Cancer Journey/ HEALTH/ Spiritual

Struggling Well & a Health Update

I am in a Bible Study on Tuesday mornings at my church.  The title of the elective I chose is
Knees to the Earth: Prayer that Empowers a Woman’s Life
Knees to the Earth.
That is just such a beautiful visual to me.  It is a humbled posture.  Submitted.  Acknowledgement that we are but dust, as knees touch dust.  Often when we think of one on their knees, we thing of eyes closed & head bowed. A reverence.  One bowed in worship.
Expand our elective description and this is what it says:
“Knees to the Earth: Prayer that Empowers a Woman’s Life–learn how calling on God can help you struggle well.”
As I read the rest of the description of this elective, another picture enters my mind.  This one seems to  fits my reality.  I see one with knees touching dust, touching earth.  But her head is not bowed.  It is up.  Eyes raised, a bit desperate.  A face turned in expectation.  A calling out.  A “calling on God in order to struggle well.”
Just yesterday I had this calling out.  It was not a complicated calling out, prayer does not have to be. It was one desperate word: “Lord!”
I sit in my Oncologist office, vulnerable and weary from fighting flu for a week.  Being in this place at this time of year is almost eery, the memories of fighting stage 3b breast cancer, 2 fall’s before, come flooding back.  
My Oncologist, her hands, so soft, capable, sure & confident feel for lumps and bumps.  She pauses on my clavicle, I call it a collar bone.  The space between her brows narrow as she stays in that spot, one that I realize is tender now that it is being manipulated.  “Could it be just a lymph node?  I’ve been sick…” I ask with hope.  Her answer sends my heart racing.  “No, this is bone. But this is abnormal.”  She informs me that I will be having an X-ray right away, and depending on what shows up, a bone scan.  
She leaves the room and I study myself in the mirror.  I stare at my clavicle, a pea size bump stares back at me.  I start to talk inwardly to myself “We’ve had these scares before, don’t jump to conclusions.”  Yes, we have had these scares.  It seems to be a way of life for a cancer survivor.  The “What if’s” and “What’s that’s?”  But this feels different, and I know it is because it is bone that we are dealing with.  If cancer comes back in the bone, it is an automatic stage 4.  Not curable.
An xray tech comes to get me.  I am thankful for the interruption of thoughts…
Would you kindly join me over at Equip Her to read the rest of the post?  

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  • Anonymous
    March 20, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Amy, just read your about your journey. I was diagnosed with Stage 3A breast cancer in November, 2009 and had a mastectomy in January, 2010 followed by chemo, radiation, herceptin and a drug similar to Tamoxifen, which didn’t work. My cancer came back in my lung this past November and I finished my last chemo treatment three weeks ago. Heading into radiation and maybe some long term medication. Reading about your journey has been very inspirational for me and I wondered how you were doing. I am looking forward to getting my energy, hair and taste back and living the rest of my life. Cancer has introduced me to some amazing women of which you are one.

  • Lee Selby
    November 9, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    praying for you, Amy…

  • Page
    November 9, 2012 at 3:43 am

    I consider you a beautiful hero to me Amy!! I hate that lump, and I hate that you have gone through so many moments of intense fear and pain…but I am praising the Lord for carrying you through and always, always drawing you near to Him. I love what he whispers to you in those moments…and I will continue to pray alongside you that his powerful healing hand makes his presence known in your body. And that he continues to comfort your heart and be your strength. Thank you for shining as bright of a light as I can imagine to the rest of us. I’m sorry you have had to deal with this at all. Yet I’m truly amazed at God’s work in and through you. You are loved!

  • Patricia
    November 8, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Amy………….. my knees to the earth for you………..


  • Susan Woodman
    November 8, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    To any of you dealing with cancer currently or who are cancer survivors, I encourage to get these two books and read them, alongside your Bible. You’ve Already Got It by Andrew Wommack and The Power Of Your Words by Don Gossett & EW Kenyon. I am a cancer survivor and standing on Gods Word & promises brought me & my husband through. I stand in prayer for each of you for complete healing, in Jesus Christ’s name!!

  • Bethany McGough
    November 8, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Amy, you humble me…I have been a reader for only a short time, but your faith in our Lord Jesus is amazing and truly inspiring. You have touched my life and I just want to say thank you. You will be in my prayers.

  • Josh and Dana
    November 8, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    I truly feel like you’re my friend, Amy. Thanks for the privileged access to your heart and the nitty gritty of your struggle. I’m crying “Lord!” with you and leaning in. Love you.

  • thewadebrigade
    November 8, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    I found your blog on pinterest when I joined a year ago. I find your journey and strength to be inspiring. God is our rock when we hit rock bottom. I’m praying for you and your family for it to be just another what if.

  • Cindy Jordan
    November 8, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Thank you so much for this. Yesterday, I was with my daughter who was having ct scans. She has been struggling with stage 4 colon cancer. She has responded well to chemo, but not radiation. The Lord has blessed us with a 2 month break and it has been amazing to see my sweet girl be herself. 2 Sundays ago she sang, “I will Praise Him Anyway” in our church to a standing ovation. But, like the elephant in the room, going back to the hospital, the equiptment, the smells the terrible contrast brought the reality back. It has been a difficult 18 months, but we are confident that our Lord hears even our groanings, when there are no words. Like you, just saying, “Lord” gives our fears and struggles to Him. Know that I pray for you every time I read your post, I know that He hears all our prayer. God bless you on this journey. C Jordan

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