FAMILY Archives • Page 23 of 49 • New Nostalgia

FAMILY

Disney World Made Me a Better Husband, Father & Person

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living. At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Correct Priority
Priority #2 – Emotional Health

Goal Setting & Reflection Date
Saturday, November 10, 2012

Goal
Improve my spiritual and emotional health by learning to deal with interpersonal conflict more
constructively (especially with my wife and children).

Goal Status
Completed

Thoughts

In October 2012 our family went on a 16-day vacation to Florida including three days at the
ocean, eight days at Disney World, and three days at Universal Orlando. It was the experience of
a lifetime and something I have been dreaming about for years.

I dreamed of going to Disney when my first daughter was born. I didn’t (and still don’t) make a
lot of money and figured I would probably only have the opportunity to do it once so the timing
had to be just right.

I waited until all three of my girls were old enough to not only be able to fully appreciate
everything we were going to do, but also old enough to handle the physical demands of walking
many miles each day through the theme parks.

I informed the family we were going to Disney during Christmas 2011 and spent nearly a year
planning the trip. It was planned out in such detail I knew exactly what we were going to do and
where we were going to eat every day of the trip.

Our vacation was everything I hoped and dreamed it would be. We had 16 days of beautiful
weather. No one got sick (at least not until the very last day when we were traveling home).
Our stamina held up through miles of walking. My family bought into my idea of experiencing
everything we could possibly squeeze into each day. We got up early and stayed out late nearly
every day of the trip.

The story, however, does not end there. While we had an amazing vacation, there were several
difficult moments during the trip – a few of them involving me. Three instances in particular
really stand out and spur feelings of regret when I reflect on them.

On our very first day of travel one of my daughters struggled mightily with behavior during
our three hour drive to the resort. My method of getting her to stop was to yell – loudly. And I
remained angry about the incident well into the evening after we arrived.

On the morning of the second day I learned that Amy had failed to pack my belt. I was upset
because I needed a belt for most of the cool new wardrobe I had purchased for the trip. I blamed
Amy because I had reminded her during packing that I needed a belt and to be sure to pack one.
For most of the day it was very clear to everyone through my words and body language that I
was upset with her.

By the end of the second day I realized if we were going to have any chance at a nice vacation
that I was going to have to get my act together. The trip was stressful enough without dad being
mad the entire time.

I did pretty well until our last day at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Things were going well until
about noon when Amy and I started bickering. The bickering turned into an argument and ended
with us leaving early. We missed the afternoon parade, some shows, and some neat attractions.

That evening and the next day of travel home were awful. I was embarrassed at how I had acted.

I was full of regret.

Some Disney veterans may be quick to explain away or excuse my behavior. They know that
Disney is a stressful place. Despite the magic and the fun, Disney is also a place that pushes
people to sensory overload. There is so much to do, taste, see, and experience that it is often
overwhelming. It was not uncommon walking through the parks to view children in the middle
of meltdowns and their parents melting down right along with them.

But the problem I had was not one of Disney overload. It was clear to me these were deep
character flaws I brought to Disney with me. Especially at home, when faced with conflict, my
instinct is to respond with anger, blame, or criticism.

Since returning home it has been my absolute priority to be purposeful and constructive in
dealing with conflict.

I will no longer be a lazy parent who yells at my children because I can’t be bothered to stop
what I’m doing to engage in some actual parenting.

Most disappointing when it comes to my children is their inability to work through problems
with each other through dialogue and communication. But this inability to resolve conflict exists
because I have been too lazy to model or teach them how to do so. It takes time and energy
when they are fighting to get them talking and listening to one another. It is much easier to send
them to their rooms and yell a bit for them to knock it off.

But I am done with the yelling. I will invest the time needed into the lives of my children to
model and teach them how to resolve conflict.

I will also no longer be the lazy husband who is critical or mean when something bothers me.

I am done with having a critical spirit that points out mistakes and faults. I am going to view
disappointments as an opportunity to respond rightly. I am going view conflict with Amy as an
opportunity to talk, listen, and problem solve.

And beyond my family, I intend to change these areas of my life in all of my relationships.

I will not be perfect in these areas. I know I will make mistakes and often fail. But I also don’t
believe God would reveal these things for me to continue in them. God’s desire is to mold me
into the image of His Son. And this is the next small step in that journey.

On Thanksgiving I am thankful for a God that does not leave me powerless. I am thankful for
a God who gives a lost sinner like me not only the future promise of eternal life, but also the
present capacity of a changed heart and a transformed life through the power of His Holy Spirit.

Foundation Post
Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts
Purposeful Living Outline

Love/ Spiritual

Prayers Of Peace For Sandy Hook Elementary

I can’t seem to find my words, so today I stay quiet, and share these beautiful words of Max Lucado’s:

Dear Jesus,

It’s a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.

These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.

The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?

Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod’s jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.

Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.

Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won’t you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.

This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.

Hopefully,
Your Children

(written by Max Lucado in response to the shootings)

FAMILY/ Kids/Family/ Love/ Parenting/ Spiritual

Parenting Pre-Teens

{Momastery.com}

“Don’t let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one.”

BAM!

When I saw this graphic on PInterest it hit me right in the head and heart. Hard.

My girls are now 13, 11 and 9. They are great girls.

But, we have definitely hit middle school years with my two oldest and as I watch them try to maneuver in the muck of what middle school years can bring, I have felt fear creep in.

Amy + fear = not a good thing.

It creeps in on me, one thought will enter. Another the next day. Before I know it my stomach is in a ball of worries and I feel the world is on my shoulders and it is up to me to save the world.

What am I afraid of? Who do I think I am that I can save the world?

It seems to come down to this. I don’t want my kids to struggle. I don’t want them to learn life lessons the hard way. I don’t want them to make bad decisions in these years that will take a lot of years to work through & heal from. I don’t want them to walk the path I did, a path that started in middle school.

Fear. Fear. Fear.

It is interesting.

When they were little, their struggles and misbehavior brought out something else in me.

Pride.

It is really easy for a fit throwing 3 year old to make Mommy look and feel like a total loser parent. I cared about how their behavior made ME look.

God and I worked through that one, and honestly, I kinda miss that being the issue, for I’d rather be in pain and have to work through it then see my girls experience pain and them have to work through it. Bring back the 3 year old fits!

I’d take those any day over watching my girls sort out who they are and seeing them struggle with what we all, especially as females, can struggle with– identity.

Identity is huge in middle school. What defines me? My friends? My clothes? The phone in my hand? The brand of my boots? The way my hair is curled that day?

The world and their peers scream YES, these things matter and define you. You and your peeps need to look and act a certain way for you to be accepted and loved. This leaves the question constantly on their middle school brains “Am I ok?” “Do I fit?”

I feel like my words are whispers they cannot hear over their peers screams right now, and honestly that is my fault.

My fear causes my reactions to be in the moment and they take on a lecturing tone.

Mom lecturing = blank stares, eyes rolling & a mind and heart that is tuned out. My whispers fall on deaf ears, although my lectures are far from whispers.

Why do I fall into this–the lecture?

Back to the yuck–I’ve seen one of my girls think that if the other sister dresses and looks what they would define as “dorky” that it somehow defines her or in some way reflects on her and makes her look bad. What? Oh that is yucky…so yucky that when I realized that this was an issue last week it was my turn to stare blankly with my mouth hanging open, silenced–but only for a minute before my lecture started.

But, can’t I relate to that? I used to let my 3 year olds fits define me as a mom, and I was a grown woman.

I should not have been surprised when the next day, as I was wearing an over sized Nebraska tshirt with jeans and we were expecting family company, my daughter was horrified that I was actually going to wear it. Now there are even opinions on what I wear? Oh Lord have mercy! I did look silly and it WAS a shirt I usually wear with pajama pants, but REALLY? Do you really feel less because your Mom looks a little dweeby? Does this really effect how you see yourself and feel about yourself?

Why am I so surprised when they struggle?

My heart felt heavy a few days ago with all these issues on my brain. I had lunch with a super great girlfriend, whose gentle encouragement pointed out all the wonderful things she sees in my girls. She put the graphic above into her own words, which I think is why it hit so hard when I saw it today on Pinterest. God has to do that with me you know…work in themes. Say things in more ways than one. Hit me over the head a few times, lovingly of course. I love it when He does this, for He knows what is going to work on my heart.

The same day my Mother-In-Law had to drop something off for me, and the timing was perfect, as I was still sorting through my thoughts and emotions when it comes to this parenting thing and they came blurting out the minute she sat down.

She gave me such practical advice. She helped me figure out how to stop the lecture and just simply talk to my girls. She gave me example questions to ask them, to stir their own thinking and their own little hearts. I felt hopeful right away, stomach unknotting and weight off my shoulders.

It is working. I am seeing that my lecturing can be very shaming and guilt producing, and that is so not what I want to do. Instead, I want to ask them about their hearts, to guide them into thinking about who they really are and who they want to be. To remind them that God thinks the world of them and loves them fully, and that there is nothing they can or can’t do to make Him love them more or less. These are the things that bring on true identity.

I don’t have it all figured out yet, and I definitely want to get my thoughts together more when it comes to revealing to my girls all the amazing things their Creator thinks about them. Identity is my key word that I will focus on, and I will teach them who God says they are.

I will also choose to look at the good in them. There is so, so very much. When I chose to see all the gifts in them, it calms fear and puts it in its place. It reminds me Who has the them. It takes the world off my shoulders and puts it where it actually is and where it belongs; in His hands.

Counting Gifts/ FAMILY/ Kids/Family

Life Tidbits Captured On Instagram

{#1010 – #1019}

We made it past counting 1,000 gifts, a gift in itself.

I now capture the gifts, life’s tidbits that matter, through Instagram.

~homemade whole wheat bread

~cocoa with cousins

~Christmas carol concerts

~new dishes

~light comes & reflects & bounces beauty all around

~mini gingerbread made by mini hands

~puzzle Christmas tradition

~dollar store nativity, put up and out every year

~my new cozy grey blanket. Yes, I buy gifts for others, then keep them sometimes.

~festive natural lip gloss. the joy of being a girl.

~cozy grey slipper shoes.

~having a little one who still makes holiday art

~my at-home office. the love I have for my job.

~simple squash for lunch

~a confident little one who finds joy in singing in front of hundreds

~vegetable kale soup. {recipe posted soon!}

~coffee shop date with my oldest lovely

~an abundance of tea thanks to a blog sponsor

~our holiday happy home

Emotional Health/ FAMILY

Goal Setting & Reflection-November 2012 – Purposeful Living

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Correct Priority #1 – Spiritual Health

Goal – November 10, 2012Deepen my prayer life by turning off the radio and praying during my ten minute drive to work in the morning. Focus on specific elements of prayer:

Praise

Confession

Waiting

Petition – Myself

Intercession – Others

Thanksgiving

Thoughts

For years when I was teaching I used my morning drive to school to pray. But since moving to Lincoln and starting a new job a few years ago I have gotten away from this. My prayer life has not been nearly as consistent or rich as it used to be. Praying in the car is a great use of time and is something I need to bring back.

Correct Priority #1 – Spiritual Health

Goal – November 10, 2012

Deepen my prayer life by developing ways to improve specific elements of my prayer life. Specific elements I want to focus on are listed below.

Praise – Find a comprehensive list of attributes of God and pray through this list.

Waiting – Identify a few simple praise songs that I can sing silently to God during this portion of my prayer time.

Intercession – Develop a written list of people I want to pray for. Maybe even break it down according to days of the week.

Thoughts

I tend to pray for the same people and things each day. I want to become more purposeful with my prayer time.

Correct Priority #1 – Spiritual Health

Goal – November 10, 2012

Be purposeful about finding life giving Christian music and adding these songs to my ipod playlist.

Thoughts

Correct Priority #1 – Spiritual Health

I don’t listen to a lot of Christian music. I don’t listen to music much at all, but when I do I like my techno. Mostly I listen to talk radio. But I do want to balance what I listen to with music that glorifies my Father. I need to find a way to stay connected enough to contemporary Christian music to always have a few songs that are moving to me and remind me of what is most important.

Goal – November 10, 2012

I need to always be reading one life giving book focused on growing in my relationship with God. Specifically, I need to develop a process for identifying great books to read.

Thoughts

I’ve been reading through the entire Bible over the last couple of years which has been a great use of my time. But I also want to supplement that reading with literature focused on nurturing my personal relationship with Him.

Correct Priority #4 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Spouse

Goal – November 10, 2012

Read and discuss two chapters of The Five Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman with Amy every weekend through the end of the year in order to finish the book.

Thoughts

I had a goal to discuss one chapter of this book with Amy on every date night and unfortunately this did not happen. But we still need to finish this book before the end of the year so that is what we are going to do.

Correct Priority #4 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Spouse

Goal – November 10, 2012

Plan a 2013 cruise vacation for Amy & myself.

Thoughts

I had the most amazing time on our family trip to Disney this year. So much so, that I am ready to begin planning another vacation. A big family vacation is out of the question as I will be paying off Disney for at least another year. But a cruise for Amy & I may be doable. Amy has been talking about wanting to do another cruise since our honeymoon and it would be a ton of fun. And I am hoping it can also be affordable. A very preliminary look at cruise prices suggests to me that we could do a 5-day cruise for a reasonable price. We still may not be able to afford it, but it is worth looking into.

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Spiritual Health)

Goal – November 10, 2012

Develop a detailed family spiritual plan to better ground my three girls in God’s word. Specific elements of this plan include the items listed below.

Identify a book that can be read and discussed as a family over dinner.

Identify appropriate Bible study materials for a once-a-week family Bible study time.

Identify an appropriate time when we can discuss Bible trivia as a family.

Develop a plan for grounding our girls in Biblical apologetics.

Develop a plan for grounding our girls in Christian music that they really like.

Identify devotional books for each girl for them to read each evening before bed.

Develop a plan to help each girl identify Christian books to read.

Identify and purchase new Bibles for Teagan and Colsie now that they are teenagers.

Thoughts

I spent a great deal of time over the past year planning our family Florida vacation. This planning paid off with an amazing trip. It may have been the best two weeks of my life.

But in the process of planning this vacation I neglected many other things, including being a good parent. I have been convicted since returning from out trip that I need to dedicate more time and do a better job in a variety of areas that are far more important that vacation.

One area in which I know I need to improve is being the spiritual leader of our home and doing what I can to better ground my girls in their faith. Each time they step out of our home they enter a world where many despise the gospel of Jesus Christ. They enter a world that is hostile to God’s word.

When my children our older they will have to decide for themselves what they believe. But there is zero chance I will stay silent while they are bombarded with messages contrary to what God wants for them every day of their life.

My first responsibility is to model for them what it means to live a Godly life and be sensitive to His will. My next responsibility is to make sure they know what is true and right. I will not ignore either of these responsibilities.

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Emotional Health)

Goal – November 10, 2012

Help Teagan deepen her knowledge about how to effectively run a business.

Identify a small business book that we can read and discuss together.

Identify a small business owner of a similar business for Teagan to interview.

Thoughts

Teagan desires to continue growing her Twisted Tape business. Amy has done a great job helping Teagan with the mechanics of starting this business. Teagan has asked me to help her grow in her understanding of how to run an effective business.

{Duct Tape Rings by Twisted Tape}

I am definitely not an expert in business and/or sales. But I am a learner and know how to go about deepening my knowledge of subject matter I am interested in.

I am going to first help Teagan by finding a an appropriate book for us to read and discuss. Whether the book is related to growing a business or more specific to being an effective salesperson, I want to find something that will be of genuine help to her to support her in this project.

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Emotional Health)

Goal – November 10, 2012

Develop and implement clear behavior consequences for my three girls when they choose to misbehave.

Thoughts

At the beginning of this year I set a goal to develop a comprehensive chart and chore system. I have completed this goal and will be posting details about this system hopefully soon.

The effective chart system has eliminated many behavior problems, but not all of them. The final step is to put in place appropriate consequences to address remaining misbehavior. I have some good initial ideas on what to do and I am excited to begin this process.

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Emotional Health)

Goal – November 10, 2012

Develop bedtime discussion topics.

Thoughts

Bedtime is potentially such a valuable time to connect with my girls. Praying with them is a great bedtime routine, but I want to take it further by taking advantage of this time alone with them to talk and get to know them better.

I don’t want to assume that they are always okay. I want to be aware of the things they are struggling with and offer encouragement and advice if possible.

By developing a list of topics and simple questions I think it opens up opportunities to both deepen my relationship with my girls and also play a small mentoring role as they make their way through life.

Correct Priority #5 – Social Health – Immediate Family–Children (Mental Health-Scolarship)

Goal – November 10, 2012

Discuss with Amy and develop a plan to increase the amount of time our girls spend reading.

Thoughts

Our girls have always been okay readers. They read enough that I never thought much about it or thought I had to do anything about it. But recently I have noticed they aren’t doing a lot of reading. Instead they are spending all their time on their iPods or Kindles playing games or watching Netflix.

I am thinking it may be time for Amy and I to parent a bit in this area. We may need to limit the time they spend on screens and increase the amount of time they spend in books. I don’t have anything specific in mind right now. Hopefully Amy & I can figure this out when we talk about it.

Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

Kids/Family

Keva Planks For Christmas-Our Most Favorite Toy Of All Time

I wrote this post 3 years ago, and still Keva planks continue to be the most played with, favorite toy at our house. My girls are now 13, 11 & 9 and are still enjoying Keva Planks, so I thought it was worth a repost!

If you are looking for something to buy your kids for Christmas that will keep them busy for hours AND stimulate creative thinking, then Keva planks may be your answer.

We LOVE playing with them in this house. We first discovered them at our local children’s museum, and I when I saw all 3 of my girls distracted and engaged in building fun for over an hour, I knew it was time to start saving for some of our own–which brings me to the only negative about Keva planks–the price. Believe me, they really are worth every penny, but it would not be an

inexpensive gift.

On to the positives…

*every piece is the same. They are about 1/4 inch thick, 3/4 inch wide and 41/2 inches long. Because they are all the same size and weight, the kids are able to go quite high with the structures they make.
*they are simple, simple, simple
*all ages engage, from toddler to adult.
*no plastic
*easy cleanup
*knocking them down is as fun as building them up!

Notice she is standing on a chair:)

Marble Ramp

Butterfly

Barbie House

Guinea Pig Maze

Snippy Loved It!

Dollhouse Furniture

Tower To The Ceiling With Aunt & Cousins

To Buy Keva Planks, click here.

Counting Gifts/ FAMILY

One Thousand Gifts In Instagram Pictures

{#987-#1009}

I’ve counted the gifts here on New Nostalgia for over a couple years. Today we made it past 1,000! So many blessings, I’m overwhelmed! Counting the gifts has changed me. I see in more detail the many blessings, big and small.