Shaving My Head

It was a beautiful, sunny fall day.  My dad and step-mom and sister all drove an hour to come to church with us.  I just love that!  I love looking down the church aisle and seeing people I love, who know me and are just there.  My sister was a little late (surprise-ha), but even that was a blessing because I sent the family on with gpa and gma to get seats, and I was able to show up one song late and just come in a sit down.  Calm and easy is always good for me, but especially on a day when I am holding my hair on with a hat!!:)

The service was great, the sermon so very thought provoking.  

After church, I sent the girls into gma and gpas car and they bought them Happy Meals to bring home to eat.  The girls had to be at a neighborhood birthday party within minutes, so that little lunch detail was so helpful!  One way of many that my family made my day worry free.

Once the kids were off to the party, Dad took us adults all out to lunch.  Good ole’ Spaghetti Works.  Lunch was full of good conversation and laughs.  It was nice to park a ways away and walk around downtown on such a pretty day.

When we got home, my dad ran to the hardware store and bought a new fancy shower head for us, then installed it.  After my Neulasta shot, my bones ache just awful, and a hot shower really helps.  Our shower head was old and did not have different options like massage or pulse.  This new one does, I tried it last night and it was heaven.  I am so spoiled, I say the word and within minutes– it was done.
 Thank you so much, dad, this is a way that will make me feel better after the next chemo session and I feel less intimidated to face that “sick” week again!

I knew I had to make the promised “bald party” snacks, but I was not prepared and needed to go to the store.  The minute I said that, my dad and Pam said “We will go for you, write a list.”  Of course, they came back with all kinds of fun groceries for us, plus what I had listed.  It was 20 minutes of quiet time (girls happened to be chill during that time, and one of them went with gpa and gma), and it was a good time for me to just mentally prepare for what was coming up.  I locked myself in the bathroom for a couple, asked the Lord to give me strength, and as I did, a song popped in my head that my middle girl has been working on the last 2 days.  The chorus goes “you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, do whatcha gotta do!  Cuz God, Cuz God, Cuz God is with YOU!”  It is the most catchy, cute tune, and it was in my head the entire hair buzzing process.  

When they got back, I set to work making the girls their dinner and chosen party snacks.  My youngest peeled the eggs and rolled some Fudgy Buttons with her aunt, and I made mac n cheese in the shape of shells.  They were organic and color free, so they looked like little bald heads:)  The girls thought that was funny.  

I got nervous when I saw that they were almost finished eating, I knew it was time to chop it once they were done.  My older sister, Julie, arrived at this time, so I had 2 sisters there, my dad and step mom, and my husband and kids.  Surrounded with love.

I decided the clippers would not be able to get through the length, so I started out in the bathroom chopping on my hair in the front.  That was crazy weird, and ended up looking so bad that I was ready to get it shaved!  

We all gathered in the kitchen, I donned the haircutting cape, and the rest was kinda an out- of- body experience. My middle girl did her job and held my hands–that was so comforting to me and she was so very sweet.  She kept saying words like “you are still pretty mommy.”  My other 2 were more verbal and daddy had to whisper to them to be kind:)  We want them to express how they feel, but they also needed a lesson on when to keep thoughts inward, for the sake of someone’s feelings-we’ll work on that one.  I remember an argument over who sat where, my youngest kept saying “I can’t see!!”  

My eyes were shut some of the time, but whenever I would open them I saw my husband, who smiled at me the whole time, a sweet smile that told me he admired me, loved me and everything would be ok.  I saw my sis, Julie, comforting my girls and taking pics.  Her comments about how great my head shape was kept me smiling when I felt like freaking out.  My dad was also a rock that I kept peeking at, which comforted me. His presence there was huge. He said “I’ve seen this before, you look like you did 33 years ago before you grew hair”  oh, how I loved that comment, made me smile.  My step mom was wonderful, just just kept wiping all the hair off of me and my itchy head, and held ears out of the way:)  It was sooo soothing, and felt like I was getting a head massage in the middle of the crazy, so that was priceless. Her words were gentle and reassuring the whole time. My sister, Kathy, was a rock star with the clippers.  I taught her how to do the clipper over comb technique to get rid of bulk, the I told her to use the clippers like a lawn mower and just get it done! 
My middle girl stood in front of me holding my hands for over half the time, but when they got to the front, it was too much for her and she looked at me and said “mom, I need a break, is it ok if I let go and go downstairs for awhile” I was so proud of her.  Todd followed her downstairs, let her cry and she watched tv the rest of the time until it was over. My oldest drew her silly face on my head, it was a very quick work of art, as she was pretty freaked out..

It was a hard moment when I looked and I didn’t expect to react how I did. It took my breath and I quickly went away from the mirror…then cried.  It was just shocking, and looked like I was a someone with cancer–:)  Imagine that?  I didn’t cry for long, maybe 2 minutes, because my tears were met with hugs from everyone and while my husband hugged me, he whispered the exact thing was needed to put a smile back on my face.  He’s been awesome like that!

My sister Julie then distracted the kids with fun fake spiders and spider web to decorate our sunroom for halloween.  She also brought some fun hand-me-down gifts/clothes from her daughter, so that added excitement really helped my girls.  

My dad and step mom left, and I asked Todd if I could have a night out with my sisters to shop!!  Shopping is such great therapy!!:)

We had the most fun night shopping, gotta love Kohls!  We laughed, tried on all kinds of clothes and were brutally honest with each other as sisters are, which make for the BEST shopping experience.  I got  myself some super big, hoop earrings to wear with all my head covering, and a dress for a banquet I will be going to next week. 

I came home to the kids in bed, waiting for a kiss from their bald momma.  Todd and I watched a show together, and he kept smiling at my baldness and again, said all the right things.  

It is now morning, and I gotta say, being bald sure FEELS GOOD!  No more weird tingling and soreness.  I’m sitting here in my big, white, fluffy robe with the hood on and I look like a pro boxer:) I feel much more tough then I felt a day ago, and I will use that feeling to fight what I call this “cancer crap!”