I’ve been saying in the last few posts that I have not been feeling well, so I thought I would fill you all in on what’s going on with my health. It has been a long time since I last did a health update, and honestly I have been digging my heel’s in and just hoping in time I would feel better. Instead, I thought it was time to fill you all in.
I am still in remission–praise God!
We are not sure what is causing my health problems, which includes pretty severe nausea most days, starting in the morning. I wake up almost every day with a case of the dry heaves. I never throw up, of which I am most grateful for. Despite this, the amount of nausea I feel during the day has caused my appetite to become very low. I am most hungry in the evenings and that is when I try to get as many calories in as I can. Despite working on getting calories in, I’ve lost about 18 pounds the last few months. I really hope to not lose anymore! I am on some anti-nausea meds, but their help is minimal and they make me want to sleep, sleep sleep! Have you noticed I am not doing as many recipe posts here at New Nostalgia? I still have to cook for my family, and eat myself, so you will see them occasionally still, just not as often until I start feeling better!
Along with the nausea, I have had digestion issues. I have always had a strong digestive system, so this is all very new for me. I say new, but it has been going on since January.
Yes, January. To be real and honest, it is starting to wear on me.
We are working with my primary care doctor, my Oncologist, & my Psychiatrist to try to figure out what is going on.
We started with getting me off any mood med, knowing that the side effects can cause nausea. That didn’t go so well and has been a rough road as I tried getting back on my normal mood med and I just was not able to tolerate side effects. I have found another, but it does not take me to where I really would like to be when it comes to stability, but for now, it will work. I think all the unknowns of what is going on with my health has really made my anxiety rise and honestly I have felt anxiety like I never have these last couple of months, which really can’t help anything!
I started to feel better last month after detoxing off all mood meds (this was a very long road) and sticking with one. But then…my monthly injection happened and it sent me on this downward spiral, both physically and emotionally. I wish I could explain better how it feels. Emotionally it feels like someone put a lid on me and on my joy. Things I used to find such joy in are now just kinda ‘eh’ and I also have found myself quite restless. My morning nausea came back in full swing and so did my anxiety. I told myself and my Todd I will never have that shot again, as it seems to me that it is the cause of all of this misery.
We meet with my Oncologist on Tuesday and I know she will not be too pleased to hear this. This shot is what shuts down my hormones as my cancer was fed by hormones and protects me from recurrence. She will probably suggest trying Tamoxifen again (which made me sleep my life away and caused painful ovarian cysts each month) or suggest having my ovaries surgically removed. The monthly injection (called a Zoladex Injection) is a way to chemically shut down my ovaries, so I can see Doc wanting to just remove my ovaries. Many women in my shoes with my type of cancer get this operation done, and I will probably do so, but I feel very fearful about this surgery as it is permanent and what if I feel just as sick with them being permanently gone, not to mention my moods? I will not have the luxury of supplementing with hormones, which is what most women who have had this surgery (including Angelina Jolie) do to have stable hormonal health. If you are a cancer survivor and have had this surgery with no hormone supplementation, would you let me know how you are doing? I would love to hear from anyone who has walked this road.
I also have an appointment with a Gastroenterologist in mid June. I would have loved to have seen one sooner, and have been on a waiting list, but boy these guys are busy! I am very curious to know if they find anything wrong with my gut or have any answers for me. I need reassurance from them that this is not cancer returning to my stomach, as with lobular type cancer, the stomach can be a more common place for cancer to return.
My Primary Care Doctor has already done blood work, a stomach ultrasound, and checked to see if my gall bladder is functioning properly. All came back normal. Yay!
So that is it in a nutshell. It is hard to explain how consuming health can be, especially when one experiences nausea the majority of the day. I know it could be so much worse, but I also know life has changed drastically for me the last few months.
I find myself fighting and facing fear with all of the unknowns, but I do know God is with me and has been so faithful in the past to show me what path to take. I feel like I have recently lost my way a bit in just resting in that, but I still know it to be true.
I am seeing a new therapist whom I just adore, and she just keeps leading me to the truth that God has got it all. I am excited to share with you as I learn and grow and glean from her. I will also keep you all informed on how I am doing.
You all have always been such a supportive community. You read and applaud the sponsored posts I do hear at New Nostalgia, which is such a blessing to me and to our budget, and you read and are with me in these more raw and vulnerable posts, too. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a great community of readers. Love to you all! <3
Prayer Requests If I May:
~emotional stability, especially when it comes to anxiety
~to have peace about doing the surgery if that is the next step
~answers to what is causing nausea and stomach issues.
~that the doctors can all collaborate somehow (Oncologist, Gastroenterologist, Primary Care Physician and Psychologist) and come up with the best solutions for me. Right now I feel like a ping-pong ball going from one to another.
~for peace and joy