove my insides,
replace my insides,
put me to sleep,
wake me up,
lay me down,
sit me up,
they look at me with eyes serious
they look at me with eyes encouraging.

I read the notes they have written about this body of mine.
I see their signed names on my papers and I feel a gratitude that is overwhelming.

They speak words that scare,
They speak words that give hope

“Keep healing.  Watch for bumps and lumps.”

With these words I am sent on my way, in search of a new normal.

I’ve started this search already, and have learned that it does not have to be a frantic one.
I’ve learned this as my heart has been healing, too.

My heart feels healed in this moment,
whole and held,
cupped gently
and protected by heavenly hands.

It brings a calm reassurance, a peace.
It allows for the slow and the still, it is a restful confidence.
A deep satisfaction.
I am held, and always will be.

Even through recent scans and test- result waiting,
I felt the steady hold, gently pressing the peace and calm.

This is heart healing.
This is the healing.
I, am healing.