Today truly was a wonderful day, with a little melt down thrown in to keep things interesting.:)
My dad and step mom came to visit and go to church with us. It was so great to see and hug them, and it was so comforting just having them sit with us in church and to worship together. We were then treated to lunch, and spoiled with brand new Nebraska Husker shirts for the whole family from Grandpa. I love mine. It is a cozy, warm fleece. It will be wonderful for fall, and I will feel wrapped in my dad’s love when I wear it.
Once home, I was quite tired and looking forward to a nap. I realized I was supposed to take a certain medication in preparation for my first chemo treatment tomorrow, and sent Todd off to Walgreen’s to pick it up. When I took the medication, I realized it was a steroid treatment to keep me from having an allergic reaction to the chemo. I have to tell you, it is hard to go from a pretty “all- natural” type girl, to a girl with a large Ziploc bag full of all kinds of drugs. I felt the steroids kick in, and this is when I had a bit of a melt down. I was ready for a nap, but instead felt jittery, sweaty, and nauseous.
My fit was about loss of freedom. I feel like I have lost the freedom to decide what to do with my time, what to put into my body, and even when to eat and sleep. I cried to my husband & he listened. Then I wrote in my journal and just “kept on keeping on.” (the advice of a wise reader–thank you!)
I felt God whispering even in the midst of my tears that HE is in control. HE has led me to the right doctors, and I have to trust Him to lead me to whatever He desires for me to put into my body. Right now, it has to be what the doctors are telling me, so I can fight this head on. The sermon at church today was about trusting God’s divine, sovereign, and perfect plan for our lives. Trusting in His timetable. I keep feeling Him tell me to just rest and trust. Surrendering my fears, feeling them, then giving them to Him. Releasing them. This means even releasing my cancer treatment and all it entails to Him, knowing He is in control.
An hour or so after I had calmed down, I got a surprise visit from my father-in-law. It was perfect timing to just get another reassuring hug from a dad who loves me. God knows just what I need and provides it at just the right time. After he left, we sat down to a meal that was lovingly prepared for us by a good friend. The rest of this evening I have just been basking in the love of my Father, grateful for the two dad’s He has put in my life. Their love reminds me how deep and great is the Father’s love for me!