label/purposeful living

FAMILY/ Parenting

Daughter Volleyball Update – Purposeful Living

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Correct Priority

Priority #5 – Children (Emotional Health)

Goal – January 2013

Support my daughter Colsie in her desire to become a strong volleyball player and join a volleyball team.  Specific things I can do include the items listed below.    

• Research and purchase an effective youth volleyball instructional video.
• Thoroughly review the video and develop a volleyball skill development program for Colsie.

Goal Status

Completed

UPDATED Thoughts About Goal – August 2013

After a bit of research, I found a fantastic volleyball training series.  This series is perfect for youth to learn foundational techniques.  If you have a youth volleyball player at home, these videos are listed below.

Championship Productions Foundations For Successful Volleyball

: Serving DVD

Championship Productions Foundations For Successful Volleyball: Setting DVD

Championship Productions Foundations For Successful Volleyball: Individual Defense DVD

Championship Productions Foundations For Successful Volleyball: Passing DVD

Championship Productions Foundations For Successful Volleyball: Attacking DVD

Championship Productions Foundations For Successful Volleyball: Blocking DVD

 

I purchased these videos, watched them, analyzed them, and came up with a training plan for Colsie.  

We started training, but after a few sessions it became evident that a knee that she injured a few months ago was still giving her significant problems.  After seeing a doctor we were told Colsie needed to stay off her completely, could not play volleyball, and needed focused rehab.

Over the course of three months Colsie did fully rehab her knee and I was ready to get back to work in volleyball training.  There was just one problem – Colsie no longer wanted to play volleyball!  As excited as she was about volleyball just a few months ago, she was now equally unexcited.  

So, there will be no volleyball playing – at least not for now – in the Bowman household.  I am totally okay with it.  We talked about it for a while and I absolutely believe her interests have simply changed.  It happens with children and youth.   

ORIGINAL Thoughts About Goal – January 2013

My sixth grade daughter recently communicated a desire to play volleyball.  She has never expressed an interest in sports before, but she assured me this is a genuine interest.  She has been hitting a ball around a lot at school with friends during recess and really enjoys it.

Volleyball is a huge sport in Nebraska with large numbers of children playing from a very young age.  Even playing in a youth recreation league Colsie will be way behind without some help.

My plan is to assist Colsie in the same way I have assisted my other two daughters – Teagan (basketball) and Avery (soccer) – in the sports they play.  I will find quality instructional material, learn the game, and teach Colsie how to play volleyball.  Specifically I am interested in teaching Colsie proper technique, not just the rules of the game.   

I understand the rules of volleyball, but I don’t know the first thing about volleyball technique.  I don’t know the proper way to set, bump, serve, or pass a volleyball.

But I can learn.  The key is finding quality instructional material.  There are many resources, but most of it is junk.  I will find as many websites as I can that sell instructional material, identify DVD’s that focus on technique, read the descriptions and reviews, and then make a purchase.

It was so much easier when it was just Avery playing soccer.  Supporting three girls in their athletic endeavors takes a considerable amount of time.   

But it is a fun way for me to participate in their lives.  And athletics are a fantastic way to build resiliency in children.

It is worth my time. 

// 

Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

2

FAMILY

Charts, Chores, Allowances, & Behavior – Part 4 -Purposeful Living

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Correct Priority

Priority #5 – Children (Emotional Health)

Goal – March 2012

Invest in the emotional health of my children by revising our chart, chore, allowance, and behavior system.  Specifically this means:

• Revising our list of morning, afternoon, and evening routines/chores.
• Developing an easier system of connecting routines/chores to an allowance.  The system must be easy to record and monitor.
• Developing effective and easy to implement consequences for misbehavior.   

Goal Status

Completed

CONNECTING CHARTS TO AN ALLOWANCE

ORDER – Obedience – Kindness – Peace – Honesty = BOWMAN FAMILY BEHAVIOR PLAN

Our method for managing the behavior of our children is captured in five words.  

ORDER refers to Daily Routines (Charts), Chores, and Allowances.

What Is An Appropriate Allowance?

The correct allowance depends on what you can afford, and what you believe is a reasonable amount for your children to be able to earn.  

What Can You Afford?

I am not wealthy.  I worked as a public school teacher for twelve years and at a non-profit the last six.  When Amy stopped working after our first child it was a struggle at first to make ends meet.  We pinched pennies and carefully considered every dollar we spent (like many families).  

For many years, I didn’t feel we could afford (nor did we give) an allowance.  My girls did not grow up feeling entitled to stuff.  They appreciated and were thankful for things we were able to provide for them.  They asked for candy and knick-knacks when they came shopping with us, but usually heard “no” (at least from dad – mom is more of a pushover).  And on the occasion they heard “yes” they were thrilled.  

But over the past few years we have been in a more stable place (not wealthy – but stable) financially and we felt it was time for our girls to be able to earn an allowance.  

At first, Amy and I decided we could afford $60 a month total.  This meant each of our girls could earn roughly $5 a week or $20 a month.  This was a stretch for our budget and I needed several reassurances from Amy that we could afford this.  At the end of the day, we both agreed there was no better way to invest our money than to invest in our children.  $60 a month is broken down in the following manner.  

Each child could earn $.75 a day by successfully completing all charts for the day.  

$.75/Day x 7 Days/Week x 4 Weeks/Month = $21/Month

$21/Month x 3 Children = $63/Month

Five dollars a week was perfect while our girls were in elementary school.  But one our oldest two became teenagers, five dollars no longer seemed appropriate.  About one year ago Amy and I decided we could double the amount we put towards allowances to $120 a month.  This meant each of our girls could earn $10 a week or $40 a month.  It was another strain on our budget, but we again agreed it was worth it.  $120 a month is broken down in the following manner.

$1.50/Day x 7 Days/Week x 4 Weeks/Month = $42/Month

$42/Month x 3 Children = $126/Month

What Is Reasonable

Some teenagers may think $10 isn’t very much money, but for my girls $10 is a lot of money.  It’s an amount they appreciate and value.  But it isn’t so much money that they take it for granted.  

In addition, we don’t make it easy for them to earn $10 a week.  They have to genuinely earn this money and it is just as easy for them to earn nothing as it is for them to earn $10.

For the Bowman family $10 a week per child is just the right amount – at least for right now.   

Should You Pay Your Children To Complete Chores?

Many parents are philosophically against paying children to complete chores.  And I understand the reasoning.  

But Amy & I feel good about the system we developed because it rewards work.  We view it as an opportunity for our girls to earn an allowance by working reasonably hard for the money they earn.  

An additional benefit is it shifts many purchasing decisions from my shoulders to theirs.  Instead of asking me to purchase food, or a video game, or a purse, they can make their own decisions.  They have their own money.  They can ask themselves the question “Is this object worth the effort?”  They can make choices about what is truly important to them and what is not.

If we could afford it, I would prefer to pay our girls a large enough allowance that they could become responsible for nearly all of their purchases including clothes, beauty products, gas for the car (in a couple years), etc.  It would be ideal in my eyes for them to associate their work with paying for these items.

Unfortunately, we are not in a position financially to do this.  To make ends meet Amy and I have to be frugal and look for opportunities to save money on each purchase.  The downside to this arrangement is it creates an environment where it is easy for our girls to take for granted and feel entitled to these items.

Don’t Start & Stop  

If you are going to start an allowance or incentive system of some kind you should go into it reasonably sure you will be able to maintain it over the long haul.  Creating incentives and then removing them can be more damaging than never creating incentives at all.

 

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Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

More posts under Correct Priority #5. 
Social Health – Immediate Family–Children

Charts, Chores, Allowances, & Behavior–Part 1
Charts, Chores, Allowances, & Behavior- Part 2
Charts, Chores, Allowances, & Behavior-Part 3

Paying Attention To Our Children–Part 1

Paying Attention To Our Children–Part 2
Paying Attention To Our Children-Part 3

Speaking Your Child’s Love Language–Part 1
Helping My Daughter Grow Her Business- Part 1
Family Devotions – Part 1

1

FAMILY/ Parenting

Charts, Chores, Allowances & Behavior-Part 3-Purposeful Living

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Correct Priority

Priority #5 – Children (Emotional Health)

Goal – March 2012

Invest in the emotional health of my children by revising our chart, chore, allowance, and behavior system.  Specifically this means:

• Revising our list of morning, afternoon, and evening routines/chores.
• Developing an easier system of connecting routines/chores to an allowance.  The system must be easy to record and monitor.
• Developing effective and easy to implement consequences for misbehavior.   

Goal Status

Completed

//

CHORES

ORDER – Obedience – Kindness – Peace – Honesty = BOWMAN FAMILY BEHAVIOR PLAN

Our method for managing the behavior of our children is captured in five words.  

ORDER refers to Daily Routines (Charts), Chores, and Allowances.

Chores

Chores are different than routines.  Chores typically take longer to complete than routines and are not necessarily done every day (although not always the case).  

I am a fan of chores.  Chores teach responsibility and hard work.  They allow a child to positively contribute to the family.  

There is no right or wrong way to do chores.  

Amy has a unique system where most days she gives each of our girl’s three chores and writes the chores underneath their name on the white board in our living room.  If necessary, there are also directions and a time frame written with the chores.

After our girls complete a chore they check off or place a line through the chore indicating it has been completed.  These chores typically change every day and are based on what Amy needs done around the house.       

But the three chores a day system isn’t the only way to distribute chores.  You can also assign children specific chores to do every day for a specific period of time (week, month, etc.).  For example, one child may do the dishes for a week while another is responsible for vacuuming.  

There are probably many other ways to distribute chores along with a million chores children could complete.  

The expectation in our home is that chores should be completed within the communicated time frame without complaint or argument.  

I have added Chores to the Evening Routine Chart.  Chores are assigned throughout the entire day and in the evening we determine whether chores were completed correctly or not.  Chores must be completed properly and without complaint in order for this box to get checked on the Evening Routine Chart.  

Complaining results in an automatic loss of allowance.  Refusal to complete the chore results in a significant consequence.  

In our home, chores are mandatory.  And our girls are expected to do as much or as little as Amy and I feel we need them to do.  Some days we work them hard.  Other days not so much.  

//

Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

Chores, Charts, Allowances, & Behavior – Part 1
Chores, Charts, Allowances, & Behavior – Part 2

1

FAMILY

Physical Health Report 2013 – Purposeful Living

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Correct Priority

Priority #7 – Physical Health

Physical Health 2013 – Age 43  

This is my annual physical health report for 2013.  This report included both reflection and a rating on how I think I’m doing in each core area of physical health.  Physical health includes the components listed below.  

Weight

Nutrition

Sleep

Aerobic Conditioning

Strength Training

Weight – 9 ½ out of 10  

I am 5’ 7” (yes, I’m short) and for the past three years I have maintained an almost ideal weight of 150 pounds.  This is the area of physical health where I am currently strongest.  It is also an area where I am somewhat proud because I had to lose a bit of weight to get here.  

Three years ago following several Christmas celebrations full of good food I stepped on the scale and was in for a shock.  

For several years I told myself that as long as I stayed below 170 pound I was okay with that.  The scale was now reading 173.  I had crossed a threshold of what I considered acceptable and had entered a place where I knew I was considerably overweight.  

I read the book You On A Diet by Dr. Oz which was recommended to me by my wife.  The primary take away for me from that book was that fiber is my friend.  Foods high in fiber are best at curbing hunger.  

Over the next two months I went on a crash diet and lost 25 pounds.  Slim Fast shakes were my best friend during this time.    

The second take away for me from that book was to find healthy foods I liked and eat them every day – make my meals automatic.  

After ending my crash diet I revamped the foods I eat every day.  Strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries with a bit of yogurt became my staple food up through dinner.  Then for dinner Amy always makes something healthy.  

Eating foods high in fiber has enabled me to eat far less food.  This has allowed me to maintain my weight loss.  

Sleep – 9 out of 10

I get about seven hours of sleep at night.  I think that is pretty good and seems right for my body.  If I sleep longer than eight hours it throws me off and I end up not being able to sleep at all the following night.  

Nutrition – 6 ½ out of 10

The Good

I eat fairly healthy – most days.  On a normal day I eat blueberries, strawberries, black berries, organic multi-grain hot cereal, vegetable soups, and bean soups.  

In addition, my wonderful wife cooks healthy vegan meals most evenings for dinner.  She is a fantastic cook and I thoroughly enjoy her meals.

Even more important are the foods I avoid on a normal day.  I avoid meat and sweets.  

The problem is not every day is a normal day.  

I have a very strange nutrition plan.  I eat healthy 4-5 days a week.  I eat unhealthy 2-3 days a week.

On normal days when I try to eat healthy I could still do much better.  I need to add more fruits, vegetables, and beans to my diet.  

And more important I need to eat healthy 6-7 days a week rather than 4-5.  This will be quite a challenge.  I really like my junk food as you will read about below.   

The Bad

As I described above, there are 2-3 days each week when I eat unhealthy.

And when I say unhealthy I mean unhealthy.  I really love junk food – chips, candy, ice cream, cookies.  I really, really love junk food.  And on a day where I have given myself the freedom to not eat healthy, I eat whatever I want.

I also drink about five 2-liters of diet soda a week.  

It has worked for me.  My primary goal when it comes to food has been to maintain an ideal weight.  This eating plan has enabled me to do that.  

A secondary goal has been to improve my nutrition.  And I have done that as well – at least to an extent.  Most days I eat relatively healthy foods.  I just don’t do it every day.

This drives Amy nuts.   

Aerobic Conditioning – 6 ½ out of 10

I walk at least 20 minutes nearly every day.  It is something I look forward to.  I own a treadmill and walk while watching my favorite television shows or movies.  I even purchased a nice pair of wireless headphones in order to get great sound while not bothering the rest of the family by turning up the television full blast.

To improve my cardio at least somewhat while walking I crank the incline on the treadmill as high as it will go.

I also walk a lot outside.

Studies show walking provides many of the same benefits to the heart as running.  And I burn around 100 calories a day just through purposeful walking which helps me maintain my weight.

The reason I give myself an “Okay” instead of “Good” in aerobic conditioning is because I am currently finding it hard to do more strenuous exercise that gets my heart rate up.  

I had knee surgery about a year ago and have not been able to fully straighten my left leg ever since.  Trying to run when a leg won’t fully straighten is potentially dangerous.  I could easily further damage my knee.

But I really need to figure out how to do strenuous aerobic conditioning for 20 minutes at least three days a week to push this area into the “Good” category.  

Strength Training – 0 out of 10

I have not lifted weights or done any strength training since college nearly twenty years ago.  There is significant room for improvement in this area.

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Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

2

FAMILY/ Parenting

Goal Setting & Reflection | Children {Mental Health} | Purposeful Living Series

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Goal Setting & Reflection-July 2013

{Our Colsie, lighting off sssssnakes on the 4th Of July}

Correct Priority #5 – Children (Mental Health)  

Goal – July 2013

Identify important topics to share and/or discuss with my daughters on a regular basis.  

Thoughts

On a regular basis I will read something or learn something that I think would be valuable for my daughters to know, be aware of, or understand.  Then minutes later I forget about the topic never share it with my girls.

Rather than getting by on good intentions, I want to start keeping a list of these topics and then engage my girls in discussions about them on a regular basis.  

These topical discussions don’t have to be long.  They can be short, some just a few minutes.  

The inspiration for these topics can come from anywhere including Youtube videos, snippets from books or magazines, television or movie clips, etc.      

Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

Uncategorized

New Bibles For My Teen Girls – Purposeful Living

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Correct Priority

Priority #5 – Children (Spiritual Health)

Goal – November 2012

Develop a detailed family spiritual plan to better ground my three girls in God’s word.  Specific elements of this plan include the items listed below.

• Identify and purchase new Bibles for Teagan and Colsie now that they are teenagers.    

Goal Status

Completed

UPDATED Thoughts About Goal – July 2013

The week after Christmas I rounded up the entire family and we drove to Omaha to Parables Christian Bookstore.  It is a really nice store and they have a large selection of Bibles and books.

My oldest daughters are now in Middle School and I thought it was time for them both to get new Bibles.  When they were little I purchased them neat children’s Bibles (NIRV Kids’ Quest Study Bible) which worked well for them through elementary school.  But taking a children’s Bible to church when you are a teen is not cool.

Both of them were given the freedom to choose their own Bible – with stipulations.  

The first stipulation is they had to choose a traditional paper Bible as opposed to an electronic version.  My problem with electronic texts is that many of them are platform specific.  I also like the idea of them having a keepsake, a Bible that can stay with them as they grow up.

The second stipulation is it had to be a true translation rather than a paraphrase.  We encouraged the NIV, but there are other translations which would have also been acceptable.

A third stipulation is it had to be a strong study Bible.  There are many options in this type of Bible so finding one wouldn’t be a problem.  I wanted a Bible that could be a true resource for them as they dig into the word.

The final stipulation is the Bible had to be hard cover or leather.  I want this to be a Bible that will last a while and not fall apart within a year like a paperback one would.

I also decided I will let them choose a new Bible again when they get into high school and once again after graduating high school.  As they move into new periods of their life I want them to have a Bible that reflects their personality and their study needs.   

It took a while, but both of my girls made great Bible selections.

 

My oldest daughter selected the NIV Student Bible Italian Duo-Tone Espresso/Turquoise Flower.  There is a concise and clear summary before every book of the Bible.  There are also fantastic teen appropriate study notes on every page highlighting key people, topics, and ideas.  The cover is very artistic.  It is dark brown with an artistic flower stitched into the soft leather cover.  It fits her personality.

 

My middle daughter also made a fantastic, but different choice.  She chose the NIV Quest Study Bible For Teens.  It has a soft leather cover, is kiwi green, and has a blue and orange flower stitched into the cover.  It is very cute.  It fits her personality perfectly.  I like my oldest daughter’s Bible, but I love this one.  The Quest Bibles for every age group are fantastic.  The left/right margin of every page is set apart for study notes.  It is well formatted, easy to read, and the notes are appropriate for students.  This is a great Bible.

Overall, mom and dad are super happy with their choices.  I think they are happy too.    

ORIGINAL Thoughts About Goal – November 2012

I spent a great deal of time over the past year planning our family Florida vacation.  This planning paid off with an amazing trip.  It may have been the best two weeks of my life.  

But in the process of planning this vacation I neglected many other things, including being a good parent.  I have been convicted since returning from out trip that I need to dedicate more time and do a better job in a variety of areas that are far more important that vacation.  

One area in which I know I need to improve is being the spiritual leader of our home and doing what I can to better ground my girls in their faith.  Each time they step out of our home they enter a world where many despise the gospel of Jesus Christ.  They enter a world that is hostile to God’s word.  

When my children our older they will have to decide for themselves what they believe.  But there is zero chance I will stay silent while they are bombarded with messages contrary to what God wants for them every day of their life.  

My first responsibility is to model for them what it means to live a Godly life and be sensitive to His will.  My next responsibility is to make sure they know what is true and right.  I will not ignore either of these responsibilities.  

————–  

Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

FAMILY/ Parenting

Charts, Chores Allowances & Behavior – Part 2 – Purposeful Living

These posts written by Todd (Amy’s husband) are designed to model a system of purposeful living.  At least once a month, he spends time setting meaningful goals around one of seventeen core priorities.

If you missed it, consider reading the foundation post – Purposeful Living #1.

Correct Priority

Priority #5 – Children (Emotional Health)

Goal – March 2012

Invest in the emotional health of my children by revising our chart, chore, allowance, and behavior system.  Specifically this means:

• Revising our list of morning, afternoon, and evening routines/chores.
• Developing an easier system of connecting routines/chores to an allowance.  The system must be easy to record and monitor.
• Developing effective and easy to implement consequences for misbehavior.   

Goal Status

Completed

DAILY ROUTINES

ORDER – Obedience – Kindness – Peace – Honesty = BOWMAN FAMILY BEHAVIOR PLAN

Our method for managing the behavior of our children is captured in five words.  

ORDER refers to Daily Routines (Charts), Chores, and Allowances.

Own System

There are many chart systems out there, but none of them connected charts to an allowance in the very specific way we wanted.  So we created our own chart, chore, and allowance system.  

Daily Routine Charts

A routine is something necessary, but simple, that is done nearly every day.  Routines typically take just a few minutes to complete.  If the activity takes several minutes, it may not be a routine, but rather a chore.  

A chart system is perfect for routines because instead of following your children around nagging them to do things like brush their teeth or make their bed, you can just tell them to go do their chart.  

A good chart system both teaches responsibility and makes a positive difference in keeping a home organized.  The expectation is they complete the entire chart correctly.  If they choose not to complete it properly, they receive a consequence.  

In our case, Amy & I create new charts as often as we feel we need to, usually at the beginning of each school year.  The routines are always changing based on the ages of our girls and based on our own experience of things we consider important.  

Below is a list of the routines found on our charts for morning, afternoon, and evening.  

Morning Routines

Click here for an editable version of our Morning Routine chart

Allowance – Carried Over

Allowance – Upon Completion

No Screens

Breakfast

Clear Dishes

Vitamins

Dressed

PJ’s Away

Make Bed

Hair

Brush Teeth

Homework In Backpack

Backpack Ready

Lunch Box Ready

Shoes Ready

Coat Ready

Pick Up Personals

Allowance Total

Afternoon Routines

Click here for an editable version of our Afternoon Routine

Allowance – Carried Over

Allowance – Upon Completion

No Screens

Shoes In Basket

Backpack Emptied On Table

Backpack Hung Up

Lunch Bag Hung Up

Snack

Snack Cleaned Up

Allowance Total

Evening Routines

Click here for an editable version of our Evening Routine.

Allowance – Carried Over

Allowance – Upon Completion

No Screens

Snack

Pick Up Personals

PJ’s

Dirties In Hamper

Clean Clothes Hung Up

Brush/Floss

Clean Sink Area

Devotions

Chores

Allowance Total

   

Chore Chart Definitions

Allowance – Carried Over:  Our girls earn a small allowance each time they successfully complete a chart.  This box keeps a running total of the amount they have earned.  

Allowance – Upon Completion:  This box indicates how much they will earn upon successful completion of the chart.  

Allowance Total: Allowance–Carried Over + Allowance-Upon Completion = Allowance Total

Here is the board we use.  It is in a very central location in our home and works really well.

We print out our charts, laminate them, and attach them to our white board with magnets.  They are not pictured above, but fit perfectly under the area where we list daily chores for out girls.

To learn how Amy put their names on the board, click here.

—————–

 

Foundation Post

Build Your To-Do List Around Correct Priorities – Purposeful Living #1

Outline Of All Purposeful Living Posts

Purposeful Living Outline

Additional Posts In This Series

Charts, Chores, Allowances, & Behavior–Part 1