I read this post from Anne at Holy Experience, about their family Lent activity of repentance, and knew I wanted to do the same.
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A box to come to,
throughout the Lenten season,
confess to to our Creator,
who promises to take our sins and
remember them no more.
Come Easter,
we will bury our sins,
just as He died and was buried,
and then we will celebrate that He Is Risen, Indeed!!
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The timing of this is perfect for me.
If you read my Caring Bridge journal, you will know there has been much for me to repent of.
I will share one of my journals below.
I have been so thankful for a tangible way to show my girls that we can come to Him when we have messed up. Repent, and release.
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“I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake,
And I will not remember your sins.”
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My Caring Bridge Confession Post:
Yesterday was NOT a good day. One of my hardest since diagnosis. For sure the most humbling.
It went like this:
Husband leaves for work~ I’m feeling weak and tired, not myself~ daughter wants to wear summer clothes on a 50 degree day~I say no~she refuses to get dressed~ I have a major meltdown and act more childish than she~ the intensity of my meltdown- words and actions- cause older daughter to fear and call Dad~ he leaves work ministry meeting to come rescue the situation~ he takes kids to school (I thought)~ I drive to nowhere trying to make sense of my meltdown/emotions~a text from Kathy, my mother-in-law, telling me she is praying causes me to find a destination and calm~school calls and says 2 daughters are marked absent~ I call Husband and melt when he tells me he has them, his love for them and me overwhelms~ I feel extreme shame that they were so upset they did not go back to school~ I spend 4 hours in Village Inn with my Bible and journal, trying to work through static and shame~ I shop for clothes, “maybe clothes meltdowns won’t happen if she had some decent ones”…a bandaid.~I grocery shop at Trader Joes and bump into a divine appointment named Anna, who is there only to buy me flowers and my girls some penguin gummies~ why? the interrupted meeting was at her house that morning, the one my husband brought two sad girls back to ~ we scoot to the corner in Trader Joes, she sheds tears for me-what love~ I find out later she had already showered love on my girls by providing a movie and snacks so the meeting could go on~when home, I start to meltdown a second time, I want to crawl in a hole, when I realize so many know of my shame~husband reminds me it is three women who know me, love me and care~he also reminds me I already tell the world my junk online:)~I sit online and I am overwhelmed by your guestbook comment love~I am overwhelmed even more when I see what is in my inbox, confessions of meltdowns from some of YOU~I read your confession words, I am in awe. I feel in very good company, those I admire most have been refined in the fire, found their way out of shame~I go to bed, ready for new mercies
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It went like this:
Husband leaves for work~ I’m feeling weak and tired, not myself~ daughter wants to wear summer clothes on a 50 degree day~I say no~she refuses to get dressed~ I have a major meltdown and act more childish than she~ the intensity of my meltdown- words and actions- cause older daughter to fear and call Dad~ he leaves work ministry meeting to come rescue the situation~ he takes kids to school (I thought)~ I drive to nowhere trying to make sense of my meltdown/emotions~a text from Kathy, my mother-in-law, telling me she is praying causes me to find a destination and calm~school calls and says 2 daughters are marked absent~ I call Husband and melt when he tells me he has them, his love for them and me overwhelms~ I feel extreme shame that they were so upset they did not go back to school~ I spend 4 hours in Village Inn with my Bible and journal, trying to work through static and shame~ I shop for clothes, “maybe clothes meltdowns won’t happen if she had some decent ones”…a bandaid.~I grocery shop at Trader Joes and bump into a divine appointment named Anna, who is there only to buy me flowers and my girls some penguin gummies~ why? the interrupted meeting was at her house that morning, the one my husband brought two sad girls back to ~ we scoot to the corner in Trader Joes, she sheds tears for me-what love~ I find out later she had already showered love on my girls by providing a movie and snacks so the meeting could go on~when home, I start to meltdown a second time, I want to crawl in a hole, when I realize so many know of my shame~husband reminds me it is three women who know me, love me and care~he also reminds me I already tell the world my junk online:)~I sit online and I am overwhelmed by your guestbook comment love~I am overwhelmed even more when I see what is in my inbox, confessions of meltdowns from some of YOU~I read your confession words, I am in awe. I feel in very good company, those I admire most have been refined in the fire, found their way out of shame~I go to bed, ready for new mercies
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From Jesus Calling, P. 100
Your weakness is not a deterrent to being filled with My Spirit; on the contrary, it provides an opportunity for My Power to shine forth more brightly.
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Oh, I pray this is true.
This is all so humbling… embarrassing.
I have said 3 times today I just want to get over myself so I can LIVE! Then I remember that I AM living, that this IS life, and I am in the process of figuring out how to “live fully, where planted.”
I’ve got to figure out how to stop wishing for a different pot🙂 and see that the one I am growing roots into is the perfect one, handmade by HIM for me.
Thank you for having such compassionate eyes for me and my potting mess.
Naomi Pedersen
March 23, 2012 at 6:20 pmI am touched by the beauty of the loving circle that surround you Amy. This is what every woman and person needs in their lives-a safe place to `fall short of the glory of God`without feeling that they are somehow hopeless.
Lelia Chealey
April 12, 2011 at 2:17 amWill you ever know how much your honesty helps other women? You are true beauty from inside out.
jeana
April 8, 2011 at 4:42 pmAmy! I want you to know how much this has truly humbled me. We have many days like this, but are never handled as gracefully by all as yours was. I admire the actions your husband, friend, and you took. Going straight to God. Amazing, and this story has forever touched my heart.
Heather @ Four Loud Monkeys
April 8, 2011 at 12:20 pmThanks so much for sharing this, Amy. I have just discovered your blog. Truth is, I’ve had more of these meltdown days than I can count and was wallowing in shame just last week. I need His new mercies and grace rained down and collected every morning. I just need to be faithful in the collection because there’s never a drought on His part, right! Praying for you today, as well! Walk it out, sister!!!
sandra
April 7, 2011 at 11:21 pmWell my Dear Amy you are only human and God understands that and forgives you. You have been through a difficult year don’t beat yourself up for some melt downs. Tomorrow is another day and remember we all love you but most of all God love you. Blessings Sandra