by Cassie Celestain | Marriage Contributor
I have always been quite independent. My mom says my personality was naturally that way when I was young. However, growing up in the country with brothers I was also encouraged to be self-sufficient. I was taught being female did not mean I could do any less than my male counter parts. With those principles being instilled in me I turned out to be an independent gal who only asks for help when it is really needed. (So much so that in the first conversation that my mom had with Ryan, my now husband, she informed him that I was independent and he better be okay with that!)
Personally, I think being independent is a great quality to have. But there must be balance as well! We independent ladies have to know when to ask our husbands for help. Over the past few years in our marriage I have been learning the importance of asking for assistance. When I want to be that “I can do it all, conquer the world on my own” wife I remind myself of five reasons why I should ask my man for guidance.
One person can never do it all– Let’s be real. There will be a time that no matter how great of a planner and go getter you are life will throw something your way where you cannot handle it all on your own. And that is okay! Who better to let know that you cannot do it all than your husband, your best friend?!
It humbles ourselves– We were created to need support (Ecclesiastes 4:8-12.) If we go around acting as if we can handle anything and everything that comes are way we might feel or think we are better than others who ask for help. When we ask our men for assistance we humble ourselves. We acknowledge that we were designed to need him.
It shows others our unity– When we are working with our husband to accomplish something we show others our unity. We spend time together, come up with solutions and grow as a couple. It further develops our bond. Isn’t that what we want to show in our marriage? Especially to our children.
He likes to feel needed– Believe it or not, our lovers like to feel needed! When we ask for help it often times gives them a boost of confidence. To be called on reassures them that they are an important part of our support system.
We are supposed to be a team– We wives were created to be our husbands’ helper ( Genesis 2:18) and he ours. To be a team together. If we do not ask for help how are we to embody a team?
I know for me in the beginning asking Ryan for help almost seemed like I was showing a weakness. I needed to be the wife that could handle home duties, loving my husband, the demands of teaching, side activities and anything else that came along. With time I realized it is not a weakness, but also that when I called on Ryan were the times that we grew closer together!
When is a time your husband was extremely helpful when you asked for it?
BethOctober 1, 2014 at 9:27 am
I really struggled with wanting to be independent of my hubby, especially in the early days of my marriage. We had many-a-fight over this very issue. My husband felt shut out and not needed when I chose to do things on my own. I, however, came from a family that encouraged not waiting on others to do something, but do it yourself! So I always feel “guilty” when I ask for his help. At first that stopped me, but now, I just accept it as part of who I am–not letting it stop me from including my husband in a “we project.” 🙂 Thanks for sharing about such an important topic, Cassie. And thanks also to New Nostalgia for highlighting Cassie!
UgochiOctober 1, 2014 at 8:24 am
I completely agree with all you’ve written, especially the last. Thanks for sharing, do have a super blessed day!