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FAMILY/ Parenting/ Spiritual

To Err On The Side Of Grace


Last spring, our beloved Amy wrote a beautiful guest post for me.  In it, she allowed us a peek inside her mission for her home – that it might be a place filled with joy, an overflow of her experience with the Ultimate Joy.

Her words have crawled into my mind and I often think about the atmosphere I long for and the one that, in all reality, I create.  As I’ve thought this through and sought God’s heart on how my children can experience our home as a place of joy, I realize more and more that before our home will be consistently joyful, I must consistently fall before the Father and plead with Him that I might be filled with grace.

Over and over throughout the New Testament, we are reminded of the pivotal role of grace in the gospel of Good News.  Without grace – unmerited favor from our God – there would be no gospel.  Without grace, there is no Good News.

I’m learning more and more every day how to extend grace to those around me – to neighbors and strangers, to those who I relate to and those I disagree with, to my husband and to my friends.

How is it possible that it is so difficult to extend grace to my own children?

When I hold up my words, my tone, my actions, and my thoughts to the truth of God’s Word, this is a glaring example of my weakness and my need for surrender (once again).

“Let your conversation always be full of grace . . .” Colossians 4:6

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”  Hebrews 12:15


Oh, how how often my conversations with my children lack grace.  Oh, how often they miss the grace of God in my interactions with them.  Oh, how I wish that weren’t true.

I have to think that this is the hardest context in which to extend grace because it is the one dynamic in which I am responsible for both encouragement and correction.  It’s so easy to become consumed in the correcting and lose a heart that is soaked in grace.

And yet.

Grace is unmerited favor, and I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father extends grace towards me even as He corrects me, that His favor towards me is evident even as He responds to my disobedience.  And if my children will grow to understand God as Parent through the ways in which they experience me, I’ve decided I want to err on the side of grace every time.

In chapter 4 of his letter to the church, James reminds us that it is God who gives us more grace.  

More grace, more grace, more grace, more grace.  

I whisper it all day long.

Further reading:

Families Where Grace Is In Place – Jeff VanVonderen
Grace-Based Parenting – Tim Kimmel
Any and all of Ann Voskamp’s reflections on mothering

Megan is a wife of twelve years and mama to two beautiful girls.  She writes on natural living, mothering, and faith atSortaCrunchy.

photo source

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FAMILY/ HOME/ Kids/Family/ Organizing/ Parenting/ Simplifying

Kids Back To School Evening Routine

I posted our “Kid’s Back To School Morning Routine” here, and got many requests for our evening routine, so here it is.  It may be helpful for you to read the Morning Routine post, as I go into detail about how GREAT routines and charts have been for our family, and how we enforce them.

 I made our charts online at this great site, it was SUPER easy to just follow directions, fill in the blanks, and push print.  

Then I had them laminated, and we hung them on our Chore Board with magnets. They use dry erase markers or dry erase crayons (did you know there was such thing? We love them!) to mark off as they go.  

Kid’s Back To School Evening Routine

~Snack

~Fill Water Bottle/Put In Refrig

~Pick Up Personals

~Brush/Floss/Rinse

~Clean Up Bathroom Sink Area

~Pajama’s

~Dirties Into Hamper

~Clean Clothes Hung Up

~Outfit For Tomorrow

~5 Minute Room Rescue

~Devotions

~Pray

 

Snack-a habit we started when they were young, now I wish we had not!  It is a small snack, fruit or crackers/cheese, etc.

Pick Up Personals–I talked about how this is one of my favorite routines when I wrote about the Morning Routine.  They go into each room of the house and find anything that they left out and put it away.  No longer am I bending over a thousand times picking up after others!

Brush/Floss/Rinse–we are strict about this, as our girls get cavities way too easily!  

Clean Up Sink Area–we had to add this because I got so sick of seeing toothpaste globs in the sink!  Yuck.

Pajama’s–I’ve been seeing too many pajama’s in the dirty clothes, that do not seem dirty. I think I will teach them the “keep your jammies under your pillow” trick.  

Dirties In Hamper–this step really helps keep the rooms picked up

Clean Hung Up–so does this one! I have shown them that there are certain items of clothing that I want them to wear twice before washing (like jeans) if they look and smell ok. 🙂  Guess they need a refresher when it comes to pajamas!

5 minute Room Rescue–They do this in the morning, too.  They set the timer and “rescue” their room (pick it up).  Their rooms do not frighten me anymore..

Devotions–they do these on their own.  We have loved this for my youngest (7 yrs old) and these for my 11 & 9 year old.

Pray–Todd and I take turns with which girl we pray with.  It is precious time, just a quick few minutes, and usually a little back gets scratched in the process which they think is heaven!

 

To keep them on task, most nights we have to set a timer.  If they do not get their routine done by a certain time, they do not get their points for our allowance system.  

They can get it done in 30ish minutes-sometimes the devotions take a little longer.  Some nights when we are out later in the evening, we will skip the room rescue and devotions, which makes the routine is about 10-15 minutes.  

Their room will be rescued in the morning, and we still pray with them, so a night without a devotion once in awhile is fine.  

***How I decide what should be added to a routine is pretty simple.  If I find myself nagging about something repetitively, or frustrated that I have to do it when I know they are capable, (like cleaning toothpaste globs out of the sink!) then it should go on the chart. 

Hope this is helpful!!  

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FAMILY/ HOME/ Kids/Family/ Organizing/ Parenting

A White Board For Chores

I made a chore chart with “the power of 3” in mind, and loved how it worked!  The one thing I didn’t love about it is that it wasted post it notes!  

I’m all about simple and buying as little as possible, so a chore chart that would need a trip to the store every few months did not quite fit.  Enter, the white board!

I’ve been wanting a white board hung in our home in a prominent place for awhile now. My great friend, Sharon, visited and told me that she has one.  She uses it for chores and said it worked wonderfully, and that is when I knew I needed one, too!

{My oldest checking off her chores, (she was horrified that
I was going to post this pic b/c of her messy ponytail:)
I keep the markers in a bowl on the bookshelf.}  

I am a bit too moody for a super structured, pre-printed chore chart, never knowing until that day what I want the girls to help with.  I love that I can quickly jot down what I would like them to do so when they come home from school, they can glance at the board and know exactly what they have to do before they can play.

{I don’t have a Leah, but wanted you to see how cute a name looks 
when these two stickers are combined, and as you know, I like to keep my girls names private}

Because the white board is in my dining room for all to see, it was important to me that it looked nice.  I liked the black frame on this one!  I wanted to do something fun with their names, so I bought these letter stickers at Micheal’s.  I wanted to back them with something, and was happy to find these round silver tag stickers in the next aisle, knowing they would work well as a “frame” for the letters. (The  white board is from Micheal’s, but I’ve seen them a bit cheaper at Target.)

The board has room for me to write a note of encouragement or a scripture verse for my girls.  Love that!
It’s just all around one of my favorite things!

*stay tuned for a post on “Routine Charts”  I just finished them up today, and combined with our chore board, things are gonna be flowin’ and easy goin’ around here!

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FAMILY/ HOME/ Homemaking/ Kids/Family/ Parenting/ Simplifying

Simple Chore Chart-Power Of 3

{whoops, spelled vacuum wrong on one, but got it right on the other:)}

It’s spring break for my girls, so my posts this week will be a bit shorter than usual.  Despite a very busy week, I am determined to have a blast with my girls this week, which means less computer time for me!
I’m excited to share this simple chore system we have been using, thanks to Liz’s idea of the Power of 3. (you can read about it at her site, here.)



Power Of 3
 Hoosier Mama Liz, over at Hoosier Homemade, wrote a great post and linked it to my “Anti-Procrastination Tuesdays” link party.  Her post really stood out to me, and caused me to start thinking about how I can incorporate her idea into our family. I love how simple it is!  She calls it the “Power Of 3”  Here is more from Liz:

I simply give each of the boys (18,16 & 12) and my husband 3 things each day to do. Simple…huh? Not quite sure why I didn’t think of it before.

I typed up a form that has each of their names and 3 lines, I use a different sheet for each day. And if a chore on their list doesn’t get done (gasp) it gets added to the next day, if they have a chore listed more than…you guessed it…3 days, they are grounded for…you guessed it…3 days!

I have taken her idea of 3’s and made a simple post-it note chart. It has been working beautifully! (I will be hanging a white board to replace this chart in the near future, there are many reasons for wanting a white board, but in this case it will replace post-it notes, one less thing to buy!)

My girls have really responded to the chart.  No one has been grounded yet:) My approach is not as relaxed as Liz’s approach, because I skip this part of her plan–“if it doesn’t get done in 3 days, it gets added to the next day.”  I want my girls to get used to the the idea that we all contribute daily as a family.  It is non-negotiable. They need to have responsibilities everyday as it teaches them to be hard workers, and it communicates to them that we are a team and work together as a family.  If my girls were grown like her kids, I would probably feel different.

It has been super easy for them, they like knowing they won’t have more than 3 chores a day (except for Saturdays), and they are surprised at how quickly it gets done.  There has been very little complaining, which quite frankly, has surprised me.  They seem to like the number 3 and the simplicity of our new rule– “3 chores a day, if not accomplished = 3 days of grounding.”  The “3 days of grounding” part widened their little eyes, but they took me seriously when I laid out the rules. I can’t believe how easy it has been, I love it!

{if you are wondering, “dr” means “dining room.” Oh, and the one that says “pick up mom’s room” is because they made a mess in there, not because I make them clean MY mess:)}

As you can see from the above picture, Saturdays are an exception to the rule.  We have always done chores on Saturday mornings, so they are used to a list and doing a bit more on the weekend.  It really only takes them 30 minutes or so each Saturday.

I will continue the idea of 3’s, even after our white board is hung.

I am also working on what I call “Daily Routine Charts” (brush teeth, get backpack ready, eat breakfast would all be part of their morning routine.)  We have done this before and it worked beautifully.  Why we stopped?  Hmmm, I have no idea, but it is time to start again.  By having these charts, mommy is not constantly nagging reminding them to get these little things done.  I’ll share those when I have the design finished.

So what works for you?  Do you have a chart system?  How many chores do your kids do?





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Beauty/ FAMILY/ Parenting

Real Beauty, Fake Beauty

from Dove.com

For Valentines Day, we got our girls gift cards to Clair’s jewelry and accessories.  We didn’t buy them very much candy this year, so we thought a $5 gift card would be fun for them.

They loved it! We spent almost an hour in that little store as they decided what to buy.  We really got lucky, they had 80% off their clearance items, so that small gift card was able to purchase quite a bit!

Makeup (along with hair accessories and jewelry) was chosen by all 3 of them- glistening lip gloss and shimmery eye shadow.

They have had much fun playing dress up, and my oldest has even left the house with a bit of shimmer on her eyelids.  I thought about demanding she go wash her face, but it was just a hint of shimmer, so I let it go.  Later I decided that for us, this was a molehill, not a mountain. (heavy black eyeliner would be a mountain:))

Instead of getting all uptight about them using makeup, I stayed pretty relaxed about it.  I wanted to see if they would be responsible and figure out the line of what is appropriate and what is not, on their own.

They have really done a great job, and I am very proud. My younger 2 have been playing dress-up much more than usual with their new purchases, and my oldest has been experimenting with different shades and layering, which makes me smile to see the artist in her.

She has come to me and asked, “mom, is this too dark?  can you see it?  is it appropriate?” The makeup they chose is made for kids, so the pigment is very light and see-through, so it has not been a problem.

What it has done is open up some beautiful conversations about—beauty!

We have a saying in our home that is often repeated in various ways.  They go something like this:

*”What matters most is the inside”

* “It’s the insides that matter”

* “What do your insides look like right now, are they as pretty as your outside?” and…

*”AHHH! I can’t even look!! AHHH! your insides!!!”

(must say this dramatically, while squeezing eyes shut, when insides are not too pretty, which usually gets a giggle and then there is beauty again.)

 My girls have heard me say these phrases so many times! When I can tell they feel beautiful and are flaunting it, I tell them how pretty they look and many times follow it up with, “but..do the insides matter or the outsides?”

I even hear them ask each other that question while playing “dress-up.” Pretty cute.

My oldest has been fun to watch lately.  She loves fashion and likes to look unique.  She works with very little clothing, (most of which comes from thrift stores or garage sales) and is able to make great outfits, some I would never think to put together!

I love to see her express what her idea of beauty is, and I love that it doesn’t always follow the crowd.  I try hard to let her be who God made her to be and keep my focus on what her heart is telling me, instead of getting wrapped up in what I would want her to wear.  As long as she is modest and age-appropriate, I’m a happy mom.

We have been having some deeper conversations about beauty, and I’ve let her watch the videos dove.com videos of a natural looking model being transformed into a flawless runway model, all done by computer, and not reality.

I want to give her a realistic view of what is beautiful, and how the world can distort beauty and tries very hard to redefine what is beautiful.

We talked about how God is the ultimate artist who created us all to be different and unique, and how the world’s message says “everyone needs to look a certain way to be ok,” which is a lie.

Lightbulbs went off as she watched.  She was fascinated by the artistic side of what computers are capable of doing, and also seemed to “get it.”

At the end of the first one, she said “she isn’t even ‘her’ anymore”  which was the perfect opportunity to talk about how we can lose who we really are if we are too focused on our outsides.

It was a bit deep for her, but I know it was one more time to let truth sink into her little brain, even if it was just a nugget.

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