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Emotional Health/ FAMILY/ Marriage

How To Start Working As A Team With Your Husband

husband wife team

by Cassie Celestain | Marriage Contributor

When I was teaching my husband, Ryan, and I did a great job of working as a team in the evenings which allowing us to run our household efficiently. We both picked up where things needed to be done. If he had an evening workout I cooked dinner. If I needed to grade papers he cleaned up the dishes. We didn’t have a system set in stone, but we managed to work as a team well and get everything done.

Last year when I did not return to teaching the way we approached things were a bit different. With Ryan working full time and training to become a professional triathlete (which is almost a full time job) his attention was put there. My attention was put on our speaking business, the True Agape blog and our household. That is what we decided would work for us. Ryan still pitched in when needed, but for the most part the house was all me. We each had our own areas that we focused on. And really we didn’t have to function as a team much to run our household.

Now that we have our little one we are back to working as a team to make things run smoothly in our home. Transitioning into working together again is something that takes some time and communication.

Do you feel like you and your husband need to work better as a team? These are the things that we did and you can try them too:

1. Establish Core Values: It is important to be on the same page. If we both know what is important to us then those things are in the forefront of our mind and we can work towards them. For us we established the important things in our evening were: Ryan getting his workout in, us eating dinner together and getting to bed on time. These are the things that will help us reach our long term goals.

2. Be Selfless More Often: To accomplish those core values on a daily basis we have to learn to be selfless a little more. Sometimes when Ryan gets home from work I’d love for him to take baby or cook dinner, but I know he has a workout. Or sometimes if baby is asleep at dinner I want to rush through dinner so I can do something I want to do, but I know dinner together is our time to connect. It’s not about me. It is about our values we decided on, about us, about our family.

3. Ask What Needs to Change: We need to come together and discuss what is working and what is not. Are the core values we originally chose really what we want to be working towards? Do we need to approach things differently to accomplish them? For us this now means dinner may be a freezer meal or leftovers rather than freshly cooked food every night. We have to be willing to be flexible and change to continue to be a successful team.

I know that as life goes on and seasons change our plans, core values and how we approach running our house will transform. However, I truly feel like these three steps will always be a great way to aid us to stay on track as a team.

*Working as a team is always needed to make a marriage work. In this post I am referring to team work as a way to make a household functional.

What is a way you work as a team with your husband?

“Marriage is Not a Destination, But Rather a Life Long Journey”

FAMILY/ Kids/Family/ Love/ Marriage

How To Solve Disagreements Without Arguing

how to solve

A great resource that I back is the book, “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married” by Gary Chapman. I wrote a previous post, Marrying Him = Marrying Into a Family, regarding one of the chapters. I also have this book listed on our Resources Page. I said that all to say I like the book and believe it is a great resource!

Today, we are going to take a look at another chapter of the book. Chapter 4: “How to Solve Disagreements without Arguing”. Sounds like a great skill set to have! Let’s delve in and see what Chapman has to say about this topic!

“No one had ever told us that conflicts are a normal part of every marriage. There are no married couples who do not encounter conflicts, for one simple reason- we are individuals.”

Chapman says first things first. We must accept that we will have conflicts. Some will be small and some will be larger. This is NOT a sign you married the wrong person, but rather a sign that we are human. Once we have accepted the fact that there will be conflict in marriage we then must find a healthy way to deal with conflicts. Showing genuine respect while we do so is important!

Chapman explains three ways that we can solve disagreements without arguing:

Each of these three solutions start by respectfully discussing both sides of the situation. One person talks while the other listens. The listener asks follow up questions and restates what they have heard. Then, they play the opposite roles. This way each side of the situation is heard and understood.

Meeting in the Middle After discussing both sides of the situation you find a meeting place in the middle. That means you have agreed to do a part of what each person desires while also each person sacrifices a little as well.

“There is always a solution to conflicts. Two individuals who choose to be friends will find that solution.”

Meeting on Your Side After discussing both sides one of you decides it is best to do what the other had in mind. This is total sacrifice of your total original thoughts and doing so with a positive attitude.

“Sometimes the decision to agree with the other person’s idea will involve great sacrifice. However, love always involves some sacrifice.”

Meeting Later After discussing both sides you feel you are not able to agree with the other side nor are you able to meet in the middle. Then a time is set to discuss the situation further at a later date. The situation may look different at a later time. The most important thing here is that you do not let it allow tension into the marriage in the meantime.

The most important part of this all is listening to each other and understanding each other’s perspectives rather than accusing each other of illogical thinking. Ryan and I personally have only had minor conflicts in our marriage which I am so thankful for. But I know it is because we have open communication where we truly try to understand where the other one is coming from. That is the same thing Chapman is saying we should do here!

“When we learn to affirm each other’s ideas and look for solutions, we can process the normal conflicts in a marriage relationship and learn to work together as a team.”

What is a way you solve disagreements without arguing?


Huge congrats to Ryan & Cassie on the birth of their first baby.  They have a beautiful, eventful & blessed birth story which you can read here. 


“Marriage is Not a Destination, But Rather a Life Long Journey”

FAMILY/ Kids/Family/ Marriage

3 Ways To Respect Your Husband


by Cassie Celestain | Marriage Contributor

I have said it once and I will say it again: Respect is one of the most important traits to make a marriage work. I am not the only one saying this. When asking newlyweds and seasoned couples alike what the most important trait in marriage is I am most often answered with “Respect.”

Depending how we were raised respect may mean something different to each of us. Also, respecting men and respecting women can look a little different. Our Love Languages could also affect how each of us feel respected. So finding the best way to show respect to your man may take a little time and practice. However, these are three habits that make most guys feel respected.

Build Him Up- Give him praises. Let him know that you appreciate what he does for you/your family. Tell him all the things you love about him. When you do these things be specific. It ensures that he knows you really mean it rather than being vague. If he does something that really blows your mind build him up in front of other friends or family members. Not only does it let him know you think highly of him, but you want others to know just how awesome he is!

Trust His Decisions- As women I feel like we often think we know what is best for us, our kids and our family. I mean we do have motherly instincts, right? But I believe we are called to trust in our husbands’ decisions. He is called to lead our house, but how can he do so confidently if we are second guessing and questioning his decisions? It is okay to not understand his choice or even feel as if we would make a different choice. The respecting part comes in when we show our husband we trust his decision even when we don’t understand. This process takes faith and prayers for many to accomplish!

Check Tone of Voice- A simple reply in the wrong tone can be considered rude. We have all done it before: Something has made us upset. Someone says something to us. We respond with a tone indicating we are upset which really has nothing to do with the person talking to us. Or there is the opposite situation. Hubby says something and we respond right away with a tone of voice that clearly shows our true feelings about the topic. I am not saying to hide your feelings in any way. I am however, saying we should take a moment before responding to make sure our tone of voice is showing respect to our men!

Using these three habits to make sure we are showing respect to our lovers is a great start! Use these techniques as you discover other ways to respect your man. Feel free to ask him, “What are things I can do to show you respect?” Or “When do you feel respected most?” Our men want our respect and we should want to respect them!

What is a way you show respect to your husband?

“Marriage is Not a Destination, But Rather a Life Long Journey”