Spiritual Archives • Page 6 of 27 • New Nostalgia

Emotional Health/ Kids/Family/ Spiritual

On Fall, Life, Family Dinners, Homeschooling, Health, Husband & Winter

Sometimes I just want to reach across this computer divide and see your faces and touch your hands and say a genuine hello. To this day, I am in awe of the fact that thousands of you visit this little corner of the world-wide web and care to check in a see what I’m up to here at New Nostalgia.

I decided to take a break from the usual posts and just take a day to check in, say Hello, and open up my heart and life.

I sure wish we could have a two-way conversation, but since the closest thing we come to that is on Facebook or Twitter or your words in the comments, I will just blab today and fill you in a bit on life. I sure would love you to blab back in the comments or any of my social media channels. Please do!

Fall Weather Bliss

I live in the Midwest and the fall weather has me in awe everyday! The trees seem especially beautiful this year, the oranges, reds, pinky maroons, yellows and greens. It has been absolutely breathtaking. For me, the beauty of nature is a constant reminder of the Creator & how He just cares for the details and makes all things beautiful in time. Our weather has been amazing and I just can’t get over it! It places this unexplainable joy in my heart every time I’m out and about, and can make the hardest of days beautiful again. Why am I surprised that God’s ever-changing art can do that?

I Live In My Car

Speaking of “out and about” I –as I’m sure many of you– feel like I am in my car more often than not lately. Todd and I have always been very careful to keep balance when it comes to our kids extracurricular activities & involvement in anything away from home. That was much easier to do when they were younger. Our girls are now 15, 13 & 11 and their lives are full! Cross-country running, soccer, youth group, guitar lessons, tutoring & more.

It feels busier than I’d like it to be, but honestly it feels right for this season. I find myself so thankful for their gifts, talents, abilities and the amazing friends God has graciously given to my 3 lovelies. These are the blessings that keep them busy, and for that I am thankful.

A Recommitment To Family Dinners at The Table

Despite the busyness, I have recommitted to family dinners at the table. I find that we are able to eat at the table at least 3 times a week, and that is better than none! Even if there are only 3 of the 5 of us home (many times Todd and my youngest are off at soccer practice right at dinnertime) I still commit to calling them to the table to eat. For awhile we lost this simple but powerful routine. I have a daughter who has been walking through some hard emotional things included a Sensory Processing Disorder (which I will be posting about in the future) and there was a period of time where it was just too hard to even be at the table together. I am so thankful for direction from above in treating our sweet girl and that she is now capable of joining the family at the table in a healthy manner. If you find yourself in a crisis situation with one of your kids, let me encourage you that it will not last forever. Do your best, Momma’s, and fight for your kids. Provide as much support for them as you can, and when you cannot, pray your hearts out. God is there and hears our Momma- heart- prayers for our children.

{photo taken of my Colsie girl by Laurie Cosgrove}

Me? A Homeschool Mom?

This sweet daughter I speak of is now homeschooling. Sitting in a classroom caused much suffering for her before we found treatment for her, and it was a necessity to pull her out. I myself homeschooled during my high school years, and have always said God did not bless me with the abilities it would take to homeschool my children. I wrote it off as something I would never do. Friends, I recommend never saying never!

I do know myself well and after a couple of weeks of trying to do it myself, we recognized we needed more help for our girl. My amazing Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law have come to our rescue and committed to teaching my girl. They are both teachers – so honestly we couldn’t be more taken care of. We split her time up between the two 5 mornings a week, and I get her in the afternoons for other things like physical activity, photography class & reading time. It is working beautifully. I cannot tell you how relieved I am. I cannot tell you what a gift it is to have these two amazing women in my Colsie’s daily life. Not only am I not a natural teacher, but adding the dynamics of her disorder just made it feel impossible to school her myself. God is in the business of providing, and even calls himself by that very name –Provider. It has been a long and stressful process of finding the best life for my girl, but God has been there every step of the way. He is very much our faithful Provider.

My Physical Health

The last couple months have brought quite a bit of turmoil when it comes to my health. My cancer is still in remission, but the ongoing treatment I need has proven itself very challenging. 7 months ago I switched cancer meds and honestly it has rocked my world. Just recently I switched again due to unbearable joint pain I was having. These meds mess around with hormones, and if you are a woman you know hormones are never a fun thing to mess around with. Not only did I switch cancer meds, but also at the same time switched mood meds, as they also had side effects of joint pain. Friends, that month and 1/2 of detoxing from meds and slowly getting back on new ones were hard. Excruciatingly hard. Hard on my body, hard on my mental health, and especially hard on my family. I am on my way back up and doing so much better. Joint pain is almost nonexistent, which feels like a miracle! Before, I felt joint pain in joints I didn’t even know I had! My feet, ankles, hip & elbow and shoulders all hurt beyond and affected me much more that I even realized, especially on those rainy days when weather changes made them all double- flare. I am so relieved to be relieved of this pain.

My Mental Health

As far as my mental health, I am due for a post to fill you in, but we are still in the process of figuring out what is best for me right now. What I can tell you is that God Works All Things Out For Our Good, especially the very hardest of things. The last few months have been super humbling to say the least, and so painful that we had to bring my in-laws into the loop to help us get through it. Their gentleness and mercy toward me was the most beautiful picture of how God deals with us. They have seen me at my lowest & instead of running away, they moved towards me with a love that showed me they are for me and willing to walk through the hard. They have been a huge part of keeping our family healthy and whole. They have gently led me in a direction I needed to go and provided the means to get there.

It is still early in this process of discovery and healing when it comes to me…and I cannot wait to share with you how we are finding answers. Sometimes it takes a humbling, a bringing down to our knees, before we can clearly see the direction we need to go. This is what has happened with me recently & though it was painful, I am so THANKFUL. I am finding the best answers for what is needed and I am feeling pretty giddy excited about God’s revelation and provision–given through the help of my sweet in-laws AND with the help of the most gentle and wise psychiatrist. More to come on that in another post.

My Sweet Husband

Oh my sweet Todd. I sit here and tear up when I think of this good, good man and all that he has had to carry. He will be the first to admit he has not always reacted the best in dealing with all of the pain and turmoil in our family..especially that which comes from me. Being an extreme introvert he has a tendency to go inward when life is pressing hard… BUT.. he truly has carried these heavy burdens in a way that is admirable and faithful. He has been through much, has watched both his wife and daughter suffer in different but frightening ways, and his steady faithfulness to me and our family has been a healing gift to me. He has been burden- bearer. He has been provider. He is willing to walk through the hard, admit when he is messing up, and take my hand to try again. It might take him awhile to come out of his inwardness, but he always does. I am forever committed to this good, good man of mine, and I am super excited to be heading upward after being in the valley–hand in hand with my man–for he deserves a dang good view!

My Mentor

I read Titus 2:4,5 years ago. It talks about how the older women in the church should mentor the younger women. I have always loved that concept and idea. I have had a longing and stirring in my heart for a mentor in the form of an older-than-me and wiser-than-me woman for years. I have prayed for this for years. I have even asked a couple of women who I thought might be the perfect match for me, and nothing ever panned out…until recently. My mentors name is Kim and God is so funny how He brings about things. I will fill you in on the fun story in another post, but for now let me just tell you, God can make His purpose come about in strange ways–like elderberry hunting. Yep, forging for elderberries caused my forging for a mentor to be fulfilled.

Needless to say, my Kim has been so perfect for me. She, too, has 3 girls–all beautiful and grown. She has a husband whom she loves dearly, and has walked through much life and gained amazing wisdom in the process. She has taken me straight to God’s Word and I am seeing things in it that I never have before. We. Just. Click. She is one of the most precious gifts I have ever been given. We have only met together 4 times but our hearts are entwined and she has taught me so much already. I can’t help but squeal about it…WEEEEEEE!

If this is a desire of your heart, start asking God for it. He WILL answer in His time. It might be years down the road, but believe me, it will be the most perfect of time.

The Upcoming Winter Season

Usually when one thinks of winter, we think of cold & nature put to sleep. I choose to look toward the winter season ahead with an anticipating excitement. I know God will continue in His faithfulness to our family, and when I think of winter coming, I think of a cozy candlelit home, warm hoodie sweatshirts, and glistening snow. I will use the blanketed snow as a beautiful reminder of how God’s love covers the dead and dying, how seasons come and go, how God promises new mercies everyday, and how He has made and continues to makes us pure-whiter than snow! My prayer is that He would take this hurting, rag-tag- BUT stronger- than- ever family and carry on in His work of refining. It is a scary prayer, to ask to be refined, but I know that His only purpose is to make us ready for the next season, so that we might glisten like snow. A glistening to glorify Him. Only Him.

5 Minute Fridays/ Spiritual

What I Long For

Participating in 5 Minute Friday.

5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.

Word: LONG

Go:

——

Lord, you and I have walked this path together for a long time. The longer this walk, the more I long for you.

You knit me together while still in the womb, I’ve known of your love even as a child. {Psalm 139:13}

Yes, it has been a long time, yet I still long for you.

You are ever-present, especially in trouble, yet I still long for you. {Psalm 46:1}

You give me your Word. The more I read it, the more I long for you.

You tell me to seek you as one would gold, for your are more precious than diamonds. {Psalm 119:72}

I seek, I find. I long for more of you. {Matthew 7:7}

This thing inside of me, this longing… put there by you, made by You… is for You.

Our hearts yearn for completeness; outside of You it cannot be found.

Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. {Matthew 6:10}

Oh Lord, I ask, “How long?”

Stop.

——-

5 Minute Fridays/ Counting Gifts/ Spiritual

Does He Care?

{source}

Participating in 5 Minute Friday.

5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.

Word: CARE

GO:

——-

Does He Care?

Do you find yourself asking this question of our God?

Do you find yourself just in the pit of pain and hardship, wondering when and if it will ever let up?

If you have been there or if you are there now, I shout it loud.

HE CARES.

This fallen world that is not our ultimate home is full of disorder, pain & suffering. This is not how it was meant to be, and someday all will be restored. Until that day, I want to grab on to this:

HE. CARES. FOR. YOU.

God’s got your back, Beloved. He is for you. He sees your struggle, hurt and pain. He sees and promises to bring good out of it all. There will be release. There is hope. It will get better.

In the meantime, join me in looking for His care. It is all around us you know.

The past month or so has been a doozy for me and honestly there were days that were pure suffering for me both physically and mentally. I hated every minute of it, but in the midst of it, I knew God still had me. I knew this because He has brought me through so much already. When I look back, I see it clear that He has used pain and suffering in my life to bring about what matters most. He has used it to change me. He has used it to show me how desperately I needed Him and the hope that the suffering of His Son brought.

So in your pain, I encourage you to hold on. Grasp hard to what is true.

YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE SEEN.

Hold on, even if it by that teeny tiny pinkie. Raising your hand in faith, even in the midst of slipping, is obedience. Faith the size of a mustard seed can be miraculous when offered to God. You may feel weak, with only the smallest of fingers left holding on; a lonely, scary feeling of losing grip & falling, but guess what? In your weakness He is strong. He is your strength. His grasp, even in the slipping, is enough. He’s got you. His grip is gentle and thorough and enough.

{source}

Do you not feel it? Do you not see it?

I know. I’ve lost sight too.

Let me encourage you to ask for eyes to see the smallest glimpses of this God who loves us so. Look for the beauty in the pain. It is there. Focus on that bright red leaf that falls, dying yet beautiful, a reminder of seasons and how all things will be made new in time.

Find your thankfulness, even in the pain…especially in the pain. Thank Him for even the smallest of things when you can’t bear to look up for anything bigger.

Count them with me?

1. The taste of coffee in the morning.

2. A smile from a stranger.

3. A soft pillow to lay your hurting head.

4. Music.

5. That shirt you are wearing.

It might seem mundane and not worth your while, but just do it. Start listing the gifts. There are so many. Join me. I’ve stopped counting blessings and I miss the way it changed me and made me see how He cares. It will also change you. Thankfulness in the midst of pain will change you.

This change might not happen right away, but keep at it. Let us count together, claim the promise that He cares for us, hold on with the smallest of fingers & open our eyes even to the smallest of blessings.

Let’s count, change, and see together.

In turn, we will start to feel what we know is true. Sooner rather than later, we will feel His care.

STOP.

———-

Will you join me & list a few gifts right here and now in the comments? I’d love to hear of the things that you see, for they, too, will change me.

5 Minute Fridays/ Spiritual

Because He Says So

Participating in 5 Minute Friday.

5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.

Word: BECAUSE

Go.

———

Because He says so, I will.

He says to shine bright, but in the night, my faith dims.

Morning comes, along with light.

“*Hope sweet hope, like a star burning bright.”

I check my inbox, words from a friend point frantically.

I look where she is **pointing– it is to the Light.

“Let there be light.”

I drive out-of-town, a day away, the sun so bright with rays splayed.

His Light and smile shine down for the hour drive.

It is brilliant because He is.

“Let there be light.”

I sit and ponder, a message comes–words from a friend of affirmation.

They know how fast and hard the darkness can come. They have lived it.

They see me shining.

It is not me they see, it’s Him,

This is the because:

His brilliance shines despite weakness.

Because He spoke, I can and will.

“Let there be light.”

—–

**Video sent to my inbox. “Let There Be Light”

*a lyric from Remedy Drive — “Hope”

Spiritual

Relieved. Redeemed. Renewed.

{sign for sale via Dear Lilly}

Inspired by Pastor Clark Sunday Sermon on Ephesians 1, & the hymn “In Christ Alone.”

Happy to be sharing this with ‘Hear It On Sunday, Use It On Monday” with Michelle DeRusha.

————–

When all else fails, it is You who remains.

My Cornerstone, firm through the fiercest drought and storm

Your opinion of me never changes.

Your grace is lavished.

You have given me every spiritual blessing needed.

You have given and will give all I need to be all you have said I am.

Precious. Princess. Bought. Chosen. Grafted. Adopted.

I chew on this truth, sitting in this place–Your house.

The elements are passed, bread broken.

I hesitate to chew, for when I do, I’m reminded of how you broke.

You know what it is to break.

You know rejection, a broken heart.

Your body splintered

Blood poured out, God’s wrath satisfied

I drink, a communion

Remembering what it took to establish this union.

Father, we are one.

Father, make us one

I cry out …make us one.

Lord! Lord! Hear my cry.

Let me feel the release

A precious blood transaction

I reject the lies

Sins grip is loose, an easy slipping through fingers

I am free to let go, grip released

Darkness goes, light comes

I enter the Light room

Yes, I am free, released but held

In Your Hand, never to be plucked out

A God-hand hammock for my heart,

Heart healed with your words, “It is Finished.”

Here I rest, help me find rest

Relieved, Redeemed. Renewed.

You wrap me up

Cacooned in light

I hear your whispers of truth

I am yours, you are mine. We are one.

I remain until released– that day you call me home.

You command my destiny, from my first cry to my last breath.

I will remain.

Lord, help me to remain.

—————

Christina Grimmie is amazing. Here she is singing my favorite hymn, ‘In Christ Alone’ –her voice blew me away.

Cancer Journey/ Emotional Health/ FAMILY/ Spiritual

Coming Up For Air

I look back on the last post I wrote in this series, and boy…am I thankful that God does not let us know what is coming ahead. He just gives us one day at a time, and gives us what we need to get through it.

My pastor, Bryan Clark, ended a sermon a few weeks ago with the words “You choose to cultivate the relationship (with God.) You do that today because you never know—tomorrow may be the most difficult day of your life.” When I heard those words, they seemed amplified and spoken especially for me despite the large congregation. I thought “UH-OH. What is coming my way Lord?” How is that for optimism? My Pastor’s reminder caused me to lean in, cling to, and abide with God the last few weeks.

What has come my way is a variety of things that honestly has swept me off my feet, landing me hard on the bottom, made me feel like I was drowning & reminded me what it means to suffer. I am at a place now where I am coming up for air and boy, it is so refreshing & life-giving!

I don’t quite know where to start, and I will try not to get too detailed, but it started with a med change.

Like I told you in this post, I have been on an antidepressant for years. Wellbutrin was the med that changed my life years ago and allowed me to be the real me. 4 years ago I had to go off that med because it clashed with the cancer medication called Tamoxifen, which I needed to start on right away. They switched me to Effexor, and honestly it was even better for me than Wellbutrin. I was very thankful.

The last 7 months I switched from the cancer med, Tamoxifen, which was making me sleep my life away among other not-so-fun side effects, and started on what is called an aromatase inhibitor. There are only a few options of medication for treating my hormone type cancer. In order to go on an aromatase inhibitor, we would need to completely shut my ovaries down and put me into menopause. I am not ready to permanently remove my ovaries, so we decided to shut them down chemically. I have been doing this the last 7 months with Lupron injections, (talked about here) & started taking the aromatase inhibitor, Arimedex.

Honestly, it has been a rough 7 months. Especially physically. The side effects of this medication are numerous, the ones that affect me the most are joint pain, stiffness, extreme & consistent hot flashes, & quite a few that are personal and I will spare you from. I was having these symptoms already even on Tamoxifen, but this new hormone suppressor medication + injections just amplified all of it.

Here is the deal. The antidepressant that they switched me to 4 years ago also have side effects very similar to my cancer meds, especially the more personal side effects. Doc decided now that I’m off Tamoxifen (cancer med) that I could go back on the Wellbutrin (mood med I was on 4 years ago). So we started the process of weaning off Effexor.

Still with me?

I had no idea that Effexor is one of the very hardest drugs to detox from. Well, I had read that it was a rough one, and the nurse told me we needed to go slow, but man, I did not know what I was in for.

It was a 3 week process, and it got worse and worse as we weaned down the dose. There was a period of 3-4 days when I finally went from a low dose to nothing, that I would describe as pure mental and physical suffering. I have been through a lot, and I am tough, but that about did me in. There was one evening where I had decided that if things were no better in the morning that I would need to admit myself for monitoring and medical help while de-toxing, at least a few days, until the process was over. I couldn’t fathom putting my kids through that or my Todd, but having me there was no better…at all.

How to describe those days? I knew I was not myself. I knew it could not be helped. I knew I had to just get through it.

Physically, the symptoms really scared me. There is no explaining it really. There was a feeling in my head of ‘zapping’ that happened all throughout the day for at least a week. When I would move my eyes even a bit from one side to the other I would ‘hear’ ….actually feel, a whooshing. I told you– it is hard to explain! It sounds crazy even typing it. It scared me. It happened all throughout the day. I was incredibly foggy. I could not read a book. I would read one sentence 4 times and still not comprehend it. There was constant pressure in my head. Light hurt. I had nausea and felt like I had the flu. I had even more intense hot flashes than normal but then would get super cold and shiver. It took me back to my chemo days, those days that the chemo just knocked me down and took over my body. I hated every minute of it.

In the middle of that, I was due for my every 3 month anti-hormone injection. Here is the thing with those. The week before I have it, I have breakthrough symptoms where it feels like PMS. Full blown. Then I get the injection, and the symptoms get worse for 2 days then get better. I have to stay on course to the day, every three months. I was very scared to get it in the middle of what already was happening with me. I had reason to be, and when I talk about being admitted above it was 2 days after my injection. The de-toxing plus this ‘jarring -to-my-system’ shot was just too much.

This was just the physical. Then there was the mental.

I couldn’t handle anything. I was a mess. I couldn’t handle the least bit of stress, I was unreasonable in my thinking, I cried easily…a mess. I wish I could say I rallied and shut myself down and away from my family so they would not have to deal with me…but life did not allow that. I tried to hide it from my girls as much as possible, but the new school year had started, life was moving fast and bringing big changes for our family. I did my best to keep up.

~My sweet Freshman girl now needed rides to school and all her extra curricular activities. I was used to her walking to school. She now attends a school across town, and I found myself driving there 2 – 3 times a day.

~My Todd entered into the busiest season of his job, and was very overwhelmed with life already. He was teaching and training a large number of volunteers for those 2 weeks. This not only kept him at work from early morning to 6:30/7:00 at night, but he needed me to bring one of our daughters to him to be the ‘student’ as he taught volunteers what they needed to do. More driving for me.

~This also meant he was not around in the evening to help get our youngest to soccer practice as he usually is, which meant more driving for me.

I honestly don’t mind driving my kids around, and actually love it now that I’ve come up for air, but while I was struggling there were days where I really don’t think I should have been driving.

I was utterly physically and emotionally spent.

The biggest life change that came about just as I was coming up for air but still not myself, was the decision to homeschool our Colsie. I’ve always said I don’t have the patience or the skill set needed to homeschool my children, and said I never would. I’m learning to never say never! It is what our sweet girl desperetly needed, and I have seen so very clearly that God is in this decision. She is thriving so far as a homeschooler and God has given us every resource and help we could possibly need to make this successful for the both of us. Time with her has been precious, and I find myself on days like today when I am away to work, missing her. She is with her Grandma – someone who she loves to be with, who is a teacher and is taking a couple of days a week to help out with schooling. Huge blessing! We are finally getting on a good routine and finding we both thrive on the forced routine that her homeschooling has brought.

Yes. I am breathing easier.

I share all this hoping someone will benefit from my experience or let someone who is in the midst of switching medication or de-toxing from medication know that they are not alone, and they will get through it.

You might wonder why would someone take a medication that would be so incredibly hard to detox from and cause such scary symptoms. My answer is because for me, the medication works and is needed. You all know I am all for nutrition, a balanced lifestyle, and finding strength in God. Yes, these things are so very necessary too, but please hear me when I say all of those things would be so out of reach for me if not for medication. I would not be able to focus on the thought process that a nutritious and balanced life demands. As for God? He would be and always has been there for me, but my ability to reach out to Him, think on His truth, read and focus on His words, and accept who I am in Him would not be what it is today if not for medication.

Again, I write this for anyone out there that feels alone. Someone who thinks they should be able to solve their mental health problems in various ways, but can’t seem to do it no matter how much they want to. I’ve been there.

Just as you can’t think positively enough, eat nutritious enough, and pray enough to mend a broken leg…so it is with a broken brain. My life journey is one where I begged God for wisdom and direction in healing my brain, and medication is the main avenue that He led me to.

There are other ways that are as important. I am having a great time exploring how nutrition is connected to brain health, and I recently have started meeting with a most beautiful and wise woman who has agreed to mentor me and disciple me.

I’m SUPER excited about the coming months & all that God is leading me towards. How sweet He is to continue to grow me, guide me, and be so very close to me. He is continuing to show me what #LivingNew looks like, even in the midst of the hard, even in the moments where I find I can barely breathe. He is life. He is air. He restores & redeems. He makes new.

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

They are new every morning;

Great is your faithfulness.

———

What about you? Can you relate to any of this?

Have you ever had to detox from a medication? What was your experience?

——-

The Whispers I Hear

{Necklace With Whispered Mantra}

Participating in 5 Minute Fridays. 5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.

This weeks word: Whisper

Go.

He whispers to me today; I lean in to listen.

I have been with you, Amy.

I am currently with you, I have gone before you, and I will be with you in this next season. I will never leave you or forsake you.

I see you feel weak, this is prime time for me to make you strong. You feel weak, but did you know that in me you can move mountains? I am doing more inner work in you. Just you wait! You will see and rejoice in me.

I have called you out of darkness into marvelous light. Shine! Remember the moment we had long ago when I gave you this word? It was a branding of sorts. Keep shining.

You are not your own. You have been bought with a price. You are mine. You belong. I see you. I get you. I know you, I call you child. You are a NEW creation. The old has passed. Look, Amy! The new has come. You. Have. Been. Made. New. Remember the hashtag? Live in this reality. #LivingNew

Stay close to me. Abide. I am safe. My grace and kindness toward you is immeasurable. My love will never run out. I am your hiding place; I will preserve you from trouble; I will surround you with words of truth and deliverance.
Do you hear, my child? These are My whispered words to you. Listen up. Snuggle in. I’ve got you. I’ve got it all.

I respond. “You are a hiding place for me you preserve me from trouble.” (‭Psalm‬ ‭32‬:‭7‬ ESV)

Stop.

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