Spiritual Archives • Page 7 of 27 • New Nostalgia

5 Minute Fridays/ Spiritual

Finish Strong

Participating in Lisa-Jo’s 5 Minute Fridays. 5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.

Word: Finish

Go.

———

It. Is. Finished.

His Words uttered on that cross, remind me that I am not–

Finished.

Today I felt very cross, and frankly was quite finished with myself.

Over it. Over my inability to deal rightly with what comes my way.

Life overwhelming. Lies telling me that the strong finish I long for is out of reach.

“Failure.”

The enemy whispers lies, and even shouts them loud from mouths of loved ones.

They aren’t really saying what I hear so loud. Again– the enemies’ work.

If only I could remember those final words;

“It. Is. Finished.”

How He finished it for me so I am not.

If only I could remember I am on the winning team.

Why do I pay attention to the loser that whispers “Loser”

He wants me to believe that I am. What a Loser.

Here is the truth of the matter

Hear the truth of the matter

It. Is. Finished.

No matter what my emotions, others, or the enemy tells me

I can finish strong because He’s already done the work and won.

Where does that leave me?

Winning!

———–

Finish.

5 Minute Fridays/ FAMILY/ Kids/Family/ Leaving A Legacy/ Parenting

Oh She Glows

Participating in Lisa-Jo’s 5 Minute Fridays. 5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.

Word: BLOOM

GO:

Her face had lost its usual bloom. My words had cut.

Radiance, luster, sheen, glow. This is her default face.

How easy it is to spew words in frustration and irritation. Teenage years can bring out the worst in us Mama’s.

Oh to remember the true Gardener & how He cares. Patient, gentle, always tending. Aware.

She is resilient & responds well to apologies. Her forgiveness quick, light returns.

Her essence goes out to all around, eyes slant and twinkle like her Daddy’s

She complains that they disappear when she smiles.

It is my favorite.

If only she could see how she glows, how light shines bright, even through cracks.

Her beauty mesmerizes me at times; cheeks pink, lashes long, that beautiful smile.

Her inner beauty blooming, taking shape, opening to all she was created to be.

This creation, I created with the help of the Creator.

I think of her and I too, glow.

STOP.

5 Minute Fridays/ FAMILY/ Marriage

Lost In Love

{participating in 5 Minute Friday-write for 5 minutes, with a prompt. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.}

Prompt–Lost.

The minute I heard that the 5 Minute Friday words prompt was LOST, this old school song popped in my head. I remember singing it as a teen, wondering if I would ever be lost in love. By golly…I am.

Go:

{Song Lyrics}

I never needed love like I need you

And I never lived for nobody but I live for you
ooh babe lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you

Maybe it’s the way you touch me
with the warmth of the sun

maybe it’s the way you smile and I come all undone
ooh babe lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you

{My Words, spurred on by the lyrics}

I once was lost, but now I’m found. God found me, then he gave me you.
My need for Him is evident, as is my need for you, for two become one.

I live for Him, He shows me how to live for you–flesh of my flesh.
I am lost in love when I’m with you.
Your kind eyes, they meet mine. Your eyebrows up in question, wanting to know my need.
If not, they squint when you smile, forming wrinkles in the corners–my favorite.

I kiss these lines, so familiar. I love how you smile with your eyes.

Your touch, always gentle, just like you. Your hands on my arm, my hand, my leg.
Holding, creating warmth, a touch that acknowledges and speaks without words.

Even when I push away, these days of meds that are just too hot, your eyes still look at me with warmth.This is when I’m undone, when you love despite what comes in between, despite my shortcomings, despite battle wounds. When I’m most love lost and you still come forward, these are the moments I’m lost in love.

{Song Lyrics}

Baby ooh I get chills when I’m with you
oh baby my world stands still when I’m with you
when I’m with you

I never cared for nobody
like I care for you
and I never wanted to share the things I wanna share with you
ooh babe lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you

Baby ooh I get chills when I’m with you
oh baby my world stands still when I’m with you
when I’m with you

{My words, spurred on by the lyrics}

I think of all the life we have lived, the moments between us that only we know, & I get chills.

You have made my world stand still in the most stable way. You have chosen me, day after day.

You are mine, there is no one else for me. You get me, even when I don’t get me. You know more than any other. You have and will listen to my sharing; a listening ear, none can compare.

Yes– I know love. I am lost but never will lose. When this world stands still long enough for us to look and see, we glimpse not two but One. I once was lost, but now I’m found.

5 Minute Fridays/ Spiritual

I Am A Message Bearer

{participating in 5 Minute Friday-write for 5 minutes, with a prompt. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.}

Prompt–Messenger.

Go:

——

Messenger. A message bearer. One who brings a message.

What message shall I preach?

One of slow living.

Why should we slow?

I don’t know about you, but naturally I just spin. I can let life busy, spin out of control, and all the sudden I am busy, my brain is busy, my body is busy, and I can’t focus. I lose sight of what is most important, I forget to count the gifts…heck, I’m don’t even see them because of the spinning and distraction.

Slow allows focus.

Slow allows thought.

Slow remembers that we only have one shot at this life.

Slow allows process.

Slow makes time for reading, writing, creating, cooking, thinking, forgiving.

Slow embraces.

Slow looks at our children & sees, not glancing through but seeing into their eyes.

The message of slow is important, as it allows one to truly live.

We all want health. Health takes thought & prioritizing. A thinking that takes prioritizing of time.

We all want meaning, purpose, fulfillment, peace & wholeness.

Wholeness starts with Him. His holes make us whole, I slow and ponder.

I am a messenger, and this is my message.

Stop spinning, allow Him to hold, and dance slow.

——

Stop.

5 Minute Fridays/ Emotional Health/ Love/ Spiritual

My Hands In His Hands

{participating in 5 Minute Friday-write for 5 minutes, with a prompt. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.}

Prompt–Hands.

Go:

——

I look at my hands and see my mom’s hands. I smile, I always thought she had the most beautiful of hands.

I think of all that has touched my hands…the things my hands have touched.

My little girl hands, holding a favorite Holly Hobby doll

My big sister hands, taking care of my little brother and little sisters, playing real house while Mom has an outing.

My teenage hands, holding on to a boy’s for the first time & the thrill.

Hands in hair, I learn cosmetology.

Hands in chemicals everyday, I wonder if it contributed to my cancer.

Both my hands, holding his while dressed in white, saying vows.

The way his suit felt under my hand during our first dance as newlyweds. I’ll never forget that feeling of bliss.

His face, my hands feel the 5 o’clock shadow forming, I love this handsome husband of mine.

Her hands, our first-born, so premature tiny & perfect…attached to all 5 pounds of her.

My middle girl, her hands blue, shows the trauma of her birth.

The birth of my Avery, my Grandma Thelma’s soft hands on my arm while in active labor, her most precious prayer “May God be gracious to you, may His face shine upon you, and give you peace.”

Baby Avery hands, held by mine through an incubator, fear – filled moments, yet peace.

My hands balled in fists, doing battle with God, leaning that pain grows me.

Hands lifted in praise to my Savior, how can I keep from singing and shouting His name?

Wringing in anxiety, these hands.

Hands making and serving food, my favorite way to love my family.

Fingers moving, typing, this dream job of mine called a blog.

Hands numb from the shock of a cancer diagnosis.

Tissues in hands, wiping away tears.

Hands can’t move, chemo lays heavy.

Top of hands bruised from multiple I.V. tries. It is surgery time.

Feeling for lumps and bumps, fingers roaming, wondering often if it is really over.

Date nights, always holding hands, high heels make me the perfect height to hold comfortably.

Her hands now anxious, mine learned and is learning release. I work again to keep them open, for she belongs to Him.

Lying in bed, the heat of his body next to mine,my hand reaches out and find familiar. Flesh of my flesh.

These life moments my hands have touched– have touched my hands– all the while in God’s.

His hands? He’s got it all…. for He’s got the whole world in His hands!

———

Stop.

Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

For When You Are Weak

I vividly remember the day I write about below. I was an emotional, hormonal mess, having just started a hormone therapy drug for cancer and also just going off a medication that I took for anxiety that was not compatible with the new cancer med.

I read the journal entry today, 3 years later, and I marvel at how good God is. For so many reasons, but especially because I am alive almost 4 years after diagnosis, and I have clearly seen Him grow me and continue to show me that He is such a sweet, good God.

He tells us in the Bible to look back and ‘remember His works.’ I do this often, especially when life feels so very hard and out control. These are the times I need to remember to give Him my worries and concerns. I remember that He has brought me and my family through so much, and I remember that no matter how hard life gets, that He promises to finish the work He has started.

I love spring. I love going to nurseries & choosing beautiful flowers to plant. I tease the roots apart & think about the strong roots He has been faithful to grow in me. I remember that they are there, I remember that my Gardener will be faithful in watering, nourishing & providing light for me. I am taken care of and safe, which makes me brave & beautiful, able to turn my face to the Son & dance.

————

April 2011 Cancer Journal Entry

Yesterday was NOT a good day. One of my hardest since diagnosis. For sure the most humbling.

It went like this:

Husband leaves for work~ ~I’m feeling weak and tired, not myself~ daughter wants to wear summer

clothes on a 50 degree day~I say no~she refuses to get dressed~ I have a major meltdown and act

more childish than she~ the intensity of my meltdown- words and actions- cause older daughter to

fear and call Dad~ he leaves work ministry meeting to come rescue the situation~ he takes kids to

school (I thought)~ I drive to nowhere trying to make sense of my meltdown/emotions~a text from

Kathy, my mother-in-law, telling me she is praying causes me to find a destination and calm~school

calls and says 2 daughters are marked absent~ I call Husband and melt when he tells me he has

them, his love for them and me overwhelms~ I feel extreme shame that they were so upset they did

not go back to school~ I spend 4 hours in Village Inn with my Bible and journal, trying to work

through static and shame~ I shop for clothes, “maybe clothes meltdowns won’t happen if she had

some decent ones”…a band aid.~I grocery shop at Trader Joes and bump into a divine appointment

named Anna, who is there only to buy me flowers and my girls some penguin gummies~ why? the

interrupted meeting was at her house that morning, the one my husband brought two sad girls back to

~ we scoot to the corner in Trader Joes, she sheds tears for me-what love~ I find out later she had

already showered love on my girls by providing a movie and snacks so the meeting could go on ~

when home, I start to meltdown a second time, I want to crawl in a hole, when I realize so many

know of my shame~husband reminds me it is three women who know me, love me and care~he also

reminds me I already tell the world my junk online:)~I sit online and I am overwhelmed by your

guestbook comment love~I am overwhelmed even more when I see what is in my inbox, confessions

of meltdowns from some of YOU~I read your confession words, I am in awe. I feel in very good

company, those I admire most have been refined in the fire, found their way out of shame~I go to bed,

ready for new mercies.

This is all so humbling… embarrassing.
I have said 3 times today I just want to get over myself so I can LIVE! Then I remember that I AM living, that this IS life, and I am in the process of figuring out how to “live fully, where planted.”

I’ve got to figure out how to stop wishing for a different pot, and see that the one I am growing roots into is the perfect one, handmade by HIM for me.

Thank you for having such compassionate eyes for me and my potting mess.

April 2011
—————

Are you feeling weak? Are you in the middle of a storm?

Be encouraged.

“Your weakness is not a deterrent to being filled with My Spirit; on the contrary, it provides an opportunity for My Power to shine forth more brightly.” –Jesus Calling

Lift your head dear one. Let His light shine on you….in no time you will be growing & dancing.

Spiritual

A Man Who Admits Weakness– One Of The Strongest I Know

Below is an excerpt from my Uncle’s blog. He is one of the strongest men I know, for so many reasons. The biggest reason is that he knows & admits weakness, and also knows where his Strength comes from. He intimately knows the Lord is his Source of Strength, and continuously points others towards it. I have been so thankful for this Uncle and my sweet Aunt & their hearts for the hurting.

Right now they are on their way back from Nepal, a journey they take several times a year. My Uncle, Doug Dworak, is the Executive Director of Tiny Hands.

{Shirley–whom everyone there lovingly calls ‘Nana’ –showing off her Henna art done by Sumi of Little Angels Home}

{Nana has craft time with the kids. I love watching her collect craft pins on her awesome Pinterest boards. So fun to see pins turn into gifts of love & creativity expressed when taken overseas}

Tiny Hands is a non-profit organization

“…dedicated to empowering the church in the developing world to help the poor overcome poverty and become lights of the world. We are committed to finding the greatest injustices in the world, and working towards relieving them however possible. We are particularly called to orphans, street children, and the victims of the sex-trafficking industry. We want to find those who are already doing the work, who are called and faithful, and help them do it in greater ways and with more efficiency….”

Doug blogs their trips to Nepal and I love reading along about their journey. One of his recent blogs hit me hard–there is nothing like a grown, wise man who is willing to admit he is fearful & needy (aren’t we all?)– and his transparency encouraged me on in my own struggles and weakness.

Here it is:
Struggling by Doug Dworak

“I cry to you, O Lord;

I say, ‘You are my refuge,

my portion in the land of the living.

Listen to my cry,

for I am in desperate need;

rescue me from those who pursue me,

for they are too strong for me.

Set me free from my prison,

that I may praise your name.”

(Psalm 142: 5-7)

The older I get the more I realize that I know a whole lot less than I thought I knew! Or maybe I should say the things I know with somewhat certainty are minimal. Here is my list of some of those things.

I’m a wretched sinner and there is no good thing that dwells in my flesh.
Even my best works are found lacking…see point one.
My love is an impure love because it struggles to be a selfless love.
The motivations of my heart are questionable at best in all that I do.
I am more needy now than at any other time in my life and I’m 67!
My faith wanes with every life’s trial.
I’m scared to death to fail, which I do often.
I know that the gospel is my only hope!
I know the gospel contains life’s most important truths.
I know apart from God’s grace I have no chance in this life or the one to come

Pretty limited right? I use to feel a great importance to look right, appear right and perform right. Not so much anymore. I have come to understand that…. {Click here for more}

________
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