Marriage is something to fight for these days, and calling it quits is rarely the answer. Learning how to fight fairly is key in fighting for your marriage.
I am about to turn 40 next month and I find myself a bit frustrated with how immature I can be in this area. I am an emotional and sensitive being, which can be a beautiful thing, but it also has a few negatives. When fighting in marriage, emotional & sensitive can often translate into being defensive.
Despite my frustration, God has been faithful in showing me how He is the answer & my defense, so I don’t have to be defensive. When I put down my defenses, I can finally, truly, hear my Todd instead of being preoccupied with my own feelings.
Putting down defenses takes a humility & grace. It takes compassion for the other person. It takes a trust in knowing that I am fully loved by the best of Defenders.
I have an app on my phone that sends daily readings in Psalms and Proverbs. This week I was Proverbs 18 & Psalms 18. Both gave me insight into how to fight fairly in marriage, and I am thanking God for his provision, as my Todd & I were able to talk through some issues that had been sending spinning, around and around in circles. You know what I mean, don’t you? Talking in circles and getting nowhere.
These verses caused me to rest in God’s provision, reminding me I am fully loved, quieting me so that I could truly listen. This and my husbands’ humble response back to me got us off the crazy spinning wheel.
Proverbs 18
{some words from the Message version}
~Do not run off at the mouth v2
~Do not use many words v4
~Do not come down hard on the innocent v5
~Do not be like a fool & start fights v7
~Run to & say the name of God, for it is a place of protection v10
~Remember that pride causes you to crash v12
~With humility comes honor v12
~It is wise to listen & always seek to learn v15
~It is ok to agree to disagree v18
~Words can kill or give life, they are either poison or fruit–you choose v21
~When you find a good spouse, you find a good life & the favor of God v22
~Humbly speak in soft supplications v23
~Do not bark out answers v24
~A true friend sticks close like family v24
……….
Ah, such good advice, huh?
And then there is this, words inspired from Psalm 18 & from God who is my Defender, so I do not have to be defensive, and a realization of who the true enemy is–who we are TRULY fighting.
Psalm 18
{Message version, paraphrased by me}
I love you God, you make me strong, I live in your castle and you are my rescuing knight.
I run for dear life to you, I hide in you, I am safe in your hideout.
I sing to you & find myself safe and saved.
I cry to God to help me, He hears my call.
My cry brings me right into His presence–a private audience of just me and God!
You catch me, reaching all the way from sky to sea, pulling me out of enemy chaos where I was drowning, the enemy who hit me when I was down.
But You God, stuck by me.
You take me to wide open spaces, I stand safe & saved, surprised to be loved.
God completes my life when I place all my life pieces before Him.
I bring my act to Him & He gives me a fresh start.
Oh God, keep me alert to your ways & help me not to take you for granted.
Keep me in you, everyday reviewing your ways, watching my step.
Piece by piece you put me back together. I open my heart to you and you see me.
I taste your goodness–I am good.
I taste your health–I am whole.
I taste your truth–I am true.
When I am down and out you are on my side. Take me down a notch when I am stuck up or stuck on myself.
Floodlight my life, in the lightroom you reveal and show me your glory–you are blazing with glory!
Your road stretches straight & smooth. I run in God direction, a road tested, and I make it just as you promised.
You prepared me & pointed me in the right direction, You show me how to fight
You protect me and hold me with a firm hand.
You caress me and your gentle ways clear the ruble so I will not stumble
You have surrounded me well
Keep rescuing me from squabbles, Oh Lord, rescue us!
Bring your revival.
I thank you God. I praise your name with songs
You rule & win over all!
You chose me as your beloved, for my name means beloved.
…………
The meaning of my name, Amy, REALLY IS beloved. Oh to remember this at all times, that I am fully known & fully loved by Creator God. Knowing & believing this brings the spinning to an abrupt and peaceful stop. Yay God!
