Participating in 5 Minute Fridays. 5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.
This week’s word: GIFT
………………..
GO:
Health is a gift.
On Tuesday I had a CT scan and a bone scan, as it had been 2 years and I have been having health problems.
On Wednesday I get the call that they saw no evidence of disease. Such a gift! I rejoice.
On June 17 I will meet with a Gastroenterologist and there will be more looking on the insides for answers. Oncologist tells me they have tests that can show what scans can miss, and maybe answer questions. Why weight loss? Why the daily nausea and digestive issues? I hope to get some answers.
Appetite is a gift.
Stomach growling is a gift.
Even weight gain is a gift when one sees the scale sliding down, down, down and has no idea why.
But here is where I really want to be.
I want to be in the place where all is a gift, embracing all that God has allowed to go through His hands and onto me, His child.
Even the hard stuff.
I’m not there yet…not even close.
When cancer treatment caused the symptoms, I was closer, as symptoms were expected and let up in time.
In this unexpected and unknown, it has been harder.
I want easy and let’s get real honest, I want perfect. I fight perfectionism, a battle that has crept back up.
I am being stripped of perceived perfect and that is a gift.
I feel like I’m flailing and falling through this life of nausea, just wanting stillness.
And the I get a glimpse, on Wednesday, when girlfriends surround and make a cross on my forehead with anointing oil and pray to our great God for answers and healing and ultimately, His will– whatever that might be.
With hands laid, prayers lifted, a breeze coming through the open window and robins chirping, I find not what I want, which is health, but what I need.
The gift of stillness.
STOP.
…………….
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
Brenda
June 8, 2015 at 12:47 pmPraying for answers.
Have you been tested for Celiac? I can’t remember now, if you had mentioned it or not. I was diagnosed July 2014. Your Gastroenterologist should order the blood panel and scope, if you already haven’t had it.
Dana at Happy Little Lovelies
June 7, 2015 at 7:44 amOh Amy. I’ve been following quietly but am so happy to read these words. Your heart is just beautiful and helped me loosen my grip of the idea of perfection. He’s shining in you, friend.
AmyNewNostalgia
June 8, 2015 at 6:58 pmIt is so good to hear from you Dana. Thanks for your sweet comment. Overwhelmed by all the sweet comments!
Sharon O
June 6, 2015 at 12:44 pmI pray you find relief and they find answers to your new health crisis.
It is so hard when they don’t know.
I had something like that after my daughter was born 37 years ago, they did an angiogram and realized I had a 90% blockage between the aeorta artery to my stomach artery, the stomach was only getting ten percent blood flow. (didn’t know your stomach had a blood flow). I chose to not have surgery and it took ten years to finally feel good and better and even had another aeorta gram and all they found was scar tissue. I know the Lord healed me.
He can do the same for you. Praying you feel better soon.
Anonymous
June 5, 2015 at 12:41 pmhow very true be still and know I am god always,without him there is nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anita Ojeda
June 5, 2015 at 12:30 pmI’m so sorry you’re not feeling well. I detest medical mysteries :(. May you continue to feel the peace and the gift of stillness as you wait. God is close–that hand you feel on your shoulder is His.
Joe Siccardi
June 5, 2015 at 12:21 pmVisiting from FMF. Just want to let you know you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Life is a gift intended to be used … and you certainly are using your life — through your words — to inspire others.
Susan
June 5, 2015 at 12:19 pmDear Amy,
I recently subscribed to your blog, kind of a random thing, but I see now that it was not so random. God has a plan for everything we do, even blogs. I will be praying for your healing, comfort, and peace. I’ve have suffered with cronic infections, and I know how debilitating that can be. So I sympathize we you on that. I’ve have prayed and been prayed for for years with no relief or answer why this keeps happening. It’s hard not to become bitter and resentful, but I know that God is faithful and has His purposes. Thank you for your openness to share your struggles. I have a friend in her 30s going through Breast cancer treatments now. She is a person of faith and is sharing her journey as well. I thank you both for your courage and faithfulness. Blessings to you.